Balance
I could not remember the journey to Aia's village from the place where he always went during his training weekends to ever have been so long before. Each second brought with it a weaker beating in Aia's heart, a more laborious breath taken by his lungs, and more blood seeping onto his uwangi and headscarf.
After what seemed to be an eternity, Aia's village finally came into sight. I raced down the lip of the valley, wasting no time with the gate but instead vaulting myself over the battlements. An alarm was raised as I raced to the village center. I finally stopped, trembling, on the patch of dirt, my pulse pounding in my ears and gasping for breath. I mustered my loudest voice and cried out, "Help! A boy has been hurt!" I repeated my phrase, still clutching Aia to my chest, as I waited for someone to direct me to a healer.
Word spread like wildfire as the villagers caught glimpses of the unconscious Aia in my arms; it was only after they took in Aia's appearance that they took in my own. My body was flushed with energy, the gold paint practically blinding; my amber eyes were fiercely determined and slightly desperate; my hair and kimono swirled around my body as I turned about frantically looking for someone to help Aia. I cursed myself for frightening the humans, but I could not find the self-control to tone down my appearance in my desperation to save Aia. It was only when a squad of soldiers from the barracks arrived that I was finally able to convey that Aia needed a healer. They quickly escorted us to the healer's, where Aia was taken from my arms and whisked into the house.
I sank down on the steps, holding my head in my hands. The soldiers still milled around me, some looking at me warily, others looking at me with curiosity. The murmurings of the soldiers and the villagers who dared come to follow us reached my ears, but they could not pierce the haze surrounding my mind. As exhaustion took over me, my paint slowly dulled and the manic look left my eyes, leaving a dull emptiness.
A series of approaching footsteps brought my gaze from the palms of my hands up to a series of faces. I watched as a man in a hakama and uwangi similar to Aia's ascended the steps I was sitting on and entered the house. From what I could hear of his voice, he sounded very much like the chief priest and warrior – the Father that Aia had told me so much about – at Aia's temple. After several minutes of conversing, the man came out onto the porch of the house and looked at me without saying a single word. I returned his brown-eyed gaze until he finally shifted uncomfortably. He was an older man, with a long graying beard and a bald head, but his body was still toned and muscular, the way a true warrior's would be. I could understand how Aia and his fellow acolytes were slightly intimidated by the man; he had a commanding and powerful aura about him.
Finally he spoke to me. "If you would come inside," he said, gesturing for me to enter the building. I picked myself up from the step, desperately hoping that I could see Aia, but I was led to a room occupied by several other older-looking men. The room was dead silent, allowing my delicate hearing to pick up the murmuring of several healers in another room and the rasping that was Aia's breathing. My heart clenched before I returned my attention to my current surroundings.
The Father spoke again. "We are curious as to the circumstances that brought about Aia's injury. Also, we have never met a…creature…such as you before; we wish to know your business with our village as well as your business with Aia. If you could please narrate for us what exactly has happened, we would be grateful."
Monotonously I started speaking, beginning with my nature and my business in this world. I could see in their eyes that they had a difficult time believing me, but a second look at my appearance – from amber eyes to pointed ears to glowing body paint – had them thinking otherwise. I brought out my Sword of Exorcism, but I did not demonstrate its powers. Then I began speaking of my relationship with Aia, from our first meeting to our meetings since then. I stressed that the only reason I remained with him was to protect him from the Mononoke that had learned of our connection and that I had not helped him pass his weekend trainings in any way; if I had not explained this, they would have been sure to suspect Aia of cheating on these assignments.
My throat constricted when I finally reached the point in my narration where Aia had been injured. After I finished, they brought in a healer to question me on the nature of Aia's injuries. I did my best to explain to the healer what had happened, but he merely pursed his lips, the look of hope draining from his face. My heart sank at this.
The healer took a last look at the room's occupants. "We will do the best we can," he said softly, slipping from the room to return to Aia's side.
'The best we can…' Those haunting words repeated over and over in my head like a mantra. I sank down the wall to sit on the floor, my face in my hands once again as the village officials left the room. At some point in time I was offered a cup of tea, but one look into my empty eyes convinced the person otherwise. I was eventually led outside and offered a place to sleep for the evening, but I declined, preferring to remain outside of the house and as close to Aia as I possibly could.
Darkness fell. The lights of the village grew stronger with the fading daylight and then dimmer as the village went to sleep. The lights inside of the healer's house, however, remained burning strong. I desperately hoped with all my heart that Aia's life would not end because of my careless mistake.
The moon had completed half of its dance across the starry night sky when the Father came out of the house and sat down next to me. We remained sitting in silence before he finally said, "Supposedly the stars are the souls of the departed. For every person that dies, another star is born. As more and more die, it becomes more and more difficult to discern the passing of another soul." He sighed tiredly. "Thus it will be difficult to see the appearance of Aia's star tonight."
My gaze snapped fearfully to his face. He returned it with pure sorrow etched into his features. "I am sorry, but Aia has passed." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder for a moment before standing up and returning into the house whose candles were slowly dimming.
Reality came crashing down around me as the Father's words finally sunk in. I looked up again at the sky frantically, searching for any positive sign that Aia's star would appear, but the Father was right; the stars were too numerous to pick out the appearance of any new stars. I could dimly hear a gentle song being sung in the depths of the healer's home, most likely a lullaby for the passing of the soul of the dead. The lamentation became too much for me, and I raced as fast as I could, as far away as I could, from that place of death. I passed out of the valley within seconds, my speed carrying me over the terrain so that Aia's village was nearly a forgotten memory within minutes. I knew, however, that no matter how far I would run, Aia's death would always haunt me; I could never forget what had happened.
I stopped, gasping for breath. Tears streaming down my face, I roared my anguish at the heavens. Fate had ripped from me the first companion I had ever had, the first person whom I had come in contact with. The loss of Aia left a gaping wound in my chest, one that no amount of time could ever heal. I tried to summon the hatred that would aide me in completely obliterating any and all Mononoke, but the only feelings I felt were regret at my own foolishness at ever returning to visit Aia. Better for me to have never returned to him and for him to still be alive than for those wonderful past few months to have ever happened and for him to now be lying on a pallet with healers crooning a dirge over his cold body.
For the first time in over a year, I regretted having met Aia.