Welcome everyone to the Teen Wolf After-School Show Horror Special! These chapters just keep getting longer and longer...
Disclaimer Suicide is not funny. For the sake of the episode, I'm making it funny. If you are ever feeling suicidal, please get help.
TW Motel California
Shitty Truck: (Pulls up to a shitty motel)
Bloody Man: (Limps into a room)
Newspaper: (March 5th, 1997)
Me: Carter hosts banquet's for National Governors? That's so nice of him!
Bloody Man: (Opens the door to 217)
Me: Well three guesses which room they'll be staying in this episode…
Bloody Man: (Lifts his shirt to reveal bite marks)
Me: Uh oh, better get those checked out. You wouldn't want that to get infected.
Bloody Man: (Inspects his sideburns in the mirror)
Me: What a nice necklace he has on. It looks just like the Argent necklace. It's a good thing he's not a hunter and that's not a Werewolf bite. Otherwise he would have to kill himself.
Bloody Man: (Opens the curtains and looks at the full moon)
Me: What a pretty view!
Bloody Man: (Rummages around in his gym bag)
Me: A shot gun, a wallet, a lighter, and a shell. That's what I keep in MY gym bag.
Bloody Man: (Loads the shot gun)
Me: That IS a shifty motel. Best to be prepared.
Bloody Man: (Holds the shot gun up to his head and speaks in French as his eyes glow yellow. Then he pulls the trigger)
Me: Eh, I'm sure it's just a flesh wound.
Camera: (Pans down over the dude's driver's license)
Me: Alexander Argent? Hm… nope, never heard that name before. (But really, why is his license from Massachusetts?)
Bus: (Pulls up at the Shitty Motel)
Scott: I've seen worse.
Stiles: Where have you seen worse?
Me: That's what I would like to know…
Coach: You'll be pairing up! Choose wisely. AND NO SEX!
Me: (Snorts) Yeah, sure.
Allison: Lydia?
Lydia: I don't like this place.
Allison: I don't think the people who own this place like this place. It's just for a night.
Lydia: A lot could happen in one night.
Me: Oh please, I'm sure you'll all get a good night's rest!
Stiles: Okay, I have four.
Scott: Four? You have four suspects?
Stiles: Yeah! I had ten originally, well nine I guess techniquely. I had Derek on there twice.
Me: Only twice?
Scott: So who's number one, Harris?
Stiles: Just because he's missing, doesn't mean he's dead.
Me: Nope, he's dead alright. He's on my death count.
Scott: Well maybe it's someone else from school. Remember Matt? We didn't know that he was killing people.
Stiles: Excuse me? I called that from day one.
Scott: But we weren't serious about that…
Stiles: I was serious. I was deadly serious about that.
Scott: Who were the only three?
Stiles: Cora. No one knows anything about her and she's Derek's sister.
Me: Um, hello? It could be PETER! Although at this point I seriously doubt it.
Stiles: Your boss! I don't like the whole Obi Wan thing he's got going about.
Scott: ?
Stiles: Oh my God you still haven't seen Star Wars?
Me: Oh my God, you still haven't seen Star Wars?
Scott: I swear, if we make it back alive I will watch the movie.
Me: Well now you've gone and jinxed it. You're all going to die.
Stiles: Lydia.
Me: Not a bad theory, although I doubt she's the one actually killing people.
Stiles: She was totally controlled by Peter and she had no idea so…
Me: So let's agree you're all fucked and move on. Have a good night!
Ms. Blake: Oh God, this is a bad idea. I should be taking you to a hospital!
Derek: No! No hospital. We can't have sex in a hospital…
Ms. Blake: Derek, I can't hold you anymore! (Drops Derek)
Me: One. Job.
Chris: (Walks around the deserted mall, tracking the Alpha battle as it happened)
Me: That's pretty sweet how he's catching all these small details.
Chris: (Looks at the giant Scott shaped chunk of wall that's missing)
Me: Or maybe not so small detail…
Scott: (Staring into the mirror and his eye turns red)
Me: Damn it Jeff, stop teasing us!
Boyd: (Staring at the vending machine)
Stiles: Yo.
Boyd: (Watches as the snack gets stuck)
Stiles: Oh, hold on. I have a patented method for this.
Me: (Has a sudden flash back to the S2 Episode 1 scene where Stiles pushes over the vending machine) Yeah, patented method…
Boyd: (Punches the Vending Machine and takes his snack)
Me: OMG, please take ALL the snacks Stiles.
Stiles: (Takes ALL the snacks)
Me: YES!
Allison: (Naked in the shower) Lydia, did you get new towels?
Scott: (Totally creeping on Allison)
Allison: Lydia…oh shit Scott hi. What are you doing?
Scott: Looking for you… (he says in a deep, stalker/killer voice)
Allison: You found me. In the shower. Slightly naked…
Me: Slightly?
Scott: I've seen you naked before.
Allison: Okay, well remember we're kinda not together anymore.
Me: Kinda not together? What does that even mean? And way to punch all us viewers in the gut Allison.
Scott: We're still friends right. We could just be closer friends. Maybe we could even fix things between us.
Me: What things? Allison is the only one with the problem. Either way, clearly something is seriously messed up with Scott right now.
Allison: Scott!
Scott: (Zones out)
Allison: Are you okay?
Me: At least Allison realizes that this is not a normal Scott.
Scott: Sorry, I don't remember… (Walks out)
Me: Well that wasn't strange at all.
Lydia: (Bitches about the towels smelling like nicotine)
Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: Sorry about that sweetheart.
Me: Smooth Lydia.
Lydia: What's that?
Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: That's an inside joke.
Me: Kinda a sick inside joke…
Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: It's kinda morbid. Sure you want to know?
Me: Tell me.
Lydia: Tell me.
Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: More than any other motel in California, we have the most guest suicides.
Sign: 198.
Me: So what, does that mean in every room someone has offed themselves? Instead of non-smoking rooms, are there non-suicide rooms?
Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: And counting.
Me: I would hate to be the cleaner for that motel. You'd be finding bodies practically every other month.
Isaac: (Smiling as he channel surfs through static)
Me: OMG, I love that channel!
Chris: Do you want me to pick you up?
Allison: No no, it's okay. We're at this really shitty motel. The school paid for it.
Me: Which kinda explains why you're staying there in the first place.
Chris: That name sounds familiar. I think my uncle stayed there once. He must not have like it because he killed himself in room 217. Anyway, I want you to know you can tell me anything. I am in no way hiding anything from you.
Ms. Blake: (Rolling up Derek's bloody shirt to reveal claw marks) Oh my God.
Derek: How is it?
Ms. Blake: It's awesome. I am totally digging your body. By the way, you're bleeding black blood. Is that bad?
Derek: (Passes out)
Ms. Blake: Derek, please don't die! I can't have sex with you if you die! It's not that kind of show!
Me: Thank God for that…
Allison: 198?
Lydia: In 40 years. That's 4. 9 a year which… is to be expected.
Me: It IS a shitty motel after all.
Strange Male Voice: Which one do you want?
Lydia: Did you hear that?
Me: WHY WON'T THE VOICES LEAVE ME ALONE?
Strange Female Voice: I dunno. The smaller one I guess?
Strange Male Voice: It's okay. Smaller is better.
Me: Those are words I never thought I'd hear come from a guy's mouth.
Lydia: (Climbs onto the bed)
Strange Female Voice: Wait, when do I?
Strange Male Voice: I'll count to three.
Strange: Female Voice: After three or on three?
Me: This suicide sure is awkward as hell.
Lydia: (Starts freaking out)
Strange Female Voice: I love you.
Strange Male Voice: I love you too.
Me: Well I don't love you. I wish you were dead.
Air Vent: BANG!
Allison: What happened?
Lydia: The two people in the other room shot each other! (Runs into Room 216)
Me: Which means Allison is staying the room her great uncle shot himself in. Not that that's strange since her mom offed herself in Allison's own bedroom.
Lydia: Hello?
Me: Like they would answer if they were dead. Of course with Lydia you never know.
Lydia: (Turns on the light, shows the room's under construction) They were right here.
Allison: I believe you.
Me: About freaking time.
Lydia: (Turns around and looks at the wall)
Wall: (Creepy ass faces are whispering)
Me: Holy Fuck that's scary. The wall has faces on it.
Boyd: (Walking to get ice)
Strange Female Voice that's different than the other Strange Female Voice: Don't leave me…
Boyd: (Starts digging in the ice)
Strange Yet Familiar Voice: You weren't supposed to leave me.
Boyd: Alisha? (Digs in the ice box and see's something)
Alisha?: Why did you leave me?
Boyd: (Uncovers the face)
Me: OH MY GOD IT'S THE ATTRACTIVE BLACK LADY FROM EPISODE ONE! So that's where the Alphas were hiding the body. A bit out of the way…
Lydia: This placed is fucked up. We need to leave.
Allison: But they were suicides, not murders.
Me: So that makes it okay!
Lydia: I bet that couple committed suicide in that very room. I bet that's why they're renovating. Because they're scraping brain matter off the ceiling.
Me: What a lovely thought.
Allison: Maybe we should find out.
Isaac: (Wakes up and hears something)
A Voice that sounds like Mr. Layhe: Hand me the 716th wench… what the hell, this is the 916th you moron. You know what the different between a 7 and a 9 don't you dumbass?
Isaac: The difference is a strip bolt… I'm sorry I didn't know…
Me: Is this where the FEELS start? Does the THIS MIGHT HURT begin now? Because this is quite painful to watch.
Isaac: Shut up shut up shut up. I can't fix this. I can't fix this now.
Mr. Layhe: Grab the chains.
Isaac: What?
Mr. Layhe: Get in the damn freezer!
Isaac: (Hides in the pillows, only to find himself already in a freezer)
Me: Poor Isaac. At least you'll probably be safe in there…
Lydia: Well there goes that.
Allison: Didn't you say the sign said 198?
Me: Oh shit.
Sign: 201.
Allison: So have there been three more suicides?
Lydia: Or three more are about to happen.
Scott: Hey mom, what's up?
Ms. McCall: I'm sorry he just came into the house. I tried to stop…
Scott: What? Where are you?
Ms. McCall: Outside. Look outside.
Scott: (Looks outside to see Deucalion and his mother together)
Me: Why does his mom always date the evil Alphas?
Deucalion: Scott, can you hear me?
Me: I dunno. Can you see Scott?
Scott: What do you want?
Deucalion: Isn't it obvious? You're an Alpha now Scott.
Scott: I'm not. Derek could still be alive…
Me: No, the last episode pretty much summed up the fact that you think he's dead. Besides, that doesn't mean anything. You aren't in Derek's pack so you wouldn't become the next Alpha. Probably Cora would be when you think about it.
Deucalion: He's dead. And now I'm coming for you. And everyone you love. I'm coming for ALL THE LOVED ONES. (Rips Melissa's throat out)
Scott's Face: :O
Stiles: Scott, you okay?
Scott: (Realizes the vision thing wasn't real)
Stiles: (Reads his phone) (BTW, the time is 12:21, a bit late to be getting to sleep if you're racing tomorrow)
Lydia: (I need to speak to you. Just you.)
Me: And Allison too apparently. Why wouldn't you bring Scott in on this?
Danny/Ethan: (Making out on the bed, pushes off some text books)
Ethan: You brought homework? I'll let you get back to that.
Me: Actors being gay for pay. I guess this is compensation for that lesbian scene we had in Fireflies.
Danny/Ethan: (Beginning to progress into something else)
Me: COACH SAID NO SEX! And apparently whenever you kissing/sex scenes, they don't let the actors eat anything for hours leading up to it. Both actors complained about it on twitter. Not that I have a twitter. I think twitter is stupid.
Ethan: (Finds a scar) What's that?
Danny: I had a bar put in when I was 14 for two years so my heart and lungs wouldn't be crushed.
Ethan: But what if there was a way you could make them disappear?
Me: Uh oh, I'm pretty sure part of being in an Alpha Pack is no betas allowed. On the plus side, this could be a way to turn Ethan against Deucalion.
Danny: I don't want them to. They make me feel like I'm a survivor.
Ethan: I really hope you are.
Me: Damn, earlier theory confirmed. That was a new record.
Ethan: (His spine suddenly splits in two) Uh, I'll be right back.
Ethan's Stomach: (A wild hand appears, then a head) FEED ME!
Me: If Aidan pop's out of his stomach, that'll be the coolest and grossest thing I have even seen ever.
Ethan: I'll be back in a minute. (Runs out the room)
Me: Look's like somebody's timer went off a bit early…
Allison: The last time I saw Scott like that was during the full moon.
Stiles: Yeah Scott was a little off with me too. Actually Boyd was the one who was really off. I watched him put his fist through a vending machine.
Lydia: We need to leave this place right now, or someone needs to learn how to do an exorcism.
Stiles: Wait, the number went up by three.
Allison: You mean like three sacrifices.
Me: Oooooo. Clever.
Stiles: What if this time it's three Werewolves?
Me: CALLED IT! Then again, that would kill half the cast.
Stiles: Maybe we were meant to come here. (Finds the Bible full of death reports)
Me: That's kinda cool in a sick and twisted way. This whole episode is cool in a sick and twisted way.
Lydia: What if the one next door has the one about the couple? (They run out)
Me: Why does the couple matter? They have nothing to do with the plot.
216: (Locked)
Allison: It doesn't matter. We need to get Boyd, Isaac and Scott out of here! (About to run off)
216: (Hand saw noises can be heard)
Me: Oh this is going to be fun…
Stiles: Hand saw?
216: (Suddenly unlocked)
Ethan: (About to cut himself in half with the handsaw)
Stiles: Ethan no! (Wrestles the hand saw out of his hands and then almost falls on it)
Me: What are you doing? It would be so much better if Ethan died!
Ethan: (Takes out his claws to claw himself before falling on the space heater that is on for some reason, even though it wasn't before)
Me: I doubt that would have worked. And why are the others strong enough to fight him off? And I thought they used guns in that room to kill themselves, not handsaws.
Ethan: What just happened? (Runs off)
Ms. Blake: (Stares out the window)
Derek: Uggggghhhhh.
Ms. Blake: Are you sure you want to do that?
Derek: I have to find the others. They think I'm dead.
Ms. Blake: Maybe that's a good thing. You could use that to your advantage. Also we could just stay here forever.
Me: That would be a great idea if not for the fact that the Alpha pack already suspects that he's alive. Also, I'm wondering where Cora is. Staying with killer uncle Peter?
Ms. Blake: Do you have any idea how terrible you look? I almost don't want to have sex with you. Okay so that's a lie, but still.
Ethan: I already said, I don't know what happened.
Stiles: Well you could be a little bit more grateful; we did just save your life.
Ethan: Well you probably shouldn't have.
Me: Duh.
Lydia: So what now?
Me: Good question. Where do you go from here?
Allison: I'll find Scott. You guys find Isaac and Boyd.
Lydia: What?
Stiles: Uh, this all seems pretty familiar.
Lydia: What do you mean?
Stiles: Your birthday party. The night you poisoned everyone with wolfs bane.
Me: That WAS an awesome party.
Boyd: …
Radio: Static noises…
Boyd: (Turns off the radio)
Me: Wasn't Isaac in that room? I hope he didn't lock himself in that ice chest with Boyd's sister. That's a pairing even fanfiction hasn't dived into.
Radio: (Keeps turning on) Do you remember the last time you saw her?
Young Boyd: I don't know I can't remember. I was watching her. I swear!
Boyd: (Unplugs the radio)
Radio: THAT WON'T STOP ME BITCH!
Boyd: (Curb stomps the radio)
Me: If only that was Peter's head.
Ms. Blake: You don't have any first aid anywhere?
Derek: Bitch I'm Derek motherfucking Hale. I don't need no bandages.
Ms. Blake: How do we fix you up?
Derek: Sex would do it, but I'm sure you don't want to do that. Anyway, you shouldn't be here.
Ms. Blake: Why not?
Derek: Because you don't know me. Everyone around me gets hurt.
Me: That's because you're fucking retarded Derek. You think that just because you're an Alpha, you know what's best. You killed a half dead Peter to gain your red eyes. You didn't earn them like Scott's busy doing.
Ms. Blake: I've been hurt before.
Me: I highly doubt any of it compares to the level of hurt that this show supplies and endorses.
Ms. Blake: (Shoves her boobs into Derek's face as she leans in to kiss him)
Me: Well like he can say no to that.
Derek: This is a bad idea… oh fuck it. (Starts eating her face)
Boyd: (Stares at a safe)
Me: So what, now the Darch is using them to steal cash? Actually that's what I would be using them for…
Allison: (Realizes that Scott's missing)
Stiles: Lydia, I didn't mean to accuse you of trying to kill people. I just meant that maybe you're involved in the reason they want to kill themselves.
Lydia: (Hears a baby crying)
Boyd: (Gets into the bath tub while holding the safe)
Stressed Lady Voice: (About to drown her baby and herself)
Lydia: Oh my God
Boyd: (Begins to drown himself)
Lydia: Someone's drowning!
Boyd: Bubble.
Stiles/Lydia: (Run in and find Boyd drowning. They fail to get the safe off and drain the water)
Me: He let his air out earlier. How long does it take for a Werewolf to drown? I don't think magic healing produces air.
Stiles: We need fire!
Lydia: He's underwater!
Me: You're fucked.
Lydia: Wait…
Me: This isn't the time to wait!
Lydia: Get the flares on the bus!
Stiles: (Runs into the bus and grabs two of the three flares)
Lydia: (Scared, and hears someone else in the room)
Isaac: (Shaking in fear under the bed)
Me: I found Isaac guys. No need to thank me.
Stiles: (Shoves a flare into Boyd's face)
Boyd: Arrrrggggg.
Lydia: (Holding onto Stiles)
Me: Awwwww.
Stiles: (Lifts the bed covers) Hey there Isaac. Got something for ya. (Shoves the flare under the bed)
Allison: I can't find Scott anywhere.
Lydia: Get the other flare!
Allison/Stiles/Lydia: (Find Scott standing next to the bus holding the flare)
Scott: (Drenched in gasoline)
Me: Oh….Shit….
Scott: (In a broken voice) There's no hope.
Allison: There's always hope.
Me: What part of this picture says there's any hope left? Scott's the best of all you and he himself is breaking. This is more painful to watch than Isaac.
Scott: Not for me. Not for Derek.
Derek: (Having bloody ripped open sex)
Me: How would Derek feel if Scott killed himself while he was busy getting laid because he couldn't bother to text Scott telling him he was still alive? Anyway, Derek is finally getting some.
Scott: Every time I try to fight back it just gets worse.
Stiles: Scott, you're being controlled!
Scott: What if it isn't? What if it's just me? What if this is the best thing I could do for everyone else? (Sobbing)
Me: THE FEELS! And Scott if you die, then so does everyone else. Well, probably not the humans. Really just the Werewolves, and they chose that anyway.
Derek: (Kisses Jennifer and somehow his wounds heal and his skin cleans itself of the blood and dirt)
Me: SEX MAGIC! EVERYONE HAVE SEX TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER!
Scott: Before I got bit, we were nothing. We weren't important. We were no one. Maybe I should just be no one again.
Me: Allison, this is the time where you chip in and tell Scott you love him.
Flare: (Sending sparks everywhere)
Me: Really, Scott should have become the human torch by now.
Stiles: Scott you're my best friend. You're my brother. So if you're going to do this, you're going to have to take me with you.
Me: I'm done. This is just too painful. Acting actors can act.
Stiles: (Takes the flare away from Scott and throws it away, almost into the gas spill)
Me: He was two inches away from burning them up anyway.
Wind: (Blows the flare into the gas)
Me: See?
Lydia: NOOOOO. (Pushes everyone out of the way)
Dark Figure in the Fire: Ugly as fuck.
Me: And there we have it. Season's Three big bad villain. My bets are Deucalion has nothing on this dude. Actually I think it was a girl.
Coach: (Finds everyone asleep and on the bus) I don't want to know.
Me: Wow that was some bus orgy last night wasn't it guys? In reality, that night must have been shit. And why does everyone have so many spare clothes?
Coach: The meet's canceled!
Me: Well that was a waste of a weekend.
Ethan: (Sits next to Scott) I don't know what happened last night, but I'm pretty sure you saved my life.
Stiles: Actually I saved your life.
Me: Shut up Stiles.
Ethan: So I'm going to give you something. We're pretty sure Derek's still alive.
Me: You mean Derek still hasn't bothered to tell anyone he's alive? Worst. Alpha. Ever.
Ethan: He killed one of ours. That means one of two things could happen.
Me: Well you guys did kill one ours first. (Erica)
Ethan: Either he joins our pack.
Scott: And he kills his own.
Me: Which still really doesn't help Scott at all, so why are you telling him?
Ethan: Or Kali goes after him.
Me: So then Derek would kill another one of your pack. That solves nothing. But I digress. I doubt Derek could kill Kali anyway.
Lydia: (Zones out) He Coach, could I see that for a second? (Takes his whistle and finds wolf's bane on it)
Stiles: So every time Coach blew the whistle on the bus, everyone inhaled it. That's how the Darch got into their heads.
Me: That is the lames theory I've ever heard. Like it would be potent enough to poison four Werewolves, but not enough for the coach to even notice it whenever he blew it?
Stiles: (Throws the whistle out the window)
Chris: (Enters room A151)
Me: Is that in the apartment? Or somewhere else. Wait a minute, is that?
Gerard: Twice in a month. (Wipes away some black blood) Should I be flattered?
Me: Postponing the OMG GERARD IS RIGHT THERE moment, is he STILL bleeding? And I thought he had cancer four months ago. How is he not dead? And what was the first time for?
Chris: In 1977 my uncle checked into that shitty motel for a one night stay. He painted the ceiling with his brain matter.
Gerard: If you already have all the information, then what do you want from me?
Chris: I want to know the Alpha that bit him.
Gerard: Deucalion!
Me: Bum bum bummmmm!
Okay, I'm going to go on a spiel here about something I picked up on this show. It has to do with my argument about why Derek's probably going to end up as an Omega by the end of the season. Derek and Scott both admitted in this episode that everyone around them gets hurt. So what does Derek do after stating that? He gives in and let's another helpless human get into his circle. Scott on the other hand thought that since he was the problem, he should be removed. Obviously this would have made everything worse, and Scott was not himself at that moment, but even out of his mind, the drive behind his actions was protecting people. Scott is earning his Alpha status, and with the way things are going and who Derek is trusting, I think he's going to lose his.
Other theories: Cora is working for the Alphas so they won't kill Derek. She's probably being blackmailed. The reason Isaac didn't try to kill himself was because he was too scared, which says a lot about his character. I was surprised about seeing the Attractive Black Lady again, and now I want to find out a lot more about her. Hopefully we will.
Anyway, I hoped you all enjoyed this chapter. I kinda regret starting the story, since it really takes up so much time and it doesn't let me write anything else for the summer. Still, I started it, so I'm going to finish it, nobody worry about that. Reviews are nice and help me feel better.