Fan Service Part III

"So, you're really not going to kiss me?" Jareth asked, feigning innocence.

"Nope," Sarah replied flatly. She strode back over to her bed and lay down, pulling the covers tight over her head. Without a sound, Jareth crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He gently ran a hand over the lump of blankets and sheets.

"But Dearest, think of the fandom," he crooned. "What about the fangirls?"

Sarah pulled the bed cover down just low enough so that Jareth could see her deep green eyes.

"The fangirls can go fuck themselves," she spat before pulling the bed cover up again and turning away form him.

"Tsk tsk, Sarah. Such language. Besides, judging by their stories, I think that's a given for most of them," Jareth stated matter-of-factly.

Sarah sat up and looked at him, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"Did you just make a joke? A joke at the expense of the fandom?" she asked with a giggle.

"I believe I did," answered Jareth with a satisfied smile. Sarah laughed out loud.

"Now that," she told him, "is deserving of a kiss."

"Is that all it takes?" chuckled Jareth. "It's too bad most of those poor fools haven't figured that out yet. It could have saved them so much time and creative energy." He looked out into the void of the Fourth Wall.

"Listen now, all of you," he commanded. "If you want to get the two of us into bed, just throw in some one-liners about fan service."

"Hey!" snapped Sarah. "I never said anything about getting into bed with you…"

"Ahem," Jareth motioned with his hand and Sarah realized where they were sitting.

"Oh."

They were both silent for a moment before Jareth finally spoke again. "Shall we just…?"

"Um, yeah. I guess," Sarah muttered passively. "What does the thing say?"

Jareth retrieved the tablet computer from the end of the bed where Sarah had tossed it and browsed through several passages.

"Hmm…" he began. "This one says that I held you against the wall and ran my tongue all over your-"

"Keep scrolling!" commanded Sarah.

"Fine, "said Jareth with a scowl. "But that one sounded rather pleasant."

He scrolled down over more passages, offering her bits of each one.

"Up against your front door?"

"Nope."

*Scroll*

"In the oubliette?"

"No way."

*Scroll*

"Sitting on my lap in the throne room?"

*Sigh*

*Scroll*

"In the bog while…oh wait, never mind."

"What?" asked Sarah, intrigued.

"Nothing," answered Jareth, hastily scrolling past. "It didn't involve you."

"Oh? Who did it involve?" Sarah asked slyly, arching a dark eyebrow.

"You don't want to know."

"Oh, but I do!"

"Fine," Jareth answered flatly. "If you must know, it involved Hogwash, or whatever his name is."

Sarah felt the color drain from her face and she shuddered.

"What the hell is wrong with these people?" she asked sickly.

Jareth shrugged his shoulders and continued scrolling. "Let's see…" he mumbled, his eyes scanning the screen.

"We could just…" Sarah began then faltered.

Jareth turned his luminous eyes toward her. "Yes?" he asked expectantly.

Sarah cleared her throat and squared her shoulders and continued. "We could just go for it. You know, unscripted."

Jareth thought for a moment. "Sarah dear, as many of these little stories there are floating out in cyberspace, I don't think unscripted, as you call it, is possible." Jareth's voice sounded wistful.

"Spontaneous then," offered Sarah.

Jareth smiled, liking the sound of that. "Spontaneous," he purred, "I can do."

"Ok then," said Sarah. "I suppose we should set some ground-" she was going to continue with "rules," but Jareth caught her and pressed his mouth hard against hers. Sarah tensed up for a brief moment before letting herself settle against him. He kissed her slowly, languidly.

What, no ramming me up against a wall or door or *gulp* bed?

Sarah moved her mouth tenderly over Jareth's.

What, no fingers in my silvery blond hair, or silky shirt or cloak, drawing me down with her onto the *gulp* bed?

The kiss ended and Sarah and Jareth lips parted. They stared at each other, no heaving bosoms or ragged breathing or throbbing extremities. Jareth tilted his head to one side.

"You didn't even bite my lip," he said, only half accusingly.

Sarah smiled wickedly at him. "Maybe next time," she whispered seductively.

She had hoped Jareth would fall of the bed, but he only smiled back at her.

"That's a girl," he crooned. "Keep them coming back for more, eh?"

"Exactly," Sarah answered. "Now, please fly away so I can get some sleep."

"As you wish, Love. May I take this with me?" Jareth asked, indicating the tablet.

"Are you going to read all of those things?" Sarah questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"No, just the ones rated M. They're the most interesting," Jareth replied with a devious smirk.

"Fine, you pervert. Just keep it down, okay?"

"I'll try, Precious," Jareth said as he walked across the room.

Sarah closed her eyes and tried not to think about what he might be doing in her chair. Suddenly, his voice was at her side again.

"Sarah?" he whispered.

"Mmm?" she answered, not opening her eyes.

"Are my pants really that tight?"

"Jareth get that out of my face. Right. Now."

End

Before anyone can accuse me of being too harsh on the fangirls, let me say that I aimed this more at myself than anyone else. I haven't posted a lot here (yet) but I've posted plenty of silly swooning fangirl garbage smutfests elsewhere. There are also several secret notebooks full of this junk hiding under my bed.

Still haven't watched this movie again, but I plan to remedy that on Monday when my kiddos go back to school. Mama's breaking out the peaches for a full-on Schmexy Poufyhair McTightpants oglefest. *wolf howl*

I currently am without Beta. I usually have my English Professor of a husband look over my stuff, but there are just some things I can't show him. Any takers? Anyone? Bueller...?