-(don't) follow the white rabbit-
Invasion day arrives quicker than they want it to.
"Three akumas this time," Lavi nods. "I've predicted that it'll be anytime within tomorrow and three days after that. I don't know what category they'll be, but we should assume the worst."
"Right," Komui replies grimly. "We currently only have four active Jaegers, and we need to sit Dark Clown out of this one for the final plan. Do the rest of you feel comfortable with taking down a category four each?"
Nods go round the table.
"Good," Komui says. "We'll have Blood Record launched first, followed by Noel Baptism and then Eden's Madness. Stick to the formation as we've discussed and find the fastest way to end them. We need all of you."
It's lucky that they had the meeting exactly twelve hours before the world goes to shit.
Lavi is just getting ready for bed one minute past twelve when the emergency alarm blares across the shatterdome. He races out of his room only to collide with Kanda. They haven't spoken since the last time Kanda left Lavi on his bed, and Lavi couldn't bring himself to seek the man out after he shamelessly jerked off on the other's bed after waking up from that dream.
It's not the time to worry about these things, however, and they both move as fast as they can to the local command centre.
Komui is giving orders for deployment, and Allen and Lenalee stand with them, watching grimly.
"Category four," Johnny confirms as one of the akumas appear on the radar.
"Blood Record, ready for neural handshake," Tapp intones. "Initiating, three, two, one."
Lavi has seen Miranda and Krory deploy multiple times, but he always watches quietly, awed at how battle ready they always are, even if their personalities don't seem to match up. The neural handshake stabilizes within seconds, and Blood Record is loaded out.
"Akuma two," Johnny notes. "Another category four."
Noel Baptism and Eden's Madness are launched shortly after, and they all move towards the pacific rim, the source of the akumas.
"It's only two so far," Johnny observes.
"It's three," Lavi emphasizes. "My predictions are never wrong."
"Sixty seconds to contact," Tapp warns Blood Record. "Get ready."
There are only a few visuals from the helicopters that followed the Jaegers out, but mostly their progress is monitored by the signals of the pilots in the Jaegers on a screen. Blood Record engages the first akuma in combat, and everyone holds a tense silence.
"Noel Baptism," Tapp reads. "Forty seconds to contact."
"Levels of Blood Record are stable. Holding strong," Johnny states. "Impact on the left arm joint. Levels are still stable."
On the chart, Noel Baptism locks the second akuma into battle.
"Still only two akumas," Komui observes. "Eden's Madness, provide backup wherever possible."
"It's three," Lavi murmurs, watching the chart.
A red glow appears on it, signalling the arrival of the last akuma, albeit late. Johnny is silent as he stares at it. "…Category five," he says finally.
"What?" Reever rushes over, looking through the stats that their computers are receiving. "Impossible."
"There's no such thing as a category five," Kanda frowns.
"Before category four, there was no such thing as a category four either," Lavi points out.
"It's a category five, alright," Reever sighs. "It's way beyond the stats of the strongest category four we've encountered."
"Pilots, on your guard," Komui announces. "Stick to the plan."
The dots on the chart tracking the Jaegers move into formation. It's incredibly tense as all they can do is stare at the dots moving towards each other into one, red bleeding into blue. All they know is that the pilots are fighting with their lives on the line, and as long as the blue doesn't disappear, they're still alive.
"Critical hit," Johnny jerks his gaze to the screen, where the outline of Blood Record starts to dim. "Their power is draining. Krory! Miranda! Can either of you hear me?"
When there is no response, Reever curses.
"Noel Baptism, Eden's Madness," Komui steps in calmly, but his eyes tinge with worry. "Do either of you have a visual on Blood Record?"
There is some swearing from Sokaro that indicates Eden's Madness is busy in battle, but Marie's voice filters through.
"Their Jaeger is down after the akuma let out some sort of a blast. We're trying to hold them as much as we can."
"It's an electromagnetic pulse," Lavi concludes, grim. "Mark-4s run on digital."
"I can't get them online," Tapp grits his teeth, running his hands over the controls for something to work.
If Blood Record is unable to move, it's sitting duck waiting for death.
"Guys—" Allen swallows, stares."They're gone," he whispers. "They're gone."
Everyone freezes, eyes drawn to the chart. Sure enough, the blue dot signalling Blood Record's presence isn't to be found anywhere.
Lavi grips his trembling fist tight. He's known Miranda and Krory for all the years he's been officially working for The Black Order, and the thought that they're gone—just like that…
Almost immediately the status of both Eden's Madness and Noel Baptism plummet to the danger zone, with the warning signs flashing madly.
"They're going to lose," Lavi realises. "We need one more Jaeger out there."
"We're suiting up," Lenalee announces firmly, grabbing Allen's hands.
Tears shine in her determined eyes.
"No," Komui says, pained. "Unless the category five is taken out, it's a death wish. Dark Clown runs on digital, like Blood Record. There is no other Jaeger. We have to believe that they can do this."
"But we have to do something! We can't just stand here and—and—"
And watch them die, Lavi finishes mentally.
"I'll go," Kanda suddenly speaks, the first word he's said since he's entered. "Innocence Illusion is powered by the nuclear core. I won't be affected."
Komui looks at him in surprise, gaze flicking to Lavi. "But—"
Kanda turns on his heel, decision made. "I can pilot her by myself. I've done it before."
"Kanda, no," Komui calls firmly. "Back then you didn't have a choice. The neural overload will kill you this time."
"That's just a secondary effect."
"Kanda!"
Lavi grabs Kanda by the arm before the pilot can shove the door open. "I'm going with him," he announces. "Let's try it again."
Bookman steps in, frowning. "Boy—"
"We can do this," Lavi insists. "I know we—I screwed up. It won't happen again. We can't lose another Jaeger. You need to let us," he pleads. "Either we die, or the world dies. I'm making the right choice."
Lavi steels himself when Reever's voice comes through the speaker.
"We'll short on time but we'll go slow. Initiating drift sequence phase one. In one, two, three—"
Lavi closes his eyes just as he feels the pull of the drift again. He feels his face flame with embarrassment as he knows that Kanda will know all about the times he's jerked himself off moaning Kanda's name in desperation—especially that one time on the man's own bed, but he doesn't cling to it—he's more scared of getting stuck in the drift again.
The first point of linkage with Kanda's mind wants to make him crumple in relief—it's something he's been desperately searching for weeks, and this is it. He relaxes, opening his memories and feelings up wider for the drift to deepen, letting Kanda's mind move into his.
Kanda lies back flat on the bed, hand disappearing down his pants. He's stroking himself, the other hand over his head, gripping the bar of the bed frame. His hips jerk in motion, eyes closed in tight pleasure as he works himself off to release. His motions come to an end as he tenses and gasps wordlessly. His mouth moves to utter a word, and there's barely any sound.
"…-avi."
Lavi stares blankly in the drift, eye wide in shock. He knows what it is.
It's his name.
"Phase two stable. Initiating neural handshake, in five, four, three, two, one—"
Lavi braces himself for the process, but there's no way to prepare for it. It's on a totally different level on phase two drifting. Instead of falling he feels suspended in time. It's like everything is within reach, all of a sudden. It feels clear. It feels like he knows who he is, for the first time in his life. It also feels like Kanda is with him. In him.
He feels like he can feel Kanda like he is Kanda.
"Yuu," he thinks.
"What," the man replies mentally, and Lavi can feel the annoyance, and it's crazy, but he wants to laugh because it's feels so right.
"You are crazy, usagi," Kanda snorts.
When they both open their eyes they're greeted by the thrashing waves of the ocean.
"Ninety seconds to contact," Johnny reads out to them. "The category five is heading towards the city. Noel Baptism and Eden's Madness are engaging the other two akumas in battle. Provide assistance to Eden's Madness—their stats are hitting critical. Buy them enough time to evacuate."
"Usagi."
Lavi jumps, because it's fucking strange to have words spoken in your mind.
"We're going to kill them. All of them."
There's a harsh promise of vengeance behind it, but it also speaks of assurance. They aren't going in to fight. They are going in to win.
It doesn't matter if it's Lavi's first time as an actual pilot. Kanda knows what to do, and it's enough for both of them.
"Ready," Kanda counts when they spot Noel Baptism and Eden's Madness in view.
It's a ruthless picture of Noel Baptism lunging with the whole weight of their Jaeger and the akuma with its deadly claws digging into the metal robot. Eden's Madness is on her knees, the akuma ripping a piece that Lavi knows is vital to the Jaeger.
Lavi feels a burn of anger of doesn't stem from him and his arms raise in a position for attack. He doesn't need to look at Kanda but he knows both of them are moving in synchrony—maybe because it's Kanda controlling their movements, or maybe its him, but he can't tell.
Their left foot moves forward. And then their right.
Left. Right.
Left, right, left, right—until they are charging towards the akuma.
With a deadly punch, Innocence Illusion forces the akuma to let go of Eden's Madness. Lavi steels himself for the resulting impact, and it isn't pretty. The akuma is terrifying—it swipes at them, teeth bared and roaring, large reptilian like eye penetrating into their gazes. They hit the ocean when the akuma lunges at them hard, but Innocence Illusion is fast on her feet, thanks to both of their reflexes.
Eden's Madness struggles to get up.
"Old man, get the fuck out of there," Kanda grits out, and Lavi immediately knows it's directed to Tiedoll.
Froi Tiedoll because the older man had been Kanda's guardian for a short while, and no matter how little interaction Lavi has seen occurring between them both over the past month, he knows that Kanda cares.
There is no response, which indicates that Eden's Madness communications are down. The akuma seems recognize that the Jaeger is a weakness and aims back for it.
"On guard," Kanda commands, focused.
They steady themselves, fists in place. Again they tackle, pulling the akuma off its feet, blocking blows and dodging swipes.
Category fours are strong. The first akuma that ascended was a category one and over the years, larger and more horrifying aliens started to appear. The Jaegers were already at the forefront of technology when they were first built. It was difficult to push for stronger when it was already the strongest they've got.
Innocence Illusion staggers under the brute force of the monster, and braces itself for impact when they are thrown. When they get up, the akuma is on top of Eden's Madness and a second later, the Jaeger breaks apart. Lavi stares wide eyed at the crumbling metal, its conn-pad falling to pieces in the akuma's hand.
Winters Sokaro and Froi Tiedoll, dead.
A surge of fury burns through his mind and his hands start to tremble.
"Yuu," Lavi thinks, and he tries to calm the other down. "I know," he murmurs. "I know."
The surge lessens to a less intense blaze. Kanda is tired of this, Lavi knows. Tired of losing the few people he ever cared about.
Their minds steel with a kind of determination Lavi has never felt before. They don't even project their thoughts into their headspace but they move in synchrony, right with right, left with left. The akuma faces them, cruel mouth twisted with a semblance of a smirk.
Innocence Illusion elongates her swords from the fists of the Jaeger.
"I've never fought with two swords," Lavi thinks, but he doesn't feel like he needs to worry.
"I have," Kanda replies, and both of them move, getting into battle position.
Lavi is tactics and Kanda is instinct. Kanda doesn't think. Lavi thinks for him. Together they move like fluid, parrying the merciless blow from the akuma, wielding both swords with speed. Lavi has never moved like this before—sure, skilled, dangerous—he thinks this is exactly how Kanda is on the mat, strong and beautiful.
The sword on the right fist catches into the akuma's left shoulder and Kanda grits his teeth, pushing it in further as hard as he can, relishing the roar of pain. He trembles with so much bloodlust he nearly loses himself into it, dragging the sword down to slice the akuma apart, but Lavi keeps him grounded, holds him in his mind to focus on the mission.
They don't stop to mourn when the category four is dead. Noel Baptism is on her feet pounding the other category four, so they turn towards land, heading straight for the category five.
Lavi and Kanda are one, moving as one with Innocence Illusion.
The Jaeger glows brightly under the moonlight, metal surface splattering with black blood as they bring the last alien to its knees. It's a category five which means it pushes them to their limit but they didn't suit up to die.
Both of their eyes are wide with adrenaline when their swords slice straight down, following the curve of the akuma's spine to the end of its tail, cutting a clean path through it.
They suited up to win.
The first thing that Lavi does when he rips off his helmet, is to kiss Kanda.
That on hindsight, isn't the best course of action.
For a few seconds everything is perfect. Kanda's mouth parts for him, allowing him to slide his tongue inside. He remembers the first time Kanda kissed him in the drift—hard and demanding in an effort to ground him, and he wants that again and more. He wants to taste Kanda forever.
But Kanda tears away, hand on Lavi's chest. He looks shocked like he didn't expect it, even though Lavi knows that Kanda knows how much he wants him. The drift has made everything clear between them. He knows Kanda wants him too.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kanda growls, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.
"I—" Lavi falters. "You want me," he says finally, because he doesn't know what to say.
"I do not."
"I know you do," he insists, confused. "I know."
"You are not Alma," Kanda snaps back. "Stop deluding yourself! You didn't even know who you were until our first drift!"
"I'm not!" Lavi shouts. He doesn't know why this is happening, especially after they've drifted together successfully. "I know who I am and I love you!"
Kanda freezes, but he makes his mouth move. "You don't. You've never known love," he spits, voice cutting. "You don't know what it's like."
"I—" Lavi falters when Kanda glares at him one last time before storming out. "Listen to me! Yuu! Don't—Yuu!"
"Don't ever call me that!" Kanda snarls, and the retreating figure disappears.
Lavi moans Kanda's name desperately, eye screwed shut as the muscles of his back strain to arch in never ending pleasure. He breathes in uncoordinated heavy pants, mouth open and head tilted to the ceiling. He thinks he's going to die with how everything burns—his fingers that are gripping the bedsheets tight, wrists held down by Kanda, unforgiving, Kanda's mouth on his neck, licking and sucking marks.
"Yuu—hah, Yuu—"
"Lavi," Kanda murmurs. "Lavi. Lavi. Lavi," he whispers, planting hot kisses along Lavi's neck.
He thinks he can hear how every sound of his name is uttered with reverence, like how Kanda is in awe of how complete Lavi feels now.
The hot mouth trails further down to his chest, slick tongue tracking lazy circles until it reaches his right nipple. It's already stiff from how aroused he is, but it doesn't stop Kanda from taking it into his mouth and sucking on it. Lavi doesn't think that the heat in his pants can intensify any further but it does, and he groans louder, voice echoing in the room.
He wants to touch Kanda so badly but the pilot digs his hands tight on his wrists, ensuring that he's spread out for Kanda to do anything he wants.
"Yuu—I can't—I can't, please—" his whimpers tear from his lips, and when he squeeze his eye shut to take in a gasping breath, a tear leaks out. "I'm going to…—ah—hah—"
He hasn't even been touched but he feels right on the edge already. Kanda stops just as he's going to tip over, causing him to fall back on the bed with his chest heaving and head lolling.
"Not yet," Kanda mutters against his skin, now resuming a slow and frustrating pace down his navel to his hip.
Kanda releases his grip on Lavi's wrists so that he can pull the redhead's pants and boxers down with one motion when his mouth reaches the hipbone, exposing his leaking manhood. Lavi flushes brilliantly, but doesn't get a word in when Kanda moves further down and kisses the inside of his thigh.
The position is embarrassing—Kanda hooks his legs over his shoulder, bringing his hips up into the air, but Lavi doesn't get to think about it when Kanda swallows his cock whole without warning.
He doesn't think he has seen anything more erotic in his life—Kanda's mouth on him, eyes burning into his with a teasing lick over the head of his arousal. That's all it takes for him to come hard—he doesn't manage to warn Kanda, only to ride the pleasure that sizzles down to his toes and causes him to arch his back off the bed in a shuddering gasp.
He doesn't quite manage to utter Kanda's name from how he trembles so violently, but that's all that repeats in his mind as he sees nothing but whiteness.
Yuu. Yuu. Yuu.
"—ngh…—oh god, Yuu—!"
Lavi snaps his eye open as his body jolts upright from the dream, voice resounding in his room. He tries to take in slow breaths but his mind is so disorientated that he only thing he sees is Kanda between his legs. The visual causes him to realise that he's achingly hard to the point that just hearing Kanda's voice would push him over, and his fingers are cramped from how hard they dig into the bed sheets.
Then he remembers how Kanda murmured his name like a lifeline, over and over.
He doesn't even care if the entire corridor can hear him moaning Kanda's name as he comes from just his imagination.
He lies back down staring at the ceiling after the orgasmic high, humiliation seeping in. Fuck, he never knew he was ever this needy, but he wants Kanda. He wants Kanda is every way possible. He wants Kanda to acknowledge that he knows him as well as he does to the other. He wants Kanda to breathe with him, knowing that they've got this, together. He wants Kanda to hold him in their private spaces like he's the only one that matters because Kanda is now the one that matters most to him.
He wants Kanda to shove him up anywhere and have his way with him. He wants Kanda to fuck him hard, until he's begging with his voice hoarse to come. He wants Kanda beneath him, that beautiful body stretched out just for him, face flushed with intense pleasure when he makes Kanda come.
The thought that Kanda pushes him away is like a stake through the heart. He needs Kanda, the only person that could ever make him whole.
He turns his head to stare at his door, where the said person lies just fifteen meters away.
If anyone had ever tried to explain what misery is, this is the definition of it.
-(don't) follow the white rabbit-