Balance

Time passed, though I could not tell that it was doing so. I only knew that once I had awoken from my stupor over Aia's death, I threw myself with a renewed vigor against the Mononoke. I finally knew firsthand the feelings of the family members whose loved ones were ripped away from them by the Mononoke, and I was determined that no one should ever go through the heartbreak that I went through.

Thoughts of suicide entered my thoughts during this time, but mundane means would not kill me; jumping off of a cliff or sleeping without warmth at the top of a mountain during a blizzard had no effect other than sapping my strength. The only way I could die would be if I allowed a Mononoke to best me. However, I could almost hear Aia chiding me for such selfish thoughts; my purpose was to stay alive and to protect the humans of this world, no matter the circumstances. Allowing myself to die just so that I could be with Aia again would leave him disappointed in me. Thus, I forged on despite the hole in my heart left by his absence.

I found myself hoping that Aia would return to me, but the only ways that I would ever see him again would be if he returned to this world – meaning that he would be a Mononoke – and I knew that he was too humble and selfless to revert to such a petty revenge. Knowing Aia, he most likely did not even feel a need for revenge over his untimely death. The other way that I could see him again would be for me to die, but just as in my thoughts of suicide, I could hear Aia telling me that doing so would only sow the destruction of the world as the balance would be ruined.

Thus I fought. I fought to keep humanity safe. I fought to keep the balance.

I fought to avenge Aia's death.

I fought for Aia.

I could not bring myself to return to Aia's home valley, not even to pay my respects to his grave. Thus it was that one lonely afternoon, several months after his death, I erected a small monument to the boy who changed my life. It was a simple stone monolith, perhaps a meter high at most, with nothing but an engraving of the medallion I had given him that fateful day embossed upon the glossy surface. In future years I found myself returning to this monument every year, sometimes bringing flowers with me, other times herbs and spices. I would spend the day sitting there in silence, regretting that I had ever met him and stolen from him the chance to live a normal, happy life. I missed him terribly. They say that time heals all wounds, but no amount of time was able to heal the potency of the wound his death had left upon my heart.

My clashes with the Mononoke became more and more frequent and increasingly more violent. I was still growing stronger, thanks to the strict regime of protection I had put myself through during my time with Aia, but once again I found myself becoming outmatched by my opponents. Perseverance and careful planning on my part, as well as the training I resumed putting myself through, was what kept me alive now.

I could feel a burning in my calves as I raced across the countryside. The activity of my targeted Mononoke was increasing, meaning that they had made contact with their victims. I pulled out my sword and prepared myself, knowing that by the time I arrived, I would have little time to prepare myself.

I finally arrived to where the Mononoke were. I did not have the time to discern what exactly they were doing to their human victims, but I could see the humans spasmodically shaking and trembling, eyes rolled back in their heads. Without stopping my momentum, I vaulted into the air and spun at the zenith of my arc, driving my sword into the head of one of the Mononoke. With a scream, it exploded, and its demise finally distracted the remaining two Mononoke from their victims to realize that I was here.

The Mononoke ended their torture of the humans at present, who collapsed, unconscious, on the ground. Turning their attention to me, they circled without striking, and I watched without striking. I would not rush my opponents.

"You have interfered with our brethren on far too many occasions," one of them hissed. "And now you dare interfere with us? These men raped us, killed us, and then defiled our dead bodies! We deserve to exact our revenge upon them. You have no business interfering."

Glancing at the group of unconscious humans, I said, "So you would also kill the three women that are currently with the rapists? They are innocent, and I will protect them. Since your anger has distorted your cause so that you do not discriminate between the guilty and the innocent, I am forced to stop you from not only hurting the innocent but also the guilty. I do not defend their actions, but I do defend those whom you do not distinguish as innocent."

"Fool," the other hissed. "Do you remember what happened to the innocent about five years ago whom you tried to save? That poor little boy…" My heart clenched as I realized they were talking about Aia, and my temper rose several notches. "If you had let him be, he would still be alive. It seems that every time you involve yourself in things that should not be, the only result for you is unhappiness."

My vision flashed red. I roared and struck out, but the Mononoke was too quick for me. It sidestepped and struck me across my temple. I nearly lost consciousness right then and there and would have died if my instinct had not compelled me to extend my sword out to the side from which I had been struck. The Mononoke screamed and died as my vision finally faded completely, yet I still remained conscious. I relied on my inner eye to see the essence of the remaining Mononoke, and soon it too was dead.

I remained still until my breathing had calmed.

Pushing myself up from the ground, I drank a few drops of my healing tonic to restore my sight and, while I waited for my sword to finish channeling the destroyed Mononoke back to the afterlife, I checked the pulses of the group of humans who had been attacked. Luckily, they were all alive and fairly healthy, if the color returning to their cheeks and their even breathing were anything to judge by. Picking up my sword, I turned and left the scene of destruction behind me.

When I finally stopped several miles away, I collapsed and allowed my emotions to wash over me. Tears seeped from my eyes for the first time since Aia's death as the words of the Mononoke repeated themselves in my head. The Mononoke had been right; if I had not involved myself where I should not have, Aia would still be alive.

I do not know if I warded myself; I only know that I cried myself to sleep.