PART III. GAMES.
CHAPTER 19. WATCHED.
Sorry for the long unannounced hiatus, guys. Really, I truly am.
I am making a true effort to write more. New chapters as well as my first attempts at one shots will be coming out every Wednesday. I'll be adding to this as well as When the Snow Falls (which needs completely revised), and started new one shots/novellas/novels for The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and possibly some Mortal Instruments/Infernal Devices. So put me on author alert! This week it is just BTCS. . Please put me on author alert. I'm literally desperate for reviews. I work well with my readers and take requests. Please, please, PLEASE. Um... I think that's it. Check my page to see if I forgot anything.
Pretty much an uneventful chapter, but some things needed to be said. Also kinda short, and I'm sorry for that. But I really wanted to get this out here for you all. I feel bad for the lack of updates.
In the movie, we saw the screens in the squares of the Districts. As you know, in my version of District 7, the traveling towns have no screens available to them in their own homes, and must watch the Games in the square. I use the movie version of the square's screens - three separate panels each with their own film running. I describe that in this chapter.
~BTCS~
The next hours are a blur of white. The snow has covered the rock, and provides slight shelter from the storm, though the hail seems to have stopped. Maze's face is the only color, and I stare at it as she cries, her screams lost in the wind. With every tear, with every movement, my panic grows. October is dead, and we are standing before a chasm with no way to escape from the Careers, if they still live.
Maze is curled in my arms, sobbing. I hold her, muttering words that mean nothing, words that change nothing. October, the last part of District 11 that Maze had, is dead. I remember that day during training, when we were talking about our homes. October had said, "The Fields family is the closest thing I have to a family. I owe them a lot." I remember him speaking to his food, and then smiling timidly at the beaming Maze. How could that boy be the same one who had almost sliced Maze open moments ago? Had he thought her to be me? How could he have betrayed us?
The snow stops suddenly, and Maze jerks her head up. We stare at the skies, now gray. I look around, realizing for the first time that we are covered in snow. The avalanche has stopped. The swirling masses of snow have stilled. "What time do you think it is?" I ask Maze, wishing for the sun, if only to give an idea of time.
"Midnight," she answers quietly, her voice strained and hoarse. She points to the sky, where a section of clouds are retreating to reveal the black sky, sprinkled with stars. I sit up, and Maze moves away from me, pressing her back against the frozen rock. The Capitol seal lights up the cleared area, and the anthem blares into the arena. It seems strange and disruptive, the loud noise, and I wrinkle my nose in distaste.
Luster's face appears in place of the seal, and I start in surprise. He must have died in the avalanche. Syren's face appears, and I stare at my hands, the thin layer of blood nearly invisible. It hides in the creases of my palm. Maze bursts into new tears as October's face is framed by the clouds, and then gone forever. Cole's face also appears, and I wonder if he was following us up the mountain, or if he happened to be in the area when the avalanche came. Then there is the seal, and quiet.
Maze takes a deep breath, hiccuping uncontrollably. "Fawn," she wipes her face. "Were you really going to..." I know she is referring to the brief moment where I had stood, ready to kill October, before the avalanche had taken him. I turn my face away from her, not wanting her to see that I was now crying as well. "Fawn..." she trails off, and when she speaks again, there is a note of panic in her voice. "How did Luster and Syren die?"
I steel myself, and meet her eyes. I can't lie to her as October lied to me. "I.. I killed Syren." I admit, my shoulder sagging forward with the acceptance of her death. "She was going to kill me, but I stopped her and ran. The avalanche saved me." I'm shaking, imagining the masses of snow rolling towards us once more.
"What about Luster?"
I shake my head. "I had nothing to do with his death. I assume it was in the avalanche, as well as Cole's." She doesn't reply, and I grab her hands. "Maze, where is Raven? Did October really..."
She is shaking, too. "He... It was an accident. It had to have been. He was just going along with the Game, so that no one would think. When I chased Gneiss into the forest, I thought he would stop. It must have been an accident. He wouldn't have done it..." she trails off, the tears fresh in her eyes. I let go of her hands, thinking of Raven's hand, surely mangled, perhaps completely gone.
"Maze, what happened to Gneiss?" I try to make my tone gentle, but there is no hiding the tone of urgency it holds.
She shakes more. "I... I... It was me." She breaks into more sobs, and I realize with a sinking heart that I am not the only killer here. Maze was the one who killed Gneiss after all. It is strange to think that something the Careers had decided was correct.
I let her cry for a moment longer before saying, "We have to go to Raven, Maze. We have to get out of here before the remaining Careers come for me." She stares at me a long moment before nodding, and leading me around the chasm, down the mountainside.
~~BTCS~~
Maze left Raven in a tight group of trees not far from the Cornucopia. As we approach, I realize that I cannot stop shaking. I keep seeing October plunging over the chasm, and imagining Raven's hand, bloody and mangled. "Raven?" Maze calls out, her voice still numb. "It's us."
Raven appears from behind a tree directly to my right. I jump, startled that he was so close to me without my noticing. "What have you two been doing?" he demands, staring at us. Glancing down at myself, I realize that I'm a mess. Blood is streaking the white coat, which also bears rips in certain places. My face is probably just as puffy as Maze's.
"I saw the faces in the sky," Raven is continuing. "I'm guessing you both had something to do with that?"
Maze and I exchange looks. "Syren was going to kill me," I offer in a flat tone. "I stabbed her, and threw a knife that missed its target. Then I ran, screaming. I accidentally caused an avalanche, which we assume killed Luster and Cole. Maze found me at the edge of a chasm, and we hid behind a rock, which sheltered us from the avalanche."
Raven is staring at me, and I look directly at my feet. My heart is pounding - my eyes have been avoiding his hands, but I know that I soon must look. "And October?" Raven's voice is low. I understand immediately that he, unlike Maze, believes that October hurt him on purpose.
"Dead," I tell my feet. "He was going to kill Maze, but I warned her. I nearly killed him myself, but the avalanche swept him over the edge of the chasm." I risk a glance at Maze, and watch her cry. I remember the scene at training again, and remember how I had wondered if Maze and October would have fallen in love, if it weren't for the Games.
"L-let me see your hand," I say to Raven, glancing up slowly to meet his eyes. He hesitates, then nods, pulling his left arm from where he had concealed it, behind his back. The wrist has obviously been severed. It is wrapped tightly in Raven's shirt to stop the bleeding. I can tell by the way that Raven holds his hand that he has no control of it. I glance at his jacket, zipped completely up. "You must be freezing." I say.
He shakes his head. "It... there's no chance for it," he says, nodding at his hand. I flinch. "I would have already cut it off, if I'd just had something sharp..." his eyes drift to the axe on my back, and I flinch, realizing what he is implying.
"Raven, no." I tell him, backing away instinctively. "I ... I couldn't possibly..." I trail off, staring at the hand. He's right. There is no chance for it without Capitol technology. And while it remains on him, it only hinders and pains him... "I couldn't." I repeat, mostly to myself.
Maze's hand is on my shoulder, stopping me from backing away from them until I have left them. "Fawn," she says, her voice tight and quiet. "He's in pain." I look up at Raven's pleading eyes, the way he has to hold his wrist in his working hand... Maze is right. He is in pain, and I could stop it. I stare into those eyes, and for some reason, I think of his sisters and brother back home. They have to watch him, in pain before me, in the same square as my family. The words slip from my lips: "I'll do it."
~~~BTCS~~~
The night is spend in tense silence. We all laid down by ourselves, curled up at the bases of trees. As we pretend to sleep, I cannot help but think of the Crescent Moon Troop, and how we all laid side by side, in a bundle around a fire, not fearful of anything after we had proved ourselves to be at the top of the food chain. In District 7, I didn't have to be fearful of children running up to me in the night to stab me in the neck.
When we pretend to wake, Raven looks at me with questioning eyes. After agreeing to cut his hand off, I had insisted that we all needed sleep. Now that we were awake, it was time to finish my promise. I give him a tense nod, and he sits down, carefully unwrapping his hand. I stare at the hand, seeing it for the first time uncovered. It is red and purple, and the cut extends nearly from wrist to wrist. Only about two inches of skin connect his hand to his wrist.
I gulp and look away. Bile is rising in my throat, and I spit angrily. I can feel myself shaking, and only the thought of the pain Raven must be in keeps my from running at that very moment. "Raven, I..."
"Just... please do it." I don't have to look at him to see the tears in his eyes. My own eyes brim with water, and I blink them away angrily. I have to be strong for Raven. He was right last night when he said that the hand must come off. It only hinders him, and eventually, it will become infected. What happens, then? I could be putting his life at risk by not doing this for him.
I take a deep breath and force myself to look at his hand. New blood has soaked the snow on which Raven has laid his hand. Steeling myself, I say, "You'll have to numb it."
"How?" I think I hear some relief in his voice, but I can't bear to meet his eyes to see.
"Snow," I say shortly.
Maze moves to help our ally, her face dry. There is determination in her eyes as she scoops up snow and presses it onto the cut. She is gentle, but unyielding. I study her arms, and am reminded of Kri, the best healer in Crescent Moon Troop. Thinking of the troop reminds me that we are on television right now. My mind flies to District 7. The screen in the square is divided into three parts. The right screen shows the female tribute and whatever it is that she is doing, and the middle shows the male tribute. As Raven and I are currently together, the two screens will have merged and be showing the scene together. The left screen switches from tribute to tribute, showing what is happening in other areas of the arena. I straighten with the knowledge that they are watching me.
My female ally turns to me. "What now?"
"It is numbed?" I check.
She prods the wrist with the tip of her finger, and Raven doesn't flinch. "Yes," she replies.
My mouth is dry. "Then move away." Maze hurries to comply, and I take my axe from where it lies on the ground. I don't look at Raven. I know that if I were to look at him, I wouldn't be able to do my task. "Look away," I instruct my allies, fixing my gaze on the bleeding hand. I don't look to see if they obey - I just let my axe fall.
~~~BTCS~~~
We bury the hand beneath the snow and hurry on. I give Maze and October both a knife from my precious remaining ten. We decide to go the opposite way of the avalanche-ruined area, and we move quickly. No doubt, with Syren, Luster, and October dead, the Careers are searching for me. Perhaps it is that thought, or the thought that we are on camera right now, that makes me continue to feel as though I am being watched. Around midday, Maze moans, "I'm hungry," and I wish again that I still had the backpack that I had carried to the cave. However, I had lost somewhere in the avalanche.
I glance around the area. There are surely some sort of animals nearby. "We can try to hunt for a while," I suggest.
"We'll need to cook the meat, right?" Raven asks. I nod in confirmation. "If the Careers are looking to hunt someone, a fire would be easy to follow," he comments, looking around at the trees. "and wouldn't the wood be pretty wet?"
"It's wet," I agree. "but I've started fires in snowstorms before." I remember the occasion. The Crescent Moon Troop had been out for a short two-day trip, scouting out the nearby area, when the snowstorm hit. As usual, it came quite quickly. Following common protocol, we had made a small snow-fort, and hid underneath of it. I had made a fire there, and we had waited for hours for the remainder of the troop, who had been hunting, to join us. They never did, and their bodies were never found.
I shake off the memory, wondering if my troop is at this very moment remembering that time. "You two can collect wood from that tree," I say, pointing at one of the trees that isn't pine. "It's a hickory," I tell them. "the smoke it will give off will be light. I'll go hunt."
"We're separating?" Maze asks, her tone a bit panicky.
I try to hide that the panic is racing through me as well. Again, I can feel the eyes of the entire country on me. Taking a deep breath, I reassure her, "I'll only be gone for a moment."
She meets my eyes a long moment. I stare back, wondering if this is the last time I will see her. I memorize her features - her eyes, still slightly swollen, her strong arms and legs, and her plaited hair, falling slightly out. Finally, she looks down. "Be careful."
"You, too," I reply, glancing towards Raven. He gives me a nod, and my eyes fall down to his hand... or rather, the stump that used to be his hand. I remember how the hand had separated from the arm. Quickly, I turn away from them and walk into the pine trees.
Away from my allies, I feel myself relax. The arena feels like home to a degree that is almost terrifying. I shouldn't be comfortable here, where danger lurks behind every tree. I know this, but I cannot help it. As I stroll through the trees, I can imagine Johanna and Lore behind me, walking easily through the forest, silent like a pack of wolves. My feet naturally step lightly into the snow, barely causing an indentation. My eyes scan the trees swiftly as I comb through the vegetation for any sign of life.
Several minutes pass before I see the sudden flash of gray. I don't think. My loose grip on a knife allows me to quickly flick my wrist, sending it flying towards the unsuspecting animal. If it weren't for the bright flashing color of the knife, I wouldn't be able to see the animal as it falls towards the ground. A quick inspection of my prey tells me that I have struck a large rabbit. I immediately reach for my pack on my back, only to discover that I do not have a pack. I am in the arena, I remind myself. This is not District 7.
A pang of longing overwhelms me, and I can almost feel the eyes of an entire country on me. Suddenly self conscious, I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. River is watching. I suddenly wish that I didn't look like a slob. Suddenly, I feel the need to say his name, the names of my troop, my family's names... but I bite my lip instead. I know better. Web warned me. His words ring through my ears: if you place one foot out of line, they will all die slowly, one by one. Why do you think Blight is all alone? Why Haymitch Abernathy drinks his life away? Why our other Victors are dead; taken their own lives? Even if I escape this place alive, I will never be the same. I can never be close to anyone again, for fear for their safety.
Feeling very alone and very watched, I sling the rabbit over my shoulder and hurry back to Maze and October. More than ever, I crave their company.
~~~~BTCS~~~~
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