Chapter 3: What Cannot Be Undone

"Good morning, Mako!" Saori said as she met up with me on our way to school, completely unaware of what had happened at the Reizei household that morning. As we got to know each other, we realized that our routes to school intersected, a short distance from our homes, and had begun walking to school together.

"Morning…" I said, hesitantly.

"Is something the matter?" Saori said. I have a somewhat good poker face, but Saori is perceptive enough to see through it, a skill she is able to use on her old and new friends.

"I had a fight with my mom this morning," I said. "She was nagging me about wanting me to do better at school and I… lost my temper at her. We had a shouting match and I ran off."

Saori's face turned serious, and I actually found myself a little intimidated by her expression, seeing as how unlike her it was to look that way. Evidently noticing the effect it had on me, she silently stared at me for a few seconds before speaking.

"You know, Mako, your mom really cares about you," Saori said in an uncharacteristically stern tone of voice. "That's why she pushes you so much, because she thinks you can do better and that you will benefit from doing so. The least you could do is show her some gratitude, and not get mad at her when she's trying to help you."

I found myself unable to say anything in response to Saori. There was no two ways about it- Mom might have lost her temper as well and been overly harsh with me, but no matter how much I thought about it, I could only argue with her tone, rather than her message. What Saori had said brought me back to that fundamental truth, and the only way to rebut that argument- to deny what Mom was saying- was impossible for me. And now that I had time to reflect on what I had said, I began to burn, not with anger, but with shame over my impulsive and ill-considered statements I had made while consumed with rage.

A knot formed in my stomach as I felt the familiar feeling of knowing beyond a doubt that I was in the wrong, and realizing that the only thing to do was to swallow my pride and apologize.

"All right," I said. "I'll apologize to her after school. Maybe we'll both have time to calm down and think things over by then."

Saori sighed, evidently noticing the degree of reluctance in my voice, but relieved that I would do what I said I would.

"That's good to hear," she said, as we continued on to school.

I spent most of the day thinking about the argument and how best to apologize. I realized that my mom would not necessarily let me off the hook, but knew that she cared, and that as Saori said, I should do more to show appreciation for the care and act in a way that would enable me to do as well as my mom believed I would. I believed the time at school would allow me to find the words to say to her, and would enable her to cool down and be more willing to listen to them.

Suddenly, midway through the last period of class, a message came over the PA system and got my attention.

"Reizei Mako-san, please come to the main office, your grandmother has a very important message for you."

Immediately, this struck me as somewhat suspicious. Even if my mom was still mad at me, couldn't my dad come? They had never done anything like this before, though, so what could be important enough to pull me out of class?

"You should get going, Reizei-san," the teacher said, as I was paralyzed with indecision for a moment.

As I slowly got up and walked out of the classroom, I did so under the assumption that whatever news awaited me in the main office could not possibly be good. Saori must have realized it as well, as out of the corner of my eyes, I saw her gaze follow me out of the room. I think she was trying to think of an excuse to get out of class and follow me to the office.

The walk to the main office was the longest few minutes of my life, as I wondered- what was so important that they needed me over there? And why wouldn't they give me even a hint about what it was? When I reached the main office, I saw Grandma standing there, as I expected, but something seemed off about her. Rather than seeming energetic, feisty and hot-tempered as usual, she seemed to be forcing herself to be there, much like how I forced myself to wake up and go to school in the morning.

"Mako… sit down and listen carefully to what I have to say," she said, looking as though she were in a daze. I complied, taking a seat on one of the chairs that visitors and students sat in to wait, despite the fact that it was already obvious that this would not end well. Grandma took a deep breath before continuing.

"Around noon today, your parents were in an auto accident. Both of them are dead."

My entire world froze for a moment. I began to wonder- was this a practical joke of some sort? But Grandma was not the sort to play such jokes, especially not when she was acting so unlike herself. And if it was not a joke or an utterly cruel and malicious lie, the only possibility remaining was that it was the truth. The unthinkable had happened- I had lost both of my parents at once.

"Mako?" Grandma said, as I sat there, not saying anything or comprehending the passage of time.

The part of my mind that I used for determining what to say and how to say it, among others, simply shut down. I was not unfamiliar with the concept of death, having heard that all my grandparents but the one standing in the room with me had passed on. But why did my parents have to die? Why so soon? And why before I could apologize to my mother?

"This… this can't be happening…" I said. "Mom…Dad… No…no...NO! No-o-o-o…" My voice broke as I began to cry, consumed by grief so intense that it not only caused me to almost completely shut down, but it defied most of my attempts to describe it.

.Grandma knelt down, took me in her arms, and hugged me. I calmed down enough to speak, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was that which I had most desperately wanted to express.

"Mom…" I said between my sobs, "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…"

I softly repeated those words, the words I had wanted to say to Mom, but never would get the chance again, barely cognizant that the one person I wanted to hear them was now and forevermore lost to me.

A few minutes later, I had calmed down enough to get ready to go home, but I was still, for all intents and purposes, an emotional wreck, struggling to comprehend what I had just heard.

As I walked out of the main office with Grandma, I noticed Saori standing outside.

"Mako, what happened!?" she said. "You look terrible."

Saori's remark was an understatement; tears were streaming down my face, which had turned as red as a tomato. I no longer had any desire or capacity to hide my feelings at this point.

"It's too late, Saori…" I said, choking back a sob. "My parents are dead!"

"…I'm so sorry, Mako," Saori said, placing a hand on my shoulder. She understood very well what I was feeling at the moment, and was now seeing our conversation that morning in a different light. But she also understood very well that words alone could not heal this wound to my heart, and as a result, fell silent after her immediate and sincere expression of sympathy.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to take Mako home," Grandma said after a moment had passed, as she beckoned me forward. "Hearing of this has been difficult for her, to say the least, and there are other matters that we must deal with. We appreciate your condolences, though."

"Ok..." Saori said hesitantly, with a look of utter despair and helplessness on her face as she watched me walk away. She had done the right thing in urging me to apologize, but now that her advice was no longer effective, she did not know what she could or needed to do for me.

Immediately afterward, I was taken home. In spite of our grief, there were certain preparations that had to be made. I would be staying with Grandma from now on, as she had become my legal guardian and caretaker.

Our dinner that evening was small and rather hastily put together. Grandma and I were barely in any mood to eat, and she was hardly in any mood to cook. But the demands of our bodies, as always, did not abate, despite my wish for the world to stop until I was ready to go on again, if going back in time were too much to ask.

Immediately after dinner, I went up and lay down on my bed, my homework set aside on my desk. It was at the end of the day, when I should have been at my most energetic, but even though I didn't feel tired at all, I felt as though moving, much less doing anything else, required strength I did not have. Despair and grief, rather than exhaustion, weighed me down, and lying there did not seem to alleviate tat.

As I lay there on my bed, Nemu walked toward me, and with a meow, brushed against my side. For a moment, I thought she was oblivious to everything that I had been through on that day, including the fates of her primary humans.

But perhaps it didn't matter to her. I was essentially part of her family, and she did what she always did – being there for me. My parents had always been there in their own way, but now that they had died, they could no longer do so; I had not appreciated it until it was too late. And as I reached out and stroked Nemu, I vowed never to make that mistake again.

I cried for hours, as I lay there in my bed, thinking of the mistakes I had made, the happy memories that I would never recreate and the parents I would never get back. As I did, I lay in my bed, unable to fall asleep, the one thing that came naturally to me more than anything else. When I did fall asleep-I'm not sure how many hours it was past my bedtime- it was simply due to exhaustion.

And as the worst day of my life drew to a close, I drifted off to sleep with the vain hope that I would wake up and this would all be a bad dream. But for me, for my grandmother, and for everyone else, there was no going back to the way things were before, and I would live many of the years to come in the shadow of this event.

Author's Notes

Arisa LeCreuset: Thank you for the review. The omakes will continue, usually from the perspective of characters other than Mako, but they won't be every chapter.

It's interesting portraying how Mako would have acted immediately after hearing of her parents' deaths, since in the main series, the closest she comes to breaking down is when she hears about her grandmother being hospitalized. In large part, this fic is meant to bring out her inner thoughts, and serve as a way for her to express that which she does not express much in the anime, as well as portray her in some of her more vulnerable moments.

I suspect that Hisako would, out of the grief over losing her son and daughter-in-law, and out of consideration for Mako's feelings, not be acting as her ordinary Tsundere self in the wake of Mako's parents death.