{I have decided at the last minute to add a sixth part to this. There are some serious feels in this part. Please do not read if you think this is too triggering.]

Part Five of Six

Kevin kept with his routine of blacking out and dreaming of Edd for the next few weeks. He'd wake up hungover and occasionally he'd attend school. He'd gotten so use to the routine, he shut himself off completely from everyone and everything. The only thing that mattered to Kevin was that he got to spend time with Edd.

Kevin felt closer to Edd more than he ever has. But it only lasted a few hours, then he had to wake up and face reality. Kevin had managed to avoid his friends and his teammates, but due to his absences, he was dismissed from the football team.

None of that mattered to him because all he wanted to do was see Edd. He'd collapse in bed around 10, drunker than ever, holding Edd's beanie against his chest. But this night would be different for Kevin. He had a surprise for Edd and he couldn't wait for his eyes to close.

Simply stating, Nat missed his best friend. Kevin had been ignoring his calls and texts for weeks. Nat felt like a complete…douche for what he said to Kevin, but who else would've been honest with him? Nat wanted to talk to Kevin about his dreams and try to understand what they meant. It would take some time to understand, but that's what best friends do for one another.

Nat picked up his phone dialed Kevin's number repeatedly until he answered. "What do you want?" Nat was finally relieved to hear his best friends voice on the other end.

"Kev, I wanted to apologize the day I texted you, but you've been ignoring me ever since and I had no chance to-"

"You know what? I-I d-don't need th-this!" Kevin slurred. Nat shook his head.

"Are you drunk?"

"Like a skunk." Nat could feel Kevin smiling on the other end and Nat rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'll let your drunk ass go, just answer me this one question."

"What?" Nat took a deep breath and sighed heavily.

"How do you dream about Dee? Like, what causes you to dream about him?" There was silence for a few seconds, and Nat feared he struck a nerve. "Kev?"

"I just think about him. I'm usually walking around with him in a field, but I wanted to take him to the ocean tonight."

"I see… Well get some rest. I'll talk to you later."

"See ya." Nat hung up first and shook his head while laying back on his bed.

"Kev, what have you gotten yourself into?" He spoke quietly and turned off the light. "Think of Dee, huh? Alright lets give it a try."

'He always dressed so dorky, but so fancy. In a cute way. So shy… And that gap. Hah, that gap was pretty cute. And that beanie, he wore it everywhere. I have to admit, he was pretty cute…'

"I still can't believe you've never been to the ocean before." Kevin smirked as him and Edd walked along the shoreline hand in hand.

"Well, due to the absence of family, I never had the chance to go." Edd moved closer to the water to let the water was over his feet. "It's beautiful. Thank you Kevin."

Kevin stood behind Edd and wrapped his arms around the smaller boys waist. "You're welcome." They both smiled and Edd covered Kevin's hands with his own. Kevin's nerves immediately kicked in. He stiffened at Edd's touch, still in shock that he could feel warmth.

"Uh..Edd?" He quietly spoke.

"Yes?" Edd replied just as quietly as he turned around to face Kevin. They were close enough together that their bodies were touching. Kevin couldn't contain the growing excitement that he felt.

"I want..to kiss you." Edd smiled revealing the gap between his teeth.

"Then do it, Kevin." He didn't think twice or hesitate. He closed the space between both of them and gently pressed his lips against Edd's.

Kevin felt an electric surge through his body. Kevin knew deep down that this was wrong, but damn did it feel right to him. He pressed his lips harder against Edd's and Edd returned the favor, mimicking Kevin's actions with his tongue.

Before he knew it, Kevin had Edd on the ground with both of their shirts off and their legs tangled in each others. Kevin was in the middle of working off Edd's pants when something startled him.

"Kevin! Stop!" Keving looked up and saw teal hair running straight toward him and Edd.

"Nat?"

A cold sensation rushed over Nat's body and his eyes shot open. As his eyes adjusted to the bright lights, he couldn't believe what he saw before him. Nat was literally laying in sand on a beach.

"Holy…shit…" He slowly stood up and examined his surroundings. There was water and sand for miles around. To his left, he saw two figures walking toward his direction. Nat immediately ran behind him to a sand dune, falling flat on his stomach so he was completely invisible. As expected, it was Kevin and Edd walking hand in hand. Nat was utterly speechless and shocked. He heard them talking, but he couldn't pick up what they were saying. After a few minutes, he watched Kevin kiss Edd.

"OH! Shit!" He whispered. Kevin had his hands all over Edd and Nat shook his head. "The hell man.." Then Kevin started taking off his clothes and Nat knew he had to stop this now. He jumped up from the dune and started running toward Kevin and Edd.

"Kevin! Stop!" He raced over to his friend.

"Nat?" Kevin put his shirt back on along with Edd. "What..How…you're in my dream!"

"I thought about Dee like you said. By the way, hey double cutie." He smirked but immediately dropped the smirk as he glared at Kevin.

"Hello Nathan.."

"Anyway, Kev. You gotta stop doing this to yourself, man."

"W-what do you mean?" Nat exchanged glances between the two of them and finally snapped.

"This! This whole..alternate reality with Edd! You're making yourself miserable Kev, and I'm watching you throw away your life because you'd rather be in dreamland. You need to wake the hell up and come back to reality!"

"No. No, I don't." Kevin snapped back. "I'm finally happy! And i'll be dammed if you try to take that from me!" Kevin was in Nat's face at this point as they both screamed at each other.

"But this isn't REAL Kevin! This is all FAKE! It's all an ILLUSION!" He shook Kevin by the shoulders. "Let him go! And you." He pointed at Edd, making the small boy flush. "You are being incredibly selfish. You tell Kevin he has to move on, yet here you are! Stringing him along this bullshit illusion!" Kevin had enough.

"Fuck off Nat!" He shoved Nat back, making him fall on his back.

"You're serious right now? You're choosing a dead guy you pushed around for years, rather than your BEST FRIEND who you know is right?!" Kevin sighed and glanced back at Edd, who had completely vanished into thin air.

"Edd? Dee?! EDD?!" Kevin yelled, but no response was given. He turned back to Nat and locked eyes with his friend.

"You..you son of a bitch!" He yelled as he tackled Nat back to the ground with full force, making Nat make an umph noise as he fell. Kevin began to repeatedly throw punches into Nat's stomach. Nat tried to yell out or even move, but he couldn't.

'Of course, it's his dream, I can't move.'

When Kevin eased up, Nat began to slowly disappear. "Just wait till you're awake Barr!" He yelled. "You can't hide then!"

Kevin threw one last punch, but his fist hit air and sand. He frantically stood up and searched around for Edd, and then he found him kneeling in the sand as the waves come over his legs. Kevin ran over to him and kneeled in front of Edd.

"Edd?" Kevin shook his shoulders. "Dee!" Edd slowly locked eyes with Kevin.

"Nathan was right, you know that Kevin." Kevin started to shake his head and laugh nervously.

"No, no, no! I don't give a shit what Nat says to me! I finally get to spend time with you and I won't let anyone take that from me!" Kevin laced his fingers with Edd's, causing Edd to look down. Suddenly, Kevin no longer felt warmth, he felt ice. Edd sighed and removed his fingers from Kevin's grip.

"Kevin.. you had 18 years to spend time with me. Yet, you chose to be… a brute. A savage! You tormented me without mercy for years!" Edd was practically yelling, causing Kevin to shrink back.

"Edd… I told you I'm sorry!" Edd shook his head. "Edd.." Kevin stood up to be eye level with Edd.

"Let..let me go Kevin." Kevin couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face. Edd managed to stay apathetic with a blank, neutral look on his face.

"Edd.. look at me." Kevin spoke softly, his voice cracking. But he immediately rose his voice when Edd didn't comply. "LOOK AT ME!" Edd slowly turned his head letting out a deep breath.

"Edd.. I love you..I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. But I know I do. God dammit I know I do! I know how I feel in my heart, so shouldn't that count for something? Anything!?" Edd sighed and backed away from Kevin slightly.

"If you love me, you'll let me go" Tears fell down Kevin's cheek and Edd began to vanish.

"NO!" Kevin lunged forward to stop Edd, but it was too late. He fell to the ground, hard. Edd was gone; he left Kevin to wallow in his self pity. Kevin broke down in tears screaming. He finally looked up from the sand to see the scenery around him fade to black.

"NO!" He screamed as he shot up in his bed. He glanced around to see the sun peeking through his blinds. Kevin picked up his phone to see 17 missed calls and 32 messages from numerous people, including Nazz, Rolf, and a few of his teammates. He only had one message from Nat, and it read 'We need to talk.'

Kevin sighed and stood up from his bed. It was around 3 in the afternoon, and Kevin felt like complete shit. He walked downstairs to start his daily routine. As he made his way to the liquor cabinet, he was abruptly pulled backwards onto the floor.

"D-dad?" Kevin blinked a few times before his dad slapped him across his face. "What the fuck?!" Kevin yelled as he tried to stand up, only to stumble backwards against the cabinets.

"What's wrong with you, boy?! Stealin' my booze?!" His dad picked him up by the arms and drug him to the couch, throwing him down. "Now don't get me wrong, I understand you lost a classmate. So maybe drinking a bottle, I'd let that slide. But after 7? You think I wouldn't notice that?!"

His dad slapped him once more, causing Kevin to hold his jaw in pain. "You..don't understand.." Kevin mumbled.

"Understand what? That my 18 year old son is turning into a borderline crazy alcoholic!? Over some kid you never liked?! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME BOY! MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!" His dad was in Kevin's face screaming. Kevin only chuckled and locked eyes with his father.

"Crazy alcoholic? Like father, like son I suppose." His dad gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. It took everything not to sock his own kid in the mouth.

"It's time for an intervention boy. Give me your phone." Kevin's smile faded immediately.

"What? Why?"

"Give me your phone, Kev."

"Why-"

"GIVE ME YOUR GOD DAMN PHONE!" Kevin tossed his phone on the coffee table and his dad grabbed it, then disappeared into the kitchen for over 10 minutes. When he reappeared, Kevin stood up.

"Go upstairs." Kevin was about to protest, but his father began to push him up to his room. Kevin made sure to slam his door as he made it into his room.

He paced around, kicking things and internally screaming. He sat on the edge of his bed, putting his head in his hands. Looking at the clock, he sighed then fell back on his bed.

'What the hell am I doing?' That was his last thought before he drifted to sleep.

The sound of car doors woke Kevin up. It was around 7 pm. Kevin jumped out of bed and walked over to his window to peek through the blinds. He saw 4 cars parked in his driveway, and he saw Nazz and Rolf walking up to his house from the street. 'The hell..?' Then it hit him. His father said he was getting an intervention. "SHIT!" Kevin ran about his room searching for clothes. he stuck with a red shirt and sweat pants. He ran downstairs and was greeted by family and friends sitting in a circle.

"Kevin.. Please sit." Kevin's Aunt Janet spoke. His Aunt and Uncle were there, along with his father, grandmother, and Nazz and Rolf. Kevin reluctantly sat in between his friends and Nazz immediately grabbed his hands, lacing her fingers with his.

"Kevin," His aunt began. "Your father has made it clear to us that you have been a little upset recently." Kevin smirked. 'Ain't even half of it…'

"We're all here to help you get over this bridge. We all care about you and we only want whats best for you and-" His aunt was cut off by Kevin laughing.

"Care?! HAH! You only care for my dad's money he owes you. You," He pointed toward his uncle. "Only care for yourself. Grandma, sorry but you care about the pills you pop. Dad, hah. Need I say more? Or should we ask the bottles you drown yourself in every night since mom left your sorry ass?" Nazz stood up and slapped Kevin across his face.

"How dare YOU! We're all here to help YOU Kevin! You've dug yourself a deep hole, Kevin Anderson Barr!" Kevin rolled his eyes at Nazz using his full name.

"You all have no fucking clue what I've been dealing with and what I'm still going through!" Kevin stood up, yelling at everyone and making eye contact.

"Then fucking tell us!" Nazz screamed. "Excuse my language Mr. Barr." His dad shrugged Nazz off and she continued.

"You don't understand Nazz. Or any of you!" They were all silent and eager to see what Kevin would say. "I.. I loved him..still love him Nazz…

Nazz sighed and rubbed Kevin's shoulder a little. "We figured we couldn't get through to you, so we asked someone who would." Nazz looked over behind Kevin, and Nat was standing there with his hands behind his back.

"Nat.." Nat looked like a wreck. He looked just as sickly as Kevin did, almost worse in some ways. He looked thinner and paler. 'I guess we look better in our dreams…' he thought to himself.

"Yeah, hey." Nat moved closer to the stairs. "Why don't you and I talk away from everyone." Kevin nodded and followed Nat up to his room. The moment Nat closed the door behind Kevin, he immediately pushed him to the ground and punched him.

"NAT!? WHAT THE HELL!" Kevin put his hands over his face in order to shield himself.

"That's for kicking my ass in that god damn dream!" Kevin's eyes grew wide.

"That was seriously you? I thought i just dreamed that you came…" Kevin sat up and wiped the small trail of blood dripping from his mouth.

"No, it was really me. And you know you damn well deserved that punch." Kevin sighed and Nat sat on his bed while Kevin remained on the floor. "Listen Kev, you know this is absolutely ridiculous. And for starters, I didn't want to come here. Nazz forced me out of my house, literally. I wouldn't have came if it wasn't for her."

"Why did you even come? You could've easily said no and kicked Nazz out."

"Yeah, I could've. But I didn't. Wanna know why?" Nat paused for a little. "Because you're still my bro. And somewhere deep inside there, is my real best friend. Not this mess in front of me." Nat stood up and started pacing around. "You know I'm not good at speeches, Kev. So bear with me."

Kevin nodded and sat up on his bed, resting his head against the wall.

"You need to stop dreaming of Edd. It's only making you worse. Honestly Kev? You look sick, mentally and physically. You've dropped a shit ton of weight, and you're like..losing tone." Nat shook his head and kept on talking. "I was trying to help when I came into your dream, but it seems I only made it worse."

"Got that right.." Kevin mumbled. Nat shot him a glare and Kevin looked at his hands. Nat kept his eyes locked on Kevin for awhile before he finally snapped.

"You have to let him go!" Nat finally yelled out, making Kevin jumped. "He's fucking dead Kev! He's not coming back! Not now, not ever! And-" Something caught Nat's eye on the other side of Kevin's bed. He bent down to pick it up and sighed. "Kevin! His fucking beanie!? Jesus Christ." Nat frantically rummaged through Kevin's stuff and then walked off to the bathroom.

"What're you doing?" Kevin called out, suddenly very nervous. Nat came back in the bedroom holding something in his hand, along with the hat.

"You gotta cut off any ties you'd have with Edd. And this shit?" He held up the hat, along with a pair of scissors. Kevin's eyes widened in fear. "You gotta get rid of this."

"Don't you fucking do it Nat!" Kevin stood up, ready to pounce. Nat didn't give it a second thought as he plunged the scissors into the hat, ripping a giant hole in it. Kevin tackled Nat to the ground, causing Nat to drop the scissors and hat. They started throwing punches at each other.

"You piece of shit!" Kevin screamed at the top of lungs.

"Let him go! HE'S FUCKING DEAD KEVIN!" Nat screamed back, letting Kevin pummel him. The moment they heard yelling, Kevin's dad came running upstairs. He pulled the two apart, throwing Kevin back on the floor and helping Nat up. Before Kevin's dad drug Nat out of the house, Nat stared right into Kevin's eyes. "Who the fuck are you anymore?" With that, his former best friend left his house for good, along with everyone else.

The moment it was just Kevin and his father, his dad let Kevin have it.

"Kevin, I swear to god. Clean yourself up and stop wallowing in your pathetic misery, or get the hell out of my god damn house." WIthout saying a word, Kevin sat back down on his bed as his dad slammed the door. Kevin watched his dad leave the house and go out somewhere in the car. Immediately after his father left, Kevin broke down in tears.

'What the hell is wrong with me?!' He screamed internally. Kevin's rage immediately took over as he threw things around his room, not caring if he broke anything. He began screaming and started breaking trophies he's won, he ripped posters off his wall, and he even knocked over his dresser. At this point, he was fucking done with everything and everyone.

Kevin walked downstairs and grabbed a bottle of his father's bourbon. He searched through the medicine cabinet and found what he believed to be pain medication. He didn't care what it was, he just needed it. Before he went upstairs, he grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper he found lying around and wrote a note.

I can't deal with this anymore. My dreams are better than

reality. I need to have him, I need to feel him.

I need to love him. Please understand.

I'm so sorry.

Kevin stared at the note with tears stinging his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. With the note in his hand, he ran back up to his room and sat on the edge of his bed with the bourbon in one hand, and the pills in the other. He took a deep breath and opened both bottles. This wasn't a time for him to be neat, so he swallowed a handful of the pills and washed them down with the bourbon. He could feel himself slowly shaking, but it began to work up. He was shaking so badly that he fell to the floor, clutching the note in his hand. He glanced up through blurry eyes to see the torn hat a few feet from him. With all of his strength he could muster, Kevin reached for the hat. Before he could reach it, his eyes began to close and he felt his body shut down. The hat was just out of his reach.. He saw darkness, then suddenly a bright light.