Estoy Enamorada de mi Hermano

(I'm in love with my brother)

Author's Rant: Ola! and gomenasai! Life is getting busier and busier these days (lame adult stuff) and it's just now that Lenore got time to spare, so yeah. (And Lenore was boasting that her updates were fast, huh. How dull.)

Story notes: Tsuna refers to Reborn as Mano all the time. The speaker is Tsuna. Whole sentences or dialogues in Italics mean that the characters are speaking in languages other than Japanese. The story would indicate the language. Single words in Italics denote emphasis or foreign words. Spanner speaks in German and Reborn and Colonello speaks in Spanish. (Yeah, this fic is quite international. *Lenore giggles and giggles*) Reborn's original name in this fic is Miguel.

V. CAPITULO CINCO: Mi Hermano es Inocente

(My brother is innocent)

"Well, if admitting suits you just fine, why not?" That was what Enma said when I told him about Spanner and what Spanner had told me. "But if you really want my honest opinion, or if you really want me to tell you what I would do if I were in your place, I'm telling you, I won't admit anything."

I stared at the rolls of worksheets on the floor, I stared the journal books filled with conspicuous colored markings some of which declared "no entry" (it made me think of another kind of "entry"), then I stared back at my cousin who was furiously computing the balances of his T-accounts. "Why won't you?" I asked rather tiredly.

"Because," he said staring at me after marking one balance with a double rule, "in my opinion, your mano will never accept the fact that he failed to raise you successfully. I mean, you're supposed to be brothers, right? And yet you're getting interested in him, you know, in a different sort of way. And besides that, your mano is a hard-boiled guy."

"Hard-boiled?" I repeated with a bemused chuckle.

Enma turned back to his ledger. "Yep. Hard-boiled. He's an intimidating guy. Frankly speaking, he's scary. Spooky. He's like a dragon lurking silently to catch its prey unawares. I hope I'm not offending you."

That was his opinion of mano ever since we were children and it hadn't been changed by time. "Ah, but he'll find out sooner or later and the moment he does, I'll be toast," I replied. Spanner's words haunted me a lot and I thought of speaking to Enma to lessen my anxiety.

Enma was silent for a while as though he was thinking deeply. Finally, he said, "Well, if you are resolved to tell him everything, you would have to prepare both him and yourself."

I understood that I must prepare myself for the outcome. But prepare mano for what?

"I mean you have to make sure he is ready to receive your confession," he told me as he was fumbling for his worksheet. He found the damned thing, rolled it open and began to check the balances. "Perhaps you can tell him in advance that you want to spend time with him alone or things like that. And then you go ahead and tell him everything. You have to plan ahead, you know, so that if ever you chicken out during the last minute, you would have a ready excuse to cover up your original plan." He looked up at me. "Get it?"

He was right.

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It was almost midnight. A full moon peeped out of a bunch of clouds that blanketed it halfway and flooded little moonbeams on my window. Colonello was already snoring on the ground floor and mano sitting on the bed reading a book. It had been hours since Enma and I had talked but I couldn't fathom why I still hadn't thought of anything that would make me get on with the plan, my confession. Perhaps I was already chickening out just as my cousin had said? I sighed. I must have sighed too deeply that mano noticed it.

"What's wrong, Tsuna?" he asked not looking at me. I didn't answer. "You know you can tell me anything." His sentence made me sigh deeper. He closed the book he had been reading and lay on a pillow so that we were now facing each other. "Don't be a sissy, you brat. Just spill it out."

I closed my eyes for a while and when I opened them, I was staring at my mano's dark eyes. Maybe this was the perfect moment. We were alone with no one to disturb, no eavesdroppers so that if mano would punch me in the face after I spilled myself out…

"Well?" My mano had always been a patient person and had been my guidance counselor before I realized I liked him the way a brother wouldn't. If I confessed… Damn, I was getting nervous.

Mano lay on his back, took a nearby unused pillow and tossed it in the air a few times. "If you don't want to tell me, it's fine. You're capable of solving problems on your own now since you're already an adult. But if you're having a hard time, you can tell me. We're brothers, Tsuna. We are supposed to solve things together, you know, and that's the way it will be with us forever."

Damn. Was he telling me that nothing will change between us even after I spilled my guts? Oh damn it all. I did not notice the tears that had slipped past my eyes. How shameful was that? Did my unconscious mind condemn me for harboring sinful thoughts towards my mano that I was made to embarrass myself like this?

For all his supposed brotherly concern, mano rolled his eyes at my tears and slammed his pillow on my face. "Useless Tsuna. You look so stupid when you cry."

I laughed in spite of myself and threw the pillow back at him. He threw the thing back at me. I grinned at that and sat up. For minutes we grappled together playfully until the damn pillow was on his chest and me resting my chin on top of the pillow giggling all the way. I was a little startled when mano brought a finger on my cheek to brush away a teardrop I failed to wipe.

"Now that you have finally relaxed," he said in a gentle tone but with a firmness that told me to obey or else I would be kicked, "will you tell me what's bothering you?"

Perhaps there was no escaping. I decided to confess. If he kicked me after this, frightening as it may seem, well, perhaps that would be the end of me. Perhaps I would be in the headlines: "College student jumped over bridge dead" or something along those lines. It surprised me that the thought of dying came to me so casually.

I rested my right cheek on the pillow and reached a hand to pinch my mano's nose, then his cheeks. He chuckled at that and pretended to bite my fingers off. It was that same old sense of being at home that I had always felt with him since I was a child. I never wanted to let go of this warmth. But since my feelings grew so mixed up and crazy to the point that I couldn't deceive myself anymore that nothing was wrong, I must risk this chance.

"Mano?" I felt awkward. Uncertain. How would he respond? Anyway, with an inward sigh, here I go. "I love you."

I wasn't nervous. I was very, very nervous. Will hekick me out now? Punch me? Slam my head on the floor?

But mano only smiled. He took the hand that had poked his face and kissed the palm. "I love you too."

Now, did my ears deceive me? What did I just hear now? I knew I heard it pretty clearly but I wanted to confirm it. I had to risk just one more time.

"I love you, mano."

"I love you too, Tsuna," he replied. His brows seemed to knit a little at that but my brows knitted a little more. I had to roll the dice again.

"Mano, I love you."

"Yes, I love you too." This time he chuckled. "How can mano Rebornnot love his little Tsuna? Anyway, will you tell me now what's bothering you?"

What the – This is the worst. Mano misunderstood. Cross it out. Mano did not understand. At all. Yes. For all his supposed superior intelligence, he did not understand what I meant at all. Not one bit of it. This is crazy. Crazier than any scenario I have ever been to. Should I cry again or should I jump off a bridge?

"What now?" He was teasing me without intending to do so. "Your problem must be serious since you cried over it. Perhaps I can help you."

'No', I told him in my head. 'You can't possibly help me, mano. Why, you are my fucking problem.' But what excuse should I spew out?

"Well?" he demanded.

I merely shrugged. "It's nothing, mano."

I thought I'd get punched or something like that but mano only looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Is that so? Very well. Now get off me and go to sleep."

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Spanner laughed really hard when I told him about what happened with my flop of a love confession.

"I didn't know your mano is that innocent."

I raised an eyebrow at that. My brother was far from being innocent.

"I mean he's such a naïve person. Oh well, perhaps, you ought to try changing your strategy. Try getting more physical. Perhaps he would understand it then. Actions speak louder than words after all. "

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It was late afternoon that day. No classes for me and it was mano's day off so naturally we were together. In the kitchen. Cooking. Actually, it was only mano who did the cooking. I was, well, if we were in a tropical rainforest, he would be like a host tree and I, the commensal orchid latched on his back.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he complained. He was about to reach for the blender but couldn't since my arms were firmly grasping his waist. I was hindering his movements. (Was I a parasite then?) But I was quite intent on following Spanner's advice. Getting more physical and things of that sort. It was mano's fault for not understanding my confession anyway.

I did not release him nor did I answer. I held him tighter instead and kissed his shoulder. He chuckled at that and pushed a slice of apple on my mouth. What I was doing was already physical, right? Right? I'm pretty obvious now, right? But why did I have the feeling that mano still didn't get it? "What the hell's gotten into you, little Tsuna?"

'Little' Tsuna. I winced at that. I buried my face on his neck instead. "Hey, Colonello," I heard him yell. "Will you do the cooking this time? My little brother seems to need a lot of bonding today."

Now how laughable was that? Was there anything I could do, any sort of medium I could use, so that my brother would understand?

I decided to stick clinging to him. 'Actions speak louder than words' after all and if he did not understand me now, repeated things of this sort would eventually lead him to understanding later. Or so I thought.

Colonello obeyed and started to do mano's apple pie. He was like a shadow in the room and didn't talk, far from his usual candid chatter. It was a little unnerving. Especially whenever he glanced at me with a hint of suspicion on his eyes. I decided to ignore him and latched onto a laughing mano. "Did you miss mano too much, my darling Enriquito?"

I made an exaggerated pout upon hearing the nickname. That was what our late mama used to call me during our happy family days. (Whatever inspired her to call me that, I didn't know.) I ignored the pet name and focused on getting 'physical'. Unfortunately, it seemed like everything I did only made mano laugh at me all the more. The way he continually poked fun at me was both adorable and irritating at the same time. It seemed like he had never viewed me as anything else other than the cumbersome toddler I once was.

Finally seeing that none of my efforts obtained any of the desired effect, I decided to let him go. But not before I stole another sloppy kiss on his cheek. He simply shook his head a little and allowed himself to sink deeper on the sofa with his eyes on the television to catch the afternoon drama. When he was out of sight, I took a deep, deep breath and scowled. I did not notice that Colonello had followed me until he swatted my back with a heavy hand.

I was startled but managed not to yelp (mano told me never to show surprise no matter what the circumstances). Colonello stared at me and I stared back at him coolly meeting his icy gaze. For a minute, he did not say anything and all I noticed was how pretty his eyes were. Until he crossed his arms and spoke, "What did you think you were doing back there?"

Lowering my eyes (that was involuntary, I swear), I shuddered, blushed a little (also involuntary) and exhaled before returning my gaze on him. "Whatever you saw, that was it."

He frowned at that. I thought he was counting from one to ten before speaking again. "Whatever you are planning to do, stop it. I'm warning you. Miguel is my cousin, my flesh and blood and - "

"Reborn is my brother," I cut him off.

Colonello snorted. "Do you think I was born yesterday? I know you two aren't related by blood and I have always noticed that look in your eyes whenever you are together. I understand your feelings and of course I do understand how it hurts you that my cousin is too naïve to notice the reality of your situation but – "

"Reborn is my brother," I repeated. "Perhaps you are misunderstanding something."

He opened his mouth but whatever he was about to say was cut off when I strode past him, our shoulders brushing and whispered, "If you truly understand my situation, keep your mouth shut. That is all I ask."

I was already upstairs when I glanced back and saw Colonello still nailed on the spot where I had left him. His facial expression told me that he couldn't hold back his tongue and that he would eventually tell my mano all he knew. But I was unafraid. For no matter what anybody said against me, I knew my mano would take my side. Would have faith in me and believe in me even if I was fighting against the world.

To be continued…

….ugh, what the hell was that? Anyways, uh, reviews? Please? Thanks! *Lenore swims*