"I guess I should thank you for coming with me. If you had just stayed home, you wouldn't be here right now..." Mario muttered, feeling regretful that his status as a hero was causing so much trouble.
"Nonsense! I guess it's my job to save you, now!" Luigi joked.
They hopped off of the pipe and began making their way across the black rock to a castle only a few hundred feet away. "You think they'll be all right?" Luigi asked.
"I honestly don't know... I never thought things would get that bad. I just hope they're sensible enough to trade with Bowser or Queen Bean."
Despite Toad Town's blatant xenophobia and racism, most of the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom was readily accepting of Bowser and his works. Trade between him and the more outlying territories was commonplace, and several Toads worked in his fields and factories. Mario had to give Bowser credit where it was due. For one who owned a kingdom composed entirely out of igneous rock and lava, he produced more than enough food to export and still keep his country in prosperity.
In Darklands, almost everyone supported the Koopa Troop in some way or another. The citizens were surprisingly friendly, the economy was bustling, and it was easy to get a job. All in all, it was what Toad Town should have been like. Mario blamed it on the current administration.
Eventually, he and Luigi made their way to the castle gate. Unbeknownst to many, he and Bowser were usually on speaking terms. Sure, Bowser hated him with a passion, but respected him as an enemy as well. He wasn't against Mario's presence in Darklands (with the exception of during his military campaigns), and Mario had in fact acquired several rare items off of the black market that were impossible to find in the Mushroom Kingdom.
He figured that the kidnappings were more of an amusement than anything to Bowser, seeing as how he and Peach were never destined to be together. The last time they tried, it had nearly destroyed the universe!
Bowser was in complete acceptance of this fact, but continued the kidnappings despite it. Almost as if he had an underlying motive other than just to annoy Mario.
"Hey... do you ever wonder why Bowser kidnaps Peach so much?" he voiced his question out loud.
"Well... I don't really know. He gave up on trying to marry her a few months ago, seeing as how it would destroy the universe if they were together. I always thought it was for political reasons..." Luigi remarked, surprising Mario.
How could he have been so blind?! He had never seen the kidnappings as more than an act of malice, spite, or amusement, but Luigi's reasoning made a lot of sense. Through marriage, he could have gained legitimate conquest over both kingdoms without having to fire a shot.
Mario could easily see why he wanted it, too, despite the prosperity of his own kingdom. The majority of the Mushroom Kingdom was undeveloped, with no farmland, industry, or even residential zoning developed in the vast majority of the territories. Peach either was an incompetent ruler or just kidnapped so much that she never had a chance to do anything.
None of this had an effect on Peach's personality, of course. Despite how bad a ruler she might have been, she was still one of Mario's closest friends, and he intended to keep her as such. She was also on speaking terms with the Koopa King, even taking the time to race karts, play golf, or go to tournaments with him.
Luigi and Bowser's relationships with her, on the other hand, seemed to diminish immediately after the near-end of the world incident a few months ago. They were both apparently bitter of the fact that Peach got to go to heaven while the three of them were simply thrown down to hell. Despite never having actually died, it was clear that the two harbored some resentment against the administration upstairs, metaphorically speaking.
While pondering this, Mario had failed to notice that the castle doors were open and waiting for him to enter.
"That's... unexpected." Luigi pointed out. If Bowser had kidnapped Peach, it usually meant an extremely cold (and often painful) reception for them.
A portly Koopa waddled out of the door. He was wearing thick glasses and holding a clipboard. "Name?" he asked in the most deadpan voice one could imagine.
"Really?" Mario asked. "You don't know who I am?" He was used to Luigi being forgotten, but he was...
The Koopa laughed, relishing the surprise on Mario's face. "No, I'm just messing with you! Mario and Green 'Stache. Go right in. Bowser's expecting you."
"Is he really?"
"No, but I always wanted to say that!"
Mario rolled his eyes at the immature guard. "Fine, fine. We'll only be a few minutes."
He walked down the hall, once again pausing to marvel at the design differences between Peach's and Bowser's castles. Bowser either was really in love with his own image or had a serious inferiority complex, based on how many statues, carvings, and symbols of him were displayed. Based on his brash personality, Mario expected the former.
"Ah, Green 'Stache. Is there another rare artifact you need to pay me to get, or have you just come to revel in my awesomeness? BWA HA HA!"
Yep. That was Bowser. He could tell it from a mile away.
Mario scratched the back of his head, feeling uncomfortable. "Well, this is awkward... but I need to ask... did you kidnap Peach again?"
Bowser genuinely looked confused. "No, not yet. In fact, I was supposed to do it again sometime later next… HEY! I'm not revealing my military strategy to you!"
"Really? Well, someone did!"
"Huh. It wasn't me. I've been helping old Kamek clean up after this weird event that happened yesterday. The skies turned a creepy dark green , and there was a freak thunderstorm or something with pink lightning. Kamek kept babbling something about 'paranormal limit' or 'dimensional collapse'... either of you two know what that means?"
Luigi shifted uncomfortably. Sure, it was foolish to assume that the incident in the Treacherous Mansion would go unnoticed by everyone, but why did they always think he had something to do with it? Never mind the fact that it was correct, it was just annoying!
"Well... I'll tell you some other time."
"That's all? No rare artifact you want to sell me? No treaty from Peach yet? HA HA HA! I can't imagine they're doing too well!"
Mario was about to ask him just what he meant by that when Luigi cut him off. "Hey, you know what this reminds me of? That time a few months ago when we thought you kidnapped Peach, but didn't. It was actually..."
"Count Bleck! Count Bleck stole your pathetic princess." a voice spoke from the ceiling.
All eyes focused on the source of the voice. What appeared to be a creature consisting entirely of its cloak and enormous top hat floated down to the deck of the ship.
"I thought you were dead!" Mario exclaimed.
For some reason, this sent the figure into peals of psychotic laughter "Ah ha ha ha ah ha ha ha… if only he knew the extend of what he said…" Count Bleck wheezed.
"Regardless. Count Bleck needs your help with a problem that is… er… Problematic! Yes, that is it! It is problematic like a jam in the copy machine of life that prevents…" He tapered off, realizing that everyone was staring at him.
"You DO need help, buddy, if you think that you can come to ME and ask for help! Get out of here before I turn you into cosmic confetti!"
"Regardless. Count Bleck will get your help whether you agree or not." Motioning with his staff, an invisible box formed around Mario, Luigi, and Bowser.
"Hey! Weren't you supposed to be good now?" Luigi questioned.
"Good, bad, what are these words? asked Count Bleck. What matter does it make? It will all be inconsequential in time!" The figure let out another peal of psychotic laughter, seeming much more unhinged than the actual Count ever had.
"BLECK HEH HEH HEH! said COUNT BLECK!" the figure loudly proclaimed, waving his scepter through the air.
With a ripple that distorted the space around it, Mario, Luigi, and Bowser disappeared into thin air.