/5/
Rusty woke up feeling disoriented, darkness encompassing in his room; for a moment it seemed to be closing in on him, suffocating him, but then he realized he was awake. He had been dreaming again, his t-shirt clinging to his skin, perspiration still damp. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, not sure what had woken him up, not sure what had been so devastating in the dream that he'd ended up in a pool of his own sweat. Then he heard it again, the sound of someone talking, the noise muffled – it came from outside his room, the kitchen he guessed. The voice sounded distressed, not its usual composed self; he knew instantly it was Sharon. He looked at the clock on his nightstand; 2 am.
This wasn't right.
Slipping out of bed, Rusty quickly strode to his door, going through into the hallway. There was a weak light from the living room and when he moved down the hall he caught the tail of a phone conversation ending, Sharon mumbling something in a tired voice. Rusty rounded the living room, coming into the kitchen. Sharon was leaning against the counter, phone in her hand, the other running through her hair as she took two quick inhalations in succession. She'd been crying, Rusty noticed, the puffiness beneath her eyes unmistakable.
Feeling suddenly wary and nervous, Rusty approached Sharon.
"I thought I heard voices," Rusty said and Sharon looked up, surprise at his presence.
There was an agonized look in the depths of her eyes and the small smile she tried to force ahead was only wan, "It's just me."
Rusty nodded, not sure what to do – Sharon was sniffling, an insecure smile as she tried to wipe away an errant tear at the corner of her eye. She was taking heavy breaths as if she was trying to control her own inhalations but weren't quite succeeding. She looked a bit small, Rusty thought; even her pajamas pants looked too big on her, the oversized t-shirt even worse. For a brief second he wondered if it was the same t-shirt lieutenant Flynn had worn to sleep in but the notion was quickly pushed aside; it was of no consequence.
"Did I wake you?" Sharon asked, her eyes on him, "I'm sorry."
"No, I was awake," Rusty lied and then he walked closer to her, a hand reaching for her shoulder, "Are you - " he stopped, cursing himself; he had been about to ask whether she was alright – of course she wasn't.
Sharon looked behind her, pointing at the water boiling in the kettle, "I was just making some tea." She put the phone down on the counter, running a hand through her hair once again, "I couldn't sleep."
Rusty nodded, "Bad dream?"
She smiled self-consciously and gave a small, almost imperceptible nod.
"You should have woken me," Rusty said to her, his voice soft, "I wouldn't have minded."
"I know, I know," she said quietly, then turning to the cabinet with mugs, "You want some tea?"
"Yeah," he watched her fiddle with the mugs, taking out the tea filters. Her hands shook and it was another little thing that was almost undetectable but Rusty noticed. Rusty came to stand beside Sharon, gently taking the filters from her hands, "Sit down, Sharon, I'll do it – you seem tired."
She nodded, no objections as she turned around and walked to the sofa.
"I'm exhausted," she said as sat on the sofa, voice nonchalant as if she was mentioning the fact that it was raining or something equally unimportant.
Rusty brought along the tea to the sofa, watching Sharon staring emptily into the air. He sat the mugs down on the table and then quickly wrapped a blanket around Sharon's shoulders.
Sharon looked up, eyes shimmery but a grateful smile. She patted the place next to her and Rusty sat down with her, the warm tea mug between his palms.
"God, I haven't had a nightmare in ages," Sharon told him, her voice shaking. Her brows knit together and Rusty thought she was upset with herself for letting it get to her even if it was quite a natural reaction.
Sharon sipped her tea once but then sat the mug down on the table again, hands in her lap.
Rusty put his tea on the table as well and scooted closer to Sharon. His eyes itched when he felt her lean against him, a sigh that sounded more like a buried half-sob leaving her lips.
"I called Andy," she sniffled, hands still in her lap as she drew in two quick breaths, "I mean, I called Lieutenant Flynn. He'll be here in a short while."
"Okay, that's good."
"Mm-hmm."
"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"
"I can't remember it," she sounded despondent.
They sat in silence, close together and staring out into the night.
"Sharon?" Rusty asked her.
She hummed, the sound half raspy.
"I love you," he told her, the words warm on his lips.
She turned around and her arms went around him. Rusty brought his own arms around her and he could feel the reverberation of her choking back a sob, his arms tightening the embrace. It was not the first time he had told her but he needed her to know; needed her to understand that it physically hurt him to see her like this. Rusty traced his hand up and down Sharon's back, feeling the way she settled into an easier rhythm of breathing.
"I love you too," she whispered, the words clear even if they were uttered in a low voice. Rusty briefly smiled; it was always a novel, wonderful thing to hear even if she had said it a number of times before and he had no doubts in this area when it came to her. It was however a sentence that was serene no matter how many times he heard it.
He felt her breathing slowing down, evening out, her head resting on his shoulder. "Just close your eyes, Sharon," he softly patted her back, "and go to sleep – Lieutenant Flynn will be here soon, and I'm here," he paused, feeling how she settled down, "Just go to sleep."
She fell asleep with a frightening alacrity, heavy against Rusty. He felt how her breathing slowly changed, her breath hot against his neck. He eased her down so she lay on the sofa, a pillow under her head and he was able to sit beside her, watching her.
The skin under her eyes was puffy and red, tear tracks still visible. Rusty gently let his thumb trace her temple, tucking away a strand of hair. She was beyond exhausted; otherwise she wouldn't have fallen asleep that swiftly and on the sofa in the middle of an embrace nonetheless.
Rusty wasn't sure how long he sat watching her sleep but suddenly there was a small knock on the front door. He quickly got to his feet without disturbing Sharon and then with light feet he hurried to the door, seeing Flynn through the peephole. He opened the door, a finger in front of his lips indicating the lieutenant be silent.
"She's asleep?" Flynn asked hesitantly in a whisper.
Rusty nodded, turning his head and looking back at the sofa and Sharon.
"Yeah, she fell asleep right in my arms."
Flynn nodded, closing and locking the door behind him. He had an overnight bag with him which he placed next to his shoes. When Rusty looked up he found Flynn with a soft look in his eyes, looking at Sharon.
"That's good," Flynn whispered, "She needs to sleep – I'm not sure she slept a wink yesterday."
"You want some tea?" Rusty asked and the lieutenant nodded. They moved to the kitchen, Rusty taking his own tea mug with him, quickly tugging in the blanket around Sharon. She didn't stir; she seemed to be far gone in sleep.
Rusty joined the lieutenant in the kitchen, noiselessly making a mug of tea for the older man.
"You alright kid?" Flynn gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, sipping his tea, eyes inquisitive.
"I'm just worried about her," Rusty answered truthfully, "I mean, it's just – well," Rusty stopped, briefly angry with himself for rambling. Flynn gave him another pat on the shoulder, gentle.
"She's shaken right now – it was a traumatic assault, bound to cause some residual effects. Nightmares are part of trying to comprehend and understand a situation like this. But she'll be alright eventually, okay. You're doing great, kid – I worry too but you're there for her and she appreciates it – I appreciate it."
Rusty nodded, "I just feel a bit lost."
"Me too, kid, me too," Flynn agreed, sipping his own tea, "As long as we're there for her, and tell her, it'll work out."
Rusty nodded.
"Are you staying?"
Flynn looked out into the den, eyes on the sofa, "Yeah. I'll carry her into her own bed in a while – I think she'll sleep better in her own bed now that she's calmed down," the lieutenant put his mug down and ran a hand through his hair. Then with eyes on Rusty he said, "Don't worry, she'll sleep soundly now; she just needed to get some things off her chest."
"What things?"
The lieutenant sighed, "A good cry, maybe – someone to talk to. I'm not sure; Sharon's hard to read at times. It's always different when it comes to a situation like this. There's never any precise formula on how you react. Being assaulted like she was, it's painful even if you think it shouldn't be. There's a lot of stuff going through your head. Sometimes you even blame yourself, think if only I'd done something else. Heck, I wish I'd seen it coming – I would have planted my fist in the creeps face before he could take a step in her direction then."
"It's no one's fault but the guy who did it," Rusty said. Flynn smiled at him briefly, "Yeah, logic is another thing that's hard to come by in a situation like this."
Rusty nodded, he knew the feeling.
"She seemed fine last night – she said the walk on the beach calmed her down," Rusty said out aloud, eyes briefly on the sofa. Sharon had been herself last night, sharing laughter and soft looks – they had made dinner together and it had almost been like nothing had happened.
Flynn nodded, "I'm sure she was – she just had a nightmare and it connected a little harder than she'd thought possible. I don't think she was prepared for it to hurt like this – took her by surprise."
"Have you ever been assaulted?" he asked the lieutenant; it sounded like Flynn was familiar with the aspects of being attacked.
"Yeah, an inordinate number of times now - I've lost count," Flynn answered, a half-smile on his lips that looked wry, "people love to hate me."
Rusty sipped his tea, weighing the lieutenant's answer. His tone sounded offhand but his eyes were dark and seemed to be taking on a distant look.
"Have Sharon being assaulted before?"
"Not to my knowledge," Flynn furrowed his brows, eyes on Sharon again, "She dealt with a lot of bullshit and harassment when she worked in internal affairs I'd imagine but I don't think she's ever been this close to it before. She's hasn't said a word of it to me, anyway."
"Okay."
They sipped their tea for a bit, each lost in their own contemplations.
"I'm glad you're here," Rusty said and he meant it.
Flynn looked at him, a soft look in his eyes, "Thank you."
They were silent for another little moment.
Then Rusty whispered, "I'm not unaccustomed to nightmares, I know how it goes," Flynn gave a nod, eyes on Rusty, "But yeah, I haven't had any in a while. I think I had one yesterday."
Flynn looked at him, eyes intense, "You wanna talk about it?"
Rusty shook his head, "No, not really," he paused, "I mean, I know why I had it. There's really nothing to discuss about it."
Flynn hummed and they watched Sharon again, both silent.
"Did you fix everything with Lieutenant Provenza? He's not upset with you anymore?"
Flynn looked at him silently for a while before he answered, "Yeah," he paused and took a sip of his tea, "Everything's taken care of." It was a cryptic answer and Rusty didn't really know what to make of it.
"Don't worry; Sharon will be back to herself in no time."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, definitely. It's never easy, our job, and every once in a while something happens that push you off course."
Rusty nodded; it was painful to be assaulted and he knew it was hard to explain how it affected you and he knew that it was natural to react like Sharon did; he just wanted her to be happy, that was all. Sharon wanted Rusty safe and sound and it was a sentiment that Rusty shared with her; he just wanted her to be happy and safe.
"You alright?" Flynn asked him again, putting his mug into the sink, "I think I'll put her to bed now – let her have a good rest." Rusty copied Flynn and gave a nod, "Yeah – I'll go right back to sleep."
Rusty watched Flynn walking to the sofa, sitting back on his haunches, a small caress down the side of Sharon's face, his thumb lingering.
"Hey," Flynn whispered in the softest voice Rusty had ever heard the lieutenant use. Sharon's breathing changed a bit and Flynn continued, "What do you say, we get you into bed, huh."
"C'mon, sweetheart," Flynn whispered, sweeping an arm around her back, under her arms and one under her knees, standing up with Sharon in his arms. Rusty wasn't sure Sharon was completely awake but he still whispered a soft, "Night Sharon," and he watched Flynn carrying her into her bedroom before he went to his own bed again.
Sleep, however, was hard to regain.
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