I sit at the kitchen table with Miles, Charlie, Sterling, and Nate. They all stare at me. Sterling begins to trace small patterns on my skin with his fingertip. "What happened to you, Avalon?" He finally asks.
I grimace. "I don't really want to talk about it right now."
"Did they make you do things you didn't want to do?" He asks, brow furrowing.
"Sterling, I said not now!" I snap. His fingers stop touching my arm. I look up at him.
His expression is obviously hurt. "What happened to telling each other everything?"
"A lot has changed, okay?"
"Clearly." Sterling says. I roll my eyes at him. He opens his mouth to say something, and then changes his mind.
"Go on." I say.
"Did you…kill people?" He asks me softly.
I look into his crystal clear blue eyes, a mirror image of my own. I frown slightly. "Yes, I did." I tell him. He bites down on his lip, clearly holding in something important. I sigh. "Spit it out. Say whatever horrible thing you feel that you have to say."
After a moment of delay, Sterling starts. "Are you kidding me, Avalon? We grew up together! And now, after I haven't seen you since you were thirteen, and you've killed people? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I did what I had to do!"
"Bullshit!" Sterling yells. "You didn't have to join the militia. You could've stayed here and…"
"And what? Sat around and cried about my parents being killed brutally in front of me? It hasn't done you much good." I point out.
"You selfish bitch." Sterling spits at me. "The minute everything stops being perfect, you run." He let out a little laugh. "Hell, I bet you're in it with both of these guys." He points to Miles and Nate.
I glare evenly at him. "Fuck you, Sterling. You're an asshole."
"Yeah, you aren't so innocent anymore either, sweetheart." Sterling retorts, giving me a mean smile.
I stand up and stare down at him. "I have killed more than you ever will." I snap. "Don't test me, or I'll put a bullet in your head." A shiver runs down my back as soon as the words leave my mouth.
"Stop!" Sterling says. "I just want my best friend back. That's all."
I stiffen up. "Well, she's gone."
"Obviously." He agrees. I stand up quickly and shove a chair out of my way.
"Where are you going?" Aaron asks me.
"Hunting." I spit out as I grab my bow and arrow and slam the door. The door opens and I hear heavy footsteps behind me. Aaron.
"It's not safe for you to go alone. We just got you back." Aaron says.
"I'll be fine. Besides, I need quiet to hunt."
Aaron shakes his head. "I'm not leaving you."
"Fine." I snap, and spin on my heel. I walk for a while when I hear something in the bushes next to me. I whirl and release my arrow into it. I look to see that I've just shot Aaron's backpack.
"What the hell?"
I began to blush. "Sorry! I guess I'm just off my game." I reach over and grab the arrow. "Sorry." I repeat.
"It's fine." He says. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Go for it."
"What are you going to do about Miles and Nate?"
"There's nothing to do." I say.
"There is." He says.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Aaron shrugs. "You're clearly unstable. Miles still likes you, to some extent. And Nate doesn't know what to do. On top of that, your only uninvolved friend is pissed at you." I stare at him evenly. "You need to talk about this or something. You can't keep your emotions bottled up inside. I did, and I have no idea where my wife is because I did something stupid."
I bit down on my lip, thinking. "I…still love Miles." I say. There. It was out there. The big truth I've been trying to ignore. "But I don't know what to do about Nate." I think for a moment. "What happened to your wife?"
"I left her because I didn't think I was strong enough to take care of her." Aaron says.
"Strong enough… But Aaron, you've been so strong!"
"I left her with someone even stronger. I hope everyday that she's still safe." I frown as I watch him.
"I saw Charlie's mom while I was being kept prisoner." I say suddenly. I hadn't meant to tell anyone except for Miles. Me and my big mouth.
"What? You saw Rachel?" I nod.
Aaron stares at me. "Don't tell Charlie or anyone else. I need to ask Miles what to do. I knew that she was alive, but I don't know what to think anymore. She's…not doing well."
"We need to get back and tell him right now. It's already been a couple of hours." I squint up at the sky.
"Really? Time goes by quickly when you aren't dreading night time." I remark, causing Aaron to flinch.
"Let's just go." He says, and we walk back in silence. I constantly check over my shoulder until we get to the house. "Do you smell that? It smells like…"
"Whiskey." I finish, grimacing. We walk into the kitchen.
"Avalon!" Sterling booms and staggers towards me. I shake my head. "I missed you."
"You're drunk." I say.
"Sure am." He laughs.
"Go to bed." I tell him.
"Not until I tell you how sorry I am." Sterling says.
"You just did. Now go get some rest."
"But…"
"Now!" I say firmly.
"Fine, just don't tell my mom I've been drinking." He tells me, dropping a kiss on my cheek. "If I was you, I'd pick the ex-militia guy. He cares about you." Sterling laughs and walks off.
"What an asshole." I mutter to myself. Then I turn to the others in the kitchen. "Miles, I need to talk to you."
Miles stares at me. "Alone?"
I nod. "But Aaron can stay."
"Are you kidding me?" Nate asks.
"Nate…"
"No, Avalon! I think I deserve to hear this!"
"Nate…"
"I haven't even gotten to touch you since you got back!"
"Whose fault is that, Jason?" I ask. Nate flinches at his real name. "Just let me talk to them alone for a while."
He glares at me, and I stare back at him. The look in his eyes…is almost hate. "Fine." He spits out, and then pulls Charlie into his arms. "Let's go, Charlie." I bite down on my lip so hard it bleeds.
Once I'm certain they're out of ear shot, I take a deep breath. "Are you okay?" Aaron asks cautiously.
"Fine." I spit out, rubbing my forehead anxiously. "Listen, Miles, I saw Rachel, and she isn't doing well. I don't know what Monroe is making her do, but she's refusing to do it. I'm worried about her now that Danny's gone."
"What exactly are you proposing?" Miles asks in a controlled voice. I look up to see him looking at me intently. But underneath his surface, he must be pissed off. After all, we did just rescue Danny and go through all of that shit.
"I'm proposing we go and get Rachel." I say.
"No. Absolutely not. She hates me, remember?"
"Because you locked her away!" I explode. Miles purses his lips and begins to pace. "And here we go with the pacing!" I say, throwing my hands up in the air.
Miles starts towards me, and I automatically back up into the wall. "Don't test me, Avalon." He says angrily. "This is my family. It's Charlie's mom, for crying out loud! But I guess you wouldn't understand that, since you don't have parents." Miles sneers.
I hold my ground, knowing that he isn't thinking straight. "No, I guess I wouldn't understand." I say calmly while fighting a shiver that threatens to wrack my body.
Miles's composure withers immediately. "Sorry."
"It's okay. Are you up for it?" I ask.
"Sure, just not for a few days, alright? I need some rest." Miles pushes past me without waiting for my response, and I look to Aaron.
"I guess we'll head out in a few days." I turn to go up the stairs. "Get some sleep, okay, Aaron? You look like shit." I let out a small laugh and retreat to my own bed after years of being away.