Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter, because it was certainly very fun to write about! For most of the manga, I don't think there was much attention on Akira and Soujiro except for the Soujiro-Sara-Yuki arc and poor Akira's one shot.

PS: This is based on the manga.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Except the plot. :)

Family Planning

By Onkiu

Chapter 13: The break in

At Soujiro's insistence that if they were to be burglars, they were to be stylish burglars, Akira and Soujiro went home to change and later met up outside the building in which Shouichiro's clinic was. Decked out in plain, dark (albeit designer) clothing while negating to wear accessories crucial to a burglar such as a mask or anything to hinder identification, or even a bag to carry their loot in, the two of them crept into the building and took the lift up to where the clinic was.

"I don't know why we have to act like burglars," muttered Soujiro. "I mean, he's given us the keys, it's not as if we're breaking in..."

"Somehow, I don't get the feeling he's willingly giving us urine samples," sighed Akira. "So I guess we are kind of forcing ourselves onto him..."

Creeping along the corridor of the fifth floor, they arrived outside Shouichiro's clinic which was, as expected, securely locked.

"Now, which key is it?" muttered Soujiro, who was used to other people opening all his doors for most of his life. He looked at the huge bundle of keys that Shouichiro had thrown to him. "Can't people label them or anything?"

After trying about twenty or so keys, a gentle click was heard from the door and it opened smoothly. Soujiro reached for the light switch but was quickly stopped by Akira.

"Don't turn on the lights; if people on the outside are looking, they'd find it odd that there'd still be people in the clinic at eleven pm at night. And then, they'll call the police and we'd get caught."

The fact that Shouichiro was an overworked man and a light being on at eleven pm was quite the norm was unbeknownst to them.

"How else are we going to see!" cried Soujiro indignantly. "I'm not a commoner, I don't have night vision!"

"We should've brought a torch," sighed Akira, slapping his forehead. "They do this all the time in spy dramas! Argh, of all the things we forgot to bring!"

But it was no use blaming himself; after all, this was the first time they had attempted a break in, and their ill preparations can only be a result of their inexperience. Luckily for them, they managed to find a torch in the receptionist's desk for emergency use.

"Thank goodness brother is always prepared!" said Soujiro happily, and with a slight twinge of pride as he flicked it on. "Now, where would he keep urine samples and other body fluids?"

"His office, of course!" said Akira, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

But after ten minutes of searching through the filing cabinets and bookcases of Shouichiro's office, it was clear that the only things he kept in there were patient records, doctor's manuals and guides, paperwork and sterile medical equipment.

"You know," groaned Soujiro, flicking through the patient records as if Shouichiro would hide someone's urine sample in there, "I get the feeling it's not in this room. Woah, look, this man had breast reduction! They've got to be pretty big in the first place..."

"Don't read other people's personal stuff!" cried Akira indignantly, slamming the thin file shut. "You make me sick! I really didn't need to know that some man had breast reduction, you know. Anyway, let's stop wasting our time. If it's not in this room, it's got to be in some other room!"

Systematically, they went into the room next to Shouichiro's office. It was very much like a second clinic; like Shouichiro's office, there was a bed and sterile medical equipment, but it didn't have his desk, computer, paperwork or his patient records and doctor's encyclopedias. It was a secondary check up room of sorts which also acted as a storage room.

"Storage room ..." murmured Akira. He rummaged through an inconspicuous cupboard in the corner as Soujiro looked through some other part of the room. "I found it, Soujiro! Urine samples, and even blood samples!"

He felt around and took a little bottle of yellow liquid and a limp bag of blood into his hand. "Argh, disgusting. I really, really wonder how your brother does this. Thank goodness it's so dark, it's less freaky this way. Let's just find a suitable sample and leave."

But it was easier said than done.It was all labeled in Shouichiro's untidy scrawl, writing befitting a doctor, and to make the task of identifying if the sample belonged to a pregnant woman was made even harder by the fact that the only writing on it was medical acronyms and jargon, which neither Soujiro or Akira could understand.

"What's this letter?" muttered Soujiro, holding up a small bottle of yellow liquid to the torchlight in Akira's hand.

"I dunno; it could be a 'T' or it could be a 'J'. I wish he would write something like 'Pregnant woman's blood' on this!" said Akira. "That would save us quite a bit if trouble."

"I guess we'd just have to check each sample against his patient records," sighed Soujiro, feeling that this task was taking far too long than it should. "Why on earth does brother have to make it so much harder than it should be?"

Akira and Soujiro began picking up each and every sample, and they soon realised that it was quite a hard task without a bag of any sort. Trying to cradle an odd twenty or so bottles of urine between their arms was quite a feat. It kept dropping out, and whenever they had to pick it up, they would end up dropping more. They were about to make progress and move into the Shouichiro's office with all the bottles and bags of fluid when they heard it.

Click.

It was the sound of a door closing - in fact, it was the sound of the front entrance door of the clinic closing. Someone had just come in.

"Did someone just come in?" whispered Akira, listening tentatively to the sounds in the darkness.

"I'd bet that the door just opened itself," said Soujiro sarcastically.

"Didn't you lock it?"

"Didn't you?"

"But you were the one with the keys," hissed Akira. "Now I bet someone else is breaking in, and they're going to rob us, which is going to be quite contradictory, seeing that we're robbing your brother! Who would have heard of a robber being robbed!"

"I don't think that the robber would sing so loudly if they're really breaking in," muttered Soujiro.

Indeed that was true. They heard some humming, and it sounded like someone was making coffee because they heard the gentle whirring of a kettle and the clinking of a spoon against a mug.

"Dr. Nishikaido, you want coffee too?" called the female voice. It was his receptionist, Maya. Then it occurred to them - she had come into the clinic late at night, possibly to finish some paperwork, and she noticed that the door was unlocked. She assumed that Shouichiro was in, and had started making coffee for both of them. Unbeknownst to her, two young men were lurking in a storeroom, trying to steal not money, but body fluids.

"Crap, do we answer her?" muttered Soujiro. "My voice is far sexier than my brother's, so I wouldn't really sound like him, even if I look like him."

He looked pointedly at Akira, as if to say that his voice sounded more like the gravelly, harsh and un-sexy tones of his brother.

"Are you saying my voice is less sexy?" snapped Akira. "For your information, my voice is not only sexy, but it's also very seductively sedative."

"Alright, alright," said Soujiro, raising his hands in defeat. "Let's just creep out while she makes her coffee. Of all the things to happen, someone just has to come into the office on the night we choose to steal from it."

Once again, they were to understand just how hard it really was to carry twenty small items without a bag, and, in their sheer desperation to get out as soon as possible, Soujiro accidentally dropped a bottle of urine on the floor so that it alerted the receptionist to the fact that there was, indeed, someone in the clinic apart from herself. Simply put, they had just placed themselves in the worst situation possible.

"Dr. Nishikaido?" called Maya tentatively for the second time. When no one answered her, she had confirmed her worst fear - some unauthorised person was trespassing here! To their despair, they heard her fumbling around the kitchen, and walking towards their direction.

"Crap," muttered Akira, succinctly summarising their current situation. "I bet she's going to do something now - I just hope she's not going to call the police or something. I've had far too much to do with the police during these past few days."

"Close the door!" whispered Soujiro hastily, and he, in turn, switched off the torch. Akira did as he was told, and now they were left cowering in the darkness. They heard the receptionist's light footsteps quickly go past the door to some room further down the corridor.

"Now, now," lamented Akira mournfully, like a man sensing impending doom, as if he were on death row. "How are we supposed to get out when we've just sealed ourselves in?"

Their eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness, and, much to Akira's annoyance, they found that Shouichiro had a whole pile of garbage bags folded neatly on the bottom tray of a metal trolley.

"Let's just take all of them and get Shouichiro to identify which ones are suitable for Makino," said Akira, as he and Soujiro stuffed every sample of blood and urine into the (thankfully) opaque garbage bag. Heaving it over his shoulders like Santa sack, Akira's dark outfit combined with the fact that the garbage bag had to be black made him look very much the part of a robber. They were about to make a run for it while the receptionist was in the room at the other end of the corridor when they heard her returning footsteps.

Her hasty footsteps which stopped right outside their door.

They were cornered.

Soujiro swore under his breath and Akira slapped his forehead. They could hear her heavy breathing beyond the door - she was definitely planning to do something. But when she was going to do it, and what she was going to do was the big question. Soujiro had a feeling that it wasn't going to be something nice.

"If only you didn't say to close the door!" hissed Akira, feeling like a trapped animal. "We could've run out! Maybe she would'n't've noticed that we were in this room! Maybe -"

"Shh," whispered Soujiro, suddenly noticing something on the narrow patient's bed that was in the room. It was Shouichiro's doctor's coat, folded neatly at the end of the bed. "I have an idea."

Swiftly, he grabbed it and pulled it on, and went on to take a flu mask from a box that was on top of a shelf. He pulled one over his face and tossed one to Akira.

"Here," he whispered, his voice muffled by the mask. "I think you should wear one too."

I see, thought Akira as he pulled the mask on. He wants us to wear it so our faces would be obscured, because...

"You're going to try and trick her into thinking you're Shouichiro?" whispered Akira. "After all, you are brothers, and in the darkness, you two really do look quite alike, especially if you put on the doctor's coat. And if you obscure your face with the flu mask, you-"

"No," said Soujiro, pulling the mask off slightly to breath. He was grinning. The darkness shrouded his face, and only his perfect, white teeth could be seen, glistening, the moonlight from the window casting a dim light on it. Akira couldn't help but wonder how on earth Soujiro made himself look so sinisterly evil without any tools. "I have an even better plan. When she comes in, you make a break for it, okay? Leave me to deal with her. Don't worry about me, just keep going."

Soujiro wrapped the coat around him as if he was cold and then pulled the mask back over his mouth and nose. They waited a few seconds in the darkness, which felt like an eternity, when suddenly, the door flew open. There stood Maya, her legs wobbling so hard that it was a wonder how she managed to stand at all. She was clutching a baseball bat tightly, in a position that showed she was ready to knock the sense out of anyone who came near her. Why a baseball bat was inside this clinic was beyond them, for they knew Shouichiro to be a man far too into scientific journals to care for such frivolous things as sport.

"S-show yourself," she declared in a shaky voice, trying to sound firm and strong. "Or I'll -"

Soujiro's face twisted into a grin under his mask.

"Hello, little girl," he whispered in an uncharacteristically perverted and throaty voice. "Let's have some fun while the night's still young, shall we?"

He pulled open the doctor's coat in a swift movement akin to a flasher. Although he did not expose anything, the receptionist seemed to believe that she had just seen everything. His dark clothes, added to the fact that it was quite dark in the room, made the difference between flesh and clothing hard to tell. Add to the fact that he had just done a flasher motion, the act was quite complete.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed, dropping the bat onto the floor with a clang and bolting down the corridor to the room at the end. They heard her slam the door shut and lock it.

"Quick!" cried Soujiro, "Go!"

They ran straight out of the door and did not even wait for the lift when they were out in the lobby of the fifth floor of the complex. Down they ran, down ten flights of Rui's favourite type of stairs - emergency stairs. The sack of loot bumped gently against Akira's back, unsynchronised with the arrhythmic beating of his heart; and before they knew it, they were out in the fresh air of the night, finally in the wide, open world. At least, they were more or less out of the building and away from the psycho receptionist.

"Good grief!" said Soujiro, panting under the street lamp. "In all my life, I would never have dreamt of the day that I would have to pretend to be a flasher!"

"Hear, hear!" said Akira, clutching a stitch on the side of his abdomen. "The things we do for Tsukasa, and he's so ungrateful too! I can't believe I just became a robber and stole from your brother!"

"Let's just get away from here," wheezed Soujiro. "I bet that woman called the police or something."

Mission finally completed, Soujiro and Akira returned to the comfort of their homes.

The moral of the story? Never do things for friends.

Next Chapter: Tsukushi gets discharged from hospital! What awaits her at home? It's time for her to don the fake tummy... now, that's supposed to be simple, no? Not if I want to keep my hobby ;P

Sorry, the next chapter might take a while because it doesn't exist right now... well, it does exist, but only the first half of the chapter does and I haven't had the time to write for quite a while now.