Chapter 6: Approval and Disapproval

Saori and I moved up a year, and became second-years. I realized that would also make Sodoko a third year, and, consequently, that she would graduate by the end of the year, if she didn't quit the disciplinary committee to study for exams, or something else caused her to leave her position or the school. For some reason, in spite of our clashing every time I came in late, that realization made me less happy than I anticipated, and I felt like I did when one of my friends from middle school moved away.

Saori and I were in different classes again in our second year. She had made friends with Isuzu Hana, one of her classmates in the previous year. In her second year, she befriended a new transfer student, and took an interest in the newly offered Tankery elective.

"I'm getting involved in the new Tankery class," Saori said. "Hana and I became friends with a new student at the school. We'd like to do the same elective together. Why not do tankery too, Mako? I'd like to have all my friends in the same class."

I thought about it for a moment. As Mom had said, making compromises for others was often a good thing, but she didn't disagree with my suggestion that there had to be balance in all things. And what did I have to get out of fighting in an obsolete war machine?

"Tankery seems like such a hassle," I said. "I'm going for calligraphy."

Saori looked somewhat disappointed, and I felt a twinge of guilt go through me. I later learned that while tankery was her first choice, she had temporarily switched to incense because the new student had not wanted to do tankery, and when the new student changed her mind to do tankery, Saori and Hana followed suit. More than anything else, she wanted to stick with the new student, her new friend. In retrospect, she must have taken it quite hard when one of her oldest friends chose to do something else- perhaps her later efforts to get me to participate were out of a personal desire to do it with me, as well as a desire to not see me get held back?

When I saw a presentation on tankery, one thing stood out in my mind- an offer of more credits than the other electives and 200 tardiness passes- enough to offset most, but not all of my tardiness demerits. Perhaps this was the opportunity I had been waiting for, although I was unwilling to take it at the time. A part of me wondered if it was too good to be true, although I later believed this was a rationalization to justify not choosing tankery.

But I also heard that tankery did not only teach how to operate a war machine, but many qualities related to being successful modern women, in the same way that martial arts also promoted physical fitness and discipline. And when I decided to do tankery, I would end up changing myself in the process.

As I once again forced myself to walk to school in the morning, I was surprised by the presence of another girl on the streets, who was also running late for school. I had not seen her around before, so I wondered if she was a new student unused to the routine. She helped me up and supported me on her shoulder as we walked to school, and ultimately met Sodoko at the gates.

Usually in cases like this, I try to head on without hindering other people, but this time, I ended up causing some girl who was as much a stranger to me as I was to her to feel as though she had to help me out. In my mind, favors like that were not ones that should be taken for granted or left without being repaid.

Sodoko called the girl Nishizumi-san, and I made note of it. I resolved that I would remember her name and pay her back when the time was right. Contrary to what Sodoko thought, I could show courtesy to others when I so desired.

Nishizumi-san and I parted ways as she went to tankery class. Still extremely groggy, I wandered off to lie down for a little while in the hopes of regaining some of my energy, and coming to class when I was ready. I ended up falling asleep in a field near the school, in the middle of reading a book.

I was awoken from my nap by a few loud blasts, what initially seemed like a car running, and a familiar voice calling out. Recognizing the urgency of the situation, I immediately snapped awake, like how people give their all when in desperate spots. I leaped atop the tank, and saw Nishizumi-san sticking her head out a side hatch; it seemed she remembered me, albeit because it was a short time ago. Then Saori poked her head out the top, and it seemed as though she knew Nishizumi-san; it turned out she was the friend Saori had mentioned.

I slumped into a vacant seat in the tank, feeling even more tired than usual because of the lack of oxygen in there and, in the process, my decision not to take tankery was seemingly reinforced.

We advanced onward to a bridge, and slowly moved onto it. Suddenly, the bridge swayed, and the tank was about to fall off, but a shell from the nearby StUG knocked us back onto the bridge. The driver of the tank, who turned out to be Saori's friend Hana, passed out, and, on an impulse, I jumped into the driver's seat and read the manual. Careful analysis had showed that each of the other three crew members had her own position, and rather than leave one forced to do two at once, it was time for me to pull my weight. Amazingly enough, we fended off the other four tanks, albeit due in part to the M3 Lee popping a tread, and our team won the match.

Of course, while I had helped them that one time, I thought it too much of a bother to do so on a regular basis. But Saori reminded me that I would otherwise get held back, and so for that reason and my debt to Nishizumi-san, I changed my mind. Perhaps it would be difficult to do tankery. But I soon heard from Saori that Miho- whom I began occasionally referring to by her first name half because Saori did and half because of our growing familiarity- was doing tankery in spite of her initial reluctance, for the sake of her friends. It seemed only fair that I should make a similar effort.

My determination faltered again some time later as I was told to participate in a tankery match against St. Gloriana, waking up at 5 a.m. and meeting for the battle at 6 a.m., far earlier than I wanted or needed to get up. Did they really need to do a practice match so soon? Did the match have to be early? And did they need me to drive for them? Driving seemed like such an easy thing to me, since Hana was doing a passable job for a beginner before I took over; surely they could find someone who found it easy to wake up at 5 in the morning? But Saori emphasized that I needed them, and that if I did not participate, my grandmother would be upset.

Some would argue that Saori was trying to browbeat me into participating at best, and emotionally manipulate me at worst. But I saw it as her wanting me to succeed, and being willing to get tough with me when she had to; I noticed that she often threatened to tell my grandmother, but never ended up having to follow through.

It took Saori trying to pull me out of bed, Yukari playing a bugle call, and Miho and Hana firing off a blank shell in the neighborhood for me to get up, and I ended up eating breakfast, brushing my teeth and getting dressed inside the tank. By the time I got to the battlefield and fully woke up, though, I decided that since I was there, and had already gotten up early, I might as well win and make my sacrifice of my morning sleep worthwhile.

But there are some things in life that can't be won through luck or resolve. St. Gloriana was simply better than we were, although Miho put in a good showing toward the end, taking out three of their tanks with our tank alone. But in the end, when their last tank went up against ours and had a final exchange of shells, ours was taken out of the game, and we were defeated. More than a few members of the team were left pondering what more they could do to ensure that the next match ended in victory, and to my surprise, I began thinking about the same thing.

After the match, I learned that the Student Council had said that we were to perform the Anglerfish Dance if we lost, a punishment they also took part in. Perhaps they enjoyed holding the threat of punishment above our heads, not knowing of any other way to motivate us and preferring sticks to carrots. Or perhaps this was their way of getting us to take it seriously, by having consequences that applied to all of us, and which they shared as well. Little did I know that there was an even more compelling reason for their participation, and this was the only match we could afford to lose.

After the Anglerfish dance finished, Saori and the others went shopping, while I excused myself to meet with my grandmother, who had expressed a desire to see me at some time that day after hearing that the Oarai school ship would be docking. She had not specified a time, but the match and the post-game had taken longer than I had anticipated, and I realized that she would be angry if I did not show up at all.

I got to Grandma's house, and we talked for some time while in the living room. Eventually, the conversation shifted to where I was that morning.

"By the way, where have you been all morning?" Grandma said. "The ship's been here since dawn, and you only showed up a little while ago?"

"Taking care of some stuff," I said evasively, unsure whether I should tell her about tankery, as well as whether she would believe me.

"Hmmph, you always did like to sleep in," Grandma said. "So what time did you get up, anyway?

"5 a.m." I said.

Grandma, for the first time in my life, stared slack-jawed, not knowing how to respond to that. One policy I've adopted is to never ask any question to which I do not want to know the answer, or if there's a chance that the answer is one that I will not like and do not need to know.

"I suppose you'll keep on insisting that it's true no matter what I say," Grandma said. "But did you do it by yourself, or with help from Saori-chan and/or someone else?"

"You could say that Saori and some of our friends helped me wake up," I said. The entire story seemed too much for her to swallow, even if nothing less could have woken me up so early.

"Good work," Grandma said halfheartedly if not sarcastically. "Now just keep it up and maybe that girl at the school gate won't constantly nag you. At least think of getting up as being easier than getting nagged all the time."

I glanced over to the clock. It was later than I had anticipated, and I had a deadline for getting back to the boat that would take us back to the Oarai school ship. In retrospect, I should have mentioned this to Grandma from the start, so that I would not seem to have been making up an excuse.

"Speaking of which, Grandma, if I don't get back to the ship now, that girl's going to jump down my throat."

"Always punctual when you want to get away from my lectures," Grandma said. "But even so, you should get going." I started to get up. "Still… I get the feeling you have changed, somewhat. I can't put my finger on how, but I know it; you'd never have said you'd woken up at 5 a.m., even as a joke, before today."

With a slight smile, and a "Nice seeing you, Grandma," I walked off, as Grandma responded with a nod.

As I got back to the boat that would take us to the Oarai school ship, I noticed Sodoko standing near the gangplank, taking attendance, as the sun was setting.

"That's a change... you're actually on time, unlike the rest of your team, Reizei-san," Sodoko said.

"What do you mean by that exactly, Sodoko?" I said.

Sodoko sighed, evidently not wanting to get sidetracked by my use of her nickname. She usually only complained when the only thing she had to do was continue yet another futile lecture over my lateness, having realized it was equally futile to try to get me to stop using it.

"The rest of Team Anglerfish- Nishizumi-san, Isuzu-san, Takebe-san and Akiyama-san- isn't back yet," she said. "Do you know anything about where they went?"

"They said they were going shopping while I went to meet with Grandma," I said. "But it doesn't seem like it'd take them this long."

Even at the time, something made me realize that the others weren't detained out of laziness or losing track of the time, especially when it took them a while longer to arrive.

"Whatever they're doing, they'd better get back here quickly," Sodoko said, and I could have sworn I detected a note of worry in her voice. "We have a departure time to keep."

"I'll wait here for them," I said.

After dark, the rest of Team Anglerfish reached the port and barely boarded the ship in time to return to the school. At the time, I dismissed it as nothing out of the ordinary, but I soon became curious about what had happened to make them late when I, of all people, had been on time.

"So why were you and the others late?" I asked Saori as we sailed back to the school. Saori looked uncomfortable, an early indication that the subject I had asked about was, unbeknownst to me, fairly unpleasant.

"We ran into Hana's mom on the way back," Saori said. "When she found out Hana was doing tankery… she got mad and told Hana not to come home again."

Upon hearing this, I wondered if my not disclosing my participation in tankery while I was talking with Grandma happened to be a good move. Tankery had been in existence for almost a century, but its age did not preclude it from having many who disliked it, especially those such as the Isuzu family who followed longer-standing traditions and saw the recent if obsolete technology involved as distasteful.

"How's Hana doing?" I said.

"She's holding up surprisingly well, or at least is pretending to," Saori said. "She's convinced that her mom will come around eventually."

Maybe it was because Hana was more mature than I was back when my parents died, or merely older, but I couldn't help but be impressed by her willingness to forgive and reconnect with her mother. She was even willing to do so when, from all accounts, her mother had been the one to cast her out for what I considered a very petty reason. But intentions did not always translate into actions, and life had a way of interfering with even our best-intentioned plans and most benevolent acts.

I sought out Hana at the next possible opportunity, after a tankery practice session following our return to school, to speak with her alone.

"Hana," I said.

"Hello, Reizei-san," Hana said. "Is there something you would like to speak with me about?"

"Saori told me about what happened between you and your mother- how she disowned you over your doing tankery," I said. I'm sometimes described as overly blunt, but in this case, I saw no other choice but to get to the point.

"Ah, that," Hana said. Her expression turned sad for a moment, but then she forced a smile. "Please do not worry so much. I believe that someday, I will be able to make my mother understand. It might take a while, but I am sure I will succeed one day."

"Is that so?" I said. Hana's smile slipped as she noticed me looking at her intently. "Then, even if it will take a while, don't waste any time. Opportunities to mend fences have a way of being lost forever before you can notice."

"I understand…" Hana said, still looking somewhat unsettled at what I had said. "Thank you for your concern, Reizei-san."

"Don't mention it," I said. "See you later."

I had no intention of letting Hana part from her mother on bad terms, nor did I want her to delay reconciling with her mother long enough to risk losing the opportunity. And as I told her that, I instinctively felt an urge to check my cell phone for messages, knowing that at any moment, unpleasant news about my grandmother could come. There had been more incidents of my grandmother collapsing and being hospitalized since the first one, and I knew better than to expect that any of them would be the last. Indeed, if one was the last, it would be indicative of a possibility more terrible than I could imagine but ultimately inevitable coming to pass- my grandmother's death.

Even with these issues with which I had to contend, life went on, and more pressing, if not always more important, matters surfaced, whether in tankery, academics or other facets of everyday life. Gradually, balancing tankery with my studies became an act that was a lot of work but not as difficult as I had first expected. But my issues regarding my grandmother's condition were never on hold, and the next phone call I dreaded came when I least expected it.

Omake

The sound of my alarm clock woke me up, and I groggily pulled myself out of bed. It was significantly earlier than most Oarai students get up, and I was aware that I was rebelling against my body's desire to sleep in so that I could fulfill my duty as a member of the disciplinary committee.

Despite being half awake, I managed to eat my usual breakfast of toast, and change into my school uniform. The entire process was familiar to me, and was almost a matter of muscle memory. I then walked out of my apartment and toward Oarai, signing in at the main office and taking my post at the school gates.

Over my three years on the disciplinary committee, I saw many familiar faces come and go; my year-mates, my senpais who have now graduated, the returning second years and various new arrivals. Some stood out for various reasons, like the tall and athletic girls of the defunct volleyball club, the history club and their dress code-violating costumes, and most of all, the always tardy Reizei Mako-san.

Reizei-san had seemingly no regard for things like routine and the expectations associated with it. She almost never showed up on time. She showed no respect for me, her elder and senior. And her academic success despite her attitude was an affront against the virtue of hard work. If she was at the top of the class despite being lazy, while others struggled to pass, what did it say about trying hard? Were some destined to succeed easily while others doomed to fail no matter how hard they worked?

And worst of all, she only barely gave me her attention. It was as though I was hardly there, a fixture that was a mere annoyance to her. I took my job seriously, hoping to correct her and the others' behavior to enable them to succeed in school and in life, and she saw me as obsessed with rules that she deemed of no consequence.

Perhaps to her, I seemed like a slave to routine and authority. But if there were shackles on me, they were ones I had put on myself, and to which I possessed the key.

But I had to wonder- why did Reizei-san have her grandmother listed as her only contact? Might that be related to her tardiness and occasional absences? Perhaps she had been through much in the past, and so regarded the rules as trivial in comparison.

So while Reizei-san's conduct and attitude got on my nerves, I had a desire to learn more about the person behind those, and one day, enable us to understand each other.

Author's Notes

While Mako is initially reluctant to get involved with tankery, hearing about the credits during the video gets her attention. The main issue, as always, seems to be motivating her enough to do the work.

One thing I wonder about is why Saori did not interact with or make any references to Mako prior to them encountering each other during the match in Episode 3. It seems as though they're in different classes, but one would think they'd mention each other.

Mako visits her grandmother after the St. Gloriana match, and I decided to show it to illustrate a more normal interaction between the two, not colored by Mako's grief over her parents or her worry for her grandmother.

I personally believe that Mako, who wasn't present when Hana was disowned, but was present when Hana mentioned getting her mother to come to the match against Pravda, and when Hana and her mother reconciled (thus implying some knowledge of what was going on) would see a little of herself in Hana due to being at odds with family, and want her to reconcile with her mother before it was too late.