A/N: Since November is quickly approaching, I wanted to get in a new chapter. I am unsure how much, if any, I will be posting during November, as I am planning on participating in NaNoWriMo. This will greatly take away from the time I would spend on this story, however if things do not go so well with my novel, I will continue writing this story. If things do go well with my novel, I will see you sometime in December!
Good luck to anyone else who is participating in Nanowrimo as well!
Also, if you don't like Destiel, I suggest you stop reading my story after this chapter.
"Get. Him. On the floor. NOW!" Cas shouts, loud enough to make my instincts kick in.
I jump over the bed, grabbing Sam's by the shoulder when I land. I use my momentum to pull him off of the bed and slide him to the floor. Ducking on my knees, I look up quickly to see Cas fall off of the bed he was on and kneel between the two beds. He grabs the side table with his hands, fingers digging into the faux wood, making it creak.
"Cas!" I start to rise, wanting to run to him. Wanting to protect him.
"Stay there Dean!" His voice sounds pained and raw. He turns towards me and I see the fear in his eyes, his pupils surrounded by more white than seemed possible. "Stay there, I don't want to hurt y-"
I watch as he stops midsentence to throw his head back. I see his mouth open, eyes shut tight, and notice his back spasms and clenches, faster and faster. No noise comes from his mouth, but it stays open in a silent scream of anguish.
"Cas!" My voice breaks as I call out to him. His back continues to spasm, until it is becoming more and more clenched. Soon, only the muscles around his shoulders continue to spasm, and just when I do not think I can stay kneeling here any longer, Cas arches forwards and finally releases a loud, heart-stopping scream.
My world freezes, a moment suspended in time. My brother is lying next to me, possibly in a coma after still not waking, even after everything that has gone on. The King of Hell is in the trunk of my car, planning who knows what for after he gets out. And Cas. Back covered in blood, voice gone ragged from the scream that still rips itself from his throat. Cas, head thrown back, his face no longer able to mask the pain and terror he feels as two black wings rip themselves from his flesh. Me frozen, unable to help anyone, unable to do anything other than try and piece my family back together, again and again. My heart stops as I watch Cas, time slowly starting to move again.
I throw my arm over my face, trying to protect it from the sharp feathers that start slicing through the air and I duck down next to Sam. My hearing starts to work again and I listen as Cas' scream becomes more intense and starts to sound less human. His scream is turning into an angel scream.
Knowing there is nothing I can do to protect myself once it becomes a full on angel scream, I rise up from my crouch and leap over the bed. I somehow manage to pull Cas away from the side table, where his fingers have made gouges in the wood. I grab Cas by the back of the head, pulling it slowly towards my chest, resting it against me as I wrap my other arm around him, pulling him even closer to me. My ears and head ache from the sound of his cry, but I'll die no matter where in the room I am if I do not get him to stop.
"Cas…" I start to whisper to him, not even sure if he can hear me. "Cas, I'm here. I know it hurts, but it's going to be ok Cas." I keep murmuring to him, slowly running my hand over his lower back, rubbing small circles against his flesh. "
After a bit of doing this, his scream started to sound normal again, more human. Even that started to die off as I continued to talk and rub his back. It wasn't long before the only noise that was coming from him was the sound of shaky, rattling breaths, ones that only come when you're broken and beaten.
Neither of us tries to get up, the only movement are us breathing and my hand continuing to make circles on his back. I am afraid to try and move him, not knowing how bad his back really is, but I'm also afraid of blood loss. His breath, still quick and ragged, is warm against my neck. I rest my chin gently on the top of his head, waiting for Cas to realize I am here. Slowly, his breathing becomes less ragged and I wonder if it's because he is adjusting to the pain, or if the pain is starting to die down. I stare at the wall in front of me, ignoring the hulking black shapes the demand my attention. I only want to look at Cas and know that he is ok.
I continue to listen to the sound of his breathing slowly return to normal, as Cas starts to stir beneath me. He head rubs against my chest and I notice that my shirt feels wet. Looking down, I see deep blue eyes staring back up at me, red rimmed and tired looking. My eyes trail over the rest of his face and see the tear streaked cheeks, the spilt lips, and how he looks so pale…
"Hey Cas," I whisper, smiling slightly. "How you doing?"
He shakes his head, hair brushing against my chin as he answers my question.
"Wanna try and move on to the bed.?" I gently ask, wanting to get him off of the floor and into a more comfortable position.
He sighs. As I wait to see what his answer will be, I turn my thoughts to Sam and start to wonder what is really wrong with him. What those trials might have done to him… I already know he was hiding something from me like always. Hopefully it is nothing too serious…
I lose myself in my thoughts of Sammy until Cas starts to move beneath me again. He head shifts and he pulls back slightly, only enough so he can look up at me.
"Dean.." he says weakly.
"Come on Angel-boy. Let's get you on the bed, ok?" I stare into his blue eyes as he nods slowly at me.
I try to stand up without jostling Cas too badly. Once I can stand, I stand next to him and bend down to reach him. With one hand under where his wings stick out, I put my other arm under his legs and lift. Once he is in my arms, he wraps one of his arms around me, gripping my shirt. I feel one of his wings brush my left shoulder as the other one hangs limply in front of us, almost touching the floor.
I can't help it. I cradle him to my chest, holding him tight as I lean back, balancing out the weight. His head is lying against my chest, and I notice that it fits perfectly in area close to my shoulder. As I hold him, I feel how warm his back feels against my hand and arm, and notice that his back is sticky from all of the blood and sweat.
Without asking him, I carry Cas into the bathroom of the motel room and gently lay him in the surprisingly nice tub. He wings seem to settle themselves into a place that is comfortable and I am almost a little surprised before I remember he is used to doing these things instinctively.
I turn on the hot water, and as it starts to fill the tub, I go back to the room and over to wear Sam is still lying on the floor. I manage to pull him up and get him back on the bed, breathing a small sigh of relief when I hear that he is snoring softly. He even mumbles a bit about pigs as I cover him with a blanket.
Going back to the bathroom, I roll my sleeves up, before just taking both the long sleeved and short sleeved shirt underneath off. They're just going to get slopping wet anyways and they're already covered in blood. Cas' suit pants lay on the floor next to the tub, but he is leaning back against it, eyes closed, letting the water run over him. His wings wrap around the edges of the tub, with pools of blood beneath them. They have finally stopped dripping and are now glistening in the poor lighting of the bathroom.
"You awake Cas?" I ask as I bend down next to the tub. He nods, eyes still closed.
"You didn't take my pants off…" He mumbles. "They were starting to get wet…" His voice is soft, just barely above a whisper.
I smile gently and reach over to turn off the water. "Is the water warm enough for you?" I try to keep him talking, not really wanting him to fall asleep just yet.
"It's fine Dean…" His head turns towards me and he opens his eyes slightly. "Although, I am not really sure what I'm doing in a… tub? full of water anyways…" A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and I chuckle softly.
"Well, this time you are just going to sit there and try to relax." I reach behind me to grab a cup from off the counter. "I, however, am going to try and clean you up a bit. You're covered in sweat and blood and we probably shouldn't lay you on the bed. I don't want to have to pay for new bedding." His smile grows and he even tries to laugh before groaning, face scrunched up.
Trying not to show too much worry on my face in case he starts watching me again, I get up and walk over so I can sit behind Cas. I get him to lean forward a bit, so I can clean his back off, and feel the feathers of his wings brush against me. The rustle softly as they rearrange themselves to accommodate his new position in the tub.
I reach down into the tub to fill the cup up with water and slowly pour it down his back around his left shoulder. The water runs pink and starts to color the water in the tub. He groans softly as the warm water runs over the wounds created by his wings. I run water over the left side a few more times, and then the right side, watching the water in the tub as it continues to turn pink.
Since the washcloths in the motel are white, I decide against using them. Instead, I grab the bar of soap that all motels seem to supply and rub it in my own hands, getting them covered in soap bubbles.
"This is going to sting Cas…" I warn him before reaching to grab his shoulders in my hands. "It has to be done though, or else these wounds are going to get infected." I wait for him to nod his understanding, watching as he pulls his hands out of the water and grips the side of the tub. "I'll be as gentle as I can…" I mumble.
"It's ok Dean, I'm ready." Cas tells me as he takes a deep breath.
I take a deep breath as well and slowly start to rub his back with my soap covered hands. His breath catches as the soap starts to run into the wounds. I grimace as I continue to wash the wounds, my hands turning pink from Cas' blood. I know that I am hurting him and I try not to think about it because I just can't handle it. I block out my own thoughts, and only concentrate on what I have to do right now, something I am well practiced with.
As I start to get to wear the wings actually protrude, I realize I can see all the way down to the bone and wonder if I should stich those up after cleaning them. I feel Cas' muscles clench underneath my hands and try to block out the sounds of pain that issue from his mouth. He's grunts start to turn to whimpers before I even finish cleaning around the left wing. I try to ignore it all though, the whimpers, the tremors, the clenched back and hand muscles, and try to stay focused.
I care too much. If I don't block out what he is doing, I will never be able to finish this.
If I don't finish what I'm doing though, he'll just get worse.
I can't even think about what I would do then. If Cas was lying on one bed, Sam the other, and both of them so far gone, I couldn't bring them back. I can help Cas, this is something I can do. I don't know how to help Sam, so I just wash his back.
His whimpers turn to cries. My heart breaks. My vision starts to go blurry and when I blink, my face feels wet.
I finish the left side cannot bring myself to move to the right side. My hands are stained pink. Before my mind can tell me to stop, my pants are off and I'm climbing into the tub around Cas, a leg on each side of him and my arms wrapping around his chest. My tears drip on to his neck as I try to pull him softly to me, wanting to feel his weight leaning against me, wanting to stop the shudders that are still racking through his body.
I unwrap one of my arms and reach out to where his hand is still gripping the edge of the tub. I gently pry his fingers out of their death grip, and instead lace them with mine. He grips my hand tightly, and I grip back just as tight as I wrap my arm back around him, only now it is intertwined with mine.
Cas starts to lean back against me, his other hand dropping into the water, almost as if he is just now realizing I am here. I support him as almost collapses against me. I am surprised when I fit almost perfectly between his wings and I feel the soft brush of some of his feathers against my skin. My breath catches as I feel his shudders increase, and as I feel drops landing on my arms.
"It's going to be ok Cas," I whisper to him. "Everything is going to be ok…"
He continues to shudder and cry while I hold him and continue to whisper to him. Eventually, the drops stop landing on my arms and his shudders die down to shakes. His grip loosens slightly on my hand, but he does not let go. I place my chin in the area between his neck and shoulder as he leans his head against my own shoulder.
"Dean, you have to do the other one…" His breath tickles my chin. His voice is full of pain, and even though I do not want to hurt him anymore, I know he is right.
"Yeah, I know I do." I tell him. "Let's just.. I want you to take it easy for a bit, ok?"
I say this out of selfishness. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want my heart to hurt anymore from seeing him hurt. Not that I want to see anyone else hurt him. I just don't think I can stomach hurting him anymore.
"Dean, please. Just… get it over with." His gruff voice breaks my thoughts and I sigh.
I grudgingly let go of his hand and he leans forward again to grip the tub. I grab the bar of soap again and start to wash his other shoulder. I don't think about my pink hands getting redder. I don't think about the shudders beneath my hands or that I can see even more bone around this wing. I don't listen to the cries that are louder this time and come closer together.
He is screaming and my hands are as red as the water we both sit in.
I reach around him to drain the water from the tub and watch as it swirls around us. Once the water is all gone, I reach for the warm water tap and turn twist it on. The tub slowly fills with warm water again, and I try to focus solely on the water rising around us.
As the water gets higher, Cas seems to relax slowly, and eventually starts to lean back against me again. I bury my face against his neck, as he grabs for my hands, holding them in his own. Once the water gets high enough, he reaches forward to turn the tap off, and grabs my hand again, wrapping my arms around him. He leans his head back against me, but I keep my face buried against him.
"Dean, please don't cry." He tells me. I didn't know I was crying. I shake my head.
My heart hurts.
I know he is speaking, but all I can hear are the screams that were ripped from his lips only a few minutes ago. Screams that I caused so much like screams I caused years ago. My tears gather on his shoulder, running down his chest as we soak in the clean warm water. He grips my hands tight, the ones that were just causing him so much pain and he holds them like he never wants to let go.
"Please Dean," He turns towards me and I feel his breath against my ear. His words send shivers down my spine. His nose nuzzles my ear and more shivers run through me. One of my hands is now empty as he reaches up and cups the side of my face. "I'm going to be ok, remember?"
Cas moves his hand from my cheek to the back of my head and starts to play with the hair at the base of my neck. Without even thinking about it, I press my lips to his shoulder, tasting the salt from my own tears. I place kisses all along his shoulder, wanting to feel more of his soft skin beneath my lips.
I can't get enough, so I gently push Cas' head to the other side with my own head and press my lips to the skin of his neck. I feel the blood pounding through the veins that my lips find and I suck on those areas softly, nipping them with my teeth. Cas pushes back against me, using the hand he still has twisted in my hair to hold me in place against his neck. I pour out all the sorrow I have for hurting him in those kisses and nips, wanting him to know that I never wanted to hurt him.
My lips move up to his jaw, teeth still nipping occasionally, and my tongue flicks out to lick his skin. I move up to his ear and start sucking on the lobe, gently biting it and I am surprised when I hear a moan escape from Cas' lips. With that moan, I am almost drawn to his lips. My right hand rises out of the water to cup his cheek, turning his head so it faces mine, and I finally capture his lips with mine.
I crush my lips against his, not bothering to be soft and careful. The need I have for him to know how I feel grows stronger, and so I kiss him hard and rough. Cas follows my lead, his soft lips hard against mine, like we are both finally letting loose something we have both been holding back. My hand finds the hair at the back of his neck and my fingers lace through it, gently tugging and holding him closer at the same time. His hand mimics mine and I feel the mixed sensations pour over me.