A/N - Well this was harder than first anticipated but it's finally done. I hope you like it, and enjoy the embarrassment and awkwardness of three clueless dwarves try and write a love letter for a woman they have never spoken to. Please review if you have the time and thank you so much for reading this! It means a lot C:

''L...love letters?''

Within Thorin's mind, the alarm bells had begun ringing. He chocked, throwing smoke and ash out from his mouth as

the shock of the brothers question forced him into a coughing fit. His two nephews stood in front of him, the look of idolism clear in their twin grins.

What the hell did they just ask him? Love letters? Where they really asking him for advice on romance?

''Yes uncle.'' Kili said, hopefully. He smiled at his uncle, nervously fiddling with the edge of the page and the quill he had in his hands.

Hold up there Kili, thought Thorin. What made them think he knew anything about this topic? He didn't. Thorin could count the amount of love letters he had ever written on one hand and the amount of them that were successful. Well, he didn't really think about that. Romance was never his strong point, hence the reason why he was still single at his age and childless. Although when it came down to it, he didn't really mind. Yes, it had been fun when he was younger, chasing after romantic suggestions with his brother at his side, but after Frerin passed away none of that interested him. Family was important, however he much rather be part of his sister's than have one of his own.

''Er,'' Thorin cleared his throat as he fidgeted in his arm chair. ''What part do you actually need help with?'' He tried again, forcing calmness into his voice although a million mental alarms were loudly going off in his head.

''If we said the entire thing?''

''You say. This is at no point mine.'' Fili pointed out, though he made no indication of moving or leaving the conversation.

All of it Thorin, his mind screamed at him as the elder dwarf continued to stare at his nephews. All of it.

''Well. All you need is...a beginning bit. A nice ending and then something to put in the middle of it all.''

The two boys looked at one another, Fili raising an eye brow as they both forced a straight face. Thorin's cheeks flushed with both embarrassment and anger as he lifted his head and gaze.

''You need my help or don't you?'' Both dwarves' expressions dropped at the sound of their uncles hard voice. They nodded in sync, relieved to see Thorin's expression soften as he rearranged his sitting position in the arm chair.

''Okay, start with something that will make her feel good. Like a compliment.'' The three male dwarves paused for a while, searching their brains for something that would stick out to them as something a member of the opposite sex would want to hear. ''How about, To dearest - what's her name, Kili?'' Thorin asked, waving his hand for a prompt from his youngest nephew.

''Er,'' Kili paused, blushing a deep shade of red before turning his gaze away from the staring eyes of his brother and uncle. ''The thing is...I don't actually know her name.''

''Oh Mahal, Kili! You don't even know her name?'' Fili threw his hands in the air, grinning widely as he noticed how his comment had increased the colour of his brother's cheeks even more.

''It's fine. It's fine.'' Thorin said quickly, waving his hand. They would do well to avoid a fight on his nephews behalf, and Thorin already knew they were treading dangerous ground. Kili could take any amount of teasing from his brother normally, but if he was truly seriously about this girl it wouldn't take long before his patients wore thin and

Thorin would be dealing with an outright battle between siblings. ''Okay then. Let's start it something like 'Dear beautiful maiden.''' The two brothers sat themselves on the floor as their uncle spoke. Kili leaning over to scribble words down on his plain parchment, the black ink seeping slowing into the page.

''Dear my beautiful maiden?'' Fili suggested, though Thorin shook his head.

''No, no. Sounds like he's already claiming her. '' The dark haired dwarf nodded and scribbled out the added word he had already put down suggested by his brother.

''So, what's next? '' Kili asked, looking up expectantly at his uncle.

''The middle bit.'' The silence returned. Each dwarf reviewing silently each possible variation of a sentence. Occasionally a light chuckle from either Fili or Thorin would sound, indicating the slightly less serious tone they were taking. A few minutes had past when,

''How should I put this?'' Fili whispered, his gaze at his feet, a slight blush on his cheeks. Both Thorin and Kili turned to him, waiting for the sentence for them to review. '' How should I put this? I do not know how to put my words... as every time I think of you my mind is blown away.'' He drew in a breath. '' Blown away like the hundreds of delicate seeds on a dandelion.'' Kili was down, leaning over and scribbling again.

''Keep going, Fili.'' He prompted but Fili looked up his face blank.

''What? I have no more.'' A sigh erupted from both Kili and Thorin in sync, making Fili throw up his arms in defence.

''Look, sorry.'' He said, glaring at his brother.

''It's fine, Fili.'' Thorin said, turning to Kili. ''What colour hair does she have?''

''Blonde. Like Fili's.''

'' Your hair reminds me of the gold of Erebor.'' Thorin said, '' however all gold in Erebor could not buy your beauty, and I promise to protect you from any dragon wishing to steal your loveliness.'' Kili nodded, a grin appearing on his face again. The two older dwarves sat in silence as the youngest of their company scribbled down what had just be said in

his barely allegeable hand.

''This is good.'' He smiled up at his uncle, mentally laughing to himself. He knew Erebor would have cropped up. He could of bet on it. His uncle was proud of the home that had been stolen from him, not that it amused Kili that his apposed 'kingdom' had been taken however it amused him to see how even now, over seventy years after the incident his uncle, the proud Thorin Oakenshield, could still not go a conversation without bringing it up.

''How about something like,'' Thorin said once he was sure his youngest nephew was finished scribbling. He racked his brains for something to say, something that would sound young and would also appeal to the romantic atmosphere Kili was trying to create. ''...You are small and so petite, and very sweet.'' Thorin cringed slightly at the sentence, however was surprised to see his nephews nodded and Kili leaning down to write. ''So delicate and graceful, your stunning beauty astounds me.''

''How long does it have to be?'' Fili asked. Thorin shrugged. Maybe it was a little long winded. But girls liked words, he was sure of it and the fact that he could barely remember anything he used to say to his previous romantic interests was not helping him. He didn't know anymore, and to be honest with himself, he hadn't known to start with.

''Maybe you should round it off nicely with something about her eyes. They like it when you talk about their eyes.''

Thorin said, remembering that one compliment he had said to one of his lovers during their time in Erebor. ''Something like, 'Your eyes sparkle like a thousand jewels, please allow me to gaze into them for all eternity.''

''Gaze into the sea of your beauty though the day, and throughout the night.'' Kili said as he continued to scribble the words down, quickly.

''I will watch sun rises and sun sets, however none of these will even compare to you'' Thorin added, quickly.

''How about finishing it with, 'I wish to hear your voice, your beautiful eyes and pray every night for you to allow me see you again.'''

''I would consider it a gift from the heavens if I would be allowed to formally introduce myself to you.'' Fili said.

Kili nodded again. As he continued to write, Thorin looked curiously over to see what his nephew was doing, lowering his eyebrows in confusion.

''and I pray you do not find this an odd letter, I found my heart not allowing me to not tell you my true feelings. Until we meet...'' Kili read, lifting the page and admiring their work. ''Kili.''

Thorin leaned back in his chair, and drew a deep breath from his pipe again. They were done. He felt himself blush again and moved his arm to scratch his beard to hide the fact. Why had he just done that? It was embarrassing enough to know that his nephew was trying to attract the girl without helping. The lad didn't even know the girl's name never mind if she liked him or not. He mentally groaned as the sudden realization of the effects the letter might have took hold. What if she was already involved with someone other than Kili?

''Very well.'' He said, turning away from the conversation. That had exhausted him and he did not care to play any other part in it. Now his main concern was not of the letter or the girl's reaction to it, it was if anyone made the connection that he had helped with it.

For if Dwalin found out, he would never live it down.