Sonic opened his eyes to see only blackness. Groaning, he pushed himself off of the ground.
Looking more closely, he could see that he was in a room of some kind, apparently made up entirely of a dark material. It seemed to almost absorb light, but it was rigid to the touch. Then he noticed the bars over the door.
Almost instinctively, he gripped the bars and yanked on them.
"Does that EVER work?" a voice from across the corridor asked.
Peering out the cell door, Sonic could make out Eggman's distinct form standing behind another cell door.
"Where are we?" he inquired, rubbing his temples.
"Apparently, we're in a jail or a holding cell of some kind." Tails commented from a nearby cell.
"Wonderful. Captain Obvious to the rescue once again."
Sonic cracked a smile at this. "Seriously, though, where are we?"
"I don't know, Sonic. The last I remember, Eggman was offering you a part in his business, then some large hedgehog busted down the wall, then he turned into Dark Gaia, then he gassed the room, then he…" Tails was babbling. He hardly ever babbled, so Sonic knew that this was serious.
"What's the big deal with that, Eggman? You must be insane for offering me a deal in your…"
Tails cut him off. "Sonic, you know that you need the money. Why don't you just take the offer?"
"TAILS! We talked about that!" Turning to Eggman, he commented "Don't worry about that… just some foolish nonsense…"
Eggman smiled hugely. Despite himself, Sonic had to admire how he could keep calm in the face of a situation like this. "Oh no, Sonic. This seems good. I want to hear it."
"Forget it, Eggman! I'm not telling you…"
"It's all about his taxes, Eggman!" Tails commented, unhelpfully.
"Taxes? Oh yes, this should be good indeed."
"I already said…"
"You see, it all started when he last saved Station Square after your last attack. This tax collector came up to him after the battle…"
"Mr. Sonic, is it?" A heavyset man glanced over his thick glasses at Sonic. "While I applaud your efforts in defending the city, you must surely realize the extent of the collateral damage caused, and the fact that certain people must be reimbursed for your actions. Taking into consideration the fact that…"
Sonic stared around the city, trying to ignore the tax collector who was still droning on about some legal business. His attention snapped back to the collector suddenly. "I'm sorry; I didn't catch any of that."
"I said that I applaud your efforts in defending the city, but financial compensation must be made due to the extent of the…"
Sonic cut him off. "Speak English! Why are you talking to me?"
The man consulted a few notes on his clipboard, and then looked up at Sonic. "You owe $578,000 to the city. The final payment date possible for that deposit is in three weeks."
If it were possible, Sonic would have turned white. "WHAT? I OWE HOW MUCH?" Taking several deep breaths, he was able to slightly calm down. Speaking through clenched teeth, he seethed "This never happened before. Why. Should I. Start. Now?"
The collector seemed unfazed. "After your latest endeavor, the President decided to start a program named 'Hero insurance'. Of course, that name is a misnomer, seeing as how it is not insurance at all. An insurance program will reimburse one for damage done, but only under the condition that…" He babbled on for several minutes about the merits of a strong insurance plan, before branching off into a recommendation of purchasing a 401K plan. Finally coming to a conclusion, he said "To put it simply, you will have to pay for all of the damages that you cause on your heroic attempts."
Sonic's eyes bugged out. "Yeah, well GUESS WHAT? IF IT WEREN"T FOR MY HEROIC 'ATTEMPTS' AS YOU CALL THEM, YOU WOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW! EVER THINK OF THAT?" he screamed in the tax collector's face.
Somehow, suggesting that he had seem much more of this sort of behavior than Sonic would have initially thought, the collector didn't even bat an eyelid at Sonic's outburst. "I'm sorry; Mr. Sonic, but rules are rules. You have three weeks to make the first payment. After that, we will be forced to liquidate your assets."
He waddled over to where Tails was standing. "Mr. Tails, is it? While I applaud your efforts in defending the city…"
Sonic rubbed his head. How ironic, he thought. The fastest thing alive brought down by bureaucracy.
The next three weeks flew by. Sonic didn't make the payment.
"I really appreciate you letting me move in with you, Tails. It'll only be for a couple of weeks, until I can get some money together…"
"Don't get too comfortable, Sonic. I owe a payment tomorrow, and…" he trailed off, leaving Sonic to fill in the blanks.
Sonic's lack of cash stemmed from his inability to hold a simple 9 to 5 job, or any job at all for that matter. While he was certainly qualified, and most employers leapt at the chance to have the legendary Sonic on their payrolls, there was one little problem.
Fangirls.
After his latest mission, he found himself constantly surrounded by annoying, pestering, persistent fangirls. Sure, he didn't mind signing the occasional autograph or posing for a picture once in a while, but this was too much. The constant pleas for marriage, offers to sell their possessions or their souls, begging for kisses or even to touch him, it nearly drove him to the edge of his patience.
Some employers appreciated the business. The bakery, for example, saw a huge increase in sales when Sonic started working there. Unfortunately, it was too good to last. One day, a stampede of fangirls destroyed the baked goods counter in a mad rush to get at Sonic, who ended up having to pay for the damages out of his salary. Obviously, he got fired after that. Other employers hated the extra attention and disruption to the business. One company even went so far as to call the police on the insane fans. When the company got fined for crank calling the police, Sonic was fired again.
Days later, the inevitable happened. Tails was forced to sell his workshop. To EGGMAN.
"I can't believe that you sold your workshop to EGGMAN! What were you thinking, Tails?"
"Well, Sonic, he offered me a good price, and at least I have some money left over this way. It was either this, or the bank liquidates it at what I owe them, which is far less than it's actually worth."
Shortly after the deal concluded, Eggman personally cranked up an enormous bulldozer. Sonic wondered if he had constructed it just for the occasion.
Plowing through the forest around Tails' workshop, Eggman stopped mere inches in front of the door. Hopping down from his perch, he threw open the door and ran inside. Looking through the window, Tails could see him gleefully thumbing through his piles of blueprints and examining half-finished gadgets.
Going into town, Sonic was able to secure a deal at an old hotel. He and Tails would pool their cash to pay for separate rooms, and buy meals together. The living conditions weren't ideal, but it was better than living in the streets. The hotel manager as kind enough to offer a hero's discount to them, but the price was still high.
Two weeks in to this living establishment, the Chaotix, of all people, came through the door.
Vector looked sheepishly at Sonic. "I… uh… hate to ask this… but do you think we could… uh…"
Charmy cut him off. "Could we stay with you guys for a while?"
Sonic looked at them knowingly. "Taxes?"
Espio nodded.
"Okay, here's the deal. You give us your money to pay for a separate room. Whatever's left over goes to buy meals for all of us. We eat dinner out at the end of the week." Sonic filled them in on the details.
It was humiliating. The great Sonic the Hedgehog, reduced to living in an old hotel and eating fast food every day. That wasn't even the worst of it.
Being able to secure a few part-time jobs, Sonic, Tails, and the Chaotix were able to keep up the rent with barely enough money left over at the end of the week. On Saturdays, they sent Tails to pick up their dinner. One night, everything changed.
Tails was walking home from the China Palace when he ran into Eggman.
"Eggman? What are you doing here?"
Eggman scowled. "You know, I do have a life outside of taking over the world. Contrary to popular belief, I don't spend every hour of the day plotting nefarious plans. I am human, after all, and I must eat to stay alive." He retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Oh… sorry, Eggman. I just didn't expect to see you here. What are you doing, anyway?"
He sighed deeply. "If you really must know, I was just picking up dinner before I go home to watch this movie." He held up a case.
"No way… is that the…"
Eggman smiled. "Yes, it is! I was able to obtain it months before the release date! I won't disclose my method, however. If you want, I could sell it to you. I have hundreds of other movies at home."
Tails looked tempted. With work consuming most of their lives like it never had before, he had come to appreciate the smaller pleasures in life much more. "Well… I don't have any money. I only have twenty dollars' worth of Chinese food."
"What a coincidence! That's exactly the asking price for this movie!"
Tails' rational part of his brain told him to ignore Eggman's offer and return home with dinner, but he eventually gave in. Handing a large plastic bag full of cartons to Eggman, he gained the DVD in return.
Excitedly, he flew home and crashed through the front door. Sonic and the Chaotix were already sitting at the communal table, obviously ready for dinner.
"All right, Tails! Did you get the food?"
"Even better! I traded our Chinese food for THIS!" He proudly held up his copy of the DVD.
The case was blue, and a large Eggman Industries logo cleverly obscured the true company name at the top. The title "The Eggvengers" was pasted over top of several superheroes. A man in a metallic suit hovered above the rest, with a large metallic moustache that looked exactly like Eggman's attached to his face. A huge green monster also sported a copy of the moustache, making him look utterly ridiculous instead of threatening. A muscular man holding a hammer stood next to a man in a patriotic suit holding a shield. They were both wearing copies of the mustache, seeming to be the most realistic of the bunch. A man dressed in green, holding a scepter and wearing a crown of some type loomed over the group of heroes. He was also wearing a mustache. All in all, it looked completely unrealistic, and it was going to be hard to take any of these heroes seriously.
Sonic looked ashen. "YOU DID WHAT? YOU SOLD OUR DINNER FOR THAT? WHAT THE HECK IS' THE EGGVENGERS', ANYWAY?" he asked to no one in particular.
Tails' ears drooped. "Well… I just traded our dinner for this to Eggman. He says that he got it months before the real DVD will come out."
Sonic slapped his face. "You traded our dinner to Eggman for a bootlegged copy of a movie that's still in theatres." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
Vector seemed optimistic about the change in events. "I say we put it in and see how it is! It looks like a lot of fun!"
Scraping together a few leftovers, Sonic, Tails, Espio, Charmy, and Vector were able to watch the movie on the television in the lobby over a light dinner.
Nearly half an hour later, something strange occurred. In the middle of the movie where the villain, "Eggki", just broke into the Eggvengers' floating fortress, the view shifted from the film to that of a dark hallway. It continued to move down that hallway to the lobby of the cinema. Handing a wad of cash to a clerk behind the counter and receiving a bucket of popcorn in return, the view eventually returned to the movie screen, where "Eggki" was making his escape on a jet and "EggEye" was knocked out on a catwalk.
After the movie was over, Sonic refused to admit that he enjoyed it. Oh, he'd pay a visit to Eggman tomorrow to talk about this, for sure.
Eggman burst out laughing. "Seriously? You? Brought down by taxes? Ha ha ha ha! Living in a hotel? Eating fast food every day? HA HA HA HA!" He convulsed with laughter, rolling on the cell floor.
Finally standing up, he wiped his eyes. "Thanks for giving me the best laugh I'd had in a long time."
"By the way, Eggman, what happened when the movie cut to a shot of the hallway?" Tails inquired.
Eggman scowled. "It was Metal Sonic getting popcorn. Don't even question that, we all know that he's a robot. I guess that it's just some response that's hardwired into everyone who walks into a movie theater."
"That's great, Eggman, but can we focus on the problem at hand? We're still trapped in here."
"Don't worry, you two. I have an idea. We just need to wait until a guard comes along…"
Just a bit of a backstory to explain what Sonic would be doing in Eggman's fortress without a good reason. (Other than Eggman Mart, of course.)