~SIN 12~
Flowers on Mondays and Thursdays, girlfriend treatment on Fridays, and random surprises on the occasional weekend day when Jake has the kids. A guy could turn a girl's head, and heaven knows, Edward sure has.
Bella stares wistfully out the window, waiting impatiently in the outfit he requested, "something suitable for a fancy dinner date." He's sweet to have thought of this, to (at least pretend to) fill in the missing piece they can't yet claim as part of their relationship. Though he has never once pressured her about it, she knows Edward would love to be able to take her out for dinner, snuggle up in the comfort of a shared bed, and know that they didn't have to leave it until the morning light. Hell, she'd love those things, too, but without a reliable babysitter, the only way to make it happen would be to invite him to sleep at her house.
Maybe she let that urge get the best of her last night. Or maybe it was the simple fact that Bella knows that Edward Cullen is the best thing to ever happen to her, and she wanted her kids in on the deal, too. So this one time, when Angela asked over meatloaf and mashed potatoes about the bouquet of sunflowers on the table, Bella had a moment of weakness—or was it strength?—and answered honestly, that they'd come from Mommy's very nice man friend.
The silver Volvo turning up her driveway makes her heart perform an extra revolution in her chest, and it's even worse when Edward gets out of the car looking all scrumptious and happy in a beautiful blue sports jacket and her favorite striped tie. He catches her face in the window, and she gives him a nervous wave before opening the door.
"God, you look so beautiful," he says, leaning in to kiss her in his favorite spot below her ear.
"So do you," she murmurs back.
He takes both her hands in his and pulls back. "Everything okay?"
He hasn't gotten where he is by being unobservant, and she hasn't ever gotten anywhere good by hiding her feelings. "Come sit down for a sec?"
The happy fades away, and Bella's chest tightens for both of them as she draws him to the couch. His hands are clammy now, and she goes for directness.
"I told the kids about you."
A wide smile breaks across the entire width of his face. "You did?"
"Yeah. You have no idea how hard it's been for me to keep this from them, especially the last couple weeks."
"What'd you tell them?"
"That I have a friend...who's a man...who brings me pretty flowers."
"That's great, Bella...right?"
Bella sighs, long and deep. "Here's the part where I'm afraid I'll scare you away."
Without a moment's hesitation, he answers, "Here's the part where I tell you I'm not going anywhere."
A warm shiver runs down her spine, and she forges ahead. "I'd like you to meet them."
She holds her breath and watches the remnants of Edward's smile disappear. "You mean that, Bella?"
"Only if you want to, because once this happens, Edward..." Once this happens, she can't say, you just can't break their little hearts.
"I get it."
"You do?"
"Yeah. And I need to remind you of something. I'm not afraid of you, Bella Swan. I'm not afraid of being important to you or your kids."
The tears don't trickle; they pour, in sudden bucketfuls.
"Aw, shit," he mutters, digging into his pants pocket and producing a handkerchief.
"Sorry," she weeps. He mops up her sodden cheeks and pulls her close against his chest as heaving sobs shake her frame. He cups the back of her head, running his hands lovingly over her hair and up and down her back. They sit there together for a good ten minutes before Bella can finally get a grip on herself and accept that this too-good-to-be-true, too-good-for-her guy might not be either of these things after all.
"Oh, God, I made a mess of your jacket." She dabs at the trails of wet tears and snot stains marring his handsome coat.
"'Sokay." His gentle voice rumbles in his chest beneath her cheek. She's afraid to look up at him and let him see the puffy aftermath of her cry fest.
After a while, he asks, "Hungry?" and she realizes she forgot to eat breakfast.
"Lemme go freshen up?" She tries to pull away with her face hidden, but he holds her chin in place with his fingertips and delicately places a kiss over each eye. Bella slips upstairs to her bathroom and reluctantly looks in the mirror. She's shaken for a moment; seeing herself in such a state makes Bella realize just exactly how foreign this splotchy, tear-stained mirror image is since Edward reappeared in her life.
He's standing at the bottom of the stairs, one hand tucked in his pocket and the other held out to her as she descends the staircase. "You look beautiful...again," he adds with a genuine smile.
"Sorry about that. I guess I needed a cry."
He chuckles softly. "I guess so."
"I can't promise I'm totally finished either," she warns.
Edward shrugs. "Not scared."
"You might be sorry you said that."
He pulls out the ruined handkerchief wadded in his pocket. "I have reinforcements in my glove compartment."
Bella does shed a few more tears at lunch when he prompts her about Benjamin and Angela, eager to learn more about their very different personalities. By the end of the meal, she's fairly certain Edward knows her kids better than their own father does, and the realization makes her both profoundly sad and incredibly hopeful.
As they're leaving the fancy bistro in downtown Seattle, they happen to bump into two colleagues of Edward's, and he doesn't hesitate to introduce them to Bella. Carried proudly on his arm, she feels six feet tall. For the first time, Bella imagines fitting into his robust real life, not some pared-down, abbreviated version of it.
"I had a wonderful time today," she tells him as they pull out of the parking lot.
Edward chuckles. "In between all the crying?"
"Exactly."
"Back to my place?"
"Sure."
"Bella..." His eyes dart cautiously over to the passenger seat. "We don't have to do anything. I mean, we could play chess or watch a movie."
They've gone to his house every Friday, and she can't imagine why he's second-guessing himself. She's learned that Edward's sexual tastes run the full gamut: desperate, sweet lover to predatory, confident aggressor. Bella realizes that somewhere in this landscape they paint together, while he fills in the broad brush strokes, she's beginning to fill in her own colorful details—a puffy cloud passing overhead, a vivid songbird hiding in the tree, a dependable barn in the distance.
So the fact that he's proposing they not have sex is confusing to her. "What's this about?"
He bristles. "I don't want you to think I'm expecting anything."
"Don't you think I'm expecting something?"
"I don't know." He shakes his head. "Don't get me wrong; it's awesome between us, and I do love it all, but it's not like we have to have sex every time we get together. I mean...it's daytime!"
A sudden blush pinks up his cheeks, and Bella marvels at his old school ideas, how he's managed to keep them despite the parade of human misery that fills his courtroom day in and day out.
She tries a lighter touch. "We've turned into vampires in reverse."
He grants her a tight smile, but Bella can see past it to heavy thoughts weighing him down. "Bella, I'm good—no, I'm fucking great—with what we have. I have my own personal dominatrix twice a week; on top of that, we have this other time set aside to enjoy each other's company and really talk, and the sex—all of the sex—is..." He shakes his head rapidly like a man waking from an impossible dream. "No complaints," he summarizes, causing them both to smile.
"Ditto."
He acknowledges her compliment with a brief nod. "Despite what I believe is growing between us..." and he leaves it undefined in the air around them, "I fear sometimes that you'll mistake this...thing... for a series of booty calls, and it kind of kills me that you might feel disrespected, even if it's just a passing thought, because I've never, ever looked at you that way."
He takes a guarded glance at Bella once he finishes, and she can see how much his confession has cost him. Worry lines crease his forehead, and she recognizes a familiar inner turbulence in his eyes.
"Oh, Edward. I'll admit that in the beginning, I worried that it was all about the domme thing—a chance to walk on the wild side. But I gave up those fears long ago, and I appreciate everything you've sacrificed to guard our well-kept secret. We both had way too much on the line...before."
He picks up the shift in her voice. "And now?"
"And now...being the girl on your arm in there...I can't even tell you how much it meant to me."
"Bella," he starts with a sharp shake of his head, "you're not just arm candy to me. You know that, right?"
"Yes, yes, of course I know that." Bella reaches across and places her hand on the back of his neck, letting her fingertips play at the base of his hairline. "I can't wait till we can spend the night together."
He stares out at the road, into the distance. She turns her head to see what he might be seeing—a glimmer of hope for their future on the horizon. After a long, thoughtful silence, Edward turns to her and asks, "So how soon can I meet Ben and Angela?"
A/N: Oh goodness, today totally got away from me! We had some unexpected visitors pop in, and I've actually been doing things like COOKING and TALKING and even BOWLING with the people in front of me! *GASP*
So, some of you have noticed the story is winding down. There are only a couple chapters left. Hope you're enjoying where things are going with these two. Looks like someone is about to meet the kids! I've loved hearing your thoughts.
xoxo ~BOH