Sirius hated the look of cold, broken hurt in Remus' eyes. He hated James for putting it there. But most of all he hated himself for the past he couldn't do anything about, the past that no sixteen year old should have.

He used every ounce of self-control he had not reaching for Remus and pulling him into a hug. Remus needed time and if Sirius should even hope to ever regain the unearned trust he had to give him that time. That Okay would have to be enough. For now.

"Okay, Goodnight," Sirius picked up a blanket and a pillow and reluctantly left the room. He had no illusions on that part, he would have to sleep another place.

He spelled one of the chairs in the kitchen into a sofa like the one in the Gryffindor common room where he'd sped so many evenings with James and Peter. Sirius sighed, he didn't want to think about James right now, he knew he ought to apologise but it was a little hard convincing himself of as he lay down on the Remus-less sofa.

Sirius didn't get much sleep that night. For about a year he hadn't slept well and it was only recently he'd started to, by recently, Sirius realised, he meant within the last six days. He groaned into the pillow, this was ridiculous.

Around 2 am he finally fell asleep but Sirius had a terrible habit of waking up every hour. Usually he didn't wake up for real, just opened his eyes for a couple of seconds and then drifted back to sleep. This time, however, his not completely awoken mind expected a warm body pressed against his own and when it wasn't there a wave of panic shot through him, making him wake up.

Sirius tried to calm his pounding heart down, He's in another room, you didn't go to bed together. but it didn't help. He had to soundlessly stand up and shuffle through the library until he stood in the door to the bedroom where Remus was sleeping.

Remus looked tiny and lonely. He had thrown off the covers and looked like he was in agony. His small body was writhing as if in terrible pain and he was mumbling something that sounded like no, please don't. Sirius heard the doorframe give a squeaking noise where he was gripping it tightly to hold himself back from darting into the room and wrap his arms around Remus while muttering soothing things.

Suddenly Remus sat upright with a scream. Sirius flung himself away from the door and out of Remus' sight. The extent of Remus' problems started earnestly to dawn to him. The kind, loveable boy was in deep shit, possibly deeper than Sirius. Who would want to hurt Remus like that? Sirius couldn't imagine it but then a thought stroke him. He had. And that was why he couldn't help him, couldn't even get Remus to trust him with what had happened.

Sirius suddenly became aware of the bookcase, which was sharply cutting into his back and went back to his sofa in an attempt of getting some more sleep.

xXxXx

That night Remus' nightmares returned. He'd had those nightmares regularly ever since his first transformation, the only exception where the last six days with Sirius. They were usually about harming the ones he loved and by usually, Remus realised, he meant always.

He was running through the forest, the full moon above him, wet grass beneath his feet. Suddenly he saw an ebony haired boy standing with his back turned. The boy slowly turned around, revealing his pale skin that was reflecting the moon. The boy smiled widely. That was when Remus became aware that he couldn't control his movements. He leaped at the boy, making him fall to the hard ground with a dump thud "Please, no, stop it, Remus!" but Remus wasn't able to oblige. His mind was screaming Sirius' words as his body tore into his friend's flesh.

Remus woke up with a scream. He looked around the room to make absolutely sure he wasn't in the forest the day after the full moon next to Sirius' broken body or, worse, next to a living Sirius with a bite, a bite that could only mean one thing. That someone else had to share Remus' faith. That could happen, Remus guiltily thought.

He lay back down, still heavily panting. Even after that, he couldn't convince himself that he should leave. His bad conscience was nagging him, it was constantly there but sometimes, like now, he wasn't able to ignore it. He should have used his row with Sirius as an excuse for getting out but when he'd stood there he hadn't been able to bring himself to it.

The day after was terrible.

Remus was as always the first one to wake up, this time without a sleeping Sirius beside him. Remus picked up the bag from the floor where he'd thrown it yesterday and rummaged for some clothes. He picked up the clothes and silently aimed for the bathroom.

As he passed the kitchen he carefully avoided looking at the sofa where Sirius was sleeping. Or rather: He tried to avoid it but ended up casting a single glance at Sirius' coaly hair fanned out at the pillow and had to tear his gaze away after several seconds.

The icy water helped clearing his head. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and then he did something he rarely did. He looked at his own image. The face that stared numbly back at him looked healthier that it'd done for a long time. Only the eyes which were slightly red from crying and a bad night's sleep ruined the picture, and the miserable expression. The miserable expression didn't help either.

He dragged on the clothes from his bag. A pair of dark blue jeans and a plain T-shirt. From day two he'd been wearing his own clothes, not that he missed wearing Sirius', that much.

He sleepily opened the bathroom door and suddenly stood face to face with Sirius.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were out here," Sirius apologised and started to back away.

"I'm done anyway," Remus managed to get out, "You can just…" he tried to squeeze past Sirius without touching too much skin. Why did the guy even have to be half-naked most of the time? Remus panicked and in his attempt on getting away he almost stumbled. Sirius reached out a hand to steady him, causing Remus to violently flinch. Sirius immediately removed his hand and mumbled "Sorry." but before he retreated into the bathroom Remus saw the look of hurt in his eyes.

xXxXx

Remus was a very quick learner. In less than a week he'd reached third year spells, making Sirius almost positive that he'd either had a teacher before, something that wasn't very likely since he'd been so surprised when Sirius had proposed teaching him or Remus had done something else to learn it.

"No, you have to pull the wand slightly back afterwards," Sirius patiently explained.

Remus made another attempt at making the tip of the wand glow enough to call it a light.

"No, let me…" Sirius had already started to move behind Remus when he remembered: Remus didn't like to be touched anymore. By him anyway. It hadn't even been 12 hours and the fact that Remus was pulling away from him was breaking Sirius' heart more than he wanted to admit. He quickly moved away from Remus again before Remus could flinch. "If you hand me the wand I'll show you."

The vaguest flimmer of something flickered through Remus' eyes before he forced a smile and handed the wand back to Sirius.

"Lumos Maxima," Sirius uttered and made the necessary hand-movement to make the tip of the wand glow brightly. Remus was intensely watching Sirius' every movement making a little sound almost like "Oh," at the end.

The "Oh" had apparently meant that Remus had understood what Sirius meant with the pulling back because soon after Remus was able to evoke a light. Nowhere as bright as Sirius' but a light nevertheless.

"It's a good thing you're such a fast learner," Sirius tried to start a conversation, something that had been very easy just the day before, "Else my very limited patience would really have been put to the test."

Remus gave a little, very forced, laughter. I wish he'd stop doing that. It was so very different from the beaming Remus he'd faced when he'd first started teaching him.

"It's a little unsettling actually," Sirius said, unwilling to give up, "I mean this took me about two years to learn."

Remus shrugged "I'm older than you were then and I read a lot. Thanks". He handed the wand back to Sirius and headed towards the library.

Sirius felt like crying. Don't go. Then he took a hold of himself, he'd just have to earn Remus' trust back. He could do that, he'd just have to be patient: One of his biggest weaknesses but Remus was worth it.

xXxXx

Through Sirius' still half-asleep state he heard the sound of bare feet trying to move soundlessly over a wooden floor and not succeeding because there's always going to be the sound of skin hitting wood and a couple a quirking floorboards. Then there was a door getting opened and closed followed by running water. For a couple of moments there was silent but then the sound of muffled sobbing broke through.

Sirius slowly got up and over to the bathroom door. For a second he hesitated with the hand in the air, then he quietly knocked and murmured "Remus?" The sobbing stopped but there was no other reply "Remus?" he repeated a little more urgently.

"What?" a trembling voice replied.

"Are you all right?" Sirius' hand was still resting on the door.

"Fine."

"No, you're not. I'm coming in there." Sirius concluded and opened the door, ignoring Remus' protests. Remus was sitting on the floor in a corner with his bare legs drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. He looked at Sirius with wide reddened eyes and made the tiniest of movements as if trying to pull farther away.

Sirius crouched down in front of him, careful not to touch, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, go away." Remus dismissingly said.

Sirius sighed "I feel like we've had this conversation before. I'm not going away 'till you tell me, you know."

Remus worried his lip before meeting Sirius' gaze "It was just a nightmare," he shrugged.

"Can I touch you? Just your hands?" Sirius asked. Remus hesitantly nodded. Sirius immediately made use of his agreement and loosened his chilly arms' so he was no longer hugging himself tightly. Sirius took his hands and looked into Remus' eyes "If it was 'just a nightmare' you wouldn't be crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night. If you don't want to talk to me, fine, I can understand that. But don't you dare telling me that it's 'Nothing' when it's obviously bothering you." Remus only looked half as surprised as Sirius felt. What was it with Remus that brought this, until recently, unknown responsible and mature side of him into the light?

"Okay, it's not nothing, but I don't want to talk about it," Remus squeezed Sirius' hands "It has nothing to do with what happened the day before yesterday, I just don't want to talk about it."

Sirius tried to ignore just how much that bothered him. "All right. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want a cup of tea or anything?"

Remus gave a little laughter and pulled one hand from Sirius' to wipe his eyes "I'm fine, I really am. I'm going back to bed, sorry to have woken you up." Remus stood up, "You'll have to move." he drily commented as he was stuck in the corner.

"Right." Sirius moved a little away but didn't let go of Remus' now warm hand now that he'd finally gotten a permission to touch.

Remus briefly looked down at their hands and then headed for the door. As they reached the library Remus quirked an eyebrow at Sirius "Aren't you going to let go again?"

"No." this earned Sirius an overplayed reluctant eye-roll but Remus kept heading for the bedroom regardless.

Sirius stopped in the doorway "Well, I'll head for my sofa, then. As much as I'd love to watch you sleep I think it'd be a bit creepy." He tried to let go of Remus' hand but Remus kept holding on.

"Stay," Remus begged, nothing more than a breath, making Sirius doubt what he'd heard, "It's just, I've slept really badly for the last two nights. Please stay." Yup, he'd definitely heard it right.

"I'll stay, then." Sirius smiled at Remus who looked genuinely surprised.

xXxXx

When Remus awoke from a few hours of great sleep it was in Sirius' arms. He was just about to scoot away when he noticed that Sirius' breathing was different than usual, not as deep and even as when Sirius was asleep. He's not sleeping. Remus almost jumped. The last week Remus had been the first to wake up so it was very likely Sirius hadn't noticed their snuggling sleep. So, today of all days, after Remus had practically begged Sirius to sleep with him, his cheeks burned at the thought, Sirius would notice.

Remus slowly looked upwards at Sirius who was watching him. "Good morning." Sirius smiled still with his arms wrapped around Remus.

"Umm, Good morning," Remus stammered, noticing that Sirius wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Slept well?"

"Ehh, yeah, you?" Remus quaked.

"Calm down, Remus, I'm not even touching you."

"Yes, you are," Remus argued.

"So I am, aren't I?" Sirius grinned "Do you mind?" his expression turned worried.

"No," Remus hesitantly said, "I think your friend James would mind, though."

"James? Who cares about James?" Sirius said, "He's a bloody idiot."

"Didn't he call himself your best friend?" Remus inquired.

"Yes, he is. But that doesn't make him any less an idiot," Sirius snorted, "Quite on the contrary I should think. Seriously, though, he's been chasing after this girl, Lily Evans, for years," Sirius batted his eyes at the mention of the name, "And she can't stand him."

"Why can't she…" Remus started.

"Because he's an arse," Remus shot him an inquiring look, "And maybe a little because she's friends with the biggest twat that ever existed."

"What has that got to do with anything?" Remus asked.

"She doesn't think we're treating Snivellus right but honestly, he deserves it," Sirius shrugged, "He's in love with dark magic and I don't think he ever washes his hair. Anyway, James thinks his chances will improve now because Evans and Snivellus aren't friends anymore."

"Why not?" Remus inquired.

"I think she's finally realised just how big an idiot he is. He's called her 'Mudblood' more than once for starters." Sirius frowned at the word.

"Oh," Remus couldn't help but feeling a bit sorry for the guy, "That's a shame."

"What is?" Sirius asked.

"That their friendship got ruined."

"Yes, because he's a sadistic idiot," Sirius frowned, "Don't tell me you're feeling sorry for the bastard."

"I don't even know him. But it's always sad when friendships get ruined." Remus mumbled and toyed with what would've been Sirius' shirt if he'd been wearing any but as he wasn't it ended up being more of a running-fingers-over-bare-chest thing.

"You might want to stop doing that." Sirius stated.

"Hm?" Remus suddenly realised what he meant and immediately withdrew his hand. "Sorry." he mumbled with a burning face.

Sirius burst our laughing "Your… face… You should see your face."

"Bugger off," Remus grumpily replied with heated cheeks, "It's not me who's getting turned on because someone's touching my freaking chest."

"Are you sure about that?" Sirius seducively growled then he started laughing again just as Remus was getting worried in earnest, "Your face, it's priceless. I'm sorry, sorry, I'll stop now. Your face. I'll stop bothering you now. I'll take a bath instead." Sirius got up, still laughing.

xXxXx

Sirius was currently dealing with two emotions. Firstly the bubbling happiness of having Remus back, a smiling Remus. Sirius was actually surprised that it hadn't taken any longer than it did for Remus to forgive him. Surprised but very, very happy. The other thought was a fair bit less decent. He was currently forcing an erection away by sheer willpower. Sirius had from day one decided that Remus wasn't someone you could masturbate thinking of, it simply felt wrong. He'd never been concerned about that before; whether it was decent but somehow Remus was too pure. It sounds ridiculous put like that. Sirius inwardly groaned but basically that was it: Remus was too pure, too innocent to be messed with.

That evening they started to listen to music again. Sirius was sitting on the sofa with Remus' head in his lap. A position that had been a result of Remus wanting to lie down and limited room on the sofa "Remus, you have to sit up. There isn't room for me when you're lying down." "Don't want to." "Then this is your own fault."

"I really like this album." Remus sleepily murmured.

"You like all their albums." Sirius drily commented, trying not to squeal of happiness that Remus apparently was comfortable around him again. Squealing wasn't very manly.

"Yes, but that's not the point." Remus smiled.

"Can I ask you about something?" Sirius suddenly said.

"Sure." Remus replied with a quizzical look that made Sirius want to lean down and touch their lips together.

"If you're not going to school then what are you doing?"

"Who said anything about not going to school?" Remus confused said, "I go to a muggle school."

"Oh," Sirius replied a little embarrassed "What are they teaching there?"

"You know, Math, English, Science: That kind of thing."

"Why are they teaching you English? You know English." Sirius pointed out and started lacing his fingers through Remus' hair making the amber-eyed boy turn scarlet.

"Analysing literature and such," Remus smiled.

"That sounds really stupid. Why would you need that in real life?"

Remus looked genuinely surprised "That there's more to the text than you can see on the surface. You can use that when you're reading the newspaper for instance. It's also about discovering the true meaning in the piece."

"But why would you want to do that? I mean if you're not learning anything from it."

"Not learning anything? By reading? Of course you're learning. You might even grow as a person." Remus got up, leaving Sirius to mourn over the loss of the soft hair, "I'll be right back."

Remus returned with a little leather-bound book bearing the inscription The Road Not Taken and Other Poems before sitting back on the sofa Remus turned the turntable off. Remus curled up in the corner opposite from Sirius on the sofa.

Remus opened the book and turned a couple of pages. "No, you don't have a choice." He informed Sirius before starting to read aloud.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

-x-

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

-x-

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

-x-

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Remus gazed at Sirius over the book "Still think it's stupid?"

Sirius needed only shoot a single look at a happily flushed Remus with blazing eyes to decide that it was definitely not stupid. "I feel like it's compromising my masculinity, though." Sirius complained.

"Well, usually poets are adored by women," Remus shrugged.

"Remus, I have to tell you something," Sirius seriously said and patted Remus' knee "I'm gay."

Remus rolled his eyes "I just meant that the only ones thinking poetry isn't 'manly' is probably jealous husbands or something. Most others think it's obscenely attractive."

"I'll take note of that." Sirius grinned and winked at Remus who immediately turned pinker than he already was. Sirius hadn't forgotten about his promise about not making a move on Remus, but that didn't really count as a move, did it?

A/N: The poem is The Road not Taken by Robert Frost

I actually finished this chapter before I'm leaving *proud face* I'll be in London for the next eight days, though, so the earliest chance I'll get to upload is in a little over a week. However, I do promise you one thing; stuff will happen in that chapter :3

Thank you for reading, I love all of you ^^ As always I adore reviews ^^