Castiel's POV

"I…I'm sorry." I huffed out a nervous laugh. His eyes pinned me to my place on the floor. Those huge emerald eyes kept me from moving. I couldn't even breathe, just caught by those nets of merciless green.

And in addition to that I was somewhat paralyzed by that kiss.

When he moved closer, I knew in my heart it was only a matter of time. Dean isn't exactly transparent.

Not at all, actually.

But that was probably the give away.

Reminds me of myself.

But as we touched, it was like lightning went through me. And I had thought, he's a teenager, they try and fuck anything that moves, right?
I wouldn't have stopped him if that's what he wanted. Honestly, even if I didn't want it, I'd have done it.

Maybe because I wanted desperately to make him happy.

Was that wrong?

But I found myself caught up in Dean's world. Found myself aching to hold him and protect him.

Maybe it all goes back to how nobody really did that for me when I was his age.

I wanted him to have what I couldn't.

Because he'd already been through enough.

His lips tasted like mint. Spearmint. And his skin was soft and warm and he smelled like dirt and booze and medicine and engine exhaust and I just lost my will to ignore it.

Lost my will to ignore the fact that something was different about this kid.

He wasn't some horny teenager looking for a hook up.

He wasn't.

By the way he touched me I knew.

By the way I touched back I knew he wasn't alone.

I didn't want to admit it, but I most likely had feelings for him.

In such a short time I had realized how much I wanted to save him.

And maybe it started off as it being my job.

Police Officers are supposed to protect people. Especially kids.

And then maybe I felt I could relate.

It all went downhill from there.

And now I was putting my job on the line by taking all the extra measures to keep them together and safe.

And now the need to help him evolved into a need to…

To personally protect him.

"No..why are you sorry?" He asked, edging forward ever-so-slightly. So innocently, so pure and fresh. I wish he'd stop doing that.

"This isn't like me." I said, feeling my cheeks flush brazenly at the way he must see me. He must be so confused. What kind of man takes in two children and isn't seen as a predator?

And then you kiss one of them and you expect that to be okay?

He laughed, not really, but he tried to sound convincing.

"I never said you were."

"…Look you don't have to." I breathed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I…" He bit his lip and thought of what he wanted to say next. "Look…all of this is so new…and…" He reached for his shirt, where it lay haphazardly on the floor. The familiar touch of it calmed his nerves.

"I understand." I nodded curtly. I didn't want to hear any more.

"Cas…Castiel." He said, making me look back into those wavering eyes.

"Dean I don't know what I'm doing." I scoffed. And the horror that ripped through those very same eyes nearly broke my heart.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice breaking ever-so-slightly.

"Dean…you're…I shouldn't be taking advantage of you like this."

"Taking advantage of me?" He snapped, shoving my shoulders.

It threw me back quite a bit.

Not because of the force of it, exactly. But more due to the fact that, as a cop, people tend not to dare touch you.

At least not smart people.

I swallowed a harsh retort, clenching my jaw and pressing the words back down my throat.

Don't, I told myself. Just. Don't.

"Look," I watched him ease backward, as he realized what he'd just done. His eyes were glazing over and I knew he was holding together the flood gates with a piece of string. "Dean…It isn't right if I…"

"If you WHAT?" His voice raised an octave with the last word. Hi eyebrows stitched together and the fear and stabbing agony contorted his face into one I almost didn't recognize.

"Dean I can't bring you into my home…and I can't let myself do this." I let out a ragged breath, so torn between myself.

It wasn't right, of course.

But…It felt so comfortable.

So calm and serene…

So right.

"Let yourself do what?" He screamed inside an accusatory whisper.

I threw my head into my hands and groaned.

"Fall for you." I nearly hissed.

The words were so painful on my own lips.

Painful because they were nearly inevitable at this moment.

I knew I couldn't let him leave.

And I knew that if, and when he stayed I wouldn't be able to top myself.

Not after…that.

I'd never been kissed like that before.

Never felt someone's intentions through their lips.

I mean sure it's obvious when someone wants to bone you they're rubbing all voer you and desperate.

But when I was expecting this from Dean, I got an eternity or reasons why that wasn't the case.

And it was perfect.

And I didn't want it to stop.

And I will admit that—fuck—I needed it.

I needed to be needed.

He was quiet. And although I couldn't actually see him, I knew he was easing backward, gripping his knees in his hands, stunned to silence.

"Cas?" He asked a few moments later, after he had finally taken a breather. Taken a moment to clear his head and see it through my eyes.

"Yes?" I answered, slowly raising my head to look at him.

He had been staring blankly at the wall. He turned his head to meet my gaze.

"What if I told you it was okay?" He spoke each word carefully. As if tucking them all in together at night and kissing them to sleep. He enhanced the meaning behind each word, but more importantly what they meant all together.

"I would think…you'd be afraid of falling." I replied, aware of the brutal truth I was exposing.

He nodded as if regarding the words, but indifferent to them.

"Something tells me you'd catch me." He assured, whether it was more for my benefit or his own, I'll never know.