"RACHEL" I hear Sara yell my name and I quickly come out from the bathroom.
"What?" I see the look in Sara's eyes and it scares me. I've never seen her like this before. Something is not right. "What's wrong?"
"Explain this" Sara shows me her phone and it's a picture message from Noah. That's weird I didn't even know they exchanged numbers. They must have done it when I wasn't around. I shrug it off but then look at the picture and freeze. There in Sara's phone was a picture of Santana and I kissing with the caption HOLY SHIT underneath it.
"How...how did he get this?" I don't how it was possible for anyone to get that picture or any picture. Santana and I were the only ones in the room at the time.
"Does it matter? Why were you kissing Santana?"
"I...I don't know" Sara exhales an angry puff of air.
"You don't know? How do you not know?"
"I don't know. I wasn't thinking" I tell her. I try reaching for Sara's hands but she pulls them away from me.
"Don't touch me" I see the tears in her eyes and I feel horrible. I'm the reason for those tears. I hurt her. I can't believe I did something like this to her.
"I'm sorry" I say as I start to cry.
"Sorry can't fix this Rachel. I can't believe you would cheat on me. I thought you loved me"
"I do love you, you know I do"
"You have feelings for her don't you?" Sara suddenly says.
"What?"
"Santana, you have feelings for her don't you?"
"I..."
"Answer me?" I'm frozen. I can't speak. Why can't I speak? Why can't I say no? Do I have feelings for Santana? "Rachel!"
"I…" But before I could answer I hear my front door being slammed closed and then my name being called from downstairs. Both Sara and I turn our attention my door. If I'm not mistaken that sounded a lot like Santana's voice. I guess Sara thinks the same thing because before I know it she's racing out the door.
"She's a dead woman" I try stopping her but she's already heading downstairs.
"Sara wait" I hurry down the stairs and then I see Sara slap Santana across the face and my jaw drops. This cannot be happening.
"Bitch that hurt" Santana is rubbing her face with her hand.
"That's for kissing my girlfriend"
"You told her?" Santana looks at me and I shake my head no.
"Noah sent a picture of us to Sara"
"Why were you kissing my girlfriend" Sara asks as she makes tight fists with her hands.
"She kissed me" Santana answers and Sara snaps her head towards me and gives me a confused expression.
"You kissed her?"
"I…"
"Did you initiate it?" I slowly nod my head yes. Next thing I know Sara's right in my face and I hold in a big breath of air. "I can't believe you"
"Hey back off" Santana pushes Sara away from me and I exhale. That's when all hell breaks loose. Sara pushes Santana and her back slams hard against the wall.
"Oww"
"Don't ever touch me" Sara says with venom in her voice.
"You mean like this?" Santana pokes Sara in the shoulder.
"I said don't touch me"
"Stop!" I stand between the two of them with my arms out to the sides pushing them away from each other "Please don't fight"
"I didn't come here to fight" Santana says. "I just came to see if you're ready for our date. I told you I'd come and pick you up"
"Date?" My hands drop as I question her.
"Wait a minute. How long has this been going on?"
"Since school started. I'm just glad she's finally telling you" I just look at Santana like she's grown a third head. Why is she saying this?
"She's lying. Santana please don't joke right now. This isn't the time to be funny"
"I can't believe you Rachel. I've been nothing but faithful to you and you want to go and pull this shit on me?" I start crying again. I can't believe this is happening.
"Santana please just tell her the truth"
"No, it's fine. I get it. I was nothing but a joke to you" Sara says as she begins to cry.
"Sara you weren't, you're not. Santana tell her the truth" Santana just stands there with her arms folded across her chest. "Santana please" I beg her but she doesn't budge. "Why aren't you saying anything?"
"She doesn't have too. I always knew something was going on between you two"
"Nothing is going on" I cry trying to make Sara believe me.
"I think you should just tell the truth already Rachel. Just tell Sara you like me" Santana finally says and my eyes go wide.
"What?"
"I already asked her if she had feelings for you and she couldn't answer" Sara says to Santana.
"Just be honest already Rach, tell the truth" Santana tells me.
"I…maybe…I don't know" I'm speechless. I don't know what's going on anymore. How did this escalate like this so fast?
"I want you to choose Rachel. It's me or Santana" I look at Santana and then back at Sara.
"Choose?"
"Pick. Now!" Sara demands and Santana nods her head in agreement. What is going on? Now they want me to choose?
"I…I can't choose"
"You have to because you can't have both of us"
"I never wanted this to happen. I don't even know what's happening" I tell both of them.
"Pick Rachel" They both say this time.
"I CAAAAAAAAAN'T" I scream and the next thing I know I bolt upright in bed. My heart is racing and I'm a little disoriented until I realize I'm in my room. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down. It was all a dream. All a stupid almost killed me from a heart attack dream.
"What happened? What happened?" Sara says as she rushes into my room. "Are you okay?" I nod my head yes.
"Okay good" Sara takes a seat next to me on the bed. "I heard you scream from downstairs and it scared the living daylights out of me"
"I'm sorry I just had a bad dream" She gives me a small smile and tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear.
"Well it's all over with now so let's start your morning all over again" I give her a confused look. She covers my eyes and then uncovers them so that she's the first thing I see. "Morning"
"Morning" I answer back as I shake my head at her ridiculousness. I start tugging for her to come back into the bed with me and she sighs.
"I can't babe. I need to leave back home"
"Please. Just for a little bit" I give her a pout and she rolls her eyes.
"Fine but just for a bit" I move over and she wraps her arms around me as we lay in my bed.
"What were you doing downstairs?" I ask her.
"I…uh…I had a phone call"
"Why didn't you just answer it in here? You've never gone downstairs to answer the phone before"
"I know I just didn't want to wake you up. You looked so...uh peaceful" Peaceful? I was having a bad dream how could she think I was sleeping peacefully?
"But…" I start to say but she cuts me off.
"No buts so tell me about this horrible dream. What was happening in it that made you scream?"
"I don't remember" I lie. I can't tell Sara my dream.
"Okay. Do you want to tell me what was going on with you last night then?"
"It was nothing"
"Didn't seem like nothing. You started crying in the middle of us having sex. I know I'm good but we didn't even start doing anything yet" I turn around so that I'm facing Sara and she just smiles at me and I roll my eyes.
"I'm sorry" I tell Sara with a frown.
"For?"
"I'm just sorry" Sara kisses my forehead.
"Don't be. I'm sure whatever you're sorry for isn't that bad so let's just forget about it and lay here before I leave" I turn back around so my back is in Sara's chest again and we just lay there. Sara stayed true to her word because within the next ten minutes she's getting up and I'm walking her out to her car.
"Thanks for coming yesterday"
"I told you I wouldn't have missed it for the world"
"I love you"
"I love you too" I give Sara a kiss and watch her drive off. I walk back into the house and up to my room. I start cleaning up and as I hang my jacket up my phone falls out. I look at it and I have 1 missed call from Santana and 4 texts. I open them up and start reading them.
Santana- "We need to talk"
Santana- "Answer your phone"
Santana- "RACHEL!"
Santana- "I'm going to stop texting you now. But meet me in the choir room Monday morning" I sigh at the last message. What am I going to do?
Monday comes around way too fast. I thought about meeting Santana in the choir room like she asked but I didn't. I wasn't trying to avoid her okay yes maybe I was but I still don't know how to process what happened. I mean one minute I'm walking with her to the bathroom and the next she's telling me she likes me and I go and kiss her. I can't even blame it on the alcohol because I was sober. But those eyes, those eyes told a different story and I got sucked into them. What if Santana actually likes me? What if I like Santana? No, that's not possible. I have Sara. I love Sara but when I think about that kiss I...no!
"Where have you been?" I snap out of my thoughts and see Santana standing next to me with her arms across her chest.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't act dumb, I texted you. I told you to meet me in the choir room Monday morning"
"You did?" I say as if I never got her message and Santana rolls her eyes.
"Like I said don't act dumb. I know you got the message"
"Fine okay I got it"
"Then why didn't you come? I was waiting for you"
"Because…"
"Because?" I don't know what else to say so I drop my head and stare at the floor. "We should really talk about what happened" I hear her say and I look back up at her.
"Nothing happened" I watch as her eyebrows narrow in, in confusion. "It was nothing so nothing happened. Besides you were drunk how do you know you weren't just imagining it?"
"If I was imaging it you wouldn't be so defensive about it right now" She snaps back at me and I frown. Okay she got me there. "Look I might have been drinking but I know for a fact that we..."
"Don't say it. It didn't happen"
"But it did!"
"Nothing happened" I say once again.
"Are you really going to stand there and tell me nothing happened, that we didn't have a connection? That you didn't feel something"
"I love Sara"
"That's not what I asked"
"I can't do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm with Sara. I love Sara. Nothing happened, so can you please just drop this?"
"Fine, you want to pretend nothing happened then nothing happened" I look at Santana and the look in her eyes practically killed me. All I saw was sadness and disappointment. She turns to walk away and I try calling for her but she doesn't turn back around.
I don't see Santana at lunch which worries me a bit but what can I do? I ask Brittany if she's seen her and when she tells me she hasn't it worries me even more. When lunch ends I start to make my way down the hall to get to class and that's when I see it. The closet door opens and out comes Santana fixing her hair and skirt followed by Noah who's adjusting his pants with a big smirk on his face. I suddenly feel like the air has been sucked out of me. I can't breathe. A shooting pain hits my chest and I feel like I want to cry. I can't believe her. I can't believe she would do something like this. I see her look in my direction and we lock eyes. I frown a bit and that's when she looks away and heads down the hall. I shake my head and sigh. When I get to class she's already in her seat.
"Hey princess" Noah says as he greets me and I give him the fakest smile as I continue to make my way to my seat. I don't want to talk to him or even look at him right now. In fact I would love nothing more than to kick him where the sun don't shine and see him fall over in pain. As I sit down at my desk I don't saying anything and Santana doesn't even look over at me. I'm a little annoyed by this for some reason and that's when I look over at her. She knows I'm looking at her because I can see her facial expressions changing.
"What are you looking at Berry?" She says but never turns her head.
"I just want to know why"
"Why what?"
"You know what I'm talking about"
"No I don't"
"Yes you do" She finally turns to look at me.
"No I don't" I give her an annoyed look.
"I saw you come out of the closet with Noah. You even looked at me"
"I still have no idea what you're talking about" I exhale in frustration. Why does she have to make things so difficult? I saw her and I know she saw me.
"I know you saw me"
"Again Berry I have no idea what you're talking about"
"Yes you do! I saw you come out of the closet with Noah" I tell her again. I'm beyond frustrated by now. I want to just strangle her.
"Fine okay I was in there with him but nothing happened" She says casually with a shrug.
"That's why he was adjusting his pants and you were fixing your skirt?" I challenge her. She shrugs her shoulders again.
"Doesn't mean anything, nothing happened"
"But something did happen" She's making me so mad I feel like I want to cry.
"Why do you even care?" That question blindsided me and I blink a few times. Why do I care? I have no say in what Santana does with her life. She can do what she wants with whomever she wants. Yet why do I feel so angry about it?
"I…I don't know I just do"
"Well stop because nothing happened"
"I don't understand why you're lying to me. Something clearly happened. Why are you pretending otherwise" Santana just stares at me.
"Well it's that the pot calling the kettle black"
"What? What are you even…Oh" And then it hits me. I did the very same thing. "That's different"
"How so?"
"It just…it just is" I say in a huff. I face forward and I don't talk to her for the rest of the class time. When the bell rings Santana looks over at me.
"That feeling you're feeling or were feeling it's called jealousy" I just give her a puzzled look. "Not wanting the person you clearly have feelings for with someone else or getting mad when you see them with someone else. It's called jealously."
"I don't have feelings and I'm NOT jealous"
"Of course not" Santana tells me with an eye roll. "You honestly deserve better Rachel. I know you love Sara but you deserve so much better than her" And with that Santana gets up and walks out the door.