A loud bang sounded followed by a yelled: "Potter!"
James quickly grabbed for a towel before the door to the bathroom was torn open and a furious Sirius greeted him. James let out a surprised yelp and tried to cover himself with the towel.
"Bloody hell, Black, can't you knock?"
Sirius acted like James hadn't said anything at all "You were right, you were bloody right." he ranted and continued mumbling something inaudible as he paced the bathroom floor.
"Sirius? Sirius? Sirius!" Sirius looked at him as if he only just had realised James was there "What happened?" James puzzled asked but managed to track it down to Remus, "Why are you so furious if you got tired of him?"
Sirius' nostrils was close to flaring then his face slowly turned completely white and he slowly backed until his back was against the moist wall "He left me."
James nearly dropped the towel "What?"
"He left me." Sirius said again and slid down the wall until he was sitting on the wet floor, "He fucking left me."
James uncertainly ran a hand through his dripping hair not able to think of anything to say.
"He didn't even say anything." Sirius was staring blankly into the air, "He was just gone when I woke up. He left me this." Sirius held a balled-up piece of paper out to James. James slowly took it and unfolded it, trying his best to smooth the crumpled paper. It read: It was a mistake. I'm sorry.
"Just like that? You didn't, I don't know, scream of him to get out?" James asked.
"Listen, James, I'm sorry about that." Sirius ran an arm across his face.
"You're apologising." James dumbfounded stated, "Are you all right?"
"No, I'm fucking not all right. He left me. And no, I didn't scream of him. In fact I didn't do anything."
"Nothing?" James dubiously asked.
"Nothing. The only thing I did was telling him I'd wait for him as long as he needed." Sirius stated with a miserable expression then he suddenly got up, "He bloody said he loved me. He told me he loved me and then he got the fuck out."
"It seems your choices in boyfriends are as excellent as always." James drily stated, silently thinking that he was going to hunt this 'Remus' down.
Sirius glared at James "Says the guy who've spent the last, what is it, five? years chasing a girl who hates him."
"I'm trying to help you here." James outraged stated.
"I don't need help."
"All right, I give up. Let me get some clothes on, though I know you're dying to see me naked," James jokingly battered his eyes.
"Idiot." Sirius grumpily said.
James passed him and went to his room "I'm starving." James said as he dragged a pair of pants on, "Do you want something?"
"No."
"Not even some bread?" James pulled his jeans on, almost knocking the lamp on his bedside table over.
"I hate bread." Sirius fumed.
"All right." James cautiously said, feeling like Sirius would explode very soon, "I heard a bang before." James said as he pulled a shirt on, walking into the hallway where Sirius was standing with his arms crossed.
"Good for you." Sirius almost bitterly said.
"Did you knock something over?"
"Maybe some unnecessary trinket. Why do people even have trinkets? It's completely pointless, don't they have enough bloody things? Do they think it'll improve their miserable little empty lives?"
"Will you calm down?"
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down! I'm perfectly calm." Sirius roared.
"If that's calm I don't want to see you upset."
"I. Am. Not. Upset." Sirius barked.
"Don't take it out on me! It's not my fault. Can't you just find him and demand an explanation instead of this?" James asked, indicating Sirius' entire, furious, form.
"He wrote it was a mistake, James! A mistake!" Sirius yelled.
"Well, I don't know why he'd do that!" James yelled back, "He didn't seem like such a douchebag but that's that. Can't you just let it go and stop whining if you're not going to do anything about it anyway?"
"I'm not whining."
"You could've fooled me."
"What can I do?"
James opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, "I don't know. Find him and talk to him or something?"
"He obviously doesn't want to talk to me."
"Sure about that?"
"What do you mean?"
James held the paper he was still holding out to Sirius, deciding that he had to fix this if he didn't want to have a grumpy Sirius on his back for at least a couple of months, "Do you think this sound final?"
Sirius started laughing, "James, you're honestly the most optimistic person I've ever met."
"But I'm right, am I not?"
"You're the guy who thought that a slap was just a sign that she wanted more physical contact."
"It was!" James exclaimed, "But honestly, you have to agree with me on this. This isn't very final."
"He didn't even have the guts to talk to me."
"Exactly! Because he thought it'd make him change his mind."
Sirius opened his mouth as if to argue but then he slowly closed it again and his face lit up "You're right. For once you're right. Thanks mate." Sirius grabbed the paper and ran for the fireplace.
James followed him "What do you mean 'for once'?" he shouted but Sirius had already shouted "Threepenny cottage."
James shook his head Idiot.
"James! What is going on?"
"Nothing, you weren't awfully fond of that glass-thing that sat on the mantel, were you, mum?"
"Do you mean my grandmother's favourite vase? James, why are you speaking in past tense?"
"Shit."
xXxXx
Sirius stumbled out of the fireplace. Remus couldn't be far away or at least Sirius hoped he wasn't. The note had clearly been written in the dark but if the wards were worth anything, Remus shouldn't be able to pass though them. On the other hand he'd gotten past them before.
A broom. Sirius needed a broom. He quickly scanned the study pretty sure that there was one somewhere. He noticed the distinctive brown colour underneath the writing desk and crouched down under the table to retrieve it. Sirius wrapped his fingers around the broom and moved backwards before rising. He had, however, not backed enough and ended up smashing his head against the table and thereby sending the papers on the over packed table flying around him.
Shit. Sirius groaned and feverishly started to collect his uncle's notes when one line of text drew his attention. Wards ~ Sirius immediately stopped reading. He didn't have time for reading, Remus already had a huge head start and Sirius had no idea where he was. He could've gone any way. Sirius skimmed through the paper he was holding realising that perhaps there was something useful in there. Unlike normal people Sirius' uncle had made his wards work both ways. Sirius found what he was looking for Modified Confundus charm ~ leads intruders towards the lake. Underneath it there were lines with charms that had been crossed out until there only was one left.
Sirius tossed the paper away, he'd never before looked at his uncle's notes, it still hurt too much but he'd found the information he'd been looking for. He had more than once thought about modifying the wards to include Remus as part of the household but each time he'd stopped, thinking it'd be to assume Remus would stay, far too possessive. Sirius felt the hot anger and want boil inside him once again but pushed it aside when he felt that the want to hold Remus was far stronger than the anger.
Sirius gripped the broom tightly and mounted it as soon as he was outside. He was almost lying on the broom to maximise the speed. For once Sirius was too preoccupied to get off on the harsh wind, the air all around him and the ground rushing past underneath him. The only thing that mattered was finding Remus. Sirius shot a quick look at the sky only to see that it was already late in the afternoon and Sirius wasn't completely convinced that all the wards were still working after his uncle's death even though his uncle hadn't cast ordinary spells. Sirius didn't feel like flying around in a dark forest, not only would it be more impossible to find Remus than it already was, it would also be incredibly dangerous.
At last the lake came into view. It was a clear blue colour, which seemed like it was sparkling in the sunlight but Sirius didn't notice that. The only thing he noticed was that Remus wasn't there.
Sirius slowly circled the lake while getting gradually more worried, what if Remus wasn't here at all? Suddenly he heard a loud voice cursing 'This damn lake!'
A glimpse of something brown and a bit of black was all it took for Sirius to dismount his broom a few feet above the ground and in a jump/ tumbling running he stood only feet behind Remus. "Remus!" he called, still with the broom in his hand.
Remus jerked and spun around with a look of pure horror on his face. There were so many things Sirius wanted to say, so many questions he wanted to ask but when he finally regained the power of speaking all he got out was: "What the fuck is this?!" Sirius held up the note.
The look of horror had disappeared from Remus' face and had been replaced with indifference "Isn't it pretty clear what that is?"
Sirius shocked stared at Remus "A mistake? You honestly think it was a mistake?"
"Yes." Remus replied with a stony expression, "It was an experiment."
"What are you saying?" Sirius slowly lowered the note. It couldn't be, he refused to believe it.
"I'm not actually gay." Remus slowly said as if talking to a child.
"You told me you loved me." Sirius whispered, refusing to cry. Remus shrugged and suddenly Sirius was inches from the smaller boy, "A note. You left a note." Sirius spat. For a short second the façade was crazing and Remus' eyes turned wet, then the coldness was back "So what?"
"You didn't even have the guts to face me." Sirius fumed. Remus was backing away but Sirius followed until Remus' back was pressed against a tree. "I don't think you mean it." Sirius said.
Remus looked at him wide-eyed, "Y-yes." Remus stammered, then he seemed to collect himself "I do. I never actually liked you, you're just too full of yourself to realise that."
Sirius noticed a love-bite just below Remus' ear "Full of myself, is that the best you can come up with? I don't think you're even trying. I might be full of myself but at least I'm not a liar."
"I'm not lying." Remus spluttered.
"I like being marked as yours." Sirius huskily whispered in Remus' ear and watched as Remus tried to suppress a shudder. Sirius pulled back, "That seems incredibly straight to me. Besides, a note? Remus, it's not your style."
"You don't know what my style is. You don't know anything about me." Remus stated almost in panic.
"We both know that's not true." Sirius drily stated, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. "Look at me. Look at me and say that it didn't mean anything." Remus looked everywhere but at him but kept the cool appearance up. Sirius could feel himself falling apart and didn't bother to stop it, "Remus, just tell me what's wrong, please."
Remus' eyes turned wet again and the indifferent appearance fell, "I can't, Sirius. Just, leave me alone, please."
"I won't."
"Please, I'm begging you Sirius. I'm not good for you." Remus finally met his gaze.
"I think I prefer to be the judge of that."
"But you can't. You don't know enough to make that decision." Remus shot a quick glance at a point above Sirius' head.
"Then tell me." Sirius urged.
"I can't." Remus met his eyes again, the wetness and the sunset making Remus' eyes look like liquid gold. "I'm sorry. I just can't drag you into this." Sirius opened the mouth to argue but Remus interrupted after shooting another glance at what had to be the sky, "Leave, Sirius. If you care for me then please, just leave."
"I can't, Remus. Don't you know that?"
Remus opened and closed his mouth while shooting glances at the sky "I don't want you to hate me." a single tear was rolling down Remus' cheek.
Sirius reached out a hand to wipe the teardrop away but Remus moved his head away. "Remus, the only was you could possibly make me hate you is by leaving without any reason. Or by keep saying that McCartney and Lennon wasn't in love because, let's face it, they were."
"It's not funny." Remus said but allowed Sirius to touch his face, "You would hate me if you knew the truth."
"We're not getting anywhere, Remus." Sirius frustrated groaned, "Please just tell me. Please."
Remus mumbled something inaudible.
"Sorry?"
Remus took a deep breath and stared down at the ground "I'm a werewolf." He slowly lifted his gaze and met Sirius' again.
"And?" That would explain the matter of the wards, from the outside they only applied to humans.
"And?" Remus exclaimed, "And? I'm dangerous, Sirius."
"Don't flatter yourself. You like poetry, Remus, honestly. You're not incredibly intimidating."
"You just don't get it, do you?" Remus panicky laughed, "You haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. When I get transformed I don't have any control I wouldn't even be able to recognise you."
"My uncle was killed by a werewolf." Sirius stonily said, "I know exactly what you're talking about."
A faint "Oh." escaped Remus' lips, "How can you just stand there when you know what I'm capable of?" Remus quivered, "How can you touch me?" Remus shook of Sirius' hand.
"Because that's not you. You'd never purposely expose anyone to danger. You're the guy who runs away from home to ensure that you're not a burden and that you don't hurt anyone, to the woods to be, what? completely alone but I tell you what; mission failed because I'm here and I'm not going to go away just because you once a month grow some fur."
Remus looked like he was about to cry in earnest "Really?" he whispered.
"Really." Sirius carefully leaned in and pressed his lips to Remus'.
"You have to leave now." Remus said after Sirius had pulled back.
"What?"
"Don't you know what day it is?"
"Ehhh, Friday?"
"Sirius, it's not funny. It's full moon." Remus exclaimed and shot another look at the sky.
"Ah."
"The sun is setting."
"Ah."
"Sirius!"
"Yes?"
"You have to leave. Like now."
"Will you be all right on your own?"
"It's not like I have a choice."
"You're clinging on to my shirt." Sirius commented. Remus immediately removed his hands but Sirius grabbed them and pressed a single kiss to his left knuckle. "Be safe." Sirius reluctantly let go of Remus' hands and grabbed his broom. He smiled at Remus before he mounted the broom and shot up in the air.
As soon as he was out of Remus' sight he stopped the broom and hovered in the air, not intending to move any further away that night.
xXxXx
Soft.
Grass.
Light.
Remus slowly opened his eyes and stared into a clear blue sky behind the treetops. He blinked a couple of times before turning his head away from the sharp sunlight. What greeted him was Sirius' face.
Remus nearly let out a scream and immediately got up. Sirius was lying completely still with his eyes closed. What happened? Remus panicked, he'd expected Sirius to be far away by now, and safe. Had he killed him? Had he wounded him? When Remus finally tore his eyes from Sirius' face he quickly scanned the brunet's body for blood. Nothing.
Remus carefully reached out and placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder. Warm. He gently shook it "Sirius?" It was nothing more than a whisper and when it didn't have any effect Remus raised his voice "Sirius!"
Sirius started to stir "What?" he sleepily muttered.
"What are you doing here?" Remus quaked.
Sirius opened his eyes to look at Remus. "I wanted to look after you."
Something inside Remus snapped "Are you out of your mind?" he wasn't aware that he'd moved until he realised he was straddling Sirius' chest. Sirius calmly looked at him and Remus suddenly had no idea what he'd intended to do as their eyes met and he realised that Sirius knew his secret and somehow still was there.
Remus leaned down and pressed his lips to Sirius' and when Sirius after some time hesitantly reached for the fly to Remus' trousers he found himself helping Sirius getting them off.
xXxXx
"You have to get home, you know." Sirius murmured into Remus' hair.
"Wait, what?" Remus asked, puzzled lifting his head from Sirius' naked chest where it'd been resting.
"This isn't you, Remus. You're not the running away type. Maybe you won't be bothered by it today or tomorrow but someday you'll want to get back to your parents and your friends."
"I don't really have friends, not anyone that close, anyway. And what about you? You'll never want to get back to your parents?" Remus argued.
"It's not the same situation. You think you're a burden to everyone and that they'll be better off without you but that's not true. It's not true for me and the way you talk about them I don't think it's true for your parents either."
"And what about your parents?"
"My parents are dickheads." Sirius firmly said, "They thought it was my Uncle Alphard's fault that I was sorted into Gryffindor and thereby became 'a disgrace to the family' so to punish him, and to warn any other wizard who had any impact on pureblood children they set Fenrir Greyback on him. But something went wrong, I think my uncle had altered the wards so Greyback couldn't get out again and in frustration Greyback killed him."
"Why would he do that?"
"I don't know but I guess he wanted to stop Greyback from transforming more innocent victims, I think he actually planned to commit suicide and take Greyback with him, anyway, they were both hit by some sort of spell from the wards. Killed my uncle, although that could have been Greyback, but unfortunately Greyback got out alive. I thought it was just a spell that'd gone wrong until my mother found great pleasure in telling me otherwise."
"That's horrible." Remus said. Sirius just shrugged, "But, ehh… Who is Fenrir Greyback?"
"You don't know him?" Sirius surprised asked, "He kills for fun and especially enjoy transforming children. My uncle was only a special service for my parents, my mother can be… let's say convincing."
"Enjoy transforming children?"
"Yes, he places himself close to his victims at the full moon and ideally he wants to bring the children up far from their parents to make them hate wizards, something like that. He's mental."
Remus felt the palms of his hands getting clammy but stored that bit of information away for the time being, he had more present concerns. "But where'll you go, then?"
"James' I think. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Sirius smiled down at him.
"What about us?" Remus finally asked.
A crease appeared between Sirius' eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
"You'll go back to Hogwarts and I'll be home. Not exactly the best ground for a relationship to build on."
"It'll work." Sirius stated, "It'll have to. We can write to each other and we'll have the holidays."
"No, it won't." Remus bit his lip, "Maybe in the beginning but then exams will come up and we won't write for a time and from then it'll just slowly go downhill until one of us find someone else."
"What do you propose, then?" Sirius inquired while tightening the arm he had wrapped around Remus' shoulders.
"That we just stop. Go our separate ways." Remus hated to say it but he didn't want this to just run out and become nothing, "And then maybe, maybe, when you're done with Hogwarts we can figure something out."
"But…" Sirius started.
"I don't like it either but I'd rather remember what we have as this."
Sirius was visibly thinking, "You're right, it won't work out." Remus was both relieved and sad but he swiftly pushed the sadness aside, it was for the best. "Are you going home today?"
"I don't know, you're right, I should, but maybe I could stretch it 'till tomorrow." Remus replied, silently slapping himself for exposing himself to this torture of being with Sirius another day when he knew he had to leave. Sirius' eyes lit up and when the sunshine made his eyes looked like molten silver and Sirius leaned down to kiss him, Remus couldn't really bring himself to be mad about the decision.
xXxXx
"What did you mean when you said you don't really have friends?" Sirius asked into Remus' hair. It was early in the morning, perhaps around 4 or 5, and they'd decided they didn't want to waste the time on sleep so instead they were huddled up in the sofa.
"That I don't. I'm too odd, you know with my reading and so on and then there're the monthly disappearances. The closest I have to a friend is Lucy but I can't really invite her over because of my dad, it wouldn't be advisable to have muggle kids in the house, and besides, she's really pissed that I won't tell her where I go every month. But in class we're pretty close and there're also Mary and Henrietta so that's all right." Remus replied.
"No male friends?"
"Nah, they think I'm gay – and apparently that's contagious or something."
"Oh, they think you're gay? Which you're not." Sirius teased.
"Strictly speaking I think I might be bi." Remus said as-a-matter-of-factly earning a teasing bite in the earlobe.
"But don't you ever miss having friends?"
"Sometimes, I guess that's why I'm religious, I kind of like the whole unconditional love thing. Even if they liked me I can't drag them into all that when they have no idea what they're going into. You're the first one."
"First what?" Sirius inquired and held Remus a bit tighter.
"First everything, to be honest." Remus humourlessly laughed, "My first real friend, the first one to really know about me, my first kiss…" Remus stopped and turned beet red.
"You're joking." Sirius surprised exclaimed.
"No, I'm not, I'm serious."
"Actually I think you'll find that I am Sirius."
"You didn't…"
"Yes, I did." Sirius grinned as Remus dramatically rolled his eyes. Sirius gently leaned down and caught his lips, "Really, though?" he muttered.
"Yeah." Remus said against Sirius' lips and somehow Sirius succeeded in getting even happier than he already was and the possessive monster in the pit of his stomach purred. How is it even possible that I'm the first? Sirius though but decided to refrain from voicing it.
"I should go." Remus groaned.
"Right now?" Sirius asked, trying to ignore how much it sounded like he was pleading.
"Soon." Remus replied and leaned closer in towards Sirius.
xXxXx
"Wait!" Sirius exclaimed, making Remus, his Remus, turn around with a quizzical look on the face, "What's your name?" Remus gave him a deadpanned look, "Your full name, I mean."
"Lupin, Remus John Lupin." Remus shook his head at Sirius.
"Black, Sirius Black." Sirius beamed and shook the hand Remus didn't hold floo-powder in.
"Goodbye, Sirius Black." Remus said with a little smile.
"See you around, Remus Lupin." Sirius replied and then Remus was gone but Sirius had a plan. A plan that involved waking James before Merlin got his shoes on.
xXxXx
Remus opened the book, he was currently reading, on chapter seven "Yes, Charlie, that's very upsetting." he grumpily said as he only vaguely interested read Charlie and the Chocolate factory, the fifth book he'd opened within less than an hour.
Remus morosely took another bite of the dark chocolate he was eating and cursed himself for suggesting Sirius that they waited until he'd graduated from Hogwarts in two years. Two years! Remus absentmindedly licked at the chocolate after carefully avoiding the matter of why he suddenly liked dark chocolate.
It had been a week since he'd left the cottage and Remus wasn't coping. He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe that Sirius would contact him? Suddenly appear on the doorstep and tell him he couldn't go two years without him? This was his own idea and it was very unlikely that Sirius would do anything to contact him in near future. Why the heck did he ask about my full name then? The question popped up at least once every hour and Remus still hadn't been able to find a satisfying answer but he replied himself as he'd done until now Because he wants to be able to find me in two years. Two full years? Yes, this was your own idea. Great, I'm talking to myself.
He let out a frustrated groan and rolled over on the back. I really should get the ceiling painted. Remus absently thought as he looked at a huge crack in the tapestry. Who even put tapestry on the ceiling? Before he could come to a conclusion of this fascinating question his window made a sound.
Remus slowly got up and saw a big grey owl looking almost bored at him. He effectively killed the spark of hope in his stomach. It couldn't be from Sirius. And right he was, it wasn't from Sirius. If someone had, just weeks earlier, told him he'd ever become severely disappointed upon seeing the Hogwarts Crest he'd looked at them as if they were mad but that was the case nevertheless.
Remus slowly broke the seal and extracted a letter.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL
of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
Remus scanned through the headmaster's titles until he came to the letter itself.
Dear Mr. Lupin
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Remus nearly dropped the letter What? He re-red the line several times and checked that the name really was his. His Hogwarts Letter, he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. It had to be some sort of prank.
"Remus?" his mum gently knocked on the door, "There's a man here to see you."
Remus quickly hid the letter behind the letter behind his back, unaware completely why. Maybe because he didn't want to get his mum's expectations up before he was one hundred percent sure that it really was true. He knew his mum wouldn't exactly approve if it was but he also knew that she'd become happy for him.
"Who?" Remus puzzled asked.
"Professor Dumbledore, he says he wants to talk with you, about Hogwarts." His mother replied, looking almost more puzzled than him.
"I'll be down in one second." Remus promised and tried hard to suppress a grin.
"He said they've looked at the case again and found that you can go to the school, if you want to."
Remus' grin spread "I want to." He immediately said.
"Hun, do you think that's clever? with your… your problem." his mum gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Dumbledore must know what he's doing, mustn't he. If he deems it safe." Remus beamed, "And if it's all right with you and dad." he quickly added.
"I can't say I'm thrilled but if that's what you want we'll talk about it." His mum said and rose from the bed. "One second." she exhorted.
"Yes." As soon as the door closed behind his mum Remus let out a whoop. Then he noticed that the owl was carrying something else: a brown package. Remus loosened the package from the grumpy owl's leg and slowly unwrapped it.
The black and white cover of With the Beatles greeted him and Remus clasped a hand over his mouth. He turned the LP to see if there was any kind of note, there wasn't. He picked the brown paper up and seven words written in a scratchy handwriting greeted him.
Got to get you into my life.
A/N: "Got to get you into my life" is a Beatles song ^^
This was actually the last chapter o.o (I actually planned to make the Remus-thing in the end an entire chapter but then I remembered that I actually hate long separation scenes and decided to shorten it down ^^) *shocked look* There's still the Epilogue but else o.o I reckon that's a good thing, actually because next week I'm off to a writer's course :3 and then *sad piano music starts playing* *whispers* I'm going back to school.
I hope you enjoyed my little fic ^^ as always I adore reviews :3 (even if you're reading this half a year after I uploaded o.o) I enjoyed writing it even though it's not great literature and it's probably filled with mistakes as english isn't my native language.
If you've read as long as until here: I love you :3