Capitolo 3

Mio dolore, tua paura, nostra crocevia

Little Yamamoto Fuuko giggled happily as her father tickled her bare foot.

"Oh! So you're having fun? But I was punishing you for kicking your sock away! Are you trying to be too smart; is that it?" Yamamoto Takeshi laughed too, nibbling on the little girl's toe. "See? You're so tiny I could eat you anytime. Oh my, I might be getting hungry just now, what should we do?"

The baby squirmed and laughed as her father kissed her tummy, while surreptitiously slipping the discarded sock back in place.

"Aha! That's one run for Daddy, right on the first inning. Think you can beat that, young lady?"

"Takeshi, we're opening in five minutes!" Tsuyoshi called from the front of the restaurant.

"Hear that? Good thing we got that sock back on, we wouldn't want a cute lady like you to appear in public bare-footed, huh? Come on, let's go help Grandpa. You can bring Mr. Cat too, I'm sure he'll be of great help." He smiled, sitting his daughter on the baby chair. He took the chair in one hand and the babybag with Fuuko's milk, diapers and favorite cat plushy in the other one and moved towards the front of the restaurant.

Sometimes he thought the soreness on his shoulders was the weight of paternity. And those times he also remembered how hard it was to be lonely.

Gokudera knew very well that he had promised the Tenth not to interfere with this mission. Moreover, he had been ordered to stay away from the base where they knew the gang they were chasing down was hiding. The members of his Storm Squad had already initiated the raid and there were Cloud Squad people just about everywhere, waiting for everything to be over so they could handle arrests and interrogations. Hibari not only specialized in that, but had also learned to enjoy getting answers the hard way. If that wasn't enough to reassure Gokudera of the imminent success of this mission, he had also seen Mukuro and some other Mist Illusionists, apparently waiting just in case something went wrong.

He knew all of this intellectually. Yet, here he was, quietly approaching the entrance, trying hard to go unnoticed, while the first bangs of battle exploded inside the building. He didn't know if he had become addicted to fights, actions and the sound of explosions or if he'd turned into a masochist that liked taking bullets and knives on his body. Neither did he want to think about it or his stupid leg that hurt like bitch.

With a gun in one hand and a stick of dynamite in the other one, he cleared his head of every unpleasant thought and forced his way inside, all consequences be damned.

The Takezushi had been open for less than half an hour and no clients had arrived yet when Fuuko suddenly started crying. Yamamoto dropped the knives he was using to chop vegetables and ran to his daughter's side with concern all over his face.

"What's wrong, Fuu-chan? Are you hungry? You just had lunch twenty minutes ago. Or maybe you're just suddenly having a rush of sad feelings?" He smiled sweetly, picking the bawling child in his arms and wiping her tears with a handkerchief. "Oh dear, you really are sad. Come on, tell Daddy everything that's troubling you. I'll do my best to make it better, okay?"

He rocked her gently and rubbed her back to soothe her, but her cries wouldn't stop. Just when Yamamoto was starting to get worried and ask his father, a customer entered through the front door.

"Welcome! I'll be with you in a minute!" He called rushed, taking a step towards the kitchen to call his old man. Just then, a hand was softly placed on his shoulder, and his eyes widened when he turned to meet the newly arrived man.

"That won't be necessary, Yamamoto-kun. I just want to chat a little."

Fuuko's cries stopped suddenly and Takeshi found himself speechless. Six years had done a lot to make Sawada Tsunayoshi look almost like a completely different person.

"I-it's been a while, Tsuna! Haha, you look like you're doing fine, haha" he laughed nervously, sitting on the bar beside his old friend, with Fuuko on his lap.

"You look great too, Yamamoto-kun. Also, congratulations on your marriage, I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

"Ahaha, don't worry, it was just decided out of the blue. Not that it really matters anymore either. Come on Fuuko, say 'hello' to uncle Tsuna".

The little girl beamed and stretched her arms towards the Tenth's face, too small to reach. Tsuna smiled and grabbed one of the girl's tiny hands playfully.

"She's adorable, and she resembles you a lot. I'm really happy to see you're doing so well."

"Thanks, I'm doing my best. I hope everything's working well for you and Vongola too."

Tsuna ruffled the little girl's short hair and she giggled joyfully.

"Actually, I came to talk to you about that. When you decided to quit I didn't try to persuade you because I respected your decision. I'd always opposed Reborn when he first dragged you into this anyway, so I thought it would be best to let you go. It makes me feel like a horrible person having to ask this of you, after so many years and in front of this really cute daughter of yours but…" Tsuna stroked the Vongola Ring he carried. It just seemed to get heavier with the years.

"I want you to come back to Vongola."

There were many things that Rokudo Mukuro disliked: the mafia, the Vongola, taking orders, wasting his time… It would actually be easier to list down the things he did like: Making people miserable and teasing the Tenth Vongola. This didn't quite explain why he was perched up in a tree, watching as Gokudera Hayato's subordinates raided a gang's hideout, supposedly on standby just in case things went wrong. He was bored to death.

It was then that he noticed the Storm Guardian sneaking around some bushes, apparently trying to hide from both friends and foes while dragging his injured leg behind him. Mukuro smirked and licked his lips as he pulled out his cellphone. Well, at least he'd get something out of this.

'Yes? This is Sawada."

The agitated tone in Tsunayoshi's voice made him frown. Was there someone troubling the Tenth Vongola? Someone other than him? Unforgiveable.

"You wouldn't happen to be looking for your lost Storm Guardian, would you, Tsunayoshi? Because I just caught him doing some really naughty stuff."

'Mukuro, please, I'm busy, what're you talking about?'

The Mist Guardian pouted. He didn't like it when Tsunayoshi didn't react to his taunts.

"Your Right Hand man just snuck into the target building, I just thought you would want to know." His smirk returned to his lips when he heard a gasp in the background. "Also, you may want to turn off the speaker."

'Huh? What do you mean now?' the phone clicked, making Mukuro know the speaker had been turned off. 'Did something happen to Gokudera-kun?'

The illusionist frowned again. Worrying about that ruthless brat when his mind was already on a completely different thing was so typical of Tsunayoshi. "No, not yet at least. But I'm getting back at you for making me play nanny."

He swore he could hear Tsunayoshi's smirk in his voice. 'Don't worry, if everything turns out fine, I'll be sure to give you a proper reward.' There was a small pause, and he heard noise and cries in the background. 'I'm hanging up. I'll see you later.' and the call ended before Mukuro had time to reply.

He licked his lips as his smirk grew even wider than before. As he watched Gokudera Hayato successfully slipping through the entrance of the building, he thought for a moment that sometimes he didn't quite mind being used by Tsunayoshi like this.

Tsuna hung up and turned back towards Yamamoto with a sigh.

"Well, you heard that, right? That's the situation right now. I'm really sorry that I have to ask you this, but I've run out of ideas. I don't want Gokudera-kun to get hurt anymore, and you were always the best at getting things through to him. I know it's hard for you after everything that happened; I just don't know what else to do."

Yamamoto held Fuuko tight against his body. Hearing from Gokudera after all this time made his heart throb. He wanted nothing more than to run back and hold the man he loved in his arms once again; take in the smell of mint and smoke of his hair and lose himself in his warmth. But Gokudera had made it clear that he didn't want to see Yamamoto ever again; and if there was one thing Yamamoto didn't want, that was to be a burden to Gokudera. Yet now, hearing how his former lover kept risking his life unnecessarily, his desire to forget everything that happened and get him back struck stronger than ever. But how could he possibly hope to help if Gokudera didn't want to be remotely associated with him? Heck, how could Tsuna believe he would be of help? His presence would most likely infuriate Gokudera further. Was there really anything he could do?

Once, a long time ago, he'd thought he'd do anything for Gokudera's sake. He'd join the mafia and quit baseball, so long as he could be by Gokudera's side. He knew back then that it was a selfish desire; his selfish and unyielding need to be with Gokudera. Even back then, he knew for certain that there was no other way for him to be happy. Even if all his dreams came true, they would never satisfy him if Gokudera wasn't with him. Knowing that Gokudera held such a power over him seemed a little scary now, but back then it didn't matter; they were together and they loved each other. Yes, in spite of his denial and how hard it was for him to accept his feelings, Gokudera had loved him, and Yamamoto knew it. And then, somehow, at some point, he had stopped doing it. Yamamoto didn't even know what he had done wrong, which of all the tiny tantrums Gokudera threw about Yamamoto's airheadedness had been a display of real anger and frustration. The former Rain Guardian had gone over it so many times it made him dizzy. He had reviewed every step of their relationship again, and again, and again to try and find where he had ruined it, hoping against all hopes that whatever it was, he could fix it, bring things back to how they were.

Sometimes he'd caught himself doing that and slapped himself mentally 'I'm supposed to be moving on' he would tell himself, and then he would cry a little, both from sadness and the frustration of finding himself incapable of doing so.

And now, here he was, still completely incapable of moving on, but with the chance to see him again. Yet he was too terrified of the certain rejection that awaited. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to take another heart break. Just imagining the pain made him lose his breath. He could always take the easy way out and use his now squirming daughter as an excuse. For a moment, he thought that she might now be feeling all the fear, loneliness and sadness that were choking him and that maybe that was making her anxious; and he felt like the worst. But he knew he couldn't just run away and hide to protect his own heart when Gokudera was out there, getting hurt and mindlessly putting his life at risk. How could he just sit around and do nothing when the man he loved was in such danger? What would he do if something happened to Gokudera? That thought seemed impossibly more terrifying than any rejection could ever be.

The moment he reached that realization, Tsuna's phone rang again. When he heard his friend suddenly yell at the phone, he turned his head to try and listen in to the conversation.

"What do you mean'you lost him'?!"

'I'm sorry, sir! None of us expected Gokudera-sama to show up, especially not on the vanguard! He went into a room and the floor collapsed, and now we can't reach him! A-and he looked really injured even before that. I've sent some men but we're gonna need reinforcements and we-"

"It's okay, don't worry. Calm down and continue with the operation as planned. I'll send reinforcements immediately."

Yamamoto didn't need any more thinking. "Pops! I need you to take care of Fuu-chan for a while, I've got stuff to do." He called, standing quickly from his seat. He had Tsuna write the address of the building for him and he passed his daughter down to his father once he arrived. "Sorry, sweetheart, Daddy's got to head out a little, it's really important. I'll make it up to you; we'll play lots when I come back, okay? Be a good girl and don't give Grandpa too much trouble." He kissed her forehead and headed straight for the door when he heard Tsuna calling him.

"You'll need this!" the brown-haired said, throwing something at him.

Yamamoto smiled as he caught the Vongola Necklace of the Rain and put it back where it belonged before running out of the restaurant.

"Fuck this shit." His stupid leg was not-fucking-moving. He felt sticky from the blood leaking out from his many wounds –half of them he didn't even know how he'd got them. His bones and muscles hurt from the fall –after a quick calculation he determined he'd fallen from about 10 feet; which pissed him off because none of the intel they'd gathered mentioned that the building had such a frickin' huge basement- and his stupid leg was not-fucking-moving.

He leaned on a pile of debris lying right next to him and managed to stand back on his feet and take a step forward, in spite of the excruciating pain on his leg. He'd started pondering how on Earth he would get back to the surface when he heard a laughing voice.

"Well, well, look at what we just caught. I know your face; you're Vongola's Right Hand Man, the 'terrifying and invincible' Smoking Bomb. I'm disappointed. I expected more from the famous Vongola Famiglia, but if this is the best the Right Hand Man can do, getting rid of the other mongrel should pose no problem, right?"

A tall man walked out of the shadows, as if he'd been there waiting for someone to fall for their stupid trap. Gokudera recognized him as one of the leaders of the gang, according to their information; but he couldn't be really bothered to try and remember the guy's name when he had a gun's cannon pointed straight at his face. He had to stop and think, and quickly, before the guy decided he was sick of his face. The Storm Guardian dropped his gun and lifted his hands to show he was unarmed.

"Hey man, at least let me grab a smoke before you off me, yeah? For the pain." And he pointed at his useless leg with his eyes.

The taller man seemed to think about it for a moment and finally nodded with a frown, his grip on the gun tightening.

Gokudera smirked as he reached for his lighter. "You really should fire your intel, they're doing a really crappy job." He said with a smug smile as he lit a handful of mini-bombs and threw them at the other man's face before he even had the time to fire the gun.

"And that's why they call me Smoking Bomb. Don't you dare make lightly of Vongola!"

Suddenly, he felt a blinding pain in his head and the taste of blood filled his mouth. His already weak legs gave in and his vision blurred, but he forced himself to stay conscious. When he turned his head he saw two other shadows, tall and bulky, and one of them was holding a long thin object. His mind was in too much a daze to make out anything beyond the moving shadows and the sound of voices speaking unintelligible words. He coughed blood and heard the click of a gun. He knew he had to move, activate the Sistema C.A.I, roll over, throw a bomb, do something. But he just couldn't. He was so tired and everything hurt so much, all he wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up. It sucked; dying meaninglessly like this, but he didn't care anymore. He wanted to drift off to some place where he didn't feel this lonely. The most stupid thing of all was that, even with every inch of his body screaming in pain, his heart hadn't stopped aching one bit.

A long time ago, when they'd had to battle it out in the future, he had been in mortal danger, heavily injured and with very little strength left in his body, but he had kept fighting, and somehow he'd persevered and survived. No; that wasn't right. He hadn't been alone and heart-broken back then. Yamamoto had been there. He'd been so pissed he even yelled at him; he'd never seen Yamamoto so angry. But because he was there, they were able to defeat Gamma and regroup, even with heavy and painful injuries.

Things were different now. Yamamoto wasn't here. And Gokudera didn't have any spirit left in him to keep fighting. He just wanted the pain to stop. All the pain. A tear ran down his cheek.

"…era!"

He heard yells and incomprehensible voices. And then, one of them slowly became clearer, as if the sound of it struck directly and pulled the main chord in his heart. It hurt so much and it felt so good, Gokudera wondered if he was dead already.

"Gokudera!"

He heard a gun firing and knew he wasn't dead yet. What was more surprising was that the bullet never reached him. He lifted his gaze and managed to make out a silhouette: tall, thin, spiky hair… he rubbed his eyes and tried to force himself to come back to reality. And what he saw horrified him.

Yamamoto.

The taller man was standing between him and the other two shadows, which he still couldn't make out clearly. He was wearing Japanese clothes and held a sword in his hands. The two animals surrounding him made it clear that he was using his Vongola Gear.

Gokudera tried to call out to him, tell him to go away, but his voice wouldn't come out. Instead, he focused on Yamamoto's face to see a bleeding cut on the right side of his chin, and his eyes fixed on the other two men, gleaming darkly.

Stop it. Stop it. Go away. Go away. STOP IT.

He scratched his own throat, trying to force his voice out. He had to stop this. He couldn't let Yamamoto come back, not after all he'd done, all the loneliness he had endured to keep him away from the darkness.

Yamamoto was talking, but Gokudera couldn't quite make out the words. The other men were pointing their guns at him, but Yamamoto seemed unfazed. It was as if his body was emitting a dark, angry aura. Gokudera was terrified.

Move stupid leg, goddamnit, move! STOP IT.

He started crying. His head was spinning and all he could think was that he needed to stop Yamamoto. He couldn't let him fall into darkness. He couldn't just sit there and bleed while Yamamoto's light disappeared.

As he watched Yamamoto slash through one of the bulky gangsters and the blood running down the blade and into Yamamoto's hands, Gokudera's throat finally cleared and he screamed.

To be continued

Damn, this shit just keeps getting longer and longer. I'm such a drama queen. You know, a long time ago, someone told me I was good for angst and I didn't believe them because I prefer fluffy happy stories, but lately I find myself thinking of really angsty stories. I think angst brings out exactly the kind of raw, burning and passionate emotions that I like to portray, and that the most intense, powerful love, necessarily comes with the dark side of it: the most intense pain and loneliness when you can't be with the one you love.

I feel bad for Gokudera, I'm torturing him too much. I just kind of liked the image of him falling into absolute despair and screaming when he realizes everything he fought for –protecting Yamamoto- is now destroyed. I thought it was a great climatic moment to end the chapter.

Thanks for all the kind reviews, I'm glad people is liking my angsty-driven depressive story. Next chapter will definitely be the conclusion so I want it to be more peaceful and happy, but there's still going to be some necessary drama. I hope everyone likes this chapter, and look forward to the next one!

Also, yeah, I snuck some implied 6927 because I can and I love them together. I wish I could think of a good story for them.

Title means "My pain, your fear, our crossroads", although what I wanted was something more along the lines of "reunion" or "crossing of paths", but I couldn't find a word that sounded nice enough, so I stretched it a little. Sorry Italian people of the world for doing horrible things with your beautiful language.