Chapter Twelve February 19, 2012 Early morning
EJ didn't want to open his eyes. In fact, he didn't want to do much of anything besides lay right where he was in bed with the covers pulled up high over his head. The pounding from within his skull was a crude reminder of just how much he'd had to drink last night but even that constant, throbbing pain paled in comparison to the agonizing aching radiating from his broken heart since the moment Nicole walked out the door.
Nicole! She was gone! She and the babies were gone and he was here doing what? Feeling sorry for himself and whining over a little headache? How is it even possible that he didn't go after her, despite the threats she'd made to have him arrested and leave town if he tried. He strained to recall the rest of the previous night's events as he sprang to his feet and frantically grabbed the closest articles of clothing he could find, giving zero thought as to whether or not it was presentable enough to go out in public in. He did a quick survey of the room to locate his cell phone which he found resting on it's usual corner of the nightstand. A quick glance at the screen promptly informed him that there were not any missed calls between now and the last time he'd used it. Nicole hadn't called, not that he could blame her. If she were to never speak to him again he would deserve every minute of his sentence but, he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't stand to lose her again.
He sprinted out of the room and halfway downstairs, began barking orders to the staff. "Mary, have David pull the car around immediately! I need to get to the Salem Inn at once."
By the time Mary caught up with EJ he was nearly already out the door. "Mr. DiMera, wait! You don't need to go to the Inn."
EJ craned his head from side to side, impatiently waiting for the car to greet him at the door. "Mary, I don't care what my wife says, I'm not about to just sit back and-"
"Nicole is in the living room, sir."
EJ turned around to find Mary smiling at him, presumably as pleased to share the news with him as he was to hear it. He found himself repeating her admonishment, just to be clear he had not mistaken it. "Nicole is in the living room?"
"Yes, sir. She's having her tea. She didn't want to wake you."
His legs didn't seem to move nearly fast enough and with every step it almost appeared that the entrance to the living room drifted further and further away. He couldn't wait to see her, to hold her, to get on his knees and beg her forgiveness for being such an inexcusable prick. Then again, maybe his pleas would fall on deaf ears and her only purpose for returning home was so she could pack her things and make the separation official. Suddenly he was grateful for all the extra time it seemed to take him to reach the room. At least now he could still call himself her husband.
He found her curled up in a corner of the sofa with a blanket thrown across her lap and both hands wrapped around a cup of steamy green tea, looking about every bit as miserable as he was sure he did. He struggled to find the right words to say, where to begin the profuse onslaught of apologies which were to follow. She let him off the hook by speaking first.
"Have a seat. We need to talk."
EJ felt his knees grow weak. 'We need to talk' was often code for 'I'm leaving you." At least in his past experiences it was. He took a seat beside her not only because instructed to but because he needed to. The floor beneath his feet suddenly didn't seem to be as stable as it had been just a short time ago. His heart began to race, frantically urging him to speak up and start begging while he still had the chance.
"Sweetheart, I'm-"
"I know, you're sorry, and I believe that you are." She did her best to offer a smile but it was quickly washed away by her efforts to hold back the tears brimming in her eyes.
Here it comes. He was waiting for the 'but' to be followed by the statement that sorry wasn't enough and she was leaving his sorry ass. He was completely shocked by what came next.
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have left like that."
He felt sick. He was the one who had been a complete bastard and here she was apologizing. He reached his arms out to her, wanting to pull her close and assure her she was completely justified in her actions but she stopped him in his tracks with the shake of her head.
"I have some things I need to say and I need you to just shut up and listen."
EJ only nodded in response. There was a seriousness in both her expression and the tone of her voice which demanded his obedience.
"I've come to the conclusion that if we're going to make this thing work then we need to start being honest with ourselves and part of that is realizing that, no matter how good our intenions are, we're never going to be completely honest with one another. It's not who we are, EJ. It's incredibly ignorant of us to think that we're going to just magically transform into two completely reasonable human beings overnight, just because we want to. Old habits are hard to break and I think we both proved that last night."
"Swee-"
"Let me finish," she interrupted. "What I'm about to say isn't easy for me so I need you to be very quiet and not argue with me about how you really feel because I know you'll try to comfort me by saying it's not true, but I know that it is."
He once again attempted to grab her hand but she drew it away and tucked it beneath her blanket, seeming to offer him an apologetic smile as she did so. Again, all he was left to do was to nod to encourage her on.
"It's very convenient for me to call you an ass or allow you to blame your father but the fact remains that I am very much responsible myself for any distrust you have in me. I'll never forget how you looked at me when I was forced to admit to you I had lost our daughter, and even then you only got half the truth of what was really going on. I think it was that very moment when I realized just how profoundly I had screwed up. I never gave you the chance to prove to me what you were really made of. I was too busy worrying about how I was going to maintain this secret to realize that somewhere along the line, you actually did fall in love with me."
"Nic-"
"It doesn't make it hurt any less, you know, that you thought you might not be the father, because I want you to believe in me and know that I would never, ever do anything like that again but, on the other hand, I know exactly how feel. You want to trust but trust, like love, needs time to mature and can't be rushed. It actually needs to be challenged in order to be proven and I know the fact that you discovered I've been holding out on you about something wasn't helping, especially since I declined to explain any further so, I'm going to tell you. Everything."
"Sweetheart, please," EJ pleaded as he inched closer to her on the sofa, his hand finding his way to hers under the blanket despite her protests. "Look, whatever it is, I don't need to know. Like you said, maybe we just need to admit that we're never going to be fully honest with each other."
She offered her first genuine smile in the conversation but still there was a sadness haunting her expression. "You do need to know. It's one thing to keep a secret but to hold back the truth from you when you know that there's something going on...I should have known better. I should have known that you couldn't let it rest and, you know why? Because I would have done the same exact thing you did. I'd put on this charade of being the loving, trusting, devoted wife but I know me and I know that this secret of yours would drive me crazy. I wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew exactly what it was you were up to and of course, my defensive instincts would kick in and I'd conjure up every worst-case scenario I could think of. Sound familiar?"
"The babies belonging to somebody else was the absolute worst thing I could think of," EJ replied, his cheeks flushing with color from his shameful admission. For the first time that morning, Nicole reached out to him. Her hand caressed his cheek, her fingers felt cool against his burning flesh. He gently covered her hand with his own, embracing it's soothing effect. "I'm so sorry," he murmered before planting his lips in the palm of her hand and kissing it tenderly.
"I know. And I am too. I did some things last night that I swore to myself multiple times that I would never do again and then I did something that I swore I would never do. I swore I would never make threats to keep you from seeing your children, and I did.
"We both say an awful lot of hurtful things that we don't mean when we're hurt or angry."
"Yeah, I know but, to me, that one is inexcusable. I promise you that is something I will never, ever do. I need you to believe that."
"I do," he said, squeezing her hand and placing more kisses upon it fro comfort and reassurance.
"I also vowed that this time, no matter what, I would never just pack up and leave if you were to hurt me again. I swore up and down that I would handle it like an adult and we would just sit down and be able to talk ourselves through it."
"Kind of like what we're doing right now," he whispered into her ear as he slid his arm around her waist and pulled her as closely to him as he possibly could, happy that she did nothing to protest this time. Instead her head found it's way to his shoulder and allowed itself to rest there. When he laid his free hand upon her stomach, she covered it with her own, assuring him that it was a welcomed embrace.
"Yeah, kinda like what we're doing right now," she repeated with a dreamy smile, enjoying every moment of feeling safe, secure, and loved in his arms once again. "We may still have a ways to go but we are definitely getting better at this thing. I came back, didn't I?"
"Yes, and I didn't even have to hop in my jet to go get you."
"Yeah, well from what I heard you weren't about to hop anywhere last night. Mary called me in a panic, begging me to come back because they thought they were going to have to bring you to the hospital after you drank us dry. I don't think that poor woman has been to sleep yet either. She was up all night cleaning up your mess."
"My mess?"
"If you'll notice there are several framed photographs missing. Some wedding pics, and pics of your father which you smashed to smithereens. Oh, and if we have any company over anytime soon, you might not want to offer them a drink from the bar since we have nothing left to serve one in. Mary did a pretty thorough cleaning job but it's still probably best to not walk around barefoot for a while."
"So is that why you came back? You took pity on me?"
"Actually, when she called I was already on my way home. I was pretty disgusted with my behavior as well last night."
"Sweetheart, however you felt-"
"However I felt was no excuse to go running to Brady."
"Brady? Really?"
Nicole cringed as the affects of her revelation were immediately apparent. She'd been enjoying the coziness of being snuggled up against him for the last few minutes. Every breath had been in complete synchronization as their two hearts had begun to beat in unison once again. That was until she mentioned Brady. She could no longer feel the movement of his chest heaving up and down with each and every breath and found herself wondering if he was even still breathing at all. There had been a hint of anger in his voice. Suddenly it felt like the conversation was about to take an unfortunate turn for the worse. She quickly began to explain. "I never went the Inn. As soon as I got in the car I found myself unconsciously dialing his number. He invited me to come over, so I did."
"Go on," EJ replied through gritted teeth, now taking deep and deliberate breaths which told Nicole he was at least trying to contain his anger. She was proud of him.
"When I talked to him earlier at the convention he knew I was upset about you and the way you were acting towards me and, in classic Nicole fashion, when I found out why that was, I went running to him. I needed a shoulder to cry on and I knew, or thought at least, that he would tell me all the things I wanted to hear, saying you were a jerk who didn't deserve me and that I was better off without you and that the best thing I could do was move myself and the twins as far away from you as possible. You know, for a few minutes those words were comforting. It felt good to let him hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right. I think it's when I opened my eyes and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror that I began to sober up. I couldn't stand looking at this woman who was staring back at me. I didn't see the new and improved Nicole that I claimed to be, just the same ol' Nicole making the same ol' mistakes she always did. Right then, something snapped, EJ. I think it must've been when I imagined the new me smacking the crap out of the old me and by the new me, I don't necessarily mean a drastically improved version. I know a lot of these insecurities I have will always taunt me and tempt me to give into them. I think this new Nicole that was kicking the old one's ass is the Nicole who is about to become a mom. She's the Nicole who wants her children to have everything she didn't have growing up. You know, it's really easy to see my father as the sole proprietor of my fucked up childhood but, I blame my mother too. She should have done everything in her power to get us kids as far away from him as possible."
She smiled when he kissed the top of her head. She wasn't sure exactly when it happened but at some point her explanation for her encounter with Brady had managed to put his mind back at ease. "I love my mother but I'm not going to make her same mistakes. I'm going to fight for what is best for my kids, and what is best for my kids is making sure that their daddy is always going to be around cuz in this case, they have the best daddy that there is in the world and I know that you would never, ever hurt them or allow anyone else to do so. I know you will always go out of your way to prove your love for them and they will never know what it is to question your love. That's the kind of life I want for our children and no one, and especially not me, is going to deprive them of that."
Her words brought tears to his eyes. Tears that he normally would be embarrassed to shed in front of another person but with Nicole, that wasn't the case. This woman was single-handedly responsible for unleashing an array of emotions inside of him he never before knew existed. There had been plenty of tears shed in secret before Nicole had come into his life, but never before had there been a tear brought to his eye over the sheer beauty of something so profound there was simply no words to describe; his love for her. Did she even have any idea of how much he loved her? Words never seemed capable of expressing it but he thought it neccessary to at least try. He cupped her face with both of his hands, imploring her to look him in the eyes as he spoke.
"I think it's also really important for our little ones to know that their daddy loves their mother with every ounce of his being and that even though I am prone to being a giant prick from time to time, I would never, ever intentionally do anything to hurt you. When I saw the way that you looked last night, I was so disgusted with myself, knowing that I was the one causing you that pain."
"I should have told you-"
He silenced her with a kiss so passionate that there were no attempts from her to protest. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and encouraged him to fall on top of her as she threw her back into the cushions beneath her. Her body trembled with pleasure from his every touch and he left no inch of her body unexplored by his hands. When she non-verbally made the successful communication that she desired more than what was appropriate amongst the presence of the staff, he pulled her off the sofa and lifted her into his arms and scurried toward the stairs leading up to their bedroom, completely undressing her already in his mind before his hands had the opportunity to perform the actual task.
They made love a record-breaking number of times; taking part in a purposeful challenge they had proposed to each other to see how often they could outdo themselves. The official count for the day was eight sessions though Nicole would later explain that the number of orgasms pretty much not only tripled that number but was the more important factor.
It was still only midday, giving them ample time to add to their figures as well but for the time being at least, they were far too exhausted to try. Nicole had drifted off to sleep and as tired as he was himself, he became so entranced in watching her sleep that his eyes refused to shut. He brushed away several hairs from her angelic face and with every touch a sweet little smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as he did so.
They were so close that their heads were sharing her pillow and he could feel the soft, gentle breeze of her every breath warming his flesh. When there were no more out of place hairs to brush away, his hand found it's way to her stomach where it instantly came in contact with movement from within. Again he was struck by the beauty of it all and fresh tears began to well up in his eyes. Soon, the love they had for one another would also be bestowed upon their two little ones growing inside. Not that they weren't already immensely loved but neither one could wait for the day when they would hold their little ones in their arms and shower them with the physical display of affection which at this time wasn't possible. He couldn't wait to look into his son's face and see which characteristics he'd inherited from them. Maybe he would have his dark hair and Nicole's amazing blue eyes or, his eyes and her silky, golden hair. Either way, their son was going to be the most beautiful little boy on the face of this planet.
It were these pleasant thoughts which finally lulled him into the productive two hour nap he enjoyed at his wife's side, when all finally seemed right and perfect in their relationship once again. Hours later, when they finally awoke from their afternoon siesta and Nicole remained in the bathroom to apply her makeup after they had enjoyed a steamy, extended shower together, he made the mistake of reaching for his phone. The text message which had been waiting hours to be read was marked 'URGENT' and the only actual context of the message were the numbers 911. When he identified the sender, he knew it was a message he could not ignore. What was worse was, he was going to have to break his dinner date with Nicole and, after everything he'd just put her through, he couldn't dare tell her the real reason why.