Author's Note: Howdy! Thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoy it! I'm putting this out now since I have to work for the next few days...

Once again, the document editing thingo has eaten my spaces. Please inform me where the spaces are missing from two usually distinct words! Thank you.

Disclaimer: Hana Yori Dango does not belong to me! But the plot of this fanfic does.

Family Planning

By Onkiu

Chapter Three: Mama and Papa jump for joy

"No! You can't announce this sort of stuff to them! They're going to stop looking for a job altogether!" she yelped, and struggled to get out of the limousine. But it was too late; Domyouji got in and slammed the door shut just as she crawled across the seat. It ended up having the effect of her crawling across his lap. Domyouji was in absolute bliss, and his face reflected it - his eyes had rolled back into a dreamy look.

Tsukushi suddenly realised what she was doing and quickly crawled back to her side of the limousine. His face was still blank and looking as though he had reached enlightenment; she also noticed he was drooling as if he were either having a perverted dream or had tasted something yummy.

"OI!" she yelled, after he didn't respond to her waving her hands in front of him or blowing into his face. Her voice brought him back to reality.

"What? What!" Domyouji snapped out of his trance and realised that his chauffer had not started the car at all due to the lack of instruction from him. "Oh, right. To Makino's, if you will."

Throughout the short trip her place, she tried using every tactic in her power to convince him that spreading this rumour further would be futile. Firstly, there was the 'cute girl charms.'

"Oh please, Domyouji! I... I can't handle this sort of pressure from my parents! Kyaa!" she cried, tears sparkling in her eyes, her hand grabbing Domyouji's hands and holding them in a gentle caress.

"Don't do that, Makino. It's creepy." He really didn't like cutesy, fake girls that were submissive. She nearly forgot why he liked her; because she was strong, and had a dominating personality. Since being cute didn't work against him, she decided handle him the usual way.

"If you do mention anything to my parents, I swear I will kick you so hard that you will end up in orbit around the world."

Domyouji blushed. It's working, she thought.

"I ... I... " he muttered. "I love it when you challenge me. It's too cute... but you've won against me too many times. This time, just this once, I have to win. For our sakes."

Gah! she thought, total opposite effect of what I wanted!

She changed tactic over and over but it had no effect on his resolve; in fact, it made him more and more determined. By the time they got to her place, he marched straight there with such an air of certainty about him that even if what he was saying was blatantly a lie, it would pass off as truth.

Just as he was about to knock on the door (for lack of a doorbell made him do so), Tsukushi stepped in front of him.

"Oh no, you don't. You're not spreading this any further than the boundaries of Eitoku. I've given you enough free rein over this."

"I'm doing it. The more people that know about it, the more fact than fiction it will become."

"You're doing this ... Over my dead body!" She wrestled his hand out of the way. Domyouji's other hand swept forward to try and knock the door, but Tsukushi grabbed that hand too. They wrestled over and over, grappling each other's arms and legs, as Domyouji tried to knock the door without knocking Tsukushi out while she tried to stop him knocking the door and hopefully knock him out to prevent this most threatening development from happening.

With all this shuffling, twisting, squirming and grappling causing such a commotion, it wasn't any wonder that it could be heard through the cheap, thin walls of the current Makino family apartment. Tsukushi could also hear a bit of what Mama and Papa were declaring loudly through the walls; she knew they were probably shouting to get themselves heard over their wrestling match.

"Why, Papa, I wonder what kind of hooligans are outside our fortress right now?"

"This is the sort of riff raff I wouldn't want our lovely daughter who goes to Eitoku and is dating Master Domyouji to be associating with, Mama." Tsukushi blushed. They seemed to have placed particular emphasis on 'goes to Eitoku' and 'dating Master Domyouji.'

"Papa, you must clear our front door of this kind of vermin!"

"Being the brave man that I am, I will protect my family from such unruly youth!" At that moment, Papa threw the door open in a momentary show of grandeur and power. "Go away, you pesky degenerate children, we don't buy-"

It was then that he noticed Tsukushi and Tsukasa, wrapped around each other in a very strange and awkward position.

"Um, hi, Papa."

Oh crap, the very last people I wanted Domyouji to see, thought Tsukushi.

Papa stared at them, and looked as though he would cry in happiness. His lower lip was trembling.

"Well, Papa? Did you manage to silence these frivolous adolescents?" called Mama, her voice trailing from inside the apartment. "I have the frying pan here. If they still refuse to leave, I'll get rid of them."

Mama came out with a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. She was about to swing it at them when she, too, noticed that it was Tsukushi and Master Domyouji. She also saw what a strange position they seemed to be in; Tsukushi had her arms around Domyouji, which would have looked fairly romantic if it had not been for the fact that her hands were around his neck, trying to strangle him. Domyouji's arms were around her waist; again, it would have looked so lovely if the motive was trying to be intimate. But he was trying to lift Tsukushi out of the radius that allowed her much shorter arms to strangle him.

Even though Mama had gotten it right the first time - that they were behaving like hooligans outside her house - she instantly forgot it at the sight of this scene. Her eyes selectively chose not to see Tsukushi strangling Domyouji. To her, it looked as thought they were locked in a passionate embrace and were about to eat each other's faces out with such vigour that it would be a surprise if their faces were intact after this.

Mama's jaw dropped. She looked as though she was about to cry from happiness as well.

"Hello Auntie, hello Uncle," smiled Domyouji, in his ever so polite voice. He seemed to have conveniently chosen to ignore the fact that he had been called hooligan, riff raff, vermin, unruly, pesky, and degenerate just a few minutes before by the very same people. "It has been a while, hasn't it?"

Mama and Papa nodded, their lips curled up as if trying to hold back tears. They suddenly noticed their lack of hospitality, for they were still standing at the door with Tsukushi and Domyouji locked in a tangle of arms and legs.

"Master Domyouji, do please come in! If we knew you were coming, we would have prepared something earlier!" cried Mama, throwing the door open, all tears having evaporated in an instant.

"Do excuse our mess, Master Domyouji!" said Papa, rushing around as he tried to pack away the paraphernalia lying on the bare floor.

"No! He can't come in!" yelled Tsukushi, and she was promptly silenced by Mama's frying pan.

"Please excuse her rudeness! She hasn't had quite the upbringing as you have had!"

Domyouji stepped in, and carefully took his shoes off.

"Anything to drink, sir? We only have water and tea, how very embarrassing of us! If we knew you were coming, we would've gotten some champagne!"

"Thank you very much for your hospitality, Auntie and Uncle! I don't really need a drink," he smiled.

"Ah, we know that our drinks are too impure for your lips!" said Papa.

"No, it's not that!" said Domyouji. "I didn't mean that out of rudeness. But I believe we should save the drinks for later, because I have wonderful news for you-"

"- NO! He doesn't have any news!" yelled Tsukushi, "He's just-"

Mama Makino swung the frying pan at Tsukushi again; but as she fell backwards, Domyouji caught her gently and she lay there on his lap, slightly dazed.

"Please excuse her again! It has been my biggest regret that we didn't raise her properly..."

"Anyway, Auntie, Uncle - no, I should be calling you Mother and Father from now on," said Domyouji. His timing in saying that was just perfect. He had Mama and Papa's full attention.

"Argh.. no," muttered Tsukushi, a little disorientated from the two blows to her head. "I... we... no... mmmm!"

Domyouji quickly covered her mouth with his hands as she struggled weakly to get them off her. Those blows really affected her cognition.

"Well, how should I put this joyful news? Um," said Domyouji. He really was quite a good actor. "Tsukushi is... she's..."

"What is it?"

"She's pregnant to me. With my child," he said, smiling serenely at them and gave them a slightly abashed look.

There was a momentary silence before Mama and Papa started screaming and jumping for joy. Papa did his strange twirling dance; Mama started juggling a few frying pans with such skill that one could almost say she used to belong to the circus.

"Did you hear that, Papa?"

"I'm going to be a grandfather! To the heir of the Domyouji Corporation!"

"Our grandson is worth more than our whole family put together!"

"Excuse me," said Domyouji politely. "Sorry to interrupt you, but please hear me out!"

"Sorry... it's just that, we finally have hope for our family! With Papa being so useless..." said Mama.

"Would it be alright for Tsukushi to come and stay with me? I promise to take care of her well," said Domyouji, cutting in before they could start leaping for joy again. He really needn't promise them anything; they would be just as happy for Tsukushi to live with him, promise or no promise. "No offence intended, but I don't believe this is the sort of environment that an expectant mother should be living in before she gives birth."

"Yes, yes, I agree with you! She won't receive adequate nutrition here!" cried Mama.

"Or care!" said Papa.

"We'd definitely neglect her!"

"So she's better off staying with you!"

"So it's agreed?" said Domyouji.

"Definitely!" said Papa. "In fact, I'll go help pack her belongings so she can move in with you. In fact, it would be better for her to stay with you forever! We just can't separate a loving couple now, can we, Mama?"

"Of course not, Papa!"

"Mmm..." murmured Tsukushi, conscious enough to understand what was going on, "I can't.. must stay here...no...don't make me...don't wanna..."

"No, you can't! We don't have enough room for two more," snapped Mama, as though Tsukushi was an outsider and that her tummy would take up the space of another adult.

"Shall I fetch her belongings then?" said Papa.

"Please do!" said Domyouji. "I'll get my chauffer to carry it down later."

Ten minutes later, with her few worldly possessions packed into a box, Domyouji bade farewell to his newly dubbed 'Mother' and 'Father'. Tsukushi was still knocked out cold from her Mama's fairly hefty blows. His chauffer carried the her box down, and Domyouji carried the semi-conscious Tsukushi in his arms down to the car.

"Bye bye, Aun-, I mean, Mother and Father," Domyouji said, giving them a jovial wave. "Are you sure it's okay? Won't you miss Makino?"

"We will, but your need is greater than ours!" said Mama, waving a white hanky around in a gesture of mock-sadness. "Bon Voyage! Auf Wierdersehn! Sayonara! Good bye!"

"Tsukushi will come back and stay with you, should you ever miss her," said Domyouji.

"No, don't come back!" said Papa. "I hope she stays with you forever!"

"I hope so too." smiled Domyouji.

Giving them one last wave through the rearview mirror as the limousine drove off, Domyouji turned back around to nurse Tsukushi's two new bumps (on her head, not her tummy) with an ice pack from the fridge.

"Why... why'd you do such a stupid thing..." muttered Tsukushi.

"It's for the better. If you stayed here, sooner or later, they'd find out that you aren't pregnant. But at my place, where there is so much more room, it's much easier to hide."

"I ... don't mean... that," she murmured. "Why did you... tell them... such a stupid... lie...they're going to get so lazy now..."

"Hey! Don't call my ideas stupid!"

"You're stupid..."

And so, with these arguments between a half conscious Tsukushi and a blissfully wild Domyouji, the limo sailed towards the Domyouji estate where Tsukushi would be living for the next few months.

With Tsukushi finally succumbing to unconsciousness, Domyouji pulled out his phone and dialled. "Hello, Rui? I need your help. Could you come over to my place tomorrow? ... Yes, it's an important matter that we need to discuss... yes, yes, get Soujiro and Akira as well... Makino? She's staying at my place from now on, so she'll be there too...NO! You idiot, I'm not going to do anything naughty to her - YET...yeah, well, okay. See you tomorrow."

Next Chapter: The F4 pay her a visit - and discuss some oh so important matters.