You watch Pete walk across the frozen football field.
He's wearing a silly hat with fur and ear flaps but you can't help but smile at him as he crunches towards you on the icy grass with a grin while you bounce on your toes and try not to freeze to death.
"Ophelia," He greets, breath condensing in the bitter morning air and you watch it dissipate absently. "Long time no see."
"It hasn't been that long." You argue, squinting in the brilliant morning light and Pete grins, sparkling and bright. He's holding a football in the bend of his arm, backpack slung across one shoulder and you step towards him and tug the ball away.
"It kinda has." He says gently and you know he's right. You've been spending the majority of your time caught in HG's orbit which means its been days, maybe even a week or two, since you've hung out with Pete. "You've been missing in action."
"I know. I know." You huff, pressing your fingertips against the ball's laces, putting your hands the way Pete taught you the afternoon he declared that you threw like a girl and took it upon himself to remedy that. "I'm sorry."
"It's cool." He shrugs, swinging his backpack to the ground easily. You look at Pete and wonder what its like to just let things be simple and uncomplicated. "So, what's so important that you made me get my ass up and to school an hour early?"
You take a few steps away from him, giving yourself some space to gather your courage. The same courage that let you call him last night and insist that he meet you on the football field so you could tell him that there's this girl, to talk to him about what that means, to ask him what kind of flowers are appropriate for a first date because the internet isn't very helpful and just tell him everything. You throw the football to him and it wobbles through the air sloppily.
He catches the ball easily with a faint smile before tossing it back to you. It hits your hands, the grass, bouncing awkwardly one time before you snag it.
"Myka?" Pete laughs in the sun and you suck in a breath before throwing him the ball again.
"I have to tell you something." You admit, watching him grab the football out of the air with steady hands before tucking it against his chest. "I have to tell you something."
"Something juicy?" He asks, mouth pulling into that disgustingly charming smile and the words that you stayed up all night practicing and perfecting are stuck in your chest where they bubble and churn helplessly.
"I'm just…" You start, voice suddenly thick and there's a rush of emotion followed by a hot sting of tears that makes you press a gloved hand to your eyes. You want to tell him that something's happened and you're not the girl you thought you were. "Do I look different? To you?"
Pete looks concerned as he approaches you, football dangling in one hand while he reaches for you with the other. "Mykes, c'mon. What's up with you? What's wrong?"
His hand curves around the side of your neck, fingers ice cold against your skin and you shake your head a little. "Pete. Please-just.."
"Myka, you look like you." He bites out firmly. "When I look at you all I see is the same girl who punched Bobby Bilson and saved me from a patriotic wedgie. You are who you've always been to me. That's not gonna ever change."
"Pete." You hiccup, rubbing at your eyes hard. "Pete, I have to tell you something."
When you drop your hand away he's staring at you with warm eyes full of worry. "I'm all ears."
And you try, you really do. You attempt to summon the truth, to just let it tumble past your teeth and into the space between you and Pete but its too big, too much.
Just the thought of telling him that you're…that you like HG. It's just so heavy.
"I missed you." Is what you finally manage, blinking at him with his hand hooked around your neck and for a moment you think he's gonna argue. His lips part and his brow furrows and your stomach lurches but then he's hauling you forward and pressing warm lips to your forehead.
"Okay." He mumbles, pressing another kiss to your hairline while a sickening feeling seeps passed your ribs. "Okay. Yeah, I miss you too."
You cling to him for a long time, your head tucked against his neck while he strokes your hair and you swallow down the urge to cry. The sun is low but vivid, making the frosted grass shimmer like the two of you are surrounded by broken glass.
"I'm here. You know that, right?" He whispers and you nod, holding onto him tighter.
He releases you after a while and you rub at your eyes a little more and he smiles at you, stepping back and pressing his football between his palms.
"Chicks. So emotional." He smirks and you roll your eyes, laughing a little as he points across the field with the end of the football. "Go long, Mykes. Run a hook route."
"I don't know what that means!" You groan even as you take off in a trot down the field towards the end zone, zigging and zagging every couple of yards.
"Blue 42...Blue 42...Hut…Hut..Hike!" Pete bellows, his voice ringing clear in the cloudless morning, then the ball is soaring through the air towards you and you vaguely recall Pete telling you to keep your eye on the ball and make a triangle with your hands. You manage to fail spectacularly at the first step, squeezing your eyes shut tightly but then leather is slapping into your palms and your blinking down at Lattimer scrawled across brown leather in magic marker.
"Yeah!" Pete wails rushing towards you and you barely have enough time slam the ball down and start your victory dance, which consists of mostly shoulder movement, before Pete is picking you up around the waist with a howl.
You laugh helplessly as he spins you around and around.
{{{ }}}
HG looks completely out of place when she walks into the fencing studio, her heeled boots too fancy on the training mats and her clothes too pretty to be surrounded by sweaty, damp fencing gear and you're so distracted by her entrance, uninvited but so totally welcome here that you forget that you're halfway through a compound-riposte until your opponent knocks your epee out of your hand and stabs you hard in the chest with their sword, knocking you clean off of your feet.
You hit the mat hard with a grunt.
You jump up, rubbing your pride amongst other things and signaling your partner that you need a break, before heading over to HG.
"Myka, is that you in there?" HG grins as you approach, head tilting to the side in amusement and you reach back to yank your helmet off of your head.
"Yeah, its me." You laugh, wiping at the sweat on your brow and tucking your helmet under your arm. "What're you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you in action. Rumor has it that you are quite the athlete." She says in a way that makes you swell with pride and you bite your lip around the smile curling your lips. "It is okay that I'm here, isn't' it?"
"Oh yeah, of course it is. I mean, besides Pete and my family, no one has ever really seen me fence so its…its fine. Its good." You exclaim, tugging at your white jacket self consciously. "I'm usually way better than that. I was a little bit distracted."
"And what exactly, may I ask, had you so distracted?" HG exhales so very sweetly that your heart feels like a frog trapped behind your ribs.
"You know, just you…here." You grin dumbly, bouncing on your toes a bit. "Caught me off guard."
HG's eyes scan over you in a way that you don't think anyone one has ever looked at you, especially not while wearing your fencing gear and you flush from head to chest.
"You look adorable in that outfit." HG murmurs, plucking at your collar playfully and you arch a brow.
"You think so?" You breathe, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face and HG nods.
"Very much so." She hums softly and you roll your eyes.
"So, what's up?"
"Nothing's up," She smiles. "I only wanted to be witness to your infamous skills… and after maybe I could persuade you to accompany me to dinner?"
"A date?" You wonder while your pulse hammers beneath your skin. You and HG have been hanging out a lot lately but neither of you have dared to refer to the afternoons spent surrounded by books in the library with you making googly eyes at her instead of reading as a date.
"Something of the sort, yes."
"You talk funny." You grin at her and it's HG's turn to roll her eyes at you now.
"Is that a yes?"
"I would love to but…" You lick your lips, shaking your head reluctantly. "I'm still grounded and my dad-"
"Say no more." She says sincerely, raising her hands. "I completely understand and I do not wish you to be in anymore trouble than what I've already caused."
"It was kind of your fault." You shrug and a slow smile spreads across HG's face.
"So cheeky." She murmurs and you grin at her stupidly. "Well, you won't mind if I stay and, at the very least, watch you train."
"Yeah, of course. I insist."
"Well, if you insist." HG smirks before shooing you away. "Now, go. Put on your little hat and impress me."
"It's helmet." You chuckle, slipping your head covering over your hair. "Not a hat."
"Oh, whatever."`
"I'm almost done. Don't leave, okay? I'll walk you to your car." You say through the net of your mask and HG grins at you, bites her lip and tilts her head.
"I wouldn't dream of it."
You finish practice as quickly as possible, your focus pretty much shattered thanks to HG sitting primly in one of the many empty chairs lining the edge of the mats. After, you rush into the back changing rooms, shedding out of your sweaty gear and throwing on your sweats, cursing the fact that you hadn't brought better clothes the entire time.
You're zipping up your hoodie when you rush back to the main training room, pausing at the sight of HG standing in the middle of the dimly lit space. Everyone else is obviously long gone, except for the janitor who you can hear clanking around in the back room where the equipment is kept and you step slowly into the room as HG idly pulls your epee from the wall rack. She swings it experimentally and you smile.
"Want some pointers?" HG whirls around on you with a girlish gasp that makes you smile, your sword clutched tightly to her chest while you shuffle into the room. "Because, I mean, you're holding it wrong."
"Am I? I have to admit, you made this seem easier to maneuver when you were wielding it ." HG says in this breathless laugh that makes it even harder not to smile at her while you watch her grip your sword awkwardly. You drop your athletic bag on the mat, stepping towards HG who tracks your movement with dark, glittering eyes. "Of course, I wouldn't be opposed to some assistance."
"You know me," You grin, circling around HG until your standing behind her and you inhale slowly as you fit yourself against her. "Always happy to help."
"Yes, well, your willingness to lend a hand is only one of your numerous endearing qualities." HG murmurs as you move closer and for a moment, you're totally distracted by the gentle curve of her neck.
"Uhm," You swallow, blushing when HG twists to glance at you knowingly. "So, when not actually using the sword, you want to point it towards the ground."
Your hand wraps around HG's beneath the bell guard, guiding the end of the sword downward and you feel HG's fingers flex beneath yours. "Yes, of course."
"Now, your forefinger and thumb should be tight around the grip and close to the guard." You murmur and HG nods as you adjust her grip. "And let your other fingers rest lightly on the handle."
"There's far more to this than meets the eye." HG huffs, peeking at you over her shoulder and the way your draped over her back means your dizzyingly close to her. Your eyes dart to her lips, you know she sees it.
"Yeah, a little bit." You croak, watching HG bite at her bottom lip. "Kind of."
"What's next?" She asks softly but she doesn't look like she even cares right now and as long as she keeps watching you the way that she is, you don't care either. You know you're blushing all the way down your neck and butterflies are starting to flutter in your stomach and its all because of the way HG is gazing at you.
"Keep your hand tucked behind your guard," You mutter and HG nods even though she's looking at you and not the epee in her hand. "and your shoulders loose."
"You're very good at this." HG whispers softly and the butterflies flickering in your stomach turn into a full blown swarm.
"I, uhm," You swallow, letting your hand fall away from HG's arm and your hands land tentatively on her waist. "Your feet need to be…"
You guide her into the on-guard position, nudging her into place with your hands. "And this is…?"
"The on-guard position." You offer, urging her forward with your hips before using your foot to prod her back leg into a better angle. "Feet shoulder width apart."
HG follows your instructions, bending at the knee just a little when you tell her to before you reach forward and guide her sword up into sixte position. It's a little awkward and her left foot needs to be at more of a right angle and absolutely none of that matters because you teaching this beautiful girl with deep, dark eyes, how to fence in the middle of an abandoned studio while your heart pounds in your chest. "And your free hand goes up, behind your head so its out of the way."
"Like this?" HG wonders and actually, no, its sort of completely wrong because her hand is reaching back to hook behind your neck, pulling you close while she twist to watch you over her shoulder. You're fairly certain you look like a deer in headlights or something else equally awkward and unattractive but HG is smirking now and dropping your sword carelessly which is so against the rules and you'd totally be upset about it if you weren't so busy swooning at the way HG is hovering in front of you.
"Not…not exactly." You manage weakly as HG tilts her head so your forehead is pressed to her temple while your hands grip at her waist tightly. You breathe in and HG smells soft and girly in a way you don't think you've ever really appreciated until now. "You smell really good."
"Myka." HG breathes softly as her eyes flutter shut and her hips press back into yours gently.
"Are you guys almost done in here?" The janitor's voice booms suddenly and you jump away from HG instantly as the elderly man shuffles into the room wielding a broom while sporting some seriously impressive cataract .
"Actually, I believe we were just getting started." HG huffs, flipping her hair out of her face and you roll your eyes, bending down to scoop up your sword and hanging it in the rack on the wall.
Your face is red hot as you turn back to HG who is watching you with a knowing smirk. You shake your head at her as you grab your bag, hefting it onto your shoulder and snagging her hand in yours.
"We're just leaving." You squeak, heading for the door and dragging a chuckling HG behind you.
The air is sharp and cold as you stumble into the night but HG's hand is hot in yours and she hums happily when you lace your fingers with hers.
"You're kind of incorrigible." You laugh, tugging her closer as you make your way to the parking lot. HG's car beside the one you and your sister share. "You know that?"
"I've been referred to as worst." HG says easily, swinging your clasped hands back and forth gently.
"By who? I'll kill them." HG smiles at you as you come to a stop between the two cars. "I swear it."
"My knight in shining armor." She says softly, using her free hand to push her hair out of her face.
"Sure," You shrug. "But you don't need it."
HG leans in and then your heart more or less explodes in your chest as soft lips brush against your cold cheek while her hand comes up to cup the side of your face.
"Regardless, its nice to know you're there." She murmurs against your ear and you shut your eyes as goosebumps race across your skin. "Thank you. You've made this date memorable."
Your eyes fly open at that and you pry yourself out her grip even as HG reaches out to snag your fingers, like she can't bear not touching you. "Whoa! Hey! This doesn't count!"
You glance down as HG's hand plays with yours, fingers slotting in the spaces between yours for a moment before pulling back to stroke down your palm idly and your toes curl in your sneakers a little bit at the sensation.
"This doesn't count." You blurt again, watching HG's nails drag down your wrist before glancing up at her face. She's smiling at you absently and you squeeze her fingers.
"I'm sorry?" She says and the way she's looking at you, eyes soft and inattentive like she's not really listening to you at all makes you smile.
"This isn't our first date. This doesn't count."
HG looks at you with confused amusement while you sputter indignantly. "What are you-?"
"This isn't a date. And-and it's definitely not our first date." You stammer.
"Why not?"
"All you did was watch me get sweaty! No, this doesn't count." You cry, ignoring the delight playing on HG's face at your annoyance. "Our first date will not consist of you watching me swing a sword around for a couple of minutes."
"Then what will our first date consist of exactly?" HG wonders but her suggestive tone and the slow arch of her brow makes you hesitate as blood scorches its way up your neck to your face.
"I don't know." You sigh, "You and me alone for starters."
"Then I look forward to our first actual date because the idea of spending time in only your company sounds amazing." HG whispers, gaze drifting over your features and you roll your eyes a little bit as a blush settles warmly in your cheeks. "Goodness, you're lovely."
"HG." You laugh bashfully, looking away from her for a moment and over her shoulder from where the two of you just came.
"You're blushing." HG hums, stepping in close to you and pressing the back of her free hand to your cheek, then down to your throat before curving behind your neck where her fingers linger for a long moment.
"I tried to tell Pete." You say after a while, glancing down at HG's boots. "About me and you and I couldn't-I couldn't do it."
"Darling, Pete is your best friend." She points out unnecessarily and you nod, eyes still fixed on the ground.
"I know but I just couldn't find the words. I don't know how to tell him that I'm not the person he thought I was. That I've been hiding this-this thing that makes me so happy from him because-because…"
"Are you afraid of what he'll think?" HG tries gently and you shrug.
"I'm afraid that he'll look at me and he wont recognize me." You admit. "I'm afraid because I've been lying to him and he'll be mad. I'm afraid because he kind of likes you and I-I ."
"Myka, Pete is half in love with anything with the appropriate parts." She points out bluntly and you nod a little. "He will be hurt that you didn't tell him what was going on but the longer this goes on then the harder it will be on both of you."
You nod weakly and HG strokes her thumb over the first notch of your spine.
"You have to go on your way now." She whispers and you glance at her in confusion.
"I do?" You croak and she nods, gazing at you with a faint smile.
She nods a little, fingertips tracing circles at the nape of your neck. "Or I can't be held accountable of what will happen if you stay but I do know that it will successfully keep you grounded for the rest of your life."
You laugh at that, blinking up at the purple sky for a moment. "You're bidding me adieu."
"I am." HG confirms then she's pressing another kiss to your cheek. "Goodnight, Myka."
{{{ }}}
"Do you wanna ride?" You call out, tugging on the straps of your backpack absently and HG's gaze wanders over your bike curiously for just a moment before focusing on you again.
"A ride where?" She questions suspiciously and you roll forward then back a little.
"It's kind of a surprise." You answer and HG smiles knowingly. "But lets just say this one totally counts."
"I'm not sure your chariot can hold both of us." She laughs, adjusting her bag on her shoulder and you give her your most reassuring grin. "It seems a bit dangerous. We can just take my car, you know."
"C'mon HG, there's plenty of room." You tease, waggling your eyebrows at her and she looks away, a huff of laughter leaving her in puff of condensed air. "You trust me, right?"
"I do." HG confirms, meeting your challenging stare with a flick of her hair and a smile on her lips. "I'm not sure if that's very wise on my behalf though."
"Look, I'll do all the work. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride." You say, twisting your handlebars back and forth idly and HG's eyes do that lighting up thing that's so pretty.
"Well, how can a girl refuse an offer like that?" HG grins stepping closer, fingers trailing over the handlebars until gloved fingertips brush over your knuckles. "Where should I sit?"
"Just climb on behind me." You laugh and HG does what you tell her, swinging her leg over the frame.
"Like this?" She exhales against your neck and you tighten your fingers around the rubber hand grips while your skin prickles.
"That's good." You swallow, clearing your throat in an attempt to get that feeling from swirling in your torso under control. "Now, sit on the seat, put your feet on the back axels, keep your legs out of the way and hang on to me."
"Right." HG hums and when you glance over your shoulder, HG is tugging off her gloves with her teeth and tucking them in her coat pockets before bare hands are curling into the sides of your sweatshirt. "Okay, then."
The first two attempts to get going are wobbly and unsuccessful and the third time you nearly pitch both of you right off the bike and into a shrub but HG clutches you tighter and laughs brightly against your shoulder and all you can do is try again while a stupid smile splits your face in two.
You manage to keep both of you upright long enough to start peddling, hard and fast, as you wind your way through the parking lot onto the streets, weaving through the stray students on school grounds.
"Where are we going?" HG asks right up against your ear and the handlebars wobble in your hands. "Where are you taking me?"
"Someplace special." You say honestly, smiling dumbly when she presses her face in your hair. "Do you wanna go?"
"Of Course."
{{{ }}}
"Bering and Sons?" HG asks, gazing at the writing on the display window and you nod, propping your bike up against the wall. "I thought it was only you and your sister."
"It is." You laugh, digging your keys out of your pocket and stepping forward to unlock the door. "My dad just thought Bering and Sons sounded more prestigious. Apparently its not exactly ideal having your daughters carry on your legacy."
You glance up as the lock slips and HG is giving you a look that's both knowing and sad. You drop your eyes, palming the keys absently. "It's not a big deal."
"It appears your father and mine share some of the same idiotic values." She says quietly. "My brother, Charles, is the apple of my father's eye despite some, in my opinion, massive shortcomings that include but are no way limited to an offhand concern for school that comes a distant second to anything in a skirt."
You laugh a little bit at HG's choice of words but not really at the idea HG's father not appreciating her obviously exceptional mind. "Then I guess we have something else in common."
"Ah, yes. Our continued thirst for acceptance from our somewhat absent fathers from where we're perpetually perched in our siblings shadows." HG murmurs quietly, swiping hair out of her face and you want to say something but the right words wont come in the short moment that you need them so instead you just push the door all the way open.
"C'mon."
Watching HG's face as the two of you wander through the bookstore makes your warm all over. You bite your lip against the smile threatening to take over your mouth while you trail behind her and she goes on and on about the books lining the shelves.
"This store is fantastic." She beams, turning a copy of The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha over and over in her hands. "Just amazing really. Thank you for bringing me here."
"Wanna see something else?" You offer and HG arches an eyebrow at you.
"Of course." She breathes and that grin you've been fighting takes over your face. "Lead the way."
You're nervous when you reach for her hand and HG looks surprised but slips her fingers into yours with a shy smile anyway.
{{{ }}}
You're not listening to HG because you've read this book countless times but mostly because of the way she looks stretched out in your nest of blankets, boots off and hair tucked behind her ears while her eyes track across the pages of the book in her lap. You're not listening to her but you're hearing her voice fill the small space and the way she smiles through certain parts. You're watching her eyes glide across the pages as her socked feet rub against one another absently and it makes you aware of all the ways your aware of her. Like you've never been aware of anyone else.
"…And I should stop wasting my breath because you are no longer paying attention to me." HG laughs, dark eyes focused on you where your sitting cross-legged at her hip, head leaned back against the wall and what you just know is a dopey look on your face. "What has you so preoccupied?"
"You." You smile honestly and HG bites at her bottom lip a little bit, eyes going all soft. "You know, I've never brought anyone here. Not even Pete. I mean, its kind of like my Fortress of Solitude, ya know. It feels like I-I spend a lot of my meager existence trying to …to make other people happy but here, its just for me. I only have to make myself happy."
It's nothing special, this place. Just the attic of the store that you commissioned for yourself when you were 8 years-old. Your dad had just smiled the first time he caught you dragging blankets and books up the stairs and your mom left peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the base of the steps that led to your secret place.
It's a small space with sloping ceilings that make the corners claustrophobic. There's a window that looks out across the town, the glass yellowing around the edges, and scuffed hardwood floors that are covered with blankets and pillows. It's beautiful and cozy and if you could stay here forever you think you would.
"So, what am I doing here?" HG asks softly, shifting onto her side and tucking both arms underneath her head and you smile a little bit, pressing your fingers to your neck. "Amongst your well worn novels and albums?"
"I don't know. I promised you that our first date would be just you and me alone." You shrug as sudden nervousness makes you flush. "Besides, you kinda make me happy too."
"Do I?" HG grins quietly and you nod a little.
"Yeah." You exhale, watching HG shift into a sitting position opposite of you, against the door of your hidden away nook. "You do."
"It's been a very long time since I've made someone happy." HG murmurs, tucking her legs against her chest and hiding half of her face behind her knees. The admission is sad and right now HG looks like the teenage girl that she is, the kind of girl that makes soft, sad confessions in quiet carved out spaces. "What does it feel like?"
"It feels…tingly." You say after a moment and HG laughs quietly at that. "Like when your arms or legs fall asleep but better and all over. It's like my body is trying to explain this big, huge concept with pins and needles."
"An allegory." She chuckles softly from behind her legs and you grin at her for a moment before shifting.
"What do you write about?" You wonder absently, staring at her pretty eyes. "You said you wanted to be a writer."
"I did." She nods, "It's mostly fiction. Sometimes, science fiction." She admits and if possible you like her even more.
"Do you think I can read something of yours?" You wonder and you can tell HG's smiling by the way the corner of her eyes turn up.
"It's mediocre at best." HG murmurs and you roll your eyes.
"I seriously doubt that anything that you create would be mediocre." You point out and HG might be blushing behind her knees. "I bet your writing is amazing."
"Well then you're more than welcome to read my works if only to devastate your high expectations." HG laughs and you roll your eyes as you move forward because self depreciating HG is kind of adorable.
HG doesn't move as you crawl the short distance towards her until your kneeling in front of her, palms pressed against her kneecaps while she watches you with bright, interested eyes. She smiles when you wedge your fingers in the gap between her knees, you can't see her mouth but the corners of her eyes crinkle a little bit and when you ease her legs apart she doesn't put up a fight, just drops her head back against the door with a huff of laughter while you lean forward carefully, planting your hands on either side of her waist.
"Myka, what're you doing?" She wonders, sobering instantly at your proximity and you shrug with one shoulder while you creep closer until your hovering in front of her and her eyes keep glancing at your mouth.
"Living a little." You murmur cautiously while your heart flutters and you're pretty sure HG could see your pulse hammering away beneath your skin if she looked. "You did suggest I do that once or twice."
You brush your mouth against hers, just once before pulling away and licking your lips. You hear HG exhale shakily, shifting until her legs are squeezing at your hips and watching you with dark eyes like she's asking for more, so you kiss her again.
She lets you, just tips her head back and parts her lips with a soft moan that tracks down your spine and you pull away, staring down at HG.
You want to say something. Maybe kiss her some more. Maybe tell her about the heat humming under your skin.
"The way you're watching me right now," HG starts quietly after a moment, reaching up to push your ridiculous hair out of your face. "It's just…"
She doesn't finish her sentence, just bites her bottom lip before pulling your mouth back to hers.