*five months later*

Uhhhhh so yeah, lots of Homestuck fics in the meantime. I wasn't planning on doing this today (or anytime in the near future) but I just had to finish this because, contrary to popular belief, leaving projects unfinished makes me feel guilty (AND I HAVE SO MANY UNFINISHED FICS OMG).

Many thanks to lovebrokenwing, JPS, Kathrin J Pearl, sexy. lil. emo, charlotte. eliot. 3, and dualities for your reviews to the last chapter, and so many thanks to everyone who's been (im)patiently awaiting an update. (Sadly, no smut here...)

He has a week to back out, and he's on the verge of dialing the other man's number to do just that at least four times, but he stops at the last second. He has no idea why he's so nervous—it's not like him at all to stress about something like this—but knowing that he's nervous just makes him even more nervous.

That's a lie—Balthazar knows exactly why he's so nervous. He's worried that Lu won't like him for long. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, to delude himself into imagining more could come of this than what probably will come of this. He just knows hoping will lead to disappointment, so right now, hoping that this weekend will be enjoyable is the most he wants to hope for.

But now is not the time to worry about what might or might not happen. He made lunch plans, and he promised that this time, he'd actually show up. Right now, it's time to tell his best friend what exactly he's been doing with his free time.

He leans back in his seat, folding his hands behind his head in an exaggerated display of nonchalance. Castiel tilts his head to the side to see past the mirrored shades hiding the blond's eyes, but his attempts are fruitless. "You're sure?" Castiel asks finally, giving in.

"He already told me his name. I Googled him. The name and face match. It's him."

The other man casts a quick glance around before leaning in toward Balthazar. "One of the Burgan-Hines heirs is sexting you, and you're just going to be so... blasé about it?" he hisses.

Balthazar raises an eyebrow. Okay, so he'd been surprised when Lu told him his last name and it sounded familiar. He'd been stunned to Google the name and see dozens of photos—albeit clothed ones—of the man he saw naked through personal pictures. He'd been floored to discover who he really was behind that well-crafted internet persona. But, in the end, the fact that Lu has truckloads more money than Balthazar initially thought didn't faze him. He isn't a gold digger. He'd liked Lu before this revelation. He just hopes Lu likes him, too, at least a little bit.

"Well, we've actually set up a face-to-face meeting." One where they'll actually meet, not where he runs into Lu at work and the other man has no idea who he is. He's slightly embarrassed that he's done something that creepy, but there's nothing to do about it now.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Balthazar has liked Lu for a long fucking time—basically since he first saw his profile on . He remembers that his account had him listed as a redhead even though he was definitely strawberry blond (the site didn't have that option, and a lot of people couldn't tell the difference, but there definitely was a difference). His income level had been left empty, but that part had barely registered. He first messaged user sillysatan on a whim and was surprised when he actually messaged back. Through their messaging, both the sexual and the casual, he's learned a lot about Lu: likes, dislikes, what he's passionate about, even a little of his family and his past. He's almost sure by now that Lu only sees him as a sexting buddy, a bit of fun, and his stomach clenches painfully at that, but it's what Lu wants from him.

He can pretend the man wants more, though. To this end, he's played it cool and aloof, only showing off his body to keep Lu interested. Then they exchanged numbers, because he really wanted to hear Lu's voice, wanted to listen to him moan as his orgasm floods through him, brought off only by the sound of Balthazar's voice and his own hand.

But God, listening to it for the first time was something else entirely, something he hadn't expected. It's made him crave actually touching him in a way he's never felt so intensely before. He wants to feel their skin in constant contact, wants their bodies slotted together, needs to feel every inch of him possible.

So, even if he finally loses Lu's interest after this, after the anticipated three times they'll fuck (he knows even three times might be generous—Lu probably has dozens of others falling over themselves to have him, and even though they've never discussed it, he's not stupid enough to think he's the only person Lu's been messaging like this for the past seven months, even though Balthazar hasn't so much as looked at another user), he's ready to face reality. He wants Lu so badly he can practically taste it. He'll offer himself to him and let Lu use him and throw him aside like he no doubt will. At this point, he doesn't even care how much it'll hurt—he's tired of denying both of them what they want.

So he finally agreed to meet Lu face-to-face, and a few hours later, the man sent him an address and a time, and that's that. Now it's just a waiting game.

"Yes, actually, I do think it's a good idea."

"It could be a trap."

"I highly doubt that. Who has more to lose from this meeting, him or me?" Balthazar points out. Nothing in Lu's biography on the Burgan-Hines company website even hints that, hey, this one likes men, so Balthazar is pretty sure that Lu is fairly secretive about it. Balthazar doesn't blame him for it, and he certainly doesn't expect Lu to out himself for him—that would be too much. For all Balthazar knows, Lu's family is ultra-conservative and he needs to closet himself for the sake of appearances. If Lu were to get caught in this rendezvous with Balthazar, Lu could stand to lose everything. He doesn't want that, though. He doesn't want to be the one thing that ruins Lu's life.

That thought on its own is enough to make Balthazar want to cancel this whole affair as well, because no matter how much he really wants to sleep with Lu, he's a responsible adult and the only life he should destroy by doing it is his own.

"I suppose I see your point," Castiel says.

"And what else could he possibly want from me? I've got eighty dollars to my name and a shitty Volkswagen. I don't even own my flat. I have no influence or ties to anything in his world." Balthazar shrugs. "But he still wanted to meet me."

"Wait, he set this up?"

Balthazar nods. "He's actually wanted us to meet for awhile. I've just been telling him no."

"But why? I thought you said you liked him."

Oh, poor Castiel, so naïve in the ways of the real world. Castiel's been with the same guy for five years, and he fell into it almost by accident. He didn't have to flirt or play hard-to-get or anything. It just happened. Balthazar is going to have to break it down Barney-style for him. "I do like him. That's the point. It's all been to keep him interested."

"But... doesn't that just defeat the purpose? I would probably lose interest if I was in his shoes."

"You don't have a profile on a hookup site," Balthazar says. "That kind of ploy wouldn't work on someone as sweet and innocent as you. Lu is neither of those."

Castiel sighs and shakes his head. "I still don't understand it."

Balthazar supposes it makes sense from one angle and zero sense from another. He just doesn't know how to make Castiel see it from his angle. "It doesn't matter. The point is, it actually did work on him." He doesn't want to go into the other details besides "sexting buddy," because it's a sure way to earn a trademark reproachful Castiel Collins look, and Balthazar is sick of those. You're not friends with Castiel for eight years without receiving your fair share of those looks.

"I see," Castiel says, even though it's clear he doesn't see. "So you changed your mind, then."

"Yeah, exactly."

"Why?"

"We exchanged phone numbers."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"It does, if you think about it. What does one normally do with the information provided by a phone number?"

"Call people."

"Exactly."

"So you... called him?"

"Yes."

"I still don't see what you're getting at."

It's Balthazar's turn to sigh, and he rubs the bridge of his nose as he does so. "I called him. I spoke with him." He pauses for a long moment as he tries to figure out how best to explain it without really explaining it. "Other things happened, and I realized that, like it or not, the relationship as it currently stood was drawing to a close. One of two things were bound to happen: either we stop talking to each other, or we meet and... well, take it from there. I opted for the latter, because I at least want to know what could happen." Undoubtedly some of the greatest sex of his life is what will probably happen, but he doesn't say that. Castiel will probably turn bright red and pretend he didn't say anything.

It's not that Castiel is a prude or anything, either—Balthazar has had to sleep on Castiel's couch often enough to know that when he had his boyfriend have sex (which seems to be quite a bit), Castiel gets quite vocal and quite demanding. He just prefers to keep his sex life solely in the bedroom (or, Balthazar supposes, elsewhere around the flat, but certainly not out in public).

Castiel nods like Balthazar is finally making sense. "So after your meeting with him, what will happen with you two?"

Balthazar sighs again. "I haven't the foggiest. I suppose it'll become clear after the meeting, eh?"

Castiel doesn't seem appeased by this answer.

"I don't bloody know. What will be, will be, alright? I can't ask for more than that."

"What do you want to happen?" Castiel clarifies.

"I want to be happy."

"With him or without him?"

"Yes."

Castiel rolls his eyes. "That's not an answer."

"It's good enough."

"It's not. Do you want to be with him or just be done with it all?"

Balthazar is suddenly grateful for the oversized sunglasses, because Castiel can't see the way his eyes drop to the table for a second. "It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"Whatever he wants is what I'll live with."

Castiel narrows his eyes and tilts his head, and it's the look he gives Balthazar when he knows Balthazar is being a deliberately obtuse dunderfuck. "That's not an answer, either."

"Fine. I want to be with him, alright? I like him a lot. But if he doesn't feel the same way, I'm not going to try to change his mind. It certainly won't endear me to him if I try. So whatever he wants from me is what I'll live with."

For the first time, a flicker of pity crosses Castiel's face. "I see," he murmurs. "I hope he doesn't hurt you."

Balthazar hoped that, too. "It's nothing I can't handle. I'm a big boy—I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to meet him." He didn't and he still fully doesn't, but there's no need for Castiel to know that. "I'll be fine." That's a lie, too. He probably won't be fine at all, but he's gotten awfully good at pretending.

It could still be awhile before I post another chapter, but I haven't abandoned this fic yet!