*Edit: I think I've fixed the spacing for this chapter. If you see a problem, please let me know*

"Sometimes I just feel that I can't go on. I can feel something all the time, deep down at the pit of my stomach, but sometimes it's worse, like another punch in the gut. And sometimes I feel, I feel like there's nothing left for me. And that's not a feeling that I want to deal with."

John's therapist nodded her head and made a note in her journal.

"Do you feel like there's a gap in your life, now that he's gone?" she asked, looking at him. She tried to see if he gave anything away that might tell her more about how he felt. He just looked blank.

"Yes. Yes I do. I don't like being in places on my own that I've visited with him. I don't even enjoy being with the people that I've met through him, and some of them are my best friends. Everything reminds me of him and I just can't deal with it any more." His voice began to raise "It's just not fair! What did I do? Why me? Of all the people who had to meet him, why me? I've done nothing wrong and I didn't want to lose him!" He was shouting now.

There was a flicker of fear in the therapist's eyes. "John, I need you to calm down." she said firmly. The ex-army doctor didn't stop shouting. "He's gone and no-one else cares! You all think he's a fake don't you? That's what you all think! You didn't believe me when I told you did you?"

"John, calm down now or I'm going to have to ask you to leave." the therapist ordered. This time the sandy haired man stopped shouting but instead broke into ugly sobs.

John sat in his flat. The day was just like all the others. Lonely, boring. No wonder Sherlock used to shoot at the wall. The sandy haired man felt embarrassed about what happened at the therapist's. He should have gotten used to being upset in front of people by now.

"So did you see the game last night?"

Greg and John were sitting in a pub one day after Greg had finished work. Greg wasn't allowed to work at Scotland Yard any more after what had happened, but he had found a job doing paperwork for a badly paid law firm. John seemed slightly surprised by his question.

"Um, no. Did you?"

Greg shook his head. "No I just thought you might have. I was thinking about watching but I had to stay late at work."

John tried to look interested, but it wasn't working. He missed Sherlock. Greg was a great guy, and could be really funny at times, but things weren't as good without Sherlock.

"How's your new job?" John asked. Greg sighed and drank a mouthful of beer.

"That bad?" questioned the younger man. Greg nodded.

"It's just so boring. I used to be out chasing murderers and hunting down kidnappers, catching the occasional criminal mastermind, and now I'm in an office. Doing bloody paperwork." He took another swig of his drink. "It's not as if the hours are any good either. It's nearly as bad as before, and I get nowhere near as much money!" John felt bad for his friend. He really wanted to be able to help him, but he knew he couldn't. "Are you coping though? After, Jenny left?" At first John wished he hadn't brought up his mate's ex-wife, but he really was concerned as to how Greg was. "I am coping. There's been some days when I thought it might have been easier to shoot myself, but if I still thought that now I'd have driven myself off a cliff. It's been a struggle to find somewhere else to live but I found a place that's fine. What about you? How are you coping?"

This is the point where John should have told him everything. He should have told Greg that he wasn't coping, the flat was just a bit too expensive to really afford. He should have told Greg that he wasn't happy any more, that it had been weeks since he had properly smiled and that he would sometimes start crying before he even properly realised why. He should have told Greg that whenever he opened his desk drawer he was met with the sight of a cold black gun waiting for him, and that he didn't really want his life to continue the way it was. But most of all, he should have told Greg that every night he prayed to be with Sherlock, and that he didn't care what it would cost any more.

He didn't.

"I'm fine." said the ex-army doctor, and he smiled a fake smile.

AN: Thanks for the reviews! :)