Part Four of Five
There was mist around Kevin. He opened his eyes and he couldn't figure out where the hell he was. He was laying in damp grass and was covered head to toe in mud.
"The hell..?" He stood up, trying to wipe off whatever mud he could get off of him. He sighed and looked around him. There was nothing but grass and trees surrounding him. He began walking straight a head into the forest, feeling as if he was practically being pulled that way. He followed a path straight through the thick of trees until he found a clearing. Kevin kept a steady pace and made his way though the open gap. He found himself in what seemed like the same spot as before.
"Did i just walk in a complete circle?" He looked around him and saw nothing, until he looked to his right. He saw a gray stone sticking out of the ground, and he was positive it wasn't there a second ago. "The hell is going on.." He walked slowly to the stone and kneeled down to get a better look at what was carved into it.
Eddward M. Vincent
October 5th, 1993 -May 16th 2012; Loving son and friend.
Kevin ran his hand over the slab of stone, feeling tears form, but none fell. He immediately regretted not attending Edd's funeral. They said it was an open casket, and there was no way in hell he could see Edd like that again. He sighed and stood up, looking around him. Kevin was still confused as to where he was, and how he got here. He was deep in thought about where to even walk to, he almost didn't hear the faint whisper of his name.
"Kevin.." The whisper was louder. Kevin whipped his head around and nearly fainted.
"D-double Dee..?" The color drained from Kevin's face as he stood a few feet apart from the dead teen.
"Hello, Kevin." Edd gave a small smile, revealing the gap between his teeth. Kevin knew he was staring into the eyes of the departed soul, but couldn't get himself to believe it.
"Is this fucking real right now?" Kevin started to feel dizzy and sat down on the grass.
"Language Kevin. And it is somewhat real. This is a dream." Kevin looked up at Edd, just as confused as ever.
"You can come into my dreams?" Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, still very confused.
"Yes, when someone is thinking about me in their subconscious, I can appear in their dreams if they wish." Kevin flushed, feeling slightly embarrassed that Edd knew he was thinking about him.
"So, this isn't real?" Edd shrugged, walking around the grave stone.
"Only if you don't want it to be. I can disappear just as quickly as I appeared, Kevin." Edd lingered over the stone, debating on whether or not he should sit.
"Just sit, dork." Kevin realized what he just said. "Oh shit.. I'm sorry Edd.." He shook his head and looked away. Edd smirked.
"Kevin, I will not sit on a gravestone. It's disrespectful and very..filthy." Kevin smiled.
"Jeez, even in the after life, you're still sassy as hell." They both laughed a little and Edd looked at the ground.
"I want you to read my letter, only when you are ready to hear what I have to say, Kevin. Until then, au revoir." And with that last sentence, Edd disappeared. Kevin ran over to the stone and sighed. He wanted to hug Edd, apologize for always making him feel like shit. But Kevin knew it was too late. It was too late…
Kevin jumped out of bed, panting and gasping for air. He looked down at his hands and saw that he was still clutching Edd's hat in his hands. 'I fell asleep with his hat…?' Kevin slightly smiled, but got the chills when he remembered his dream. He glanced over at his clock, and it was still pretty early. There was no way in hell he could fall back asleep, due to the dream he just had.
Kevin sighed and grabbed his phone, pulling up Nat's number and texting him.
To Greenie: Hey man do you think you could come over today? I need to talk to you.
To Kevin: Yeah man of course. Be there soon.
To Greenie: Be there soon? Did you not go to school or something?
To Kevin: Nope, not going to play tonight either. I'll talk once I get there. Gimmie a few.
Kevin tossed his phone on his bed and shook his head. "Nat you idiot, wonder what you did." He smirked and headed downstairs. A few minutes went by before there was a knock at the door.
"Nat, I told you you can just walk in!" He smirked as the door opened.
"Hey, shithead." Nat grinned and closed Kevin's door. He took a seat on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table, like he normally does. "What's up, man?"
Kevin took the seat to the left of him and sighed. "I had a dream about Double Dee." Nat locked eyes with Kevin and let out a deep sigh.
"Shit, seriously? What happened in it?" Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his stomach twist in knots.
"That's uh.. what I actually wanted to talk to you about. I actually had a conversation with him, man." Nat's eyes widened.
"You're shittin' me." Kevin shook his head and continued talking.
"Yeah, like when I found him and everything? He had four letters set out for Ed, Eddy, his parents and me." Nat shook his head, finding this all hard to believe. "He told me in my dream to read it when I was ready, man. Like, I don't know how to take that shit." Kevin put his head in his hands and sighed.
Nat was speechless and all he found himself doing was putting his arm around Kevin's shoulder. "Look man, I have no idea what to say to that. You haven't read the letter have you?"
"No! I mean, I'm kind of scared to." He sighed and stood up. "Like, man. I feel terrible for everything. It's been nearly over a month and I can't get over this!"
Nat stood up to comfort his best friend. "Dude, I don't expect you to get over his death so quickly, but I'm curious about something." Kevin looked at Nat with questioning eyes. "Did you like Double Dee?"
"Like him how..?" Nat grinned wide and Kevin flushed. "Not like that shithead! I'm not gay!" Nat sighed and rubbed Kevin's back.
"Dude, don't lie to yourself, alright? You don't have to tell me, but just I don't know…stay true to yourself or something." Nat grinned.
"What, are you some kind of philosopher now?" They both laughed and Kevin walked into the kitchen to get breakfast. "You never told me why you aren't in school, man." Nat sighed and followed Kevin.
"I uh..well. I got into a fight." Kevin choked on the water he was drinking.
"You? In a fight? With who!?" Nat chuckled and leaned against the kitchen wall.
"I heard some guys talking about you, and you know me. Gotta have my best friends back!" Nat wrapped his arm around Kevin's shoulder, making Kevin shrug him off.
"Nat, man. You don't have to protect me. I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself." Nat sighed and dropped his arms. Kevin didn't mean to be that harsh, but he couldn't help it.
"Alright, well..I kind of don't know what to say, man." Kevin looked down at the sink and turned toward Nat.
"Do you think I should open the letter?" Nat opened his mouth to speak, but quickly retreated. "What? Tell me!"
"I…I think you should take Double Dee's advice. Open it when you're ready." Kevin sighed and smiled.
"Thanks Nat, honestly." Nat grinned and walked over to Kevin, patting his back.
"It's what I'm here for!" They both laughed and Kevin began to cook them breakfast.
It was nearly 8 at night, and Kevin was blankly staring at the letter, like he did every night. He couldn't muster up the courage to open it and read it. He clutched it in his hands, then threw it as far as the envelope would go.
"Why can't I fucking do this?!" He yelled into his hands. He groaned and looked over to where the envelope landed. Kevin sighed and stood up to walk over to the letter. He sat on the edge of his bed and decided enough was enough.
Kevin slowly opened back up the letter and slowly took out the paper. He unfolded it and stared at the blue handwriting. He traced his finger along the smooth writing and felt knots in his stomach. Another deep breath was taken and Kevin began to read.
Dear Kevin,
I am very sure by now you've finally decided to read this. I knew it would take you some time before you could be comfortable with this letter. I won't bore you with my ranting like usual, so here it goes.
I've been watching you from afar, longing for the day we could get past all the childish foolery and possibly become friends. I had hoped for that day for as long as I could remember. And because of my involvement with Ed and Eddy, I knew it was never possible. If we were able to become friends, it would've made my life a little less hectic. But we all know miracles don't happen. But God, do I wish they did.
My entire life, I have been tormented by you, and I didn't let it get to me until high school. Everyday it was the same routine. "Hey dork, hey double dweeb, nice outfit dork, etc." You knew it hurt me, yet you kept up with it. But, I don't resent you for it. Yet, I forgive you for what you have put me through. It isn't polite to hold grudges in the after life.
Kevin, I'm just not happy with my life anymore. I'm not content, I'm not comfortable. I'm just disgusted, depressed, and completely done with everything and everyone. I refuse to be the laughing stock of the school and be a target for everyone, including you. So this is why I'm taking my life, but by the time you read this, I will be gone. But I promise we will meet again when you are ready to see me. When you think of me, I will be there in spirit. Thank you for making me realize where I belong, and no I do not mean that sarcastically. I don't belong on this planet anywhere.
Stay in school and keep your grades up.
Sincerely Eddward
By the time Kevin finished the letter, he was in tears. "I… I can't believe I pushed him over the edge…" Kevin tossed the letter to the side and put his head in his hands. He began to cry more and more. He was utterly disgusted and pissed at himself. "How could I do this to someone?!" He sighed and looked at his door. He needed a drink, and dammit he was going to get one. Kevin jumped up from his bed and walked downstairs to his fathers liquor cabinet.
Still with teary eyes and a stained face, he frantically searched through the cabinet. He found a bottle of vodka, but that would never do. Whiskey wasn't strong enough either. Then he found a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon. Kevin smirked and snatched the bottle then walked back up to his room. He didn't want to remember tonight, and he wasn't going to. By the time he finished half of the bottle, he was stumbling everywhere. He couldn't think straight, and that's exactly what he wanted.
Kevin's eyes opened slowly because of the bright lights in front of him. He put his hand in front of his face until his eyes finally adjusted. The light began to fade away and he realized he wasn't in his bedroom. He was standing in the middle of a large field. There was bright green all around him for miles and the sky was bright blue without a cloud in it. He smirked to himself and looked around him. Off in the distance, he saw a figure. As he let his eyes focus, he smiled wide. As the figure approached, Kevin's smile grew bigger.
"Edd.." He spoke softly. Edd smiled and gave a half way. looking slightly upset. "What's the matter?" He looked at his feet and bit his lip. "Geez, even in the afterlife, you're still shy." Kevin joked, making Edd sigh.
"You know you really shouldn't be drinking." Kevin cocked his head.
"You..you knew that I was drinking?" Edd nodded.
"And I also saw that you read my letter." Kevin silenced himself and clenched his jaw. "Would you like to talk about it?" Kevin looked up at the sky and nodded slowly.
"Dee.. I don't even know where to begin to say I'm sorry. I was a real dick and I..I can't even believe that you're gone because of me. And I wish I could take it all back and I wish I would've gotten closer to you because you're a pretty amazing guy and-" Edd shushed Kevin and put his finger to Kevin's lip. Kevin felt his face flush and he quickly looked away.
"Kevin, I told you. I don't resent you. This wasn't your fault. Everything hasn't quite worked out for me, so I gave up." Edd rubbed the back of his arm.
"You're not someone to give up so easily, Dee." Kevin sat on the field, and Edd was soon to follow.
"Easily? It's been years and years of torment and neglect Kevin. I've had to raise myself because my parents were absent 99% of my childhood. They never saw me go into kindergarten or watch me graduate from the sixth grade. They were never there for all of my spelling bee's and scholastic decathlons." Edd sighed, finally taking a much needed breath. Kevin shook his head, feeling immediate remorse.
"I'm sorry Edd. I wish I could make it right.." Edd scoffed.
"If i were still in school, nothing would've changed. You damn well know that." Kevin raised his eyebrows at Edd's sudden cursing.
"Edd, I honestly wanted to be closer to you and be your friend." Kevin awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.
"You're only saying that because I'm dead." Edd nonchalantly said, laying on the grass.
"The hell Edd?! That's not why I'm saying that!"
"Then please, Kevin! Enlighten me!" Edd replied, with a little sass in his voice. Kevin struggled to find the words to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly retreated. "Go on. I know you want to say something."
"I.. I think I-I…" Kevin's face flushed and he looked away from head and mumbled under his breath. "iloveyou"
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Kevin clenched his fists and locked eyes with Edd.
"I love you, okay!?" Kevin and Edd both fell silent, due to Kevin's outburst. A few seconds later, Edd starting giggling. "What's so funny..?" Edd had to cover his mouth to stifle his giggling.
"I've been waiting for you to come to that realization, Kevin."
"What..? You have?" Edd nodded slowly and smiled at Kevin. Kevin found himself smiling back. They stared at each other for a few minutes and Kevin broke the silence.
"So, are you like a ghost or something?" Edd smiled.
"I'm a figment of your imagination right now Kevin. Whenever you think of me, I appear in your dreams. So technically, I am not." Kevin slowly moved his hand secretly to cover Edd's hand with his own.
"Can..can you feel that?" They both looked at their hands. "Because I feel something warm."
"I do too, Kevin."
Cyan eyes met emerald eyes once more and Kevin was finally content with himself. He felt as if he was on cloud nine.
With a sudden jolt of energy, Kevin jumped out of bed. His head was pounding and he had a serious hangover. He looked frantically around his room for any sign of Edd, but all there was, was just an empty space. He sighed and fell back on his bed. He had another wonderful dream, involving Edd. Kevin had confessed his love to Edd, through a dream! He still couldn't believe what he had experienced. All he knew is that he had to tell Nat, and that's exactly what he did. Kevin grabbed his phone and texted Nat right on the spot.
12:13 pm [hey, man i gotta tell u something]
12:15 pm [What's up ginger? Haha]
12:16 pm [shutup this is serious man i had another dream]
12:19 pm [About double d?]
12:19 pm [yea]
12:23 pm […Idk what to say to that Kev.]
12:24 pm [im freaking out nat. in my dream i like told him something]
12:27 pm [And that would be what?]
12:28 pm [that i loved him]
12:47 pm [nat the hell text me back!]
12:55 pm [I knew you were gay. But that's beside the point. You're kind of making yourself crazy Kev. Give it a rest, he's gone and not coming back. I'd hate to be the one to say it, but you need to get over him. It's been nearly 3 months. And you weren't even close to him, dude.]
1:05 pm [FUCK YOU]
Kevin threw his phone across the room and it hit the wall. He knew he cracked the screen but he couldn't give a damn about it. Out of frustration, Kevin stood up and punched his wall, bruising the knuckles and making them bleed. "Fuck!" He yelled loudly. He walked to the bathroom and quickly turned on the sink to wash his hand. He slowly ran his hand over warm water. The water and soap stung, but he didn't care. He was in pain, and he slightly enjoyed it.
After Kevin wrapped up his hand, he found himself staring at himself in the mirror. He kept his eyes focused on his face. He started to develop a slight 5 o'clock shadow, due to being suspended. He had bags under his eyes, he was dirty and all around exhausted. He literally looked like shit, to say the least. He sighed once more before finally retreating to his room to pick up where he left off last night with that Bourbon.