The air entered and exited her lungs like dull knives cutting through flesh. She refused to wear her oxygen mask all the time and insisted she didn't need it, but Callie knew better. She saw the struggle on Arizona's face every time she inhaled and Callie cringed when Arizona coughed the air out of her lungs.
She was barely eating, her stomach couldn't hold down much food and Arizona completely relied on the help of nurses to make her way to the bathroom. She politely declined anytime Callie offered to help, still wanting Callie to see her as a girlfriend and not a sick person in constant need of assistance.
Callie spent every waking hour in the hospital by Arizona's side. She hardly ever slept, worried that if she closed her eyes she'd never see Arizona again. Callie didn't even leave the hospital to eat, she ate what was in the cafeteria or whatever the nurses would bring her when they started their shift.
"Callie..." Arizona's voice was just above a whisper as she turned her head and faced a sleeping Callie, "Calliope...?"
"Mmm?" Callie stirred in the chair, half awake.
"I need to tell..." Arizona coughed, waking Callie up completely, "...tell you something."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, just listen okay?"
"Okay," Callie nodded her head as she grabbed Arizona's hand.
"I don't want you to think I don't love you because-"
"I don't think that,"
"Callie," Arizona gave Callie a look.
"Sorry, keep going,"
"I don't want you to think I don't love you because I do. I have from the moment I met you. There are so many things I want to tell you and ask you-"
Teddy walked in, a bundle of flowers in her hand.
"Hey, am I interrupting?" Teddy stepped in as she looked at the two women.
"No," Arizona reached out her arms as Teddy walked over and gave her a hug, placing the flowers on the table next to the bed.
"I'm just going to go to the resident's lockers and take a shower okay?"
Callie sat up and placed a kiss on Arizona's forehead before giving Teddy a smile and leaving the room.
-.-.-.-.-
The water fell off Callie's body as she leaned against the shower wall. Her eyes were closed as she focused on the water running down her arms and dripping off the tips of her fingers. The water turned cold, even though it wasn't very hot to begin with, but Callie didn't care. Her mind began to wonder as she reminisced on little moments she shared with Arizona. For some reason one particular moment kept replaying in her head.
"Why are you staring at me?" Callie's eyes were closed as she lay sprawled out in the bed.
"How did you know I was staring?"
"I can feel you looking at me,"
"Oh sorry,"
Arizona propped herself on her side, resting her head in her hand. She continued to watch Callie. Callie sighed as she rolled on her back, tilting her head towards her girlfriend.
"Arizona...I can't sleep when you're staring at me,"
"I'm not staring, I'm admiring. You look good in white,"
"Are you saying that because my T-shirt is see through or...?"
"Just making a statement,"
"Okay, noted. Can we sleep now?"
Arizona rested her head on the pillow, as she stared up at the ceiling while a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind. She rolled over again to face Callie.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Arizona, I love you but I am so tired right now," Callie pushed one side of the pillow up against her face, "All I want is to fall asleep with your body pressed up against mine,"
"Yeah but-"
"Boobs," Callie's voice was muffled against the pillow.
"What?"
"Boobs against me now,"
Arizona nudged closer to Callie, pressing her front to the brunette's back and wrapping her arm around Callie's waist. Callie sighed as she relaxed into Arizona's embrace, hearing the blonde mumble something before falling asleep.
"There's no hot water!" A resident's voice complained from the other shower stall snapped Callie out of her daze. She turned off the water, reached for her towel and stepped out.
She walked the halls back to Arizona's room, the nurses smiling at her as she walked by. Not a real, genuine 'it's nice to see you smile', no it was one of those forced smiles, the 'I'm sorry for what you're going through' smile. Funny thing is, Callie wasn't the one going through something, Arizona was. Everyone treats the family and loved one as if they are the ones that are dying, meanwhile the person who is sick is told to keep their chin up and look on the bright side. Callie never realized how screwed up the whole system of sympathy was until she was in the middle of it. It made her angry the way people would go out of their way to talk to her but Arizona only got a simple nod.
A rush of nurses and doctors passed her, knocking her out of her thoughts as she made it to Arizona's room. She saw Arizona standing in the doorway, looking down the hall.
"What happened?" Callie asked, resting her hand on Arizona's back.
"Mrs. Patterson down the hall, she's gone,"
"I'm sorry,"
"It was bound to happen I guess,"
"You should be in bed," Callie wrapped Arizona's arm around her and walked her back to the bed.
Arizona crawled back in bed as she watched the doorway. The nurses pushed the bed that the woman down the hall once slept in now carried her lifeless body past her room.
"What are you thinking?" Callie asked noticing the look on Arizona's face.
"Nothing, just," She turned towards Callie, "feeling grateful to have you."
"Where's Teddy?" Callie asked, trying to change the subject.
"Oh she left. She said she will come back around dinner time to relieve you,"
"No one has to relieve me of anything,"
"Callie, you're whiter than a ghost. You need some fresh air, and I know you'll only even consider going if someone is here with me."
"Okay,"
Callie sat back as Arizona picked up a book and started reading.
-.-.-.-.-
The afternoon passed by all too quickly for Callie, everything moved too fast these days. She never felt like she was getting enough time with Arizona. Teddy came in, a coffee in her hand for Callie as she greeted them both.
"Sorry, surgery ran longer than expected," Teddy sat down in the other chair next to Arizona's bed.
"I miss surgery," Arizona said as she closed her eyes and tried to remember what it felt like to be in an OR, "You know what I miss more? Those chocolate truffles from that bakery down the street,"
Arizona turned towards Callie with a pout.
"You want truffles? From down the street?"
"Yeah,"
"I don't really think I should leave you-"
"Teddy is here, it's fine. Go get some fresh air...and truffles,"
Callie hesitantly sat up from her chair, giving Arizona a kiss.
"I love you. I'll be back soon,"
"I love you too,"
-.-.-.-.-
Callie walked down the street like there was cement in her shoes, the further she got from the hospital the harder it was to not stop and go back. She passed by people, like a zombie, determined to get to the bakery as quickly as humanly possible.
When she arrived, there was a lineup of course, and she impatiently tapped her foot as she waited. She looked at her watch then at the clock on the wall, as if by some miracle time would speed up in those three seconds it took to check the time again. Callie shouldn't be surprised, it was always busy here. Every time Arizona forced her to come it was the longest errand of Callie's life.
"Stop that," Arizona elbowed Callie in the side.
"Ow, I'm not doing anything,"
"You're being impatient, taping your foot, it's rude. Just relax,"
"It's just," Callie crossed her arms over her chest, "Why is it always so damn slow in here?"
"Because the food is good and the people who work here actually care about their customers," Arizona pointed to one of the girls in an apron as she helped an old woman out the door, "There, see? Customer service at its finest."
"You know what would be good customer service? Getting people their desserts at a decent time,"
"There is just no winning with you," Arizona now crossed her arms over her chest.
"Not when I could easily get you something from the grocery store in half the time,"
"And with half the taste,"
"Fine..."
Callie shook her head as she noticed the line had moved a substantial amount and she moved along with it. She approached the counter and ordered Arizona's favorite desserts before paying the woman and walking out. It had started raining since Callie had been in the store, which was typical for Seattle. She raised her jacket over her head and picked up her pace as she made her way back to the hospital.
She walked up to the hospital doors, which opened, and shook the rain off her jacket. She grabbed a hair elastic out of her purse and tied her damp hair into a ponytail before continuing towards Arizona's room. The halls were quiet, as usual, except for the distant beeping of a machine. Callie bowed her head down and said a quick prayer for whoever was passing away. But as she got closer to Arizona's room the noise grew louder. It wasn't until she was two doors away when she realized it was coming from Arizona's room. She dropped the bag from the bakery on the floor and ran to the doorway.
"What-what are you doing?!" She shouted as she watched Teddy and a few nurses standing still, "Do something!"
Callie ran towards Arizona who was coding on the bed, but was stopped by two arms wrapped around her.
"She signed a DNR," Teddy's voice was barely audible over the machines.
"No-no...do something! Please," Callie looked at Teddy.
"I can't..."
Callie and Teddy both turned to the monitor as it flatlined. In that moment, Callie felt her world shattered, her heart sank into her stomach and she let out a scream as the arms wrapped around her held her back. She began to sob as her body fell to the ground and she repeated Arizona's name. Her voice broke and her ears were ringing as she watched Teddy shut of the monitor and a nurse pulled the sheet over Arizona's face.