It's been a week since Serena left the hospital and Blair's still the only one who knows her secret. It's eating her up alive so when Chuck wakes up one morning and sees her already awake, lost in thoughts, he tries to approach her as best as he can.
„Blair..." Chuck says in his usual concerned voice. „What's wrong?"
She tilts her head to the side and looks him in the eyes.
„Oh, nothing... everything is just.. fine.", she starts speaking.
„It's not,..." Chuck states „You're doing that weird thing with your eyes."
„Chuck stop staring at me" Blair punches him in the side.
„I won't stop until you tell me." he responds.
„I can't. I made a promise. I can't tell you, Chuck." Blair says.
Blair sighs with discomfort and gets out of bed and walks away, not wanting to accidentally say something she isn't supposed to.
#
Serena decides to get out of the apartment for a change. She needs some fresh air and someone else to talk to except for Dan. She knows he does it out of love but he's so over-protecting it makes her feel oppressed, so she decides to see if Blair has some time for her.
*Blair? Wanna meet? - S*
*Sure. What did u have in mind? - Blair*
*How about that little café on E 72nd / 2nd street? In 20 minutes.? - S*
*Alright, c u then. - Blair*
Serena puts on her trench coat and leaves the apartment, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply when steps out of the building. A little while later, Serena already sits on her favorite spot, sipping some hot chocolate when she sees her best friend arriving. Serena waves and Blair lets herselffall on the chair in front of Serena.
„Hey" Blair says as she grips Serena's hand. „How are you feeling?" she continues.
„You know... been better" she smiles weakly.
Blair smiles pitiful and regrets it the exact same moment.
„S... have you talked to Dan?" Blair asks carefully
Serena looks up and bravely looks at her.
„I haven't... I can't." Serena says „It'll break his heart. He won't be able to cope... I'm scared he'll never be able to touch me again when I tell him. He'll never want to touch me again because he's too scared he'll make me feel uncomfortable." Blair listens carefully as Serena continues. „He won't be able to sleep at night because he is too scared something will happen to me. I can't risk the lightness of our relationship. I can't risk losing him. I love him too much."
Blair has to surpress her tears considering the sincerity of what her best friend just said.
„But S... I can see how much it damages you. And not telling him... it will only make things harder eventually" Blair responds.
„I know but I don't know... I don't know what to do but he can't know. He will leave me... he can't leave me" Serena says fighting her tears.
Blair stands up and sits down next to her best friend comforting her as best as she can. She knows this is far from easy for her.
„He won't leave you, Serena..." Blair speaks up „It's Dan. And I don't mean that in a bad way. It's Dan and Dan would do basically anything for you. I know he loves you unconditionally and the love you two have, that's something a lot of people would want in their lives. He won't leave you..." Blair says as she pulls Serena in for a hug.
„Trust me" she breathes into her ear.
„Thank you for being there for me, Blair" Serena says smiling lightly, the first real smile in a long time.
They leave money on the table and leave the café together and head into different directions.
A while later, Serena gets a call from the police officer that's been dealing with her case. He lets her know that she's required to come to the office to identify theperson that mugged her. Considering Serena's state is still very unstable, Dan decides to go with her. Arriving at the police office, she struggles to go inside.
„I don't really wanna go inside" Serena whispers, hiding her face in Dan's shoulders.
Dan pulls her into a hug and then takes her face in both of his hands.
„Look at me...", Dan says „Serena look at me," he continues, pulling her chin up, now looking into her eyes.
„I know this is hard for you and I know you don't exactly wanna see the man who did this to you but I know you know that this needs to be done. That man needs to be punished" he says now wiping away a tear with his thumb.
„I know" Serena says quietly.
He takes her hand and grips it hard, trying to be brave for her. He knows this certainly can't be easy for Serena but he also knows seeing the man that did this to he person he cares most about will make him insanely angry. The police officer leads them to the room where the identity parade takes place. Dan and Serena are still holding hands and she slighty hides her body behind his. She feels embarrassed and can't even bring herself to look straight up in order to see the 5 men that are lined up behind the window. She turns around, now facing the window and starts sobbing. Heartbreaking sobs. Dan turns around and lays his arm around her waist.
„Serena..." he says slowly.
„Get me out of here, please... Please, Dan, get me out of here."
„Okay, okay. Shh. Okay" Dan says as he opens the door and leads her out.
„Let's just go home, okay? You don't need to do this right now" he tries to be as supportive as he can but he knows her way will inevitably lead her back here.
Serena nods and they get inside their car and drive home.
Later that evening they get ready for bed. Serena has been completely silent the rest of the day and she just wants to sleep … and forget. Serena lies in bed already as Dan lies down next to her. He moves slightly so he lies on his side as he reaches on arm out to stroke her cheek. She clinches and moves slighty away.
„Don't touch me..." she whispers „Just stay really close to me."
Dan falls back into his place and rests his arms beside his body. He exhales deeps and closes his eyes while Serena stays widely awake. Another sleepless night trapped in her own mind.
The next morning Dan runs into Nate at college. Dan is just headed home but he thinks it may be a good idea to talk to his best friend... to get recent happenings out of system.
„Hey man!" Nate says as they shake hands „What's up?"
„Nothing much, really." Dan answers.
„How are things at home u know, how's Serena?" Nate asks.
„I don't know, things are a little weird. It's really tense between us and frankly I don't even know how to help her other than being there for her." Dan says.
„I get you but don't you think she just needs time? I mean what happened to her was surely traumatizing... give her some time, cut her some slack." Nate says.
„Trust me, I am giving her time. But she is so distanced as well... I don't even know how to treat her at the moment. Last night I wasn't even allowed to touch her. I'm just afraid she won't recover from this... and I need her to recover from this. Seeing her like that... it breaks my heart. And I can't do anything about it." Dan answers while Nate is listening understanding.
„You guys always had a great relationship, you could talk about everything, maybe just talk to her? I'm sure she feels just like you." Nate tries to help but fails miserably.
„Dude, your advice sucks." Dan says as he laughs a little
„I'm sorry, man.." Nate responds „Anyway I gotta go to class now. Talk to you soon!" Nate continues as they shake hands again and Nate's headed to his next class while Dan is headed home.
When Serena is still at college, Blair decides to pay Dan a visit. She didn't call before because it would make her chicken out. She knows what she's about to do isn't right and she knows she made a promise but she also knows how much Serena is suffering and she couldn't take it one second longer. She nervously rings the doorbell and keeps pushing the button until someone opens the door.
„Blair!" Dan says with a surprised look on his face.
Blair rushes into the apartment and sits down on the couch as Dan says „I just wanted to ask you in anyway..."
„Dan..." Blair starts speaking. „I need you to hear me out without interrupting me" she continues.
„I made a promise... but I can't keep it. Because I know that keeping that promise is damaging Serena and it's eating her up alive..." Blair speaks up.
„What are you talking about?" Dan says confused.
„She was raped, Dan..." Blair says quietly „Serena was raped … And I know this is a lot to take in but you need to be strong for her. What she needs is someone to love her, someone who's gentle with her."
Dan nods understandingly, not being capable of anything more in that moment. What he just heard sounded like a nightmare, something he wishes he could make undone. Right in that second, his apartment makes him feel claustrophobic, he can't breathe or think properly and all he wants to do is to leave. He grabs his jacket and leaves the apartment, followed by Blair who takes a cab downstairs while Dan is headed to Central Park for a walk to clear his head.
Dan enters their apartment and sees Serena lying in bed, reading a book. When she hears him, she looks up and lets out a sigh of relief as well as a weak smile, which Dan doesn't return. He can't even bring himself to look at her. He comes closer, his facial expression is still the same when Serena is starting to look worried.
„You know!?" she says quietly.
When he doesn't answer, her eyes fill with tears and she has trouble breathing. He now looks her right in the eyes and moves close to her.
„I love you. I am in love you. I will love you forever. This doesn't change anything..." Dan starts speaking as he sits down next to her and pulls Serena a little closer to him.
„that man can not go free. You have to be able to sleep at night, you have to be able to breathe, to be yourself. He can not go free." he continues „I understand why you can'tidentify this man but he cannot go free."
He immediately stops talking as Serena puts her fingers on his lips then gently strokes his cheek. With a wordless exchange, they both know what to do know. Dan helps her up from their bed and waits for to get dressed. He calls a cab, then the officer, letting him know they're coming by as they drive back to the police office. Serena is way more confident this time, knowing Dan has her back. She walks into the small, dark room, keeping a serious face and bravely calls out „3. It's number 3."
a/n okay, here we go, chapter 3. In my head it all sounded a little more dramatic and I'm sorry if this chapter disappoints you but I promise I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Pardos / Pardis/ DerenaTreeHill and Chris aka DedicatedToTwilight cause I felt like I owe them. You girls rock! :) Also, I think this story might end soon so don't stop reading just now!