Just a short little something I thought up of from Joel's perspective. As usual, thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoy!

Daughters

When people talk about loss, I don't think they have any real understanding of what loss actually is. They might think they know, but ultimately, you don't know what loss is until you watch the life leave your daughter's eyes as you helplessly cradle her in your arms. Knowing your own limitations, and that there is absolutely nothing you can do but to watch her die is a jarring reminder of one's own mortality. I know that it hit me harder than I wanted to admit at first.

I closed myself off, deciding that, to survive, I would have to put up walls so that no one else could enter my heart and I would never have to experience loss like that again. As crazy as Bill was, he had a point. Partners in this world were only good for getting you killed. As close as Tess and I were, we always kept a distance because of that incontrovertible fact. We both knew that there was the possibility that either one of us could die at any time, and we knew that making a true connection would only doom whoever was left behind.

And for a while, we got along that way, and, despite our constant companionship, we were always alone at heart. But then, we met Ellie. I don't know how it happened. Maybe it was because we went through hell together, and we had a relationship birthed in fire and brimstone. I haven't been a religious man for a long time, but I can't help but to feel as if we were fated to meet. Maybe she was meant to be my second chance.

When I lost Sarah, I never expected to open myself up to anyone else ever again. I won't ever admit it to her, but the truth is, I really care about Ellie. Not as a replacement, like she seems so keen on believing, but as a real daughter. I never thought that I would say this, but I truly couldn't live without her. She means the world to me, and I would do anything to protect her.

I know that she's supposed to be the cure for humanity, or something, but all I see is Ellie. And Ellie means more to me than some cure that may or may not save the world. Even if they had been able to make something out of her, what use would it be? All we would be saving is a world that doesn't deserve to be saved, filled with men like me, who could never be a part of the world that had once existed anyways. We've all crossed a certain line to survive, and having some injection isn't going to change all that.

That's why I couldn't let them take Ellie. Not then, not ever. I told her once that we just have to keep searching for a reason to live. I know that she's still searching, but I've already found mine.

And that was why I was currently fingering my trusty shotgun, which I had displayed proudly out on the living room table, knowing that it was in full view of all those assembled in the room, which included me, Ellie, and a teenage boy that may or may not have his head blown off in the next thirty seconds.

I knew his type. Cocky, hot headed, and he probably fancied himself as a ladies' man. I know, because I was once him a lifetime ago. I recognized the brash smirk he had on his face as the same one I had used on Sarah's mother.

And damn it, I wasn't about to let him steal my daughter from me!

"Joel, Nate and I are just going to take some horses out. It's not like a date or anything." Ellie pleaded.

"And that type of thinking is what's going to get you taken advantage of." I replied back.

Harsh, I know, but it's the truth.

"Look, Mr. Joel, I know what you're thinking, but Ellie's going to be perfectly safe out there. I've been riding horses for a while, and I can definitely handle myself in a fight if things get hairy." Nate cut in, an unwelcome intruder on a conversation that clearly only included me and Ellie, but whatever.

Still, he was right. I knew for a fact that Ellie still carried a knife around with her everywhere, a force of habit that neither of us had really grown out of. And I knew that she was resourceful. The fact that she had taken care of me by herself for a couple of months was evidence enough for that.

But you know, it's hard to see your daughter walking out of the door without feeling at least a bit protective. Especially when you've seen…Anyways, I know that I'm being unreasonable at this point. It's just scary to think that maybe Ellie won't be coming back through the doors tonight. I know, what's the chance of that happening, right?

Ignoring him, I sighed, "I guess I'm just being overprotective, but you have to understand where I'm coming from."

"Yeah, I know. But I'll be safe out there, I promise." Ellie reassured, holding up a pinkie.

I had taught her about pinkie promises, and for the last few months, we had sealed every promise with one. And this time wouldn't be any different, as I begrudgingly gave her the best comforting smile I could and wrapped my large finger around her tiny one. She didn't really get it the first time, but I think that she understood well enough why we did it. She never asked, never brought up her name. But she knew, and that's why she kept doing it. Because she thought that keeping up the illusion of Sarah would be better for me.

She always was much smarter than I could ever hope to be. At first, it had been true that I wanted Sarah back, but as time passed, I knew that things had changed. Sarah was Sarah, and Ellie was Ellie. I like to think that they would have gotten along well, but I also know that they aren't the same person. They're far too different for me to even think that.

But as different as they both are, one thing remained the same. Losing them would kill me. The Joel that was alive before the outbreak is not the same Joel you see today. That Joel is long dead now, and he's never coming back. And that's why I didn't want to see Ellie go, because I know that this time, if I lose her, there won't be another Joel.

I ran a hand through my rapidly graying hair. I guess that Ellie wasn't really far off anymore when she called me an old geezer, "Look, just promise me that if you get into any trouble, holler for me, and I'll come running, no matter what."

"All right." Ellie replied, with a genuine tone in her voice. I knew that she trusted me about as much as I trusted her, and that she took my words seriously.

"And you." I pointed to the black haired teen, whose confident exterior wavered for a second under my glare, "Be sure you two get back here before sundown. Clickers get active around then, and I don't want to hear about any trouble."

"Got it." He replied immediately, stiffening as he did so.

With that, the two waved their goodbyes and dashed out of the door.

I sat back in my chair for a moment, eyeing the window anxiously, craning my neck so that I could see them, until they disappeared out of my sight. My eyes drifted back to the shotgun on the table, their gaze lingering there for a minute before I shook my head in frustration.

I got out of my chair, feeling my aged and weary bones creaking under my weight and I twisted around for a second, feeling the muscles in my back loosen up. I reached a hand into my jeans and felt around, grabbing hold of a few shotgun shells. I fished them out and quickly jammed them into the empty shotgun, an action that was engraved into my muscles by memory.

I glanced up at the clock.

It was now 11:05. They had left the house at 11:00. I figured that a five minute head start would be long enough.

Maybe one day, when I'm too old to fight and I don't have to worry about Ellie anymore, then I'll let her go out on her own. Hell, I might even let her out with boys without keeping a close eye on them.

But today is not that day.

Is Joel a little OOC in this? Maybe, but I feel like this is the kind of dad Joel would be. Anyways, I played through Bioshock Infinite, and I found it incredibly interesting that the last two great games of this console generation just so happened to be stories of fathers trying to reconcile with their daughters. Just a little thought.

Also, please leave any thoughts or ideas in a review or PM. Thanks for reading!