(A/N I'm considering putting Deadpool as a technical co-host to this, please PM or review if you agree.) (Yeah! We don't have a lot of things to do!) (Additional, Navi the fairy is my assistant in this chapter)
Me: Hello everybody! Today we have a new batch of dares and truths so let's get the ball rolling!
[Clears throat and grabs megaphone] ILIA!
Ilia: WHAT!
Me: You have a truth from "TheKingdomHeartsCraz" asking how many times did you try to fight the bosses with a hammer?
Ilia: I fought Ghoma in the Great Deku Tree, and to get her off the roof I threw the hammer. Then I fought a giant bird on a tall tower somewhere in the sea. then it was a big dragon on a really open area.
Me: That was the Helmaroc King. DEADPOOL, I have a job for you! Well... more along the lines of a contract to kill.
Deadpool: Oh! Who is it? Is it the blue light bulb you have get you coffee and run errands or the is it the guy with red hair and skin like an overcooked campfire marshmallow?
Me: Nope its [Whispering in ear] ... Okay? Navi make me a Frappuccino and get Deadpool 50 grand.
Deadpool: [gets in sliding pose while grabbing katana] YES, IT'S CUTTIN TIME! SLASH, SLASH AND CROSSCUT! You just been Deadpooled!
[Ilia stays still as Deadpool slashes and slides through her.]
Ilia: Hah! That did noth- [Deadpool sheaths his katanas and Ilia falls apart in small pieces]
Me: You were saying? Anyway, DEADPOOL! Set up a video call with Link while I do another dare. Zelda, you have a dare from a "Zelda-serene-moon" that says for you to kiss Ganondorf. Pucker up.
Zelda: NO! I won't kiss that bastard! He destroyed my kingdom and caused my ancestors pain.
Me: True, but I'm basically able to make you either do it or get killed in the most gruesome ways. Example, Shredder! Come 'ere boy!
[a brawler crashes through the wall. In case you don't know what a brawler is, the brawler is a creature you fight or call in Prototype 2.]
Zelda: ... Ganondorf. Come here. PLEASE!
Ganondorf: What? [Zelda pulls him into a kiss]
Me: Ok Zelda, you can stop. Shredder, sit! Roll over! Good boy, here's a treat! [toss squirrel in his mouth and send him off.]
Deadpool: How did you get that thing as a pet? Also, Link and Midna are on the video call.
Me: Another time (Navi brings in my Frappuccino and Deadpool's money.) Good work you two. Link, Midna, you got truths and dares.
Link: What? But were on our honeymoon!
Me: Tuff shit. Link, look in your suitcase and you'll find a shotgun. Epona is outside the hotel, so you go shoot her.
Link: Why! She has been there for me since I was a kid!
Me Cause "Ganon-Lover" said to. Now do it or Deadpool gets a new contract!
[Link walks out to the front of the hotel, shotgun in hand. as he gets to Epona, he apologizes for what he's about to do. He steadies his hands, aims, then pulls the trigger as pellets fly and Epona's body becomes lifeless.]
Link: Happy!?
Me: No, but not like it matters what I think. Also put on a tutu and dance to the song known as Sugar Plum Fairy and say that Ganondorf is 1000000000 times better than you.
Link: Problem with that, I don't have a tutu and you can't give me one since I'm not there. HA!
Me: Deadpool! Get the teleporter warmed up and Navi, get me Shaundi on the phone.
Navi: HEY! She wants to know why you're calling at 3:30 in the morning.
Me: Hand me the phone. (Navi hands phone) Hey Shaundi, It's Toon.
Shaundi: What do you want!? Its 3:30 in the fucking morning!
Me: I need the tutu you had when you got high 2 years ago.
Shaundi: ...How do you know about that?!
Me: You talk in your sleep. And Pierce told me.
Shaundi: Dammit! Fine, one minute. (Portal opens) Here!
Me: Thank you, bye! Deadpool, is the teleporter ready?
Deadpool: Yep.
Me: Link, here's a tutu. (toss into teleporter.)
Link: I think Ganondorf is 1000000000 better than me. (tries to dance to the music but ends up falling out a window.)
Me: Well that sucked...a lot. Well that's all for today, remember to Review or PM me for a dare or truth and if you want Deadpool on this more or other Zelda characters. ToonLink13 is out!