Psycho B#$ches
I managed to slip away from the others, specifically gale long enough to make a visit to my mortal family. I come to the kitchen door and slip in as silently as I could. Why? cause someone how in my mind that would make it less likely I'd be noticed missing and I wouldn't suddenly get tracked down and abducted. Coarse this is only in my mind. David's stingy, doesn't like me around them, he doesn't trust my brother, but I know Sam and I know he wouldn't do anything to me.
" Micheal? Everything alright?" Mom was in the kitchen fixing dinner. She seems to have decided nothings' changed and all is right in the world, her world that is. Mom's just pretending things are normal, but she does cast me a nervous glance from the corner of her eye. She fears me, but I'm still her son, so she accepts me. I think she blames herself, that it's all her fault.
" Yea, fine mom, just visiting, cause, you know I said I would." I try to sound casual. I don't blame her, I blame the sperm donor that couldn't keep it in his pants that lost the right to being called dad years ago.
" That's good." Mom continues with cooking, looked like Lasagna tonight.
" I'll just find Sam." I slip out of the kitchen and head upstairs, spotting grandpa peeking from his den, or I think I did. I shake my head and continue up to Sam's' room. I don't knock, I just pop the door open, not like he has ever knocked for me, the twerp. " Sam I told you if you don't stop doing that, You'll go blind and your palms will get hairy." I smirk at Sam.
" Shut up Suck Vader!" Sam throws a comic at me, which is a surprise, till I saw what it was.
" Vampires Everywhere?" I pick up the crude comic and raised a brow at him. " I really hope this isn't what you masturbate to, cause that." I suddenly have a pillow thrown at my head.
" Stop or I'll scream that you're killing me and mom will so be on you worse than flies!" Sam near yells.
" Scream and I'll put you in a head lock and make you smell my arm pit." I sneered.
" You better not! I'll so kick you're ass!" Sam throws another pillow at me.
" Ha! now you're out of pillows!" I grin Sam's looking around for something else to hit me with.
" Oh yea! Well I'll tell Candy where to find you, she's been calling, and that you have a new... Girl frieeeennndd!" Sam then turns around and starts moaning with his hands rubbing his shoulders as if he had someone in his arms. " Oh, oh Mike, Do that thing you do with your tongue! Oh, oh, oh, you..." Sam sadly enough was good at imitating a girl, but his mocking me was short lived.
Sam had the miss fortune of mom walking in when he started doing that. " Sam! What on earth is wrong with you! Have you lost your mind?" Mom has this look of disbelief and she glances between me and Sam.
I started laughing " Don't look at me, he's the one making out with himself while saying my name." I hold my hands up trying to look innocent.
" Shut up maggot breath!" Sam yelps.
"Sam!" Mom
" Hey you're the one making love to yourself!" I protest.
"Micheal!" Mom
" I was not... He tried to eat me!" Sam yells out pointing at me.
" I did not you lying little weasel! He's lying I didn't try to eat him, mom!" I looked from Sam to mom.
" You two stop yelling!" Mom is rubbing her temples now. " You know what, I'm going back down stairs to finish dinner." Mom turns and walks out, closing the door behind her.
" Think she's mad?" Sam asks, looking at me a little worried.
" Don't know, but you're the one that's going to have to deal with it if she is." I grin at him, Sam seems to shudder at the look. I don't know what I come off like to him, but I'm trying to act normal, just I guess my nature shows anyway.
" Yea, funny, you're going to run off to sleep in a moldy death filled cave and I have to deal with the lecture." Sam rolls his eyes.
" Hey, I've always had to deal with it, your turn little bro. Sides pip squeak, if you weren't such a loud mouth mom wouldn't have came up here to start."
" You were loud too!" Sam folds his arms. " And uh Mike." I didn't like the tone Sam was using, the kind that he wants to tell me something, but is afraid to.
" Spit it out." I say, flopping down on his bed.
" I wasn't kidding about Candy, she called." Sam watched me nervously.
" Wait what!? How did she get this number?" I didn't need to hear this, didn't want to hear this. Candy AKA The one psycho bitch every guy ends up with, but prays to god they never see again, cause you know, you never broke up with her because she talked about how another man ever hurts her again, she'll cut off his balls... Yea Candy's one of them... Thinking about it maybe Gale isn't quite so bad, she's not told me she wanted to cut my testicles off yet.
" She loves you, she has to have you... Even if it means killing you so no one else can have you." Sam dead pans at me. " I don't know, maybe she looked up the number? Weren't you supposed to break up with her?"
" Uh... Yea, no... What?! She fucking scares the shit out of me. Would you tell her it's over?" I kinda left Phoenix without telling her it was over. Actually it had been over for a few months before we left Phoenix and I was dating another chic name Lena... Just Candy didn't know I was seeing other people and I never told her, just kinda never returned her calls... And avoided her.
" Bro. Two words. Stalker chic! She is totally after you like Psycho. She said she's going to come over and visit you and was wondering why you didn't let her know we moved and why you so busy all the time and I sort of forgot to tell you she's." Sam tried to look innocent.
" Wait she's coming here!?" This was bad, especially with how Gale's possessive of me, there could be a nasty fight. Actually that doesn't sound so bad, just throw in a pool and some Jello.. Ok, yea what am I thinking, they'll kill each other. " That's not good..."
" Couldn't you do some vampire mumbo jumbo ad send her back to Phoenix?" Sam asks, which I hadn't thought of doing such, but that wasn't the problem.
" Gale." I continued at Sam's' confused look. " She is a little psycho, not in the way Candy is, She has a thing for me and she wouldn't like competition, even if Candy's human, Gale is like insanely possessive over me and well, she'll just kill Candy, she's a little territorial about me."
Sam stares at me blankly, then suddenly yells. " Damn it Mike what is with you and dating crazy chicks! You're like a magnet for the criminally insane!"
" Gale's not insane, just very possessive, OK a little and Candy is bat shit insane, but that's just bad luck." Apparently Gales actions are a very normal thing for a vampire... An over excited vampire can be a violent thing especially if it wants to mate, at least from what I managed to get out of the guys and Gale is thoroughly a very vampire female, just often the vampire doesn't manifest so strongly in a half vampire... Yea tell that to my face and now she's a full vampire.
" And Star?" Sam keeps staring at me.
" Star wasn't insane." I reminded him.
" She was sleeping in a cave with four blood sucking monsters, on a bed that probably had vampire lice all in it. She had fangs Mike, fangs!" Sam's' getting loud again. " And some how turning you into a blood sucker sounded like a logical way to save her!"
" I think that counts as poor decisions not insanity." I didn't think Star was insane, just a bit whiny at times." There's no such thing as vampire lice." I rolled my eyes.
" Poor decision is eating that burrito off the mystery meat food vendor who couldn't speak english. Not getting someone turned into a vampire then saying save me... " Sam pauses thinking a moment. " Wait, maybe you're right Mike, she's not insane, but she's a bitch! Which is just as bad! And how do you know there's no vampire lice! You probably have them!"
" OK the burrito was only one time and the guy didn't say gato when I asked what it was, so I figured it was perfectly safe. And it was a good burrito." I won't be buying from a guy selling food out of a cart again, but it really was a good burrito. " And I do not have lice! Star wasn't a bitch, she didn't know David was going to decide he wanted me to join them. Not that it was nice to not tell me that her friends might possible eat me if I don't join them.
" Yea, that's why you was moaning that you're gonna die and crying while making the bathroom smell like King Kong took a Shit on the house! And She is and how do you know you don't have vampire lice!" Sam wasn't going to change his mind.
" I do not and I know I do not, stick to the topic here, Candy shows up or calls, you can't say anything about me and other girls, she'll flip and go ape shit, say anything, just not the truth you got it?" I sighed when Sam nodded his head. " Good, just try keep your trap shut and uh let mom know I never broke up with her." Can't have mom accidentally slipping the whole me and star thing can we? Hell no.
" You know mom's going to kill you when she finds out you never broke up with her." Sam snickered.
Mom might be a little angry, I'll just have to explain Candy is bat shit insane and might have knifed me if I did.