I don't come out of my room for the next two days. I don't even answer my phone or turn my computer on. I don't really know what's wrong with me. I'm not sad but I'm not happy either. I'm just... I don't t know numb I guess. My dad says it's normal after any kind of break up but my daddy is freaking out and wants me to seek help before I do something crazy.
"Rachel dear can your father and I come in?" I hear my dad say from outside my room.
"Yes" My room door opens and both my dads come in with sad smiles on their faces as they take seats next to me on each side of the bed.
"You need to come out of this room honey"
"I know" I tell my dad. "But I'm just...thinking" I tell him with a shrug.
"Staying in this room all day and night isn't going to help much with that"
"I know" I tell him again.
"Your father and I have been doing some thinking ourselves and since you still have twelve days left on your vacation we decided that we're all going to take a mini vacation together"
"Where are we going?"
"New York" They both say together. My eyes go wide and I squeal with excitement.
"Really?" The both nod their heads yes and I can't help but to hug them both while say thank you over and over. I've always wanted to go to New York, all the lights, the dreams, the possibilities out there. "When do we leave?" My dad looks at his watch and then back up at me.
"We have to be at the airport in one hour"
"One hour?" I jump off the bed and head straight to my closet. "That means I only have thirty minutes to pack?" I open my closet and pull out my pink suitcase. I place it on the bed and open it up.
"We'll be waiting for you downstairs sweetie. Try and hurry up" I shoot my dad a death glare and he just laughs. Hurry up? How are you going to tell someone you're taking them on vacation and only give them thirty minutes pack? Once they walk out the room I start running around like a mad woman trying to make sure I pack everything I'll need on the trip. As I grab my brush from my nightstand I come across my cell phone. It was going off like crazy yesterday so I decided to turn it off. I take a seat on my bed and turn it back on. Instantly my inbox fills up with about twenty messages, some from Kurt and Tina asking if I was okay, one from Brittany asking if I wanted to feed the ducks with her and another one from Noah telling me about his New Years Eve party. All the rest are from Santana and they range from her being mad to her being concerned. I have just as many missed calls, all from the same people with Santana calling the most. I feel bad I do but I haven't been in the mood to talk to anyone. My phone beeps in my hand letting me know that I have two voice mails as well. As much as I know I shouldn't listen to them I do anyways.
"I don't know what your problem is but stop ignoring me. I get why you left let's just forget about it and move on. Call me back"
"Look it's one thing to ignore me but now you're ignoring Britt and she's really sad about it. I swear if your little girlfriend is the reason you're ignoring us I'll drive to West Hill myself and kick her ass. I mean it Rachel. CALL ME BACK"
"Rachel sweetie, are you almost done?" I jump when I hear my dad yell. I quickly end the call and get up from the bed. I don't have time to deal with any of this. I leave my phone on my bed and close my suitcase before exiting the room and leaving to New York with my dads.
Stepping into McKinley for the first time in two weeks feels different. I feel different. Being away with no phone or internet and it just being you, your dads and the big city for twelve days can make you see everything in a different light. There are no distractions or people you know popping up out of nowhere. You have time to think and just clear your mind.
There's one night in New York I'll never forget. It was New Years Eve and after begging my dads to take me to Time Square they finally agreed and we stood there in the mob of people and the freezing cold watching the clock countdown to 12am. I swear the minute that clock hit 1200 and the ball dropped it was like part of me washed away, the Sara part. It was no longer Sara and Rachel but just Rachel.
The next day I sat in Central Park with both my dads and we talked. We talked for hours about everything and anything and through it all there was one thing…well one person that kept popping up in my head and that was Santana. The only piece of advice both my dads gave me was to follow my heart. I tried telling them it was too soon. That I just broke up with Sara but they didn't think it mattered. Just like my dad told me before he told me again the heart never lies, it knows who is and isn't the one. So here I am. I'm walking down the halls of McKinley following my heart. Hoping that me being absent for two weeks didn't blow my chance with the one person my heart keeps telling me it really wants.
"Princess" I stop dead in my tracks and look down the hall to my right. I see Noah, Finn and two other football players leaning against some of the lockers. Noah waves me over so I walk over to him and give him a hug hello. I give a small wave hi to Finn. I'm not really comfortable hugging him or touching him at all. Sure he's a nice guy but he gives me a creepy feeling and he's always staring at me. I think I saw Quinn smack him upside the head once because of it. "Where have you been hiding?" Noah asks me. "You missed my New Years Eve bash"
"I'm sorry Noah, I was out of town" He shrugs.
"It's cool. You better be at the next one and make sure Sara comes too. I still need my rematch at quarters" I give him a weak smile and just as I open my mouth to tell him I'm not with Sara the bells rings. "Catch you later princess" As the boys leave me I make a quick dash to my locker and as I open it I see both Brittany and Santana coming my way.
"Hey" I say to both of them but only really looking at Santana.
"Where have you been?" Brittany tells me with her hands on her hips.
"I..."
"I'll see you in class Britt. Try not to be late" Santana says as she starts to walk away.
"Santana wait" I try reaching for her but I miss and she continues to walk away not looking back.
"Sanny's mad at you" I look at Brittany and she frowns. "I'm mad at you too but not as mad as San" It's my turn to frown. "Why have you been ignoring us? That's not nice"
"I know and I'm sorry. I wasn't ignore you all on purpose…okay maybe I was but I was just dealing with some things" Brittany just looks at me like she's trying to tell if I'm lying or not and then a big smile spreads across her face.
"I forgive you" She tells me as she brings me in for a hug. "But Sanny doesn't forgive that easily. She's been really worried about you. She thought she lost you again"
"She said that?"
"Yes...well no. I don't think she meant to say it out loud but at Puck's party she got really drunk and started tell me things. I don't like when she's sad"
"I don't like it either" I say with a sigh.
"She wanted to slushie you"
"She did?" I say a little hurt. Brittany shakes her head yes. "She's that mad?"
"Mad, Sad, Hurt" Brittany looks around before looking back at me. "Sanny likes you. Like a lot, a lot"
"I know and I like her too" I tell Brittany who just grins at me like she already knew.
"I think you should break up with your girlfriend and be with San. You two would make a cute couple" I let out a small chuckle.
"Can I tell you something?" Brittany smiles and shakes her head yes very excitedly. "The thing I was going through. The whole reason for not answering anyone's calls during break was because I did break up with my girlfriend" Brittany's smile grows really big. "I just needed time to myself. You know to figure things out but don't tell Santana. I want to talk to her myself" The warning bell goes off and before I know it Brittany is skipping down the hall and away from me. Great! I really hope she doesn't tell Santana. I really do want to tell her myself. What are the chances Brittany won't tell her, Fifty-fifty? More like ninety-ten. I sigh. I don't think I should have told Brittany first.
The morning rest of the morning doesn't turn out so great. Every time I would get to Santana's classrooms she was already gone. As I head into the cafeteria for lunch I quickly do a scan the place. Jackpot! I see Santana. She's sitting in the far corner with Quinn and Brittany. Quinn's back is facing me but I can see Brittany's face and she's smiling and talking. Santana is sitting next to her and she doesn't look too happy though.
"Hey Rachel we thought you died or something you know because you never returned our calls" I look over and see Kurt and Tina.
"Hey guys sorry about that I was in New York and didn't have my phone with me"
"New York?" Kurt's eyes lit up. "You must sit with us and tell us everything. What you saw? What you did" I let out a small laugh.
"Yeah okay I will. I just need to tell Santana something real quick"
"She's in a real bad mood today. Be careful" Tina tells me.
"I will" The two walk off and I start making my way towards Santana's table but stop dead in my tracks when I see the look she's giving me. Her arms are fold across her chest and her eyebrows are narrowing in. She has a look that could kill. I'm afraid if I move a step closer that's what's going to happen. Quinn must have noticed Santana's glare because she turns around and when she sees me she rolls her eyes and turns back around. Brittany starts waving and all I can do is give her a weak smile and wave back before turning around and taking a sit with Kurt and the others.
As lunch comes to an end I make a real quick stop at my locker before going to class. I take my seat and just wait. I smile every time someone walks in hoping it will be Santana but I quickly frown every time it isn't her. I look up at the clock, the bell should be ringing soon and when it finally does I see her walk in but she doesn't look at me instead she walks in and hands our teacher a note.
"That note better get me out of class too Lopez" Noah says to her.
"Bite me"
"When and where?" He says with a smirk. I roll my eyes at his comment and Santana flips him off.
"Ms. Lopez" Our teacher scolds.
"Sorry" Santana smiles widely as our teacher hands her back the note with a not so pleased expression. I pout in disappointment when Santana leaves the classroom and again not even looking at me. In the words of Brittany Sanny is really mad at me.
When the day finally ends I feel exhausted. I'm practically dragging myself to my locker. I throw my books in and shut it close. I make my way out the school doors and I spot a red convertible in the distance coming my way and I know its Santana. Okay think what can I do to get Santana's attention? The only thing I think of doing is jumping in front of her car and that's what I do. My right foot walks off the curb and my left foot follows. I look and lock eyes with Santana's panicking ones and then I shut mine close. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. What was I thinking? I hear the screeching of the tires and the sound of a car door slamming shut.
"What the hell were you thinking?" I hear Santana yell. I open my eyes and see her coming towards me. "I could have hit you" I look around and then down at my body. I'm alive. I exhale in relief. "What were you thinking?" She yells at me again.
"I wasn't" I yell back.
"Obviously" Santana says as she rolls her eyes.
"I just...I just wanted to talk to you. You've been avoiding me all day"
"And jumping in front of my car was your solution to me avoiding you?"
"I didn't know what else to do. I saw you and that was the only thing that came to my mind"
"I could have hit you" Santana says once more and I can see the scared look in her eyes.
"I know and I'm sorry" I lower my head. "I just wanted to talk"
There's a dead silence until I hear "Get in the car" I snap my head back up and see Santana walking back to her car. "Get in. Let's go" I hesitate a bit but then rush to her car and get in. If this was my only chance to talk to her then I wasn't going to let it pass me by.
"Where are we going?" I ask but she doesn't respond to me. I see her pass my street so I know she's not taking me home. "Are you going to ignore me the whole car ride?" She still doesn't say anything. "You're not going to leave me in the middle of nowhere are you?" I say a little worried and she laughs a bit but still doesn't look or say anything to me. We finally turn a corner that I recognize and realize we're at her house. Of course I should have known she would just go home. She gets out without saying a word to me. I exit the car and follow her to the door. She walks in and just as I'm about to come in she closes the door on me. "Santana let me in" The door opens and her mom is on the other side. "Hi Mrs. I mean hello Maribel"
"Hello Rachel. Care to fill me in on why my daughter just walked passed me yelling tell her to go home?"
"She's mad at me" Maribel frowns. "I've been trying to apologize all day but she's been avoiding me"
"Come in dear" Maribel gives me a hug. "Ana is a little stubborn sometimes. I'm sure she's not all that mad at you"
"No she's pretty mad" Just as I say that I see Santana in the hallway.
"I told you to tell her to leave" Santana shouts before she goes right back into her room.
"Aye Ana" Maribel sighs. "So stubborn, just remember she might have a hard shell but she's all mush inside" Maribel gives me a nudge towards Santana's room before walking away herself. I smile and make my way to her room knocking once. When she doesn't answer I realize she's not going to open the door so I just let myself in and close the it behind me.
"Get out" Santana says from the desk chair she's rocking back and forth in.
"I'm not leaving till we talk. Besides you drove me here so you have to take me home"
"Your legs don't look broken. Walk"
"Santana" I say in frustration.
"What?"
"I want to talk"
"Why? You've been ignoring me for two weeks why don't you just keep on doing it"
"I didn't mean too"
"Two weeks Rachel. Do you know what it feels like to be worried about someone for two weeks? I didn't know if you just left or died. So why do you want to talk to me now?"
"I broke up with Sara" I blurt out thinking that those five words would magically make Santana not mad at me anymore.
"I know" She says flatly as she leans back in her desk chair. I give her a puzzled look and then realized Brittany told her. I knew she would. "One word of advice, if you tell Brittany something you have to make her pinky promise not tell or else she'll spill your secrets to everyone"
"Good to know" I say as I stand by the door looking at the floor. I hear Santana sigh and then say "So is that it? Is that all you wanted to tell me?"
"No" I shake my head. "There's more" I look back up at her. "May I sit down?"
"If you want" I walk over to her bed and take a seat facing her.
"First off I really want to apologize to you. Leaving your house without saying a word to you after you kindly let me stay was wrong" Santana shrugs her shoulders. "And I'm really sorry I didn't return your calls or texts during break. I left to New York and didn't take my phone with me"
"Did you at least have fun?" I give Santana a small smile and head nod yes. "Did you at least bring me back something?" My smile grows a little more because I know that's her way of saying she forgives me and let's move on.
"I did. I brought you back a new Rachel" She gives me a confused look and I just smile at her. We sit in silence for a bit until Santana speaks up.
"So...you and Sara broke up?" I nod my head yes.
"Why?"
"Lots of reasons"
"Was she cheating?
"Yes" I answer her honestly. Santana shakes her head in disappointment.
"She's such an idiot. I'm sorry Rach. I know how much you love her. I get why you left. I would have wanted to get away too. I'm sure you're still hurting over this"
"I'm not" Santana gives me a questioning look. "When I said I brought you back a new Rachel I wasn't kidding. My dads took me to New York so I can clear my head and that's what I did. Sara wasn't the only thing I needed to sort out" I take a deep breath before saying "I like you Santana. I kept trying to fight it and pretend I didn't because I was with Sara but I don't have to anymore. I don't want too. I sat in Central Park one day and all my thoughts kept coming back to you. I want you and...I'd really like to… see where things go between us. I'm not saying to rush into anything but can we…I don't know take it slow? And just see?" I watch for Santana's reaction. I can tell she's still processing things because her eyebrows are narrowing in.
"You want to see where things go?"
"Yes"
"So you basically want to test me out. Be your rebound"
"That's not what I said"
"But it is" Santana just looks at me and then gets up. She walks to her door and opens it. "Let's go"
"Where?" I ask confused.
"I'm taking you home"
"Now? But we're in the middle of a conversation"
"The conversation is over. Let's go" I stand up in a huff. I'm angry and hurt. I walk over to Santana and get right in her face.
"I don't get you" I say angry. "I thought you would be happy. Isn't this what you wanted?" She doesn't say anything and then it hits me and my face softens."This was all a game to you wasn't it? Pretending to like me just so I would break up with Sara" I feel the tears start to form around my eyes. "You just wanted to get back at her for lying to you all those years. God I'm such an idiot. I should have known this was all a game to you" I push her a bit as I walk out the room. I almost get to the front door but I feel a hand on my arm and I swing around.
"Wait"
"Don't" I pull out of her grasp. "I get it. I just hope you know that your little revenge on Sara not only hurt her but me too. I thought you liked me. I broke up with..." Before I could finish my rant I feel Santana's lips on mine. I can feel my heart swell up with emotion as our mouths move perfectly together. She continues to kiss me and moves me backwards till I'm against the front door. I feel her hands come up and cup my cheeks as she deepens the kiss and both my hands grab on to her waist pulling her into me.
"Girls" We immediately stop. Santana backs away just enough to give me her famous smirk and a quick peck on the lips before giving her full attention to her mom.
"We weren't doing anything" Santana tells her mom and I blush.
"Hmm... right. I take it Rachel's staying for dinner" Maribel says with a smile. I shyly nod my head yes and she walks back into the kitchen. Santana turns back and looks at me.
"I wasn't seeking revenge on Sara. My feelings are real they always have been. But I can't be your rebound Rachel. I won't be. If we do this it's because you really want to do this and you're not just trying to get over Sara"
"You're not a rebound. I wouldn't play with you like that" I see Santana smile and mouth an okay before bringing our lips together for another kiss.