MADISON
"Hey, Bitsy," Dave called as I headed into the lounge for some coffee.
"Whatever you want, Dave, the answer is NO," I said, smiling.
"Come on, Madison. I need to know if Carter could get me a reservation at that new restaurant on the waterfront? I want to take this girl I've been seeing there for dinner and the reservations are usually booked three months ahead of time," he said.
I glared at him. "I'll see what I can do," I said.
"You're the best," he said, heading out of the lounge.
I fixed my coffee and sat down at the table.
Carter entered.
"What's wrong," he asked immediately.
"How did you? Never mind. Dave wanted to know if you would get him a reservation for two at that new waterfront restaurant," I said, sipping my coffee.
"Why," he asked.
"He has a date and it takes three months to get a reservation. Unless you're John Carter," I said, smiling over my coffee cup.
I smiled my most flirtatious smile and batted my eyes. "Besides, it might be in your best interest to make sure he has a second date," I said, rising from the chair.
"Madison," he started to say.
"What," I asked, putting my hands on his chest.
I kissed his neck, then blew softly across it, causing goose flesh to rise on his neck. He shivered.
I kissed him. When we pulled apart, he looked at me.
"OK," he said.
"Thank you. I know how difficult that was for you," I said.
"You're just going to have to finish what you started," he said, pulling me closer.
"Promises, promises," I said.
We shared another kiss, just as the lounge door opened.
"Ahem...We have a multi-victim trauma coming in 5," Lily said.
Carter groaned.
"We'll be right there," Carter said.
"Later," I said, kissing him again before pulling away and heading out the door to meet our latest patients.
CARTER
I'm a sucker. That's the only way to describe it. I'm a glutton for punishment. Whenever I'm around Madison, I can't say no to anything she asks.
When she approached me in the lounge, I knew she wanted something. I just didn't know she wanted something for Dave.
"What's wrong," I asked immediately.
"How did you? Never mind. Dave wanted to know if you would get him a reservation for two at that new waterfront restaurant," she said, sipping my coffee.
"Why," I asked.
"He has a date and it takes three months to get a reservation. Unless you're John Carter," she said, smiling over her coffee cup.
She smiled her most flirtatious smile and batted her eyes. She knew how to push my buttons. And she was pushing all the right ones. "Besides, it might be in your best interest to make sure he has a second date," she said, rising from the chair.
"Madison," I started to say, trying desperately to put the wild thoughts to rest.
"What," she asked, putting her hands on my chest.
She kissed my neck, then blew softly across it, causing goose flesh to rise on my neck. Damn, this woman. I shivered.
She kissed me. When we pulled apart, I looked at her. No way was I going to say no to her.
"OK," I said.
"Thank you. I know how difficult that was for you," she said.
"You're just going to have to finish what you started," I said, pulling her closer.
"Promises, promises," she said.
We shared another kiss, just as the lounge door opened.
"Ahem...We have a multi-victim trauma coming in 5," Lily said.
I groaned.
"We'll be right there," I said, upset by the interruption.
"Later," she said, kissing me again before pulling away and heading out the door to meet our latest patients.
"What have we got," Madison asked.
"Two victims," Doris said.
"I'll take this one. You got the next one, Carter," she asked.
"Got it, Dr. Ross," he said, taking report from the other paramedics.
"27-year-old woman. Trapped in MVC. She was the driver. Airbag deployed. Unable to hear breath sounds and intubated. Limited air movement. Started two large bore I.V.'s and hydrated with 2 liters of saline in the field," Doris said.
MADISON
I began my survey of the patient. I couldn't make out but a few muffled breath sounds. "Let's get a stat portable. She's either collapsed both lungs or she has a pericardial effusion," I said.
Xray was shot quickly and I returned to the patient's bedside.
"Let's spin a crit and notify the blood bank. I'm willing to bet she's going to need blood. Get me CBC, Chem 12, PT, PTT, BAL and urine screen. Let's check the urine for blood before it goes to the lab," I said, checking off the trauma checklist in my head.
"Xrays back," Malik said, handing me the folder.
I pulled the xrays out and stuck them to the light board.
"Malik, check and see if Carter can give me a hand," I said.
"Pneumo," Haleh asked.
"Bilateral. She needs chest tubes," I said.
Carter poked his head into the room. "Yeah, Madison," he asked.
"How's your trauma," I asked.
"Probable spleen lac," he said.
"Dave, watch Carter's trauma for me. John, can you help me with chest tubes. She's got bilateral pneumos," I asked.
"Sure," he said.
"Number 6 gloves and a 34 french," I asked.
"Number 7 gloves and a 34 french," Carter said.
We slipped in our chest tubes. Blood poured from the tube on my side.
"Damn. It's a hemopneumo," I said.
"Get Madison another chest tube," Carter barked.
Another tube was quickly in front of me and I slipped it in.
"Pulse ox coming up," Malik said.
Lucy came into the room. "Dr. Ross," she said.
"Yes, Lucy," I said, listening to the patient's chest.
"I was in lab when they were typing the blood for this patient. She's on factor V," Lucy said.
Carter and I gaped at Lucy.
"Let's add potassium to the IV. We need to make sure we can get this blood to clot," I asked.
"What do you have," Peter asked as he entered the room.
"Carter's trauma has a spleen. This woman has a hemopneumo and spleen. Is Elizabeth coming down,"I asked.
"I'm right here. Which one do you want, Peter," she asked.
"I'll stay here, you take Carter's trauma," he said.
Fifteen minutes later, both traumas were taken to the OR. Carter and I were standing in the room, our yellow trauma gowns covered in blood. We took off the gloves and gowns.
"Wow," he said.
"Yeah. Coffee," I asked.
Carter nodded and we went to the lounge.
That's pretty much how things went along. We went to work, we came home. We went out on dates fairly regularly. I found myself, once again, in the Carter family fold and it felt good. Especially knowing Carter's grandmother loved me like a daughter. It was a nice little rut to be in and I actually started in a happy ending.
Then came Valentine's Day. Carter was going to propose to me that night. How did I know? After all the drama and fallout from that day, I found the ring in his clothes.
Valentine's day is a day that, even now, I hate with a passion. That was the day my entire life changed. That was the day my relationship with Carter: the wonderful, understanding and trusting relationship we had, crumbled. I just didn't realize it at that time.
Carter was stabbed and Lucy, his med student, was killed.
I barely remember certain parts of the day, yet others I remember with such clarity, it's like they are playing in movie on a screen.
I was working a later shift than Carter and thought I'd get to see him if I went in a bit early. We had plans for the next night to celebrate, but I at least wanted to see him. Everyone thought Carter was in doing a knee lac that Lucy had on the board for the last four hours. I greeted Kerry as she went to the same room to use the light board. I was behind Kerry when she found Lucy and Carter in the exam room.
Seeing the man I loved, bleeding on the floor, unconscious, broke me.
"Madison! Get help," Kerry yelled at me.
I knelt by Carter, but Kerry pushed me away, "Get Kovac, someone," she said.
I stood up on shaky legs and came out into the hallway, covered in Carter's blood. "Luka! Somebody, help," I yelled.
Malik, Yosh, Dave and Luka came around the corner and rushed into the room. They picked up Carter and Lucy and put them on stretchers. They headed toward the trauma rooms and I could do nothing but stand there, trying to make sense of what I had just witnessed.
I stood there staring through the doors of the trauma rooms. I watched the dance between the staff trying desperately to save the lives of two of our own.
I pushed open the doors of Carter's trauma room and walked right to his side. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He was unconscious, but was responding to fluids. Almost immediately after squeezing his hand, his eyes flew open. "Maddie," he said.
"Do you know where you are," I asked.
"Trauma room. Maddie. Lucy," he asked.
"You were stabbed. Lucy's next door with Peter," I said.
He looked through the windows of the connecting door and saw Peter working on Lucy. He turned back to me and squeezed his eyes closed. He squeezed my hand slightly and started to talk, but I knew what he was going to say.
"I know. I love you, too," I whispered into his ear so only he would hear what I was telling him. I wanted nothing more than to have this be a bad dream. Peter came rushing into the trauma room and looked at me.
I don't remember much after that. I held Carter's hand and made sure he knew I was there. His gaze flipped from me to the door where he could barely see Lucy. I knew she was in trouble, but I was concerned about Carter. That was my only worry at the moment.
The flurry of activity went around me as I held onto Carter. When Jing-Mei called for Luka, I looked in her direction and, despite not wanting to give in to the panic, the expression on my face at seeing the blood in the Foley bag was one of fear.
She ran back into the other room to get Peter. Peter rushed into the room and took one look at him before throwing up the rails on the bed.
"Let's get him up to surgery, now! Madison, you coming," Peter asked.
I didn't even reply, I just followed the trauma stretcher up to the OR.
Anspaugh looked at me as they headed toward the OR. "You going to be OK, Dr. Ross," he asked.
I didn't say anything. I was focused solely on the body on the gurney.
"Madison, will you be OK," Peter asked.
I looked up at him. "Will he be OK," I asked.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and headed into the scrub room. "Why don't you go and see him before he goes under," Peter said.
I quickly changed into OR attire and went into the room.
Carter was on the bed, getting prepped for the surgery.
"Hey," I said, coming to the head of the bed.
"Sonny," he said.
"Listen, you're going to be just fine. Peter just needs to control that bleeding. You'll be back to eating my cooking in now time," I said, trying not to cry.
"I love you," he said again.
"I love you, too," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"This isn't how the day is supposed to end," he said.
"I know. You didn't give me my roses," I said.
"Madison, we need to get started," Peter called.
"I've got to go, but I'll be right outside when you wake up," I said.
"Madison," he started to say before nodding off.
"OK, he's out," the anesthesiologist said.
I headed out of the OR, not knowing what to do for the next several hours.
Shirley, the head OR nurse came over to me as I stood looking in the window and watched.
"Dr. Ross," she said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah," I said, never taking my eyes off of the display in front of me.
"Do you know of any allergies Dr. Carter has," she asked.
"He's allergic to penicillin, Shirley," I said.
"Are you going to observation," she asked.
I didn't respond. She gently guided me into the observation room and led me to the window. I stood there, my hands to the glass, watching as Peter and Donald worked frantically to get the injuries sized up. As I looked at my hands, I noticed I still had Carter's blood on my hands. It was all over me. I didn't care. The thought of leaving, even to take care of the blood on my clothes and my hands and probably my face, was too much to deal with at that moment.
I kept my gaze fixated on the men in the room below me and watched them work on Carter. Silently praying that everyone would come out of this alive.
I watched, not saying a word. I didn't even hear when the door opened and Luka came in to stand with me.
"Madison," he whispered, handing me a drink.
I failed to respond, so he called again. "Madison, you need to drink something. Don't want your sugar to drop due to the shock," he said.
I turned and looked at him, but didn't really see him.
"Luka," I questioned.
I took the drink from him and sat down on the chairs in the observation room.
"How are you," he asked me.
I started to cry. My shoulders started to shake and I faced Luka, tears pouring down my face. Luka did the only thing he could, he wrapped me in his arms and held me. I felt totally lost. I didn't have anyone.
Neither of us said anything. There wasn't anything to say. Luka just did the only thing he could. He held onto me while I watched Donald and Peter work on Carter.
"We did catch it in time," he said.
"I know, but it's Carter," I said, wiping my face.
"How long have you two been together," he asked, trying to take my mind off what was in front of me.
"Four years before we broke up and then we were apart for a year. We've been back together almost a year," I said.
"He's going to be OK," he said.
"I want to believe that, Luka," I said.
"You have to believe that," he said.
We both fell silent as we watched what was happening.
"Madison," the intercom in the OR sounded into the observation room.
"Is he OK, Peter," I asked, leaning on the button.
"He's going to recovery. You can see him there," Peter said.
"Thanks, Peter, Donald," I said.
Luka, who had been holding my hand, led me out the door to the recovery room where Carter was going to be. I knew all the things that could arise after his surgery and hated knowing.
"Go on in. He's going to be wanting to see you when he wakes up," Luka said.
"Thank you, Luka. Can you find out about Lucy for me? Carter will be asking," I asked.
"Sure. I'll check back with you in a few minutes. Promise me you won't try to drive home," he said.
"Promise. Thank you," I said.
I entered the recovery room and found Peter doing his neuro checks on Carter. I knew he was worried about paralysis from the surgery, but seeing Carter lifting that leg, despite the grimace across his face, made me smile.
"How's he doing, Peter," I asked.
"He's complaining," Peter said.
"So he's fine, then," I said.
Peter gave me a small smile. Both of us knew how close we came to losing someone we cared very deeply about.
"Maddie," I heard Carter say from the bed.
Peter motioned for me to go to him and I went to the bed and kissed his forehead.
"Hey, handsome," I said, sniffing back the tears at seeing him.
He tried to smile, but the pain was starting to return. Peter pointed to the PCA and I handed him the button.
"Here's the morphine," I said.
Carter pushed the button and he quickly relaxed.
I sat down in the chair Peter brought for me and Carter rolled his head to the side so he could see me.
"Lucy," he asked.
"Luka's checking on her for me. I knew you'd want to know," I said.
"I'm glad you're here," he asked.
"Me, too. I missed you," I said.
Carter closed his eyes. "You missed me?"
"Yeah. I missed you. I love you," I said.
"I love you, too," he said, opening his eyes. "This is not how Valentine's Day is supposed to be," he started to say.
"It's OK. It's for us to be together. And I'll sit here and stay with you," I said.
Carter closed his eyes like he was in pain. "Do you need another shot," I asked.
He shook his head. He reached for my hand, which I gave him. He gave it a small squeeze before telling me, "I love you."
When he closed his eyes, I knew he'd gone back to sleep.
I sat by his bed, watching him sleep, knowing he wanted me there.
Peter came back when he noticed Carter had gone back to sleep.
"I'll move him to a room in a few hours. Why don't you go and get some rest. You look beat," Peter said.
"What about you? You've been on for a 48 already," I said.
"It's Carter. I'm going to stick around. I'll page you if something happens. I'm going to make sure he stays asleep for a while," Peter said.
"He wants me to stay," I said.
"Madison, he wouldn't want you to be exhausted. I'll explain why you're not here," he said.
Reluctantly, I gave up my sentry. "Thanks, Peter," I said.
"I'll walk you down," he said.
He checked Carter one last time before telling the nursing staff to page him if they needed him. He walked with me to the elevator and we went back to the ER.
"Go get something to eat," he said.
"Thanks, Peter," I said as I headed to the lounge to get my jacket.
"Madison, how is Carter," Dave asked.
"He's in recovery. Peter made me promise to go and get something to eat," I said.
"Off-shift staff went to Doc Magoo's. You can head over there and give them an update. I'll walk with you," he said.
"Thanks, Dave," I said.
"No problem, Bitsy. And if you stay with Carter for a while, I'll make sure the trash is taken out," he said.
Luka found me as I was about to head to Doc Magoo's.
"Madison, I found out about Lucy," he said.
"How is she? I want to go and see her," I said.
"I'm sorry, Maddie. She didn't make it," Luka said.
The tears that I thought had dried, were refreshed. I sobbed and leaned against the wall. Dave came around and grabbed me and helped me out the door. Luka gave Dave a nod, a silent communication for him to take me away. Grabbing his jacket, Dave led me to Doc Magoo's.
"Come on, Maddie. You have to tell them what happened," he said.
I stared at his face. "Why," I whispered to him.
"I can't explain it, Bitsy. All I can say is that we see it all the time and, most of the time, never know why. We can never make sense of it, but we have to get through it," he said.
He gave me a hug before opening the door of the diner.
Everyone looked up when Dave and I came into the diner.
Jing-Mei looked up at me and Dave. In a shaking voice she asked, "Carter?"
Dave shook his head. I whispered, "Lucy."
Dave sat me down across from Jing-Mei and got me a cup of tea. He knew I preferred tea when I was stressed.
It was another reason why Dave had become my best friend outside of work.
When I returned to the hospital, Carter was still asleep. He hadn't woken thanks to the drugs Peter was giving him, but I desperately wanted to hear his voice.
"Dr. Ross, here are Dr. Carter's clothes. I don't know if you'll want to keep anything, but we just threw his stethoscope and everything in here," the nurse said, handing me a bag of clothes.
"Thanks. I'll make sure everything is separated," I said.
I spent the next 48 hours at Carter's bedside. Finally, he was awake enough to tell me to go home.
"I love you, but you look like hell," he said, smiling slightly.
I rolled my eyes. "If you weren't in that bed," I said.
"Wow, Maddie, you're demanding," he said, smiling wider.
I rolled my eyes.
"Sonny, go home. Take a shower, eat, take a nap. You've been here for days. You heard Peter, I'll be here a few more days," he said.
"You did the same thing for me," I said.
"I did. And you told me to go home, too," he said.
He had a point and I hated to admit it. "OK, but I'll be back later. I'll take a short nap, shower and eat something. I'm coming back in a few hours, though," I said.
"I know. I just don't want anything to happen to you because you're worried about me. I'm supposed to start therapy today and I really don't want you to see that," he said.
I hadn't thought of how hard that would be for him. I nodded. "I'll see you later, then. Call me if you need anything," I said.
He squeezed my hand. "I will. I love you," he said.
"I love you, too," I said.
I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. "I've missed that," he said.
We shared another kiss, but were interrupted by Peter clearing his throat.
"None of that. My patient has therapy today," he said, a smile on his face.
Carter, a smirk on his face, flicked his eyes toward Peter. "I bet Maddie's therapy would be much better," he said.
I backed away, blushing.
"I'll be back later, Peter," I said, waving as I headed out the door.
I got home and took the stuff out of the bag. The scraps of clothing had been tossed in the trash, but the paper in his pockets and a small box, found their way into the bag. Not thinking anything about it, I opened it and then immediately snapped it shut. Blinking a few times, I opened the box again.
"Damn," I said.