"DEAN!"
My head whips around, hearing my name screamed in such panic, fear and pain that almost trip trying to run so fast to get back inside the room. I expect to see Sam screaming in pain, but instead it's Cas. It's only after I get inside that my brain registers it was Cas' voice I heard.
I find Cas on his elbows and knees on the ground, screaming in pain. His hands wrap around his head, fingers clutching at his own hair as he continues to scream. I stand stunned, not knowing what to do and being unable to move.
"Dean! Dean help!" Cas' voice pulls my out of my mind, and I rush over to him.
"Cas, what's happening? Tell me what's wrong!" I coax him hands away from his head, trying to ignore the clumps of hair that come away in his fingers. "Come on Cas, you gotta tell me something."
"My back.. It's on fire. Dean.. Make it stop!" The words sound forced, pained, like every word hurts.
"Ok Cas. I need you to sit up a bit then. Come on, a little farther." I get him to sit up enough that I can lean him against me and start unbuttoning his shirt. "Here, can you pull off your tie? We need to get these off so I can see what's going on with your back." He nods, hands already reaching for the knot at his neck.
I finish the buttons on his shirt and give it a yank so it comes untucked, along with the undershirt. The tie falls to the floor between us and I maneuver him into a different position so I can slip the shirt from his arms.
"ARGGGG DEAN PLEASE!" Cas screams again, clutching my arm before doubling over in pain again.
"Come on, let's get you on the bed, ok Cas? And then we can figure out what's wrong." I keep talking, not really knowing if Cas is even listening to me as I pick him off the floor. His legs barely want to hold his own weight, so I have to half carry him the three feet it takes to get to the bed. I lay him on his stomach, and he buries his face in a pillow.
"Just stay here, I'm going to go check out the room, there might be a hex bag or something in here." I tell him. He tries to say something to me but it only comes out in another scream of pain. I run into the bathroom and start tearing it apart, looking in any place that would be small enough to fit one of those damn bags.
"Dean!" Cas yells my name again, but I have to just keep looking. Not finding anything in the bathroom, I run back into the main part of the room and start looking in the closet.
"Dean, it's not witches!" Cas manages to say through clenched teeth. I look back over at him and see that he is twisted around to look at me. "My… Wings."
Hearing those two words makes my body stop and my brain kicks into overdrive, thinking of all the events of the last few hours. Cas saying his Grace was gone, watching the angels fall, their wings striping away from their bodies as they got closer to the ground. Cas never said anything about falling, only that his Grace was gone. It must have happened before the Fall started, which means…
"You still have your wings?" I ask him, stunned.
"Yes, but there is something wrong…" He grunts out the words, trying to make me understand. I watch as his back spasms and he screams again, face burying back down into the pillow.
I go back over to him, trying to figure out what to do. I look over at Sam, the one out of us that always seems to know what to do, and see that he is still sleeping, even though Cas has been screaming.
"Ok Cas, you gotta help me out." I coax. "Give me an idea, I want to help but you need to help me know what I can do."
He starts to lift his head again, but before he can his back spasms again, and this time he clenches as the skin on his back starts to bulge near his shoulders.
"Are those…?" I watch in horror as the bulges grow bigger and start to break through the skin. Little points rip through, blood coating them. Blood trickles away from where the points are showing, and I watch red make trails down his back and to his ribs.
"Dean…" Cas is panting now, unable to catch his breath as the spasms come quicker. I watch as another one hits and the points push out even farther. I start to notice that under all the blood, the points are black and sharp as knives.
"Cas, what are those?" I ask in horror. I never get an answer, but I don't really need one.
The spasms grow closer together, until Cas is constantly screaming in pain, back muscles completely clenched. The slits start to grow longer and wider as his wings continue to force their way out of his back. Black feathers dripping in red blood, they are around two feet long before the spasms break off. The blood drips into the streams of blood along Cas' back, and as his screams die away to whimpers, I walk into the bathroom to grab all of the towels I can, and fill the ice bucket with water.
Once back at Castiel's side, I dip one of the hand towels into the water, and try to wash off some of the blood from his back. He is still whimpering and breathing hard, but his shoulders start to relax the more I wash him.
"It's going to be ok Cas. I may not know what is going on anymore, but I can promise, it's going to be ok." I don't know if he really hears the words I'm saying, but I continue to talk as I wash his back off. The feathers constantly drip blood onto the back of my hand. A few feathers glisten, already free of blood, and they shine. They are the longer feathers, the Primaries, which form the end of wings. Even though his wings are two feet long, the Primaries are still not completely showing, yet they are beautiful to look at. In a grotesque sort of way.
"What…" Cas' voice shakes me away from my thoughts. "What color… are they?" He struggles to say the words, almost as if he is just trying to ignore the pain in his back.
"The feathers?" I realize that there is in fact something wrong with the color of these feathers. Aren't most angel wings white? Are his black because he rebelled? I decide to tell him the truth since they will be long enough for him to see eventually. "They're uh.. They're black Cas." I tell him, waiting to see what his response will be.
Surprisingly, he smiles. He even laughs a little, and shifts on the bed. I let him finish laughing and catch his breath as I go change the water in the ice bucket.
"Are they really black Dean?" He asks as I walk over to check on Sammy again. He's still asleep, so I sit back on the ground, taking my place next to Cas.
"Yeah, sorry buddy, they are. Course, that's not counting the places where they are dripping red still." I jokingly tell him.
"Do not be sorry Dean. I was expecting them to be that color." His voice sounds surprisingly light hearted and I sit in confusion. Why would he be happy his wings are black?
"I never did tell you what the color of an angel's wings mean did I?" He pulls his head away from the pillow to look at me, only slightly panting now. I shake my head no, catching his blue-eyed gaze. "I'll have to tell you about that sometime then." He whispers.
"Yeah I guess you will. Hey, earlier you mentioned that there was something wrong when I asked about you still having your wings." Cas nods his head, letting me know he remembers the conversation. "So other than there now being two feet of wings poking from your back, wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"Well, when angels are in their vessels, their wings never fully manifest. You can only see the shadow of them, and not the tangible thing." He takes a deep breath, wincing slightly as his back moves more than is comfortable. "But now that my Grace is gone, I can no longer leave this vessel. When I'm out of my vessel I can use my wings. It's hard to explain.. Long story short, there is no reason for them to be forming the way that they are. They should not be able to emerge from a vessel." He is panting now, and while I am slightly confused, I think I understand the gist of what is going on.
"So what the hell is going on now?" Cas shakes his head, looking as confused as I feel.
"I honestly do not know Dean…"
"Could it possibly have something to do with the spell Metatron cast?" I ask, digging to find a reason. "Since you were already here on Earth, could this just be how your Angel-self is handling things?"
"Well, since I have no Grace, I am not really an Angel anymore." He starts to turn his head away, but instead looks past me. He doesn't want me to see the pain he feels, but even if I could not see his eyes, the pain is wafting off of him in waves. "It is possible Metatron has something to do with it. He is the one who sent me back and he could have done something during that time."
"Man, I really wish I could kick his ass right now." I mumble under my breath.
"Somehow, I don't think that would help right now." A smile starts to tug at Cas' lips as he looks me in the eye again.
"So they're really black?" He asks again of his feathers. I nod in response and Cas' face breaks out into another smile. "That's.. Good. It's really good." He cranes his neck trying to see them, but winches as his skin and muscles pull the skin on his back.
"So what's going to happen with your wings?" I ponder out loud. "I mean, are you just going to be a walking human with giant black wings or what? Because if that's the case, we will have to get you a bigger coat." When he smiles at me, I warm a little on the inside, but watch as the smile slowly slides off of his face.
"I honestly do not know what will happen. I have never heard of this occurring before." He tries to hid it, but I pick up the sadness in his voice and know that no matter what does end up happening, it is not going to be good.
"Hey," I touch his arm gently, getting his attention away from whatever thoughts he is having. "Look, we are just going to have to take this one step at a time, ok?"
Cas pulls his arm away and instead grabs my hand and holds it in his. I feel my face grow hot, not knowing why, and I stroke the edge of his fingers with my thumb without really knowing I am. "I'm not going anywhere Cas. Not without you and Sammy sitting in that car with me. We'll figure something out." I gently squeeze his hand and start to pull away when Cas starts squeezing back.
"Thank you Dean," he whispers, looking down at our hands.
I look down at our hands too, wondering what is going through his mind. We sit in silence for a few minutes, still holding onto each other. Cas suddenly starts squeezing slightly harder, and not thinking much about it, I do too. When he continues to though, hard enough to start to twinge, I try to pull my hand away from his.
"Uh Cas?" I say, my voice filled with nervous laughter. "You might wanna stop before you break my hand." Chuckling slightly I look back up at Cas' face and realize his head is turned back down into the pillow, his breathing hard and ragged again. It is only then that I realize while I have been thinking, his back started having spasms again.
"Cas, it's going to be ok, come on Cas," I whisper, still trying to pull my hand away, my fingers losing feeling as his grip continues to tighten. "Castiel, look at me." I command.
"It's worse Dean, so much worse!" He moans into the pillow. "Please Dean, please make it stop.."
I wish I could, I wish there was something I could do to help him. Finally managing to pull my hand free, I reach for the cloth and start gently massaging his back. "I know it hurts buddy. It will be over soon."
After a few minutes, his wings still haven't grown any longer and I start to get worried. Cas breathes harder every minute, his back heaving with the effort and shaking from the spasms. I continue to talk to him the whole time, trying to get his mind off of what is going on, not really knowing if he is even listening. Maybe I'm just talking for my own benefit.
Lost in my own thoughts, I am taken aback when Cas abruptly whips his head towards me. "Get. Sam. On. The. Floor." He speaks haltingly.
"Cas..? What..?" I try to form a question, but before I can, he is pushing me away, towards the bed Sam is on.
"Get. Him. On the floor. NOW!"