a/n: I know I haven't updated in like 5 months and I am very sorry but I've just moved to America and it's been insanely busy. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go with this story but I hope you like it nonetheless. This is a semi-short chapter just for me to get back into writing. Let me know how you like it. :)

„No" Serena whispers as she slides down the bathroom wall with her back.

„No, no, no" she says quietly as a tear escapes her eyes. She stares down at the stick she's holding in both her hands. She wipes the tear away then shakes her head and starts crying even harder. She looks back down at the stick. Two stripes. Two goddamn stripes, she thinks. Pregnant. She feels like her world is falling apart. How is she going to tell Dan? How is going to react? Is he going to leave her? And how did this happen in the first place?

Serena has been on the pill since she was 15 years old. It was the only thing she was really responsible about. She had to be; she slept around alot in her teenage years. Now she feels like she has settled but still always managed to take her pill on time.

Breathe, Serena, breathe... she thinks to herself, maybe the test is wrong. It has hashashas to be wrong. It is wrong. She's convinced it is wrong.

She decides to go call her gynecologist, just to be sure. She needed to know after all.

„Congratulations, Miss van der Woodsen, you are pregnant" her doctor says as he points at the little screen with the ultrasound on „About 12 weeks" he continues.

„Did you stop taking the pill?" he asks her as she covers her eyes with both her hands. She takes a deep breath to keep herself from crying again.

This cannot be happing.

„No" Serena says absently.

„No?" her doctor repeats.

„No. I've been taking it everyday. I don't know how this possibly could have happened" she nows says with a stronger voice.

Serena is beyond scared. A baby... now? She sure always wanted to have babies. She always wanted to have a baby with Dan. But now?

Now that things have gotten so good since the rape... They have really moved past it but Serena wasn't sure if they were both ready for a baby yet. How was she supposed to tell Dan?

„Well, Miss van der Woodsen, I'm going to run some tests then, to find out why this has happened."

„Mhm-hm" Serena just nods and continues to go behind the curtains to dress herself again.

What now?

She's pregnant. With Dan's baby. It's a dream come true. But on the other hand, it's also a nightmare. She didn't know how Dan was going to react. How was she going to tell him in the first place?

She strolls along the Upper East Side with mixed feelings. She doesn't know whether to be happy or sad.

She finds herself at her mothers apartment, walks in and greets Vanya with a weak smile.

She stumbles out of the elevator and finds herself in her Mom's living room.

„Mom" she hollers the minute she walks out of the elvevator „Mom, are you here?"

„Why yes Serena darling. No need to holler." Serena hears her mother saying from the living room.

When Lily sees her daughters red and puffy eyes, she immediately stands up and goes up to Serena.

„What's wrong sweetheart?" Lily asks „What happened?"

„I'm pregnant, Mom" Serena says now bursting into tears.

„Oh dear..." Lily says as she tightens her arms around her daughter.

Lily yanks Serena over to the sofa and makes her sit down.

„How did this happen, Serena?" Lily asks.

„I don't know. I've never forgotten to take the pill so I really don't know. I have to go back to the doctor's office tomorrow and get the test results." Serena says, looking down. „I'm so scared to tell Dan."

„How are you feeling?" Lily says, now grabbing Serena's hand.

„I'm confused as to how this happened... I don't know whether to be happy or sad" Serena answers „This is all I ever wanted, it's just not how I wanted it to happen, I guess." she continues as Lily listens patiently „Dan and I have been through so much in last couple of months, I'm just not sure if we're ready to be parents yet."

Lily is sort of speechless and just hugs her daughter. Lilian van der Woodsen is speechless, for once.

„Anyway Mom, can I crash here tonight? I can't go home right now. I need to think and clear my head" Serena asks.

„Of course Darling, this is your home after all."

Lying in bed in her old bedroom, a lot of memories pop into her head. The first time Dan and her slept next to each other in this bed, the first time they slept together in this bed... Most of the memories of this room are associated with Dan. She refuses to believe, that just because she's pregnant, all these memories wouldn't count anymore. They always will.

She texts Dan and lets him know where she is.

*Hey! I'm crashing at my mom's today, she's not feeling well. See you tomorrow, when you get home after college. Love, Serena.*

*Oh no, do you wanna talk about it? Are you alright? I love you*

*Tomorrow. I love you too. - S*

That night, Serena falls asleep with her hands resting on her bare stomach.

The next morning Serena rushes back to the doctor's office. She's a little queasy and doesn't know whether it's the nervous or actual morning sickness.

When her name gets called, she goes into the doctor's office and sits down in front of him.

„How are you feeling today, Miss van der Woodsen?" her doctor asks her.

„Okay, just a little sick" Serena answers, playing with her fingers.

„There's nothing to worry about, that's normal for a pregnant woman in the first trimester" the doctor smiles and Serena smiles back weakly. „As you know, we ran some test yesterday and I just found out what got you pregnant in the first place." he continues and Serena lifts her head.

„We found some toxins in your blood that makes the pill ineffective. Those toxins are mostly found in diet pills these days."

„Oh shoot" Serena says, thinking back to their vacation.

„You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'm so much in love with you … and your body" „You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to change anything about it."… their vacation... that what 3 months ago...

„Yes. I've been taking diet pills... but only for like 3 days" she finally says. now it's my fault; Dan will blame me; no nonono

„It seems as if those caused the ineffectiveness of the pill" her doctor tells her.

„Oh okay" Serena says absently.

„Miss van der Woodsen, here's your ultrasound screenshot from yesterday" Serena's doctor tries to get back her attention „That over here, that, is your baby."

Serena takes the picture in her hands and starts to cry. Her baby. Their baby.

„Thank you" she says as she leaves.

When Dan hears a key in the lock, he jumps up from the couch, knowing it's Serena. As soon as she enters their apartment, he showers her with kisses.

„I missed you" he says as he plants a kiss on her smooth lips.

„I missed you more" she replies as she hugs him.

He examines her face. Her hair looks ruffled up, her eye lids heavy. She has been crying. Why was she crying? Because of her mother?

He decides to take it easy.

„How's your mom doing?" he asks.

„My mom's fine..." Serena says as she tears up „Actually, there is something I have to show you." she says shaking, as she reaches into the back pocket of her jeans.

„What? Why? I thought she wasn't doin we-" Dan turns speechless the second he sees the picture.

„Is that?" he looks her straight in the eyes.

„Yes" Serena answers barely audible.

„Are you... ?" he asks again.

WHAT?

„Yes. 12 weeks along" Serena says.