A/N: Alrighty, an update! I actually have a few of them planned out or at least, I have the theme. I was just deciding what to do first. This one won because...I'm not sure. I just got this on a whim and decided to write it up before I really got started on homework. Just another odd, random little story of joy.
I don't own S7.
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The large room was, for once, silent. Many of Ayamaro's bodyguards and assassins were lounging around enjoying the break from their work. Tessai was particularly happy today as he had the day off from babysitting the magistrate's son.
He sat calmly alongside Hyogo as they sipped their tea. He savored the crisp flavor and relished the time he had lounging instead of running across Kougakyo for anything that wore makeup and had a pulse. He was positive that Ukyo would fall for a plant should it be wearing a dress and had some makeup. Tessai had often been to Ukyo's harem and seen some of the women. While he was not overly picky about the opposite sex, anybody with half their vision would wonder how some of them make it into his good graces.
"How do you think Kyuzo-dono is doing?"
Hyogo was staring out the window staring at the road below. Unfortunately for the silent samurai, somebody had to watch over Ukyo and since Tessai had a break, that left Kyuzo to step in. Hyogo silently thanked the heavens that he had been kept at the palace so as to guard Ayamaro. However, he was sympathetic to the blond samurai's situation.
"You mean, how is the young master doing?"
The other samurai nodded his head in agreement. It was a known fact that Ukyo did not care for samurai and that the true samurai left did not care for Ukyo. Kyuzo happened to fit the samurai description. So, it stood to reason that they did not like each other. They both hoped that Kyuzo would not return with a dead Ukyo and say there was an "unfortunate" accident. Fortunately for them and Ukyo, that would violate the code of honor and therefore, they felt fairly confident that Kyuzo would uphold the code. Then again, one can never know for sure in such changing times.
"GYAAAA!"
Any semblance of peace that once existed was now shattered by a loud cry of frustration that was definitely from the young merchant. The two samurai stared at each other a few moments and counted down to when the room would be interrupted. Sure enough, right on the mark, the door to the room slid open and a furious Ukyo stepped inside.
"This is an outrage! I order you to do something!"
With their great samurai skills, the two managed to remain calm and composed as they inquired as to what the young master was demanding.
"Kyuzo!"
Silently slipping into the room was none other than the silent samurai. He stood calmly to the side with the same blank, unreadable expression. Tessai prayed that whatever Kyuzo managed to do, it was nothing serious. He calmly stood up and approached the fuming Ukyo.
"What did he do exactly?"
Leave it to Tessai to be the patient one. That was probably why he was usually around Ukyo the most. He actually seemed to be able to put up with him the longest.
"What did he do? What did he do? I'll tell you what he did!"
FLASHBACK"What a pleasant day, don't you think, Kyuzo?"
The young merchant was ginning lazily as they rode a carriage through the city. Kyuzo remained silent and alert and pretty much attempted to ignore anything coming out of the Ukyo's mouth.
"What's the matter? Not happy unless you get to swing that little sword around?"
Kyuzo kept his cool even though he grew a sudden desire to use that "little sword" to end the source of his misery. He pretended not to hear as his eyes flicked across the scenery.
"Stop!"
The carriage came to a sudden halt and from instinct Kyuzo tensed and readied himself. He quickly surveyed the area and could detect nothing hostile. Something else must have gotten his young master's attention. And he was right.
"You there, Miss?"
Ukyo gracefully hopped down from the carriage and grabbed something next to Kyuzo. It was an extravagant bouquet of flowers. The samurai followed a short distance behind and took the time to study the desired object.
It was a young, petite woman dressed in humble clothing. From the looks of things, she was probably from some small village and was searching the city for a place to sell whatever the village created.
"I couldn't help but notice that you were all alone out here. The place can be so dangerous. How is it a beautiful flower such as yourself is in this field of weeds?"
Weeds? That was a new one. Kyuzo silently kept track of all the one-liners Ukyo used to seduce the female kind. Granted, they did not vary so much, but they were always phrased just a little differently. Weeds were definitely one of the more entertaining ones. He sometimes wondered if the young master was smoking weed. He wouldn't have put it past him. Maybe he got it from Tessai? That man was always smoking something with his Frosty the Snowman pipe. Kyuzo concluded that Tessai smoked weed and that's why he could stand to be around the eccentric young merchant. If he began to do this regularly, he might have to consider smoking some as well.
"Oh my, I better go…I have…uh…things I need to get done…"
The young woman attempted to get away from Ukyo, but being a persistent S.O.B., he had no intention of not getting what he wanted.
"Surely these things can wait? I'm just so captivated by your shimmering eyes."
Kyuzo thought her eyes looked more like mud than anything else, but then again, poetics was not his thing.
"There's no need to rush, for you see, I have a proposition for you."
"I-I'm really sorry, but…I don't have time to clown…I mean mess around…"
A ghost of a smirk graced Kyuzo's solemn features. He wondered if Ukyo caught what she just said. It was obvious she realized it too and caught herself. As Kyuzo continued to study her, he noticed that she kept staring at Ukyo, not because his eyes captivated her. No, she was captivated with his makeup job. Sure, all the great nobles wore traditional makeup, but that did not mean they did not look like clowns, Ukyo especially.
Ukyo, self-absorbed as he was, failed to notice the odd connection his target was making. However, he did notice when she seemed to shift her attention from him to something else, or rather, somebody else. He glanced over his shoulder to see who was behind him. He about blanched when he had forgotten Kyuzo was right behind.
"A-as I was saying, I have a proposition."
"Uh-huh…"
She answered, but did not make eye contact with him. She continued to stare at the crimson samurai a short distance away.
Said crimson samurai either didn't notice or noticed and chose to remain oblivious. He just stared off into the distance.
The young woman sighed as she continued to admire the scenery. The fair haired samurai shifted his gaze so his crimson irises were trained gently on the female. A slight breeze ruffled his hair and he moved his hand to brush the strands of hair from his face. As he did, he lightly flipped his hair and went back to staring off into the horizon.
"-Oin me at the palace…Miss?"
He tapped her shoulder causing her to snap out of her reverie and bring her attention to the clown claiming to be male. Still slightly lost in her own world she just nodded and then glanced over Ukyo's shoulder again.
"As long as he's around, I'll go with you anywhere."
Were it not for his incredible self-control, Kyuzo would have broke into hysterical laughter right then. Ukyo contained his surprise and anger as he smiled and began walking off.
"Well, I suppose I better let you get back to your chores. Driver, let's go."
He climbed back into the carriage followed shortly after by an impassive Kyuzo.
END FLASHBACK"I see. Milord, I'm sure Kyuzo-dono had no ill intent…"
He wondered if he was lying between his buckteeth right this minute. It was impossible to tell with Kyuzo.
"No. I'm positive. You did that on purpose!"
Ukyo pointed accusingly at Kyuzo who remained as emotionless as before. The young merchant stomped out of the room and snapped his fingers.
"That's it. I'm never bringing Kyuzo along anywhere ever again! Tessai, you will accompany me. Hmph, no girls will be attracted to you."
Tessai began to weep internally. Not just from the comment, even though the comment made him very sad, but the fact that he was now pretty much stuck with him from now on destroyed his peaceful afternoon.
Ukyo stomped out of the room followed by a now depressed Tessai. After he was sure they were far gone down the hallway, Hyogo turned to face Kyuzo who calmly walked over to where Tessai had been sitting and sat down. The other samurai poured him a glass of tea. They sat there in companionable silence sipping their tea. For Hyogo, the situation pretty much remained the same. However, there was a question nagging at the back of his mind.
"Kyuzo-dono…Did you really do that on purpose?"
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A/N: How was it? Odd, yes, but I had fun nonetheless. I just thougth it would be funny if Kyuzo had to go around with Ukyo as well because he seems to be the one girls flock around...At least in the fandom world...I suppose I'm included in that...Oh well, I just love Kyuzo and his deadpan personality. Makes you wonder what he's thinking most of the time. Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!...Btw, does anybody else think Tessai's pipe looks like a corncob pipe you see Frosty with?