I drag my fingers across the chain linked fence outside the school parking lot. I see the school bus inside the gate but no one's here yet. Living only couple blocks away makes me early to anything school related. As I come in the gate I walk to the bus and try opening the doors but they're locked so I just take a seat by the curb.
Yesterday was the last day of school for the year. Everyone is on winter break now for two weeks well expect for us glee kids, break for us doesn't start till after today, after we compete at Regional's. I shouldn't complain too much though because if we win we're all headed to National's which is in Hawaii this year.
As I look around I feel the warm breeze hit my face. It's such a pretty day outside. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping. Wish my sides matched the outside world though. This past month hasn't been the greatest. Things between Sara and I have been pretty rocky. I confronted her about everything. After Santana told me what she did it took me a week to confront Sara but I did. I asked her if what I was told was the truth and of course she denied it all. Told me none of it was true and that Santana was nothing but a liar that was only trying to find something to tear us apart because she wanted to be with me. I shake my head at that thought. I also asked about Kristi. I didn't want too but I knew I had too. She became real defensive when I did. She even started yelling at me about how I don't trust her. I remember driving to Santana's house that night. I cried in her arms all night.
Oh Santana, she's been my light in this dark tunnel I've been in. She always finds a way to make me smile or laugh even when I don't want too. I feel bad though coming to her with my relationship problems or having her help me out especially when I know how she feels about me. To be honest some days I find myself imagining what it would be like to just be with her. Have her smile at me and feel safe and loved. To feel like I'm the only one in world for her, I haven't felt special like that in a while.
honk honk honk
I shake out of my thoughts and look up to see Santana's red convertible coming into the parking lot. Brittany's blonde hair is flying everywhere as she waves excitedly at me. I laugh and wave back. I get up and start making my way over to the car.
"Hey princess" Puck hops out of the back of the convertible and comes over to me and gives me a hug.
"Puck you jackass can't you just wait for Britt to open the door and let you out? You're going to scratch my car if you keep jumping out like that"
"Bite me Lopez" Santana throws Noah a dirty look as she waits for the top of her car to finish coming forward and then gets out and locks it. I just shake my head at the two of them.
"I don't know why Schue is making take a stupid bus to the competition. It's only an hour away we could have all just taken our own cars" Santana complains.
"He wants us to get there together, you know to look like an actual team" I explain but she just rolls her eyes at me.
"So why are you out here? Why didn't you just go sit in the bus?" Noah asks me.
"It's locked" Noah walks over to the doors and tries to open it but fails "Told you" I say with a laugh. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his pocket knife and starts jimmying the door. "Uh Noah I don't think you should do that. Just wait till Mr. Schue gets here" A couple more twist and turns and he get the doors open.
"No need" He tells me as he jumps inside. I shake my head once again and follow Brittany and Santana as they make their way inside. Noah quickly lays out in the back bench so no one else can sit there.
"Move your ass"
"Language" I tell Santana.
"Move your ass please" Brittany giggles and I just glare at Santana.
"That's not what I meant" Santana shrugs.
"Puck move"
"No I was here first"
"But there's three of us and one of you. We can't fit in the two seaters"
"Just have princess sit on your lap you'll fit then" Noah winks at the two of us and I blush.
"Don't be a jackass"
"FINE" Noah yells as he gets up and moves to another seat so Brittany, Santana and I can sit in the back together.
"Thank you Noah" I tell him and he just mumbles and lays his head back and start closing his eyes. After another ten minutes the rest of the glee club starts showing up and when Mr. Schue finally gets here he isn't too happy that Noah broke into the bus but he doesn't do anything about it. In fact Mr. Schue never seems to discipline anyone when they act out of line. I mean there was this one time where Finn and Quinn were arguing and Finn kicked a chair and stormed off but he didn't do anything. Or another time when Noah and Finn were actually fighting like fist fighting and still he didn't do anything.
"Okay guys let's start this bus up and head to Regional's" Mr. Schue says. The bus starts to drive away and not even ten minutes into the ride I start to feel myself falling asleep. I know the trip is no more than an hour but if I'm not driving I fall asleep fast.
"Hey Rach" I hear Santana whisper to me.
"Hmm…" I tell her with my eyes still closed.
"You know you can lay your head on my shoulder if you want"
"I'm okay" My head suddenly falls forward causing me to open my eyes.
"You sure about that?" Santana says with a laugh. I roll my eyes and scoot over a little more so I can lay my head on her shoulder. We're side by side and I'm not sure where to put my hand so I let it fall to the side of me and it lands next to Santana's. The minute we touched I felt a rush of adrenaline go through my body. My heart starts racing and I can't figure out why. This isn't the first time I've touched Santana. We hug all the time but right now everything feels different. I swallow the lump that's in my throat and make a bold move. I slowly move my hand and start to intertwine my fingers with hers. I feel Santana bring me in a little closer and then she lays her head on top of mine. She starts moving her thumb softly up and down on my hand and my heart melts. I sigh in contentment as we sit like this for a while that is until I feel my phone vibrate. I break the hold to get my phone and I instantly feel cold. I miss Santana's touch.
Sara- "Can't make it today. I'm sorry. Something came up" The message reads and not only am I disappointed I feel guilty as well for what I was just doing and what I was feeling. Maybe that's why Sara can't come. Karma got me. Didn't know karma worked so fast.
"She's not coming is she" I hear Santana ask and I shake my head no. "Her lose" I shrug my shoulders and scoot back over and keep my distance from Santana the rest of the bus ride.
We win Regional's of course. Hawaii here we come. I laugh because the glee club thinks I'm some singing machine, their secret weapon or something. Mr. Schue tells me I should apply to NYADA and that I could have a bright future in Broadway. I never thought about Broadway before. I've never been much of a performer. That seems like so much work, too much pressure. Being out on the stage every night, singing and dancing, remembering lines, seems too overwhelming for me.
The bus ride back is so loud and full of excitement, nothing like the way up. I think we were all too nervous to really move around on our way up. I decided to play it safe and sit with Kurt on the way home. I didn't want what happened earlier to happen again. I mean I did but it's not right. I have a girlfriend. Santana looked a little disappointed when she realized I wasn't going to sit with her. I felt bad and wanted nothing more than to make her smile but I couldn't. Brittany also kept waving me over but I shook my head no. Making both Brittany and Santana sad isn't the greatest feeling in the world.
As usually once we got back to the school Noah yelled out that he is having the celebration party at his house. I don't think I'm going to go though. As we all exit the bus everyone scatters to their cars and drives off. Santana offered me a ride but I declined. She didn't look too happy when I did that. I could tell by the way she drove off all fast.
I get home around the same time as my dads do and we talk for a bit about the competition. They tell me how proud they are of me and got really excited when I told them Mr. Schue wants me to apply to that NYADA School. Apparently my daddy always wanted to go there but just didn't have the talent. His words not mine. After our talk I went to my room and texted Sara. It took her a really long time to respond, longer than usually.
Sara- "Hey babe. Sorry I took long. Did you win?"
Rachel- "Yes we won. You missed a really good show"
Sara- "I'm sorry"
Rachel- "Is everything okay there? Where are you?"
Sara- "Everything is fine. I'm home. I'll call you in a bit. Gotta take care of something"
Rachel- "Ooookay"
Sara- "Please don't be like that"
Rachel- "Like what?"
Sara- "Nothing, never mind bye"
Rachel- "*sighs* bye"
Something just doesn't feel right. Not only did Sara miss the competition because something came up, now she can't even talk to me on the phone without something else coming up. I don't get it. I feel like they're something more to her story and you know what I'm tired of getting the run around on things. I'm going to find out what's going on once and for all.
I hurry and grab my jacket, keys and purse and head downstairs. I explain to my dads that I'm going to spend the rest of the winter break at Sara's house and I'll see them next year. They didn't think that was funny and said I need to stop hanging with Santana. Her sense of humor is rubbing off on me. I gave them a weak smile when I hear them mention Santana's name but I push those feelings aside because I can't deal with those feelings right now. Once I got the okay I give both of them a hug and head to my car and start to drive to Sara's house. Two hours later I'm there and I pull up to the curb and turn the car off. The house looks dark with the exception of the living room light on. I see Sara's car in the driveway so I know she's home. I take a few breaths before finally getting out of the car and walking up to the driveway. I knock on the door but no one answers. I ring the door bell and hear footsteps coming my way. My heart is pounding like crazy. What's wrong with me? It's only Sara. As the door opens I smile but then it quickly fades.
"Kristi?"
"Rachel? What…what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" How dare she ask me why I'm showing up at MY girlfriend's house!
"Sara called me"
"Why?"
"Because she always calls me" Kristi throws at me with an attitude and a small smirk. My face tightens up with anger. I swear if I was a cartoon I'm sure steam would be coming out of my ears by now.
"What do mean she always calls you?"
"It means when she needs something" Kristi's smirk gets a little bit bigger and my hands ball up in tight fist. "She calls me for it"
"Where's Sara?" I demand.
"You don't want to know"
"Kristi where is Sara?" I ask a little angrier.
"She's in the shower" My chest tightens and I feel like I want to cry but I'm not. I won't allow myself to cry in front of her.
"You're lying"
"I'm not. In fact I'm sure she's waiting for me to join her"
"Why are you doing this? We used to be friends" Kristi sighs and then looks down like she's accepted defeat. I look at her with confusion in my eyes. I wasn't expecting her to do that. I wasn't expecting that at all.
"I don't want to fight with you. We were friends but...I've always loved Sara Rachel" Kristi looks back up at me."I fell in love with her the first day we met. I always hated the day you both told me you were together. It was like ever since then it's always been Sara and Rachel, Rachel and Sara. I'm not going to lie when you moved away I was actually happy. I thought with you gone I could show Sara that I could be good for her" Kristi looks back down to the ground.
"You love her?"
"I do but she won't leave you. She doesn't want to hurt you" Kristi says and my heart aches. Is Sara only staying with me because she doesn't want to hurt me? Is that her only reason?
Hey Kris any day now.
My eyes widen at the sound of Sara's voice. "You…you weren't lying were you" I start backing away from the door.
"Rachel wait, it's not..." Kristi starts to say but I shake my head and turn around.
"Just shut up. I don't want to know anymore" I take off running to my car and I hear Kristi yell my name but I don't look back. I just get in my car and drive. The minute I turn the corner that's when the tears start to fall and they don't stop.
When I finally turn the car off I realize I'm in front of Santana's house. How I got here I don't know. In fact the whole drive home is a big blur. I can still hear the music blasting down from Noah's house so I know she can't be home yet. So I sit in the car and cry some more. I cry and cry until I eventually fall asleep.