Rose POV

Losing a child is something everyone fears. When that fear becomes reality you start to lose yourself. There is no going back; there is only moving forward. You can move forward all you like, but even so there will always be things that bring you back.

Moving past the death of your child is almost impossible.

It's been a year since my little angel's been taken from me. She never even had a chance. But even though I never got to hear her cry or see her beautiful face smile, I know she's always here. I can hear the echo of what I imagine her laugh would be like; I've imagined her saying her first words and taking her first steps.

My baby.

My beautiful, beautiful baby.

The light of the human day blurred into the darkness of the Moroi day and I barely noticed. All that really mattered at that moment was her memory. It stayed that way until Eddie and my Mom dragged me back to Court. I didn't mean to spend all day there. I just wanted some alone time with her before the day started and everyone mourned.

I just needed her.

I didn't realize how cold I was until I got in the car. Adrian used spirit to warm me up a little. Adrian's been so good to me. He deserves someone who can love him back; someone who isn't screwed up like me.

Adrian helps me into the house when we arrive. The first person I see is Lissa before she attacks me in a hug. Christian does the same, only he's much more gentle. The next two faces in the kitchen are surprising to say the least.

Why today? Why did they have to come today?

I want to run and hide. I can't do this. Not today.

Adrian, my savior, saves me.

He takes me into the living room, helps me into dry clothes and holds me while I cry. He even got rid of Dimitri when he wandered in.

He really is my savior.

But, sometimes, sometimes I just have to save myself.

This isn't how she'd want to be remembered. This isn't how she'd want me to spend this day.

I look up at Adrian and thank him. I get a smile in return. I'm warm enough now so I return to the kitchen to fight my demons. Everyone stopped talking as I entered, like I'm some kind of traumatized child. "Don't stop on my account," I say as I grab a doughnut from the counter. "After all it is Christmas Eve."

"Rose," Liss says in her motherly tone. She's going to be a great mom.

"Lissa," I reply.

Tasha speaks next. "She's right, Lissa, it is Christmas Eve," she smirks. "Let's have some fun." I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

It gets quiet again. I look over at Dimitri only to find him staring at me. God, he hasn't changed at all. The sight of him makes me want to cry, but I don't. I can't. Those eyes, those damn eyes, they're trying to figure me out; trying to figure out what's wrong.

Adrian saves me again. "It's Christmas Eve! Why don't we watch some stupid Christmas movies? We can have eggnog and cookies and scotch. Except for you, Lissa. I'll drink yours." There was a pause for laughter and he winks at me, which makes me laugh harder. "What do you guys say?"

Tasha nods enthusiastically, while everyone else just looks at me. The forgotten flowers that are stacked on the table catch my eye. "We can do that when we come back," I declare. "First, I think there is a little girl waiting for her flowers."

My parents, Christian and Lissa all nod and smile soft, sad smiles while Adrian, grinning like a madman, picks me up in a hug and sets me down. The gang and I put on our coats and as they get their flowers I look at Dimitri who is hesitantly standing in the hallway. "Come on, Comrade. One visit won't kill you."

He nods and smiles a genuine smile, not knowing what is about to come.