Sorry this is late. Well it's not super late since the next episode doesn't come on until tonight, but you get the jist.
Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon
Unleashed
Concerned Dog Owner: It's not going to hurt him is it?
Deaton: Just a little.
Me: Or a lot. This might hurt is the tagline after all.
Scott: That dog's got a cool name.
Me: Yeah he does. I wish my name was Bullet.
Concerned Dog Owner: Military family. Looks like he knows who the Alpha is.
Scott: Me? An alpha? That's silly. You're silly.
Bullet: (Runs off into a dark alley)
Me: Is it just me or is Beacon Hills getting more and more sketchy as the season goes on?
Concerned Dog Owner: (Runs after is dog)
Scott: I found something.
Me: Deaton made you check the stool sample? Gross.
Deaton: Definitely poisonous… for the dog. And actually for you as well.
Scott: Wolfsbane?
Deaton: Mistletoe.
Me: This show just gets weirder and weirder.
Concerned Dog Owner: (Slowly walks down the alley)
Me: Dude, get over yourself. Walk down the alley, grab your dog and leave. It shouldn't take you that long.
Concerned Dog Owner: (Looks under the dumpster and sticks his hand under it) Son of a bitch! Did you just bite me? (Looks over and sees his dog standing a couple of feet away)
Me: Death Count 6, already calling it.
Concerned Dog Owner: (Looks back under the dumpster)
Creepy Voice: Closer…
Me: Dude, what the hell are you doing? It sounds like a freaking Baskalisk from Harry Potter under there. Getting closer would be the last thing I would be doing.
Bullet: Bark bark!
Scott: Hey look, that guy's dog. I'm just going to take this now…
Me: Scott should totally keep that dog. Also we now know that this season's villain is small enough to fit under a dumpster. Time to invest in rat traps.
Ms. Blake: I feel like something's trying to kill me.
Derek: Uh, hi.
Ms. Blake: Back off, I have a ruler!
Derek: I was going to see if you were okay.
Me: Awwwww. That's saying a lot since you were the one covered in blood last time you saw her.
Ms. Blake: I'm just dandy. My therapist says otherwise.
Derek: (Smiles)
Me: Holy crap Derek just smiled. He is in love.
Derek: I think you're going to be okay.
Me: Classroom sex!
Ms. Blake: Obviously you haven't taught high school.
Me: Shit, I should really change my major…
Ms. Blake: Who are you?
Derek: Derek.
Ms. Blake: Jennifer.
Me: Oh my God the amount of sexual tension in that two minutes of screen time…
Scott: It was weird, the dude left his car and his dog.
Stiles: Could he have been a virgin?
Scott: Definitely not, Deaton makes me have sex with all of his clients. It's a new policy and I love it.
Stiles: Well he's probably dead. Because he was a virgin. And you know who else is a virgin? Me!
Me: Cough cough, let's keep me out of the story.
Stiles: I need to have sex right now!
Danny: Alright I'll do it.
Stiles: What?
Danny: Come to my place at nine. Plan to stay the night. I like to cuddle.
Stiles: That was so sweet. Are you kidding?
Danny: Yes! I'm kidding.
Stiles: You don't toy with a guy's emotion like that Danny. It's unattractive.
Me: Danny/Stiles future fanfics avoided. Although probably not really.
Coach: I'll remind you that cross country in not optional for lacrosse players.
Me: Yes! Fun fact about me, I love cross country. Let's go people, get running!
Coach: I don't need you all turning into a bunch of fat asses in the off season.
Isaac/ Danny: (Shirtless and showing off their spray painted on abs)
Me: Hey Jeff Davis said it, not me!
Isaac: Oh boy, I love XC!
Alpha Twins: (Get on either side of him)
Me: Watch out Isaac, you're about to get double teamed! Wait, no, not like that…
Scott: Isaac…
Isaac: It's them! (Runs off)
Alpha Twins: (Running montage, showing off their Nike brand clothing)
Isaac: Huh, it looks like I chased them into the next county. Haha, get it? Cross County.
Aiden: Ethan, I always forget. How many bones are there in the human body?
Ethan: I don't know. Let's count! (Gets punched)
Scott: That's one.
Isaac: I'm up. I'm good.
Ethan: (Pulls his jaw back into place)
Me: Tag team Werewolf fight!
Girl: Eeeeekkkkkkkkkkk.
Scott: (Runs off towards the scream)
Me: So the twins just let you leave? Did you say, "Sorry guys, let's take a rain check on this beating"
Concerned Dog Owner: Very dead.
Sherriff: Get back, all you! Get this area cornered off.
Coach: You heard the man, nothing to see here!
Me: What are you talking about? There's a dead body right there!
Coach: It's probably just some homeless kid…
Scott: Uh, he was a senior.
Coach: Shit… He wasn't on the team was he?
Me: I was going to say since you seem to be the gym teacher you should know most of the school's students, but never mind.
Hysterical Hot Girl: Kyle!
Alpha Twins: (Looks at each other)
Isaac: Did you see the way the twins looked at him.
Stiles: Like the way that they have no idea what happened to him?
Me: I'm siding with Stiles on this one.
Isaac: No way, they knew.
Stiles: Am I the only one noticing the lack of Werewolfitude in these murders?
Isaac: Scott?
Scott: Whoa, since when did I become the leader? I dunno what's going on.
Isaac: Well I don't care. I'm going to kill them too.
Cora: (Doing pull ups)
Derek: Stop. You're not done healing.
Me: She's not done healing? You're the one who got slashed to ribbons.
Cora: I came back for this? I can't believe I got my ass thrown in a vault for three months you.
Me: Three months? Was Erica dead in that closet for three months? Did Boyd seriously not talk to you for three months? Were all of you chummy? And how about coming back because the only remaining members of your family that are still alive are there.
Cora: All those rumors I heard. A powerful new alpha. One of the Hales. Building a pack. Do you know how long I waited to hear something like that?
Me: Am I the only one curious to know who is spreading these rumors?
Cora: Do you have any idea how it felt to find out that you were alive?
Me: Well considering that he thought you were dead too, I'm guessing that he does.
Derek: I'm sorry to disappoint you.
Alarm: Beep.
Cora: What's that?
Derek: Trouble.
Ennis: Grrr.
Cora: I got this shit. (PWNED)
Ennis: Ready for a rematch?
Kali: Grrr.
Me: Alpha fight!
Kali: (Grabs the pole and starts beating the shit out of Derek with it) Stabby time!
Derek: (Gets impaled)
Me: Oh God that hurts. Forget about might, that definitely hurts.
Deucalion: (Awkwardly walks down the stairs) Is everybody done here? Let's chat.
Me: Okay, so being a Werewolf would give your other senses a huge boost. Does he really need that cane? Probably not. So why does he bother with it?
Ms. Morrell: Look at me speaking French.
Me: So does every teacher in this school teach two different classes?
Allison: (Asleep)
Me: So how much time has passed since the last episode? It can't be one night because we see Boyd back in school. One doesn't disappear for four months and then go back to school the next day. Allison should have caught up on her sleep by now.
Ms. Morrell/Mrs. Argent: ALLISON!
Me: Holy shit that freaked me out. Allison's mom scared the crap out of me last season. That pencil sharpener…
Ms. Morrell: You're starting to concern me Allison. Maybe we should chat in the guidance office some time.
Allison: Or maybe you should tell me what you were doing at the bank last night.
Me: So that did happen last night. Everyone stayed up the entire night, Ms. Blake went home and then went back to the school, Boyd did his thing, and everyone still went to school the next day? Jeff, what are you doing?
Ms. Morrell: Maybe you should tell me what you were doing there.
Me: I like how Ms. Morrell was being all shifty about it and Allison just threw it out there. So does she know about Allison being a hunter? If so that would be pretty self-explanatory.
Ms. Morrell: Lunch time detention.
Me: You can do that? But students need to eat…
Allison: Bitch, I will fuck you up.
Mr. Harris: Look, I know Physics!
Me: Oh crap, are they still trying to teach up stuff?
Isaac: Mr. Harris can I use the bathroom please?
Scott: I have to go to the bathroom too!
Mr. Harris: Fuck you Scott. Now sit down.
Isaac: Whoa, both twins in one spot. I think I'll go take them both on by myself.
Aiden: (Punch)
Ethan: (Proceeds to take a beating with a smile on his face)
Me: That's some pretty fucked up shit right there.
Mr. Harris: Isaac! What the hell did you do?
Danny: (Runs to Ethan's side)
Isaac: I didn't do anything! Even though I originally planned to…
Deucalion: Sorry about this Derek… I asked Kali to be gentle.
Kali: This is me being gentle.
Me: Well you suck at it.
Derek: Let her go.
Deucalion: See? We're not unreasonable.
Me: You do realize that you are talking to Derek, who is currently impaled.
Deucalion: I'm a man with far more vision than simple murder.
Me: Haha, eyesight joke.
Scott: Don't worry about it now. It's just lunch time detention.
Me: He supposedly beat the shit out of someone and all he got was lunch time detention? At my old school, that would have been ten day suspension automatically.
Aiden: So Lydia, if you aren't doing anything later you could do me.
Scott: For some reason that pisses me off!
Stiles: (Spying on his dad) Hey, Ashley, I know your boyfriend just died and all, but was he a virgin?
Me: Oh my God Stiles, you can't just go around asking people if they're virgins.
Ashley: (SMACK!)
Stiles: (Looks stunned, even though he kinda dissevered it)
Ashley: No, he wasn't.
Me: And there goes that theory.
Sheriff: I've got four murders Stiles!
Me: Y'know in reality, if they found a dead student just off the school grounds, school would have been closed.
Cora: You're killing him!
Kali: (Begins to move the pole around)
Me: That's just gross.
Deucalion: I'm all about discovering new talents.
Me: Anyone else notice the three lines on his shirt sleeve look a lot like Scott's tattoo?
Derek: You want me to kill my own pack?
Deucalion: Noooo! I want you to kill one of them. Do that and I won't have to ask you to kill the others. You'll do that on your own. That's what we all did and look how fabulous we all are!
Mr. Harris: You two, restock the janitor's closet.
Isaac: Uh, does it have to be with her? She once stabbed me with a bunch of knives.
Mr. Harris: Yes, you do, in the hopes that she'll do it again.
Stiles: (Inspects the memorial) Boyd! I didn't know you were back in school!
Boyd: I would have told you, but we're not actually friends.
Me: Alright, couple of points here. One, you went missing for four months and then went on a rampage that lasted all night, and then you're back to school the next day? Not likely. Two, for someone always bitching about not having any friends, you sure don't try very hard to make any.
Boyd: I only had one friend. She's dead too.
Me: So you and Cora spent three months in a bank fault together and didn't become friends? I simply can't feel sorry for you. You're just too stupid.
Isaac/Allison: (Walks awkwardly into the janitor's closet)
Allison: Are you okay?
Isaac: Yeah, I'm just not a fan of small spaces.
Allison: Can I ask you a question?
Isaac: Do you have to?
Allison: I guess not. But I'm going to anyway.
Me: Ugh.
Allison: Did you tell anyone that I was at the school the other night?
Isaac: No, was I supposed to?
Allison: It would make me really happy if you didn't.
Isaac: Yeah well, your happiness isn't a real big priority of mine since you stabbed me. About twenty times…
Me: Oh come on dude. It was like four or six times. And one arrow. Surely you're over that by now.
Allison: (Shrugs, slightly proud of herself) They were actually Chinese ring daggers, but sorry.
Isaac: Was that an apology?
Allison: Would you accept an apology?
Me: OMG, this is borderline flirting. Jeff Davis, STOP RIGHT NOW.
Door: (Slams shut)
Allison: Maybe it locked from the outside.
Isaac: No, there's something up against it.
Outside Door: (Vending machine)
Isaac: (Begins to freak out)
Me: Couldn't you just use your Werewolf strength to rip down the door? Or the wall? Or hell, go through the ceiling. Peter did in Season 1 when they were trapped in the school.
Isaac: (Wolfs out and attacks Allison)
Scott: ISAAC, BAD DOG! STAY! HEEL!
Me: Way to assert your Alphanish Scott.
Allison: I'm okay, it's just two giant ass claw marks on my arm. Nothing you haven't done to me in bed.
Isaac: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry.
Me: Well at least you're even now.
Allison: It's not his fault.
Scott: I know. And now we're going to get them angry. Really angry.
Me: Yes, go piss off a pack of Alphas. It's not like they could take it out on all of your loved ones and then try and kill you.
Stiles: Guess what Lydia, its dead baby day! But wait, now dead baby day is every day! Yay!
Lydia: Why are you telling me this?
Stiles: Because Scott's dealing with the Alpha twins.
Lydia: Alpha twins?
Stiles: You know, Aiden and Ethan?
Lydia: Oh yeah, I know about them…
Me: I love how Lydia still has no clue as to what's going on still. Of course we hardly know what's going on either…
Stiles: Anyway, the deaths are coming in threes. First it could be three virgins, next it could be three people who own little dogs.
Lydia: I own a little dog.
Stiles: …
Lydia: I am not getting rid of my little dog.
Stiles: Just think about getting rid of your little dog.
Lydia: Nope.
Stiles: But people are dying.
Lydia: Yes, but in a human way. Maybe you should leave the figuring out to a human.
Me: Uhhhh.
Stiles: You mean like my dad?
Lydia: No, I mean your dad.
Allison: (Hotwiring the motorcycle)
Isaac: Wow, I think I might have a crush on Allison.
Me: Noooooo.
Fans: Yessssss.
Isaac: Yo! Take a picture of me on the motorcycle. I want this going on facebook.
Mrs. Blake: Settle down.
Me: Since when are the twins in Scott's English class? I thought Lydia and Stiles are supposed to be in there too.
Scott: Look! Spiny!
Aiden: (Hears his motorcycle)
Mrs. Blake: (Writing about Great Expectations on the board)
Me: Good thing Scott already read that while doing one armed pull ups…
Stunt Double Dressed in Isaac's Clothes: Weeeeeeeeee.
Aiden: Get off my bike!
Me: Didn't this school have a shit load of cameras in the hallway?
Isaac: Check me out! Hardcore Parkor!
Mrs. Blake: Are you fucking retarded?
Scott's Eyebrows: Bump.
Deaton: You're out of school early.
Stiles: Free period actually.
Me: And your school just lets you leave? I had to sneak past security whenever I wanted to skip a class.
Stiles: I guess you've heard that people are kinda getting murdered again.
Me: I just hate it when people start getting murdered again.
Stiles: Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to TELL US EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.
Pole: (Bright and shiny with Derek's blood)
Deucalion: You see, the reason I'm always invested in new talent is simple. It's so I can kill my other Alphas whenever I feel like it and I'll always have someone new.
Cora: (Looking a bit shifty)
Me: Wouldn't it be wild if she was a secret agent for the Alphas?
Deucalion: I learned something new. When an Alpha kills a beta, he gets their powers.
Me: That would actually explain why you set it up so Derek would have to kill Boyd at the bank. But still, I feel like the power boost in killing your beta would be more widely known. Power struggles happen in packs all the time.
Deucalion: (Does the blind thing where they feel your face) You were right Kali. He looks like his mother.
Me: Wait, what?
Deucalion: You've never seen anything like me. I am the alpha of alphas. I am the apex of apex predators. I AM DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS! I. AM. THE DEMON WOLF!1111!11!
Me: Holy shit…
Deucalion: (Takes off his broken glasses) I hate it when that happens.
Lydia: (Drawing a tree)
Me: An oak tree I'm guessing?
Danny: Wow, that's really good.
Lydia: I know right?
Danny: You should be in art class.
Lydia: Maybe.
Danny: Since you're not in music.
Lydia: Wait, what?
Me: And this Lydia black out moment has been brought to you by a dead music teach.
Danny: Fifteen minute rule. Guess we can leave.
Me: Yeah, in college maybe. Not high school…
Lydia: (Becomes award of music)
Me: Oh, I thought that was just creepy twilight zone music. But no, now we get to see some more AT&T product placement.
Lydia: (Starts to hear chanting)
Me: Okay, now that's creepy. Does that mean there's a group of bad guys who chant?
Stiles: All the symbols are from the Celtic Druids, and everybody knows that the Druids just loved celebrating dead baby day.
Deaton: Look, mistletoe.
Stiles: Uhh.
Deaton: When you've spent the last ten years trying to push something away, lying about it. It becomes a pretty powerful habit.
Me: Which of course is what Stiles has been doing for the past two seasons.
Stiles: So it's a Druid?
Deaton: No, it's a copycat killer.
Stiles: Lydia, for once, I don't want to talk to you right now.
Lydia: But Stiles, someone just died, and I thought you told me to call you whenever someone died…
Me: Are those normal fingernail marks on the piano, or claw marks? Hmmm.
Deaton: (Magically at the high school) Each grouping of three would have its own purpose.
Stiles: Oh shit, the pattern is military.
Lydia: Oh shit, I just thought of something.
Deaton: Lydia?
Me: Wait, has Deaton even ever met Lydia before this scene?
Sign: A cadet will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.
Me: Seriously? Mr. Harris? The biggest douchebag in Beacon Hills now that Jackson's gone? When has he ever followed any of those rules?
Mr. Harris: (Glances at a paper, then gives it a D)
Creepy Voices from Lost: Whisper whisper whisper.
Me: And now the Death Count is 8, even though we never actually see number seven's body.
Isaac: I wished I could have seen their faces.
Me: Well now you can.
Twins: (One takes off his shirt)
Scott: Uhhh.
Me: My thoughts exactly.
Twins: Wonder Twins, Unite!
Me: So how does the whole pants thing work? Do their pants get magically bigger? Are they wearing two pairs now? And what about their shoes?
Isaac: We can take them.
Scott: Are you fucking crazy? BOLT.
Deucalion: (Just walking down the hallway)
Me: How did he get to the school? Oh God, I hope he didn't drive there.
Deucalion: (Takes off the cap to the world's tiniest blade)
Twins: (Are cut, then they walk away still shirtless)
Isaac: Who the hell was that?
Scott: The dude who's going to fuck us all up in the near future.
Deaton: He might NOT be dead yet.
Me: Too late, he's already on my death count.
Stiles: This test is graded R.
Deaton: We have a dark oak on our hands. That's kinda like a bad nut, only more fucked up. DARACH.
Isaac: Hey Derek, guess what I did at school today!
Derek: GET OUT I HATE YOU. (Throws the glass)
Fans: GASP.
Me: Damn… and Jeff Davis said on Tumbler that Derek knew Isaac's father had done that, that Isaac must have told him. That's just way harsh.
Cora: (Stifles a sob)
Me: Oh shut up Cora, nothing you do will ever compare to Isaac's resemblances to a kicked puppy. NOTHING I TELL YOU NOTHING.
Derek: Wow, I'm kinda an asshole.
Me: Geez, I kinda hope you don't need Isaac for a major fight coming up in the next episode or anything…
Scott: (Doing homework)
Me: Never thought I'd see that happen.
Isaac: I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.
Me: And just like that, a dozen Sisaac fanfics were written….Oh look! Mr. Harris is about to get brutally murdered! Let's watch!
Mr. Harris: Pleases! I did what you asked. They're going to figure you out. You still need me!
Me: What we need you to do is die.
Gloved Hands: (Twist)
Mr. Harris: (Dies)
Me: So I'm guessing that's an oak tree he's tied to. Oh the puns.
It you laughed, or even just let out an amused puff of breath, please review! This takes me forever to write and its nice to know that people appreciate my work.