Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter, because it was certainly very fun to write about! Ho hum, as far as I know, jargon means the language of a particular cultural subgroup eg. the medical profession would have medical jargon etc.. But I could be wrong :P
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Except the plot. :)
Family Planning
By Onkiu
Chapter 12: The check up
Because of Tsukushi's high profile involvement with Domyouji, she had been given a private room at the hospital to avoid any unwanted attention from the media or her fellow patients. Just as she was about to get some rest from all the excitement of the past few days, her friends rushed into her room.
"Tsukushi!" cried Yuki, looking as if she was about to burst into tears. It was taking her some effort to hold down her swelling emotions. "You're okay! I was so worried!"
She dropped the flowers she was holding and flung herself onto Tsukushi, and there she started sobbing. Tsukushi felt rather guilty to have made Yuki worry so much about her - all over one stupid little lie that caused such a catastrophe.
"Don't cry, Yuki! I'm okay!" said Tsukushi, stroking Yuki's hair.
Yuki forced a smile and wiped the tears from her face with the back of her sleeve. "I'm glad you're okay... how about your baby?"
The room fell silent as Tsukushi looked around for an answer. Shigeru, Sakurako and Kazuya were looking at her expectantly as the F4 quickly averted their glances from each other. Tsukushi looked quickly at them in the hope that they'd change the topic of conversation, but the F4 pretended they neither heard nor saw her.
"Um... the baby's ... happily bouncing in my tummy," Tsukushi offered lamely.
"Not much of a tummy you got there!" grinned Shigeru happily, slapping Tsukushi on the back.
"Well, uh, I did starve a bit over the last few days..." muttered Tsukushi. She prayed that something would offer itself as a distraction before anyone realised the truth of Shigeru's words, and her prayers were answered in the form of her parents making an uncharacteristic appearance during times of trouble.
"... The nurse already said it was room 4!" said Mama in an embarrassingly loud voice outside the door of her room. "Susumu! Will you stop checking out the young female patients!"
"Whatever," muttered Susumu sulkily. "I don't really get to see such beautifully formed women all the time, I mean, just look at Sister, she's so flat, like a piece of cardboard..."
"Oh, I certainly hope Master Domyouji is here, looking after our darling Tsukushi. Wouldn't it be so sweet to see him spoon feeding her gently, wiping morsels off her lips in a delicate manner?" sighed Mama romantically, cutting into Susumu's mournful monologue. "Don't tell her that that was the reason I brought some soup along, though - it's not really to give her comfort food in hospital, but to let Domyouji feed her tenderly. I'm Cupid, the messenger of love, and I know how to tweak circumstances a little in favour of a warm and fluffy feeling!"
"Mama, that is so stupid!" said Susumu.
The door opened, revealing Mama, Papa and Susumu. They seemed oblivious to the crowd around Tsukushi's bedside and even to Tsukushi herself, and had continued their argument. Tsukushi blushed. She was sure that Soujiro's mother, Akira's mother, and even Domyouji's mother would never be so blatantly embarrassing.
"Hi Mama, hi Papa, hi Susumu," said Tsukushi flatly, wishing that her prayers were not answered in such a way.
"Oh, Tsukushi! We saw you on TV and we were so worried!" cried Papa, finally noticing that they were, indeed, in Tsukushi's room. They looked surprised to see so many people by Tsukushi's bedside.
"I'm sure you were," said Tsukushi, rolling her eyes. She hoped that they would leave soon before they said any more embarrassing things. But before they did so, Domyouji quickly took the opportunity to greet and inflate the egos of his 'future in laws', thereby stalling their exit further.
"Hello, father, hello, mother," said Domyouji in his most polite voice. "Oh! And my dear brother too!"
"Hi brother Domyouji!" Susumu seemed pleased to be related to Domyouji. He was positively beaming.
"How have you been, my darling brother Su...Su...Sumomo?" said Domyouji, who had, frankly, forgotten Susumu's name. Susumu's radiant smile faltered.
"Don't call them like that!" cried Tsukushi, aghast. "You're not my husband, and you have no right to be on such intimate terms with them!"
"Yes he does, because he will be soon!" cried Mama, quickly slamming Tsukushi's mouth shut with her soup flask. "Do excuse her manners, she's often so impolite in front of important guests!"
"What important guests?" said Papa dully; he hadn't quite caught Mama's drift yet. Mama wriggled her eyebrows purposefully towards Nishikaido, Mimasaka and Shigeru. Mama and Papa's eyes lit up instantly.
"Would that be the son of Mimasaka Trading Company, the heir of the sixteenth generation to inherit the Nishikaido tea ceremony art, and the young miss of the Ookawahara group?" whispered Mama ferverently to Papa.
"I think so," Papa whispered back. "Our lovely daughter sure knows how to handpick her friends, doesn't she?"
Tsukushi could almost see dollar signs appear on their eyes and the sound of ka-ching, ka-ching erupting from their ears. If polygamy were legal, Mama would have made sure that Tsukushi married not just Domyouji, but Hanazawa Rui, Akira, Soujiro and Shigeru.
With a premonition that their presence here would hinder Tsukushi's courtship and bring about its demise, Mama made a decision that Tsukushi was very grateful for.
"Oh, isn't it rather late now, Papa?" said Mama pointedly.
"What? No, it's not, it's only one in the afternoon," said Papa, checking his watch. "The horse races - I mean, the soap operas - don't start until two!"
"Yes, it is late," said Mama heatedly. "I have soup on the stove in the kitchen, I can't let it burn! Let's go, Susumu."
"But I haven't even talked properly with brother Domyouji yet," whined Susumu. "And you don't have soup on the stove, all we had on the stove was an empty pot..."
"I SAID, WE'RE GOING!" screamed Mama, making Tsukushi cringe and cover her ears from the noise and the embarrassment. Her face quickly changed to one of utter sweetness when she turned to Domyouji. "Oh, Master Domyouji, I have some soup to revitalise Tsukushi. It's good for her health, but I'm sure her hands hurt so much from her time as a hostage, so I think it'll be better if you fed her."
She handed him a spoon and the soup flask and looked at him expectantly.
"But, Mama, my hands are fine," insisted Tsukushi, "It's not as if being a hostage hurt my hands."
"I SAID, YOUR HANDS ARE HURT!" screamed Mama.
"Will do, mother," said Domyouji so sweetly that Tsukushi felt a toothache. Mama seemed very pleased by it.
Finally Mama, Papa and Susumu took their leave, saying goodbyes to her friends, but especially to the F4 and Shigeru. Once again, Tsukushi was left alone with her friends in the silence on the wake of their exit. Her friends were simply lost for words.
"Very, uh, interesting family you have there, Makino," said Akira, blinking.
"Don't push yourself," sighed Tsukushi.
The nurse arrived and insisted that the visitors clear out for Tsukushi's check up. At first, Tsukushi was delighted because she was rather tired and wanted some shut eye, but then she realised the full implications of it.
"CHECK UP?" cried Tsukushi, as if she had not expected to have check ups while in a hospital.
"Yes, dear," said the nurse patiently, scribbling on her notepad. "The doctor wanted to make sure you were okay and that you didn't miscarry the baby."
"No! I don't want a check up!" cried Tsukushi. "I'm pretty sure I didn't miscarry anything!"
"Why not? We only take some measurements and do take some blood samples. We also test your urine to see if you have any health problems and to make sure your baby is okay. Then we do a psychological assessment to make sure you didn't suffer mental trauma. If you wish, we may also do an ultrasound. But that, of course, will depend on the doctor's assessment of your health first."
"I... I don't want to..." said Tsukushi lamely. "I mean, I'm mentally fine and stuff, I have resistance to Jedi mind tricks!"
"Tsukushi, even if you're okay, it's for the baby's good," said Yuki gently. "You wouldn't want to lose something so precious to you and Domyouji!"
"But... I'm scared of needles," said Tsukushi, hoping that this lame excuse would work.
"But you weren't afraid back when we went to school together!" said Yuki. "You always volunteered to be first to encourage us all!"
Tsukushi had been hoping Yuki would miss this point, but being her best friend, it was kind of hard for her to forget all Tsukushi's quirks.
Thankfully, Domyouji spoke up and relieved Tsukushi of the burden of making up excuses as to why she didn't want a check up.
"She's not having a check up," snapped Domyouji to the nurse. "It's MY baby too and if I say no, I say no! Tell the doctor or whoever ordered the checkup to get lost if he doesn't want to be sued to the ends of the earth!"
Tsukushi slapped her forehead. She was hoping that Domyouji would, at the very least, come up with something better than a hollow threat. That was, by far, the lamest excuse they had put forward so far. The nurse left to complain to the doctor about how difficult the patient was being.
"I don't want some strange doctor touching my Makino," declared Domyouji to no one in particular, but for the benefit of Sakurako, Shigeru, Yuki and Kazuya who had, so far, found none of the previous excuses quite valid. "Especially if he's a male doctor."
"I'm sorry that I'm such a strange doctor," snapped someone. "Especially since I'm male."
It was the doctor that the nurse had summoned, and had returned with her upon her complaints about her patient and her boyfriend with a rather complicated disposition. It was, of all the doctors that could have been placed in charge of her in the hospital, Dr. Shouichiro Nishikaido. His handsome though tired face caught the eye of Sakurako, and she wasted no time in checking him out and feeding herself eye candy of older men.
"Brother!" cried Soujiro, looking surprised. Sakurako gasped at their relationship. Absolutely perfect. If she can't have the F4, may as well make do with the brother of an F4 member.
"Dr. Nishikaido!" cried Tsukushi, aghast. "What are you doing here!"
"Maybe, just maybe, this is a hospital, and that there might be doctors working here?" he said sarcastically. He still seemed to be offended at being called 'strange' by Domyouji. Sakurako sighed wistfully at his wit. "And that perhaps I might be a doctor?"
"But don't you work in a clinic?" said Akira, amazed.
"Part time. I share that clinic with another doctor - I work there for three days and she works the other two. My other two days are spent working in the hospital," said Shouichiro. "You know, when they said 'trauma patient', I didn't quite expect for it to be you, of all people."
"Tsukushi's drama has been all over the news," said Soujiro, surprised. "How could you have not expected it?"
"I don't really have the time to watch the news..." sighed Shouichiro. "If I knew it was you children, I would have begged my superior to be assigned some other patients."
This brought back painfully embarrassing memories of their last encounter and Tsukushi couldn't help but blush.
"Now, why would you want to be assigned other patients?" said Sakurako sweetly, inching closer to Shouichiro who seemed totally oblivious to her advances. She was batting her eyelashes so furiously that Tsukushi was surprised that her eyelids didn't get bruised. "What could Tsukushi have possibly done to make you want to have another patient? There is none better than her!"
"That's a matter between the patient and I, and I choose not to divulge this information because it violates the patient privacy policy," said Shouichiro tersely, unsmiling and unflinching despite Sakurako's flirty winks at him. "And, speaking of patient privacy, may I ask all you visitors to leave while I do my rounds on Miss Makino?"
Sakurako, Shigeru, Kazuya and Yuki were making their way to the door when Sakurako noticed something odd.
"How come they don't have to go? That's so not fair," said Sakurako, pouting cutely for Shouichiro's benefit while pointing at the F3, who had remained stationary by Tsukushi's bedside. "Why can't I stay too? I'd absolutely love to learn about the fine art of check ups. Maybe you can check up on me afterwards."
"I can understand why Domyouji can stay, but how come the other three are staying?" said Shigeru.
"Because he's my brother, and I want to catch up with him," said Soujiro simply.
"Because he's a friend from my childhood, and I also want to catch up with him," said Rui.
"Because..." began Akira. "... the tip of my left pinky has been hurting lately, and I heard that Shouichiro was the greatest pinky pathologist in the world, so I wanted to consult with him while he's here because I allow only the very best doctors to check the tip of my left pinky."
Damnit! Rui took my excuse! Akira cursed inwardly.
"See?" added Akira hopefully, sticking up his left pinky for them to see. "It's a little red!"
Sakurako frowned slightly at the near impossibility of his excuse, but Shigeru, with her rather wild imagination, accepted it as fact with open arms. They bade farewell, and once the F4 were sure that they had left, Domyouji took no time in his verbal tirade against Shouichiro.
"What kind of doctor are you, organising checkups for Makino!"
"A responsible one," said Shouichiro without flinching. He pushed his wire rimmed glasses back up, which had slipped down from the sheer force of Domyouji's voice.
"Why'd you do that, knowing what we are doing is fake! With all those stupid tests of yours, the truth that she's not pregnant is bound to be exposed!"
"Actually, I didn't know that my patient was Makino," he said, shrugging. "All I got told was that it was a seventeen year old girl, pregnant, suffering from malnutrition and with possible psychological trauma. All of them fitted Makino except the pregnant bit."
"But that's because you knew the truth! The paramedics didn't! That's why they reported that she was pregnant! And if you keep organising checkups for her, us six won't be the only ones to know!"
"Those checkups I ordered for her are pretty much standard procedure in this hospital. All inpatients are subjected to this, with some exceptional circumstances. Now, if I didn't order them, it'll look even more suspicious."
"Well, now that you ordered them, can't you just write up some fake notes? About how her baby is fine?" said Akira.
"Of course not, that's being dishonest and I may be subjected to an internal inquiry once they analyse my notes and find discrepancies," said Shouichiro. Tsukushi wished he wasn't so uptight. She understood why Shouichiro was called a nerd by Tsubaki; he was probably the kid that never let you copy his homework back at school.
"Then, can't you pinch us some blood supplies and urine samples so we can fake the test?" said Soujiro.
"No, because this is the hospital and not the clinic. If some patient's body fluids went missing, there'd be hell to pay because it would be akin to divulging patient data. These are kept in check by many people, and if some sample went missing, people are bound to know and find the culprit. I don't want to risk ruining my career by stealing someone's body fluids for a prank like this."
"So, we're doomed, even though we have an accomplice who could easily tweak circumstances in our favour," sighed Domyouji. "You could've helped us."
"Don't call me your accomplice, I have no wish to take part in this plan," said Shouichiro quickly. "And anyway, I have helped you enough. I gave you a urine sample before, didn't I? That's one test you will pass."
"Oh yeah!" said Tsukushi. "My urine sample!"
"Just take it out and use it. It's not hospital property so it won't yield identical results to another patient."
"Well, it was in my bag; I carry it everywhere in case I need it," said Tsukushi.
"Ew," said Rui suddenly, scrunching up his nose. "That's disgusting."
"Come to think of it, where is my bag? I hope I didn't leave it in that apartment."
"Actually, you dropped it at school," said Soujiro.
"And then Rui found it," said Akira.
"Oh good! So can I have my bag back, Hanazawa Rui?" said Tsukushi, relieved.
"And then Rui handed it in to the police for analysis when we reported you missing," continued Domyouji.
"Oh, so it's - YOU WHAT! Oh man..." sighed Tsukushi. All hope was lost.
"You could always go and get it back," snickered Shouichiro slyly. He seemed to enjoy torturing them.
"How? Don't tell me you want us to break into the police station and retrieve it," said Soujiro flatly.
"Absolutely correct. Well done, brother!" said Shouichiro, beaming. He was glad that his brother could still catch onto his dry wit.
"May as well steal one from the hospital, it's much easier," said Rui.
"No, if the missing sample matches the results of your test, it'll spell then end of my career," snapped Shouichiro.
Soujiro, looking rather downcast, said, "But stealing from the police is akin to willfully getting a criminal record..."
Shouichiro took one look at his brother's face and sighed. "The things I do for you kids..."
He pulled a set of keys from his coat, and threw it to Soujiro.
"What's this?" said Soujiro, dangling the keys and eyeing them suspiciously.
"The keys to my clinic," sighed Shouichiro. "Go and get a new sample; but don't make it look as if I took it, okay? I've already divulged enough patient information. Please, make it look like a break in."
"Thank you brother!" cried Soujiro, flinging himself onto Shouichiro.
"Gah!" spluttered Shouichiro. "After this, promise me you'll be a less difficult patient, okay? And, Akira, for your information, I am not a 'pinky pathologist'. There is no such thing as a pinky pathologist. There are doctors that specialise in hands, but I'm not one of them, okay?"
Tsukushi smiled at this little scene. I guess he has a soft spot for his little brother, after all, thought Tsukushi.
"So, uh," said Soujiro, unlatching himself from Shouichiro. "Who's going to do it? Who's going to break into brother's clinic?"
"Obviously Rui," said Akira, crossing his arms and nodding, his brow furrowed and his face looking serious. "If he didn't hand Makino's bag to the police, we wouldn't have had to go through all this trouble.Or maybe Tsukasa, because it's his plan and about his future."
Hearing this, Domyouji cracked his knuckles in a threatening manner. Rui simply blinked at them, perplexed.
"I reckon we should just seduce a nurse and get her to bring us a sample; that would be so much easier," sighed Akira. "But no, your brother was opposed to using anything from the hospital to fake Makino's data, even if we were to obtain it ourselves! He's so uptight!"
In an unfortunate set of circumstances, Akira and Soujiro ended up being the ones to break into the clinic and retrieve the urine samples. How this duty fell upon them, they did not know, but one thing they were sure about was that Domyouji and Rui never had to do any of this dirty work.
"Man," muttered Soujiro, as he strode briskly down the long hospital corridor with Akira in tow. "How come we end up having to be the ones to break into the clinic? It's all Rui's fault that he gave Tsukushi's bag to the police!"
"You know that Rui always ends up getting away with doing the embarrassing stuff," sighed Akira, keeping his pace. "It's always us two left to do the stuff that Tsukasa and Rui don't want to do. All those silly but very educational reenactments of the karma sutra that we do for Domyouji's sake - have you ever noticed that it's always us two doing it? Rui never, ever teaches Tsukasa anything."
"And he gets more attention than us in the mange, too! Him and Domouji, damnit! It's because of their stupid love triangle!" said Soujiro. "If only they had made it a love pentagon, I would've become a star too."
"Hey, I wouldn't be complaining if I were you," said Akira. "I always have to do the girl bit in the reenactments, all because my hair is longer - at least you have your manliness intact! And you even got your own arc in the manga; that long winded thing about you and your childhood love, Sara! And what do I get? A stupid one shot at the end of the mange just because Ms. Kamio couldn't fill up the last pages! I think the main reason for us to break into the clinic is not just to salvage the plan, but to give us more airtime because we never got much in the manga! To be honest, I felt like a stand in just to make the F4 complete."
"The things we give up for our dear friend Tsukasa," cried Soujiro dramatically, who was joining in Akira's monologues of self pity. "Firstly, it was airtime in the manga, and now, our dignities and possibly our clean criminal records! And what for? So that his infatuation with the most hardy of commoners, the most unfeminine of girls, the only one to resist his charms, would yield some fruit! Oh, woe is me!"
At that point, Soujiro chose to fall onto the floor on his knees, holding his hands out as if to cry out, "Why me?" in a most spectacular and exuberant fashion.
"Why... me!" cried Soujiro woefully, fists clenched, fake tears seeping his eyes.
"Excuse me, sir," snapped a nurse who had just passed by. "This is a busy hospital corridor. Could you please get out of the way? We have an emergency patient coming through soon."
"Sorry," muttered Soujiro, getting up from his dramatic act and dusting his knees.
"Let's just get this over and done with," said Akira, pulling Soujiro towards the exit of the hospital. "We have to get it before Makino is due for her checkup. Thank goodness Shouichiro postponed it."
Two handsome young men, unbeknownst to the rest of the staff and patients at the hospital on this rather normal day, were to undertake the biggest task in their mostly cosseted life; risking their dignity, their reputation and their criminal records to do so.
They to break into a clinic - and steal a sample of body fluid.
Next Chapter: Soujiro and Akira rob a clinic! The power of friendship, to drive them to go so far for a best friend's love affair!