Chapter 6

When she woke up, the first thing on her mind was his face, his name. It almost felt as if she hadn't really slept at all but had been caught in some sort of half-awakened state with her mind clinging on to the thought of him. She stretched herself, only realizing that she was lying more on the blanket than underneath it, with her clothes still on. Well, all of her clothes put her panties. The blushed when she noticed, although there was no one there to see it, and then a huge grin took over her face. But the thought of last night also made her realize that she was still pretty turned on.

She turned over, sighing, stretching her body again, but this time more in arousal. She reached for her phone and now saw that she had woken up about 20 minutes before her alarm. Great, that meant she could take a shower and take her time with it, starting the day relaxed, reflecting about last night and everything that was going on. She rolled out of the bed, grabbing a towel and then searching her stuff for nice underwear. She really shouldn't, but she also didn't really care anymore at this point about totally wrong all of this was. When she crossed her room to go to the bathroom, she noticed an envelope on the floor that had obviously been pushed through underneath the door, just saying her name on it. She stopped and frowned, when had that turned up?

She sat down again on her bed and opened it. There was only a small sheet of very fancy looking paper inside, handwritten. "I can still taste you" it read. "And I you" she thought and an even bigger grin ran over her face before she bit on her lower lip. How did he do this? She turned the paper over and discovered that the message continued on the other side.

'No panties for you today. 6.30pm at the bar, dress up.'

That was all. But it was enough to send a warm feeling through her stomach and to make her heart beat faster. This was definitely the most exciting thing she had ever experienced. The sheer thought about not wearing any briefs today for the whole day was enough to turn her and look forward to tonight. She stared at the letter again, wondering if he had written it himself or if someone had done this for him. She'd never seen his handwriting, so there was no way to know. She shrugged and put the letter aside, grabbing her things again but putting the panties back into the drawer. "I can still taste you" she quoted the letter and started giggling.

She turned on the shower and waited a few moments until the water was hot before she stepped underneath it. I didn't take long for the steam to fill the small but modern bathroom and she let the warm water run down over her body. She felt pretty sexy even showering now and so much more sexually alive than ever before. When she let her fingers run through her long, wet hair with the water running from her head to her toes, the thought of Halley Berry as Bond girl coming out of the ocean came to her mind and she smiled. She turned under the shower and a spurt from the shower hit her nipple accidentally, massaging it. Her instinct was to move to the side, but then she reconsidered and moved back, enjoying the sensation. She couldn't remember when she had ever felt that comfortable in her own body before. What a difference a little attention made… was she really that lost and pathetic? Apparently. She shrugged. No, she wouldn't allow herself to over-think this completely.

She stepped out of the shower, grabbed her towel and went back to her room, looking for the rest of her clothes. She decided for a simple, black skirt that ended a little above her knees and a pink blouse. She briefly considered wearing panties anyway or at least wearing a pair of trousers, but then thought that it was in fact a lot more exciting that way. When she was all dressed, she grabbed her things and searched for her phone again, only now unlocking it to check for messages she might have missed in yesterday's drowsiness. Her heart stopped for second when she realized what she had secretly been afraid of had happened: two missed calls and 3 texts from her husband, all from last night. Fuck!

The first call must have arrived about the time she was busy in that bathroom, the second when they were in the car. The first text said "Hi, how is it going? :-*", the second "Hi are you ok? Please call me back when you can" and the last one "Is everything alright? I'm getting worried :(". Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

She quickly dialed his number and he answered his phone almost straight away.

"Cathy? Is that you?" she could hear the distress in his voice, making her feel even worse.

"Yes it's me, look, I am sooo SORRY!"

"Oh my god", he breathed out, relieved. "Thank god you're ok, I was worried sick, I even phoned the hotel!"

Shit, the hotel? Oh no, did he know she had been out with another man? Wearing no panties suddenly didn't feel that great anymore.

"I am SO SORRY! My phone was in silent mode and I was so tired last night and I just completely forgot…" she wouldn't say anything before she knew what he knew…

"Yeah, I didn't really have a good night…" his tone had now changed to repressed anger and accusation. She sighed.

"You phoned the hotel, could they not tell you I was in?". She had to ask. Shit, what was she supposed to say? 'Yeah baby, sorry, I went out with a very handsome guy and let him cum all over my face after I sucked his cock in a bathroom in a restaurant, so I completely forgot about you?' Thinking this she realized she was mostly nervous that he had found out and that she now would have to go through lots of arguing and make about a ton of apologies and excuses that she – actually didn't really mean. Yes, on some level she was sorry and she never meant to hurt him, but she didn't really feel guilty or sorry when she was honest. Why? She should be!

"When I phoned them first they'd told me you had left with someone and then later I phoned again and they said they believed you were back."

Ok he knew she had been out with…. someone?

"But then you knew I was back and ok? So what's all the panic about?" she said, trying to turn this whole thing around, not mentioning her being out at all. Maybe she could cover this up, after all?

"Well they weren't sure and they could have mistaken someone else for you and you didn't answer your phone and who were you out with anyway?" He was definitely pissed off, but so was she now, too.

"Mistaken someone else for me? Come on…" she snapped. "And seriously, why didn't you just let your call be put through to my room them when I was back?" That really didn't make much sense to her.

"I don't know. I didn't want to wake you or – disturb you." And there it was again, he was on to her…

"Look, I was alone of course, who should I have been with, what are you implying? I was out with some colleagues, what do you think happened? I'm sorry I didn't call you and only saw this now, but why would you worry the whole night when you could have just called my room? That's crazy!" She was almost convinced herself that what she had just said was actually true and got actually upset that he didn't believe her.

"Ok ok, it's ok now, you're ok, everything's fine." He sighed into the phone. "But I was told it was only one guy…?"

"One guy I left with, he's was the only one going who is also staying at this hotel. We met the others in a restaurant." Wow, she had had no idea she could be that creative...

"Ah ok." He sounded relieved. Did he believe her? She didn't know, but she couldn't do anything about it now anyway. They said nothing to each other for a moment, it got awkward.

"I was really worried something had happened to you.." he said eventually.

"I know…" she sighed. "But really, you knew I was back in and you could have called…"

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry" she said.

Silence again.

She took a deep breath. "Look, I gotta go now, I still have to prepare some stuff and I need to be on time…"

"Yeah right, I have to go, too."

"Let's talk tonight, ok? I'll call you." She had to do something, she felt.

"Ok. Talk to you later, then. Bye." And with that he hung up. That was weird. He usually never hung up that quickly and he usually always said something nice to her, no matter how big a fight they had. Did she just screw things up completely? Didn't he believe her after all? Ahh, fuck it.

She looked on her phone, seeing that it was really about time now that she left. But she needed a moment to reflect about all this. Why did she mostly just feel annoyed? Why did she not feel like crab, like the worst person in the world, guilty and ashamed and disgusted with herself? She knew she should, but she couldn't bring herself to really feel any of this, and use would it be to lie to herself about this? Maybe she didn't feel too bad because she knew she needed what was happening here? Because on some level, this had nothing to do with her husband? This was about her, and only her. Yes, maybe that was the most egoistical thing to do or even think, but things had been shit, and it wasn't exclusively down to her that they were. He never listened, he never paid attention, she felt rejected more often than not and generally… The phrase "It takes two to make a relationship work" popped into her head. Did it also take two to ruin one? Or was that really something one person could do on its own? Who was she kidding, in this thing, she was the bad one, the cheater, the person she never thought she would ever be. She was responsible. And yet she knew that she wouldn't turn back now, that this was what she wanted. If that made her a terrible person, she couldn't change it. She couldn't really change the way she felt about all this, and if she was completely honest, she also didn't want to.

The pushed the thoughts about that phone call and her husband to the back of her head again. She didn't want to deal with problems right now, she wanted to feel good, of only for a few more days. She thought about Tony's eyes again, those beautiful brown eyes… and her stomach instantly flipped again. This wasn't good, but whatever. The thought of him instantly made her feel better, comfortable, accepted. She knew he didn't care, so why should she for now? This was a dream, a dream she meant to live for as long as it lasted.

And with that she got up from her bed, took the letter in her hand, quickly reading it again before stuffing it into her purse. When she left the hotel, a smile was on her face again and her thoughts were back with him, back in that bathroom last night and back to all the possibilities this night was holding.