I awoke with a gasp, panting and sweating and clasping the sheets that were white as my knuckles. It had been a while since I last had a nightmare, and yet all of them were the same scene, over and over. It was like the Devil gave me a chance to redo my mistakes and laugh as I fail over and over, doing me nothing good but remind me of the last time I saw my teenage love.
I did try to look for him, like we promised, but it's hard to look for someone throughout the globe if all you know is his nickname and everything about his personality but nothing about his actual personal information. Eventually, I gave up - or grew up, rather.
Well, I'm older now, and I've gotten over my vivid childhood imaginations now. I've moved on with life, made friends, got into a college... But there's no denying that a part of me, a part I've somehow finally sustained, still misses the sapphire orbs that used to gaze at me longingly.
I got up from bed, not bothering to fold the sheets in place, and headed for the bathroom, cursing the late morning light as I slumped to the doorway.
I feel like there's something I'm forgetting...
The high pitch of Savant's ISM rang from my phone which was probably back at the bedroom and I went to pick it up after finishing up my morning rituals. Expecting it to be the phone's alarm, I picked it up and was momentarily confused when Ken's picture flashed on the screen. I answered the call with a sigh, wondering what the hell he was doing calling me this early- Oh wait, it's 10 am.
"Hello?" My voice sounded so weird in the morning...
"Dude, are you coming or not?" The bearded man raged. "You forgot, didn't you?" There it was. I thought I forgot something.
"I... Hahaha..." I laughed nervously. "Forgot what?"
"So he did forget! Look at the calendar." he commanded. As he said, I glanced at the calendar on the wall. September 21... What's special abou this day? He sounded mad, so I guessed...
I faked a gasp, hoping my guess would be correct. "How could I forget?! It's your special day, right?"
"And...?"
What else? I tapped my finger in thought. I just woke up, I can't really think straight! How am I supposed to remember? "Um... Happy birthday?"
Ken sighed in defeat. "You were supposed to come to my party, like, 2 hours ago? Does that ring a bell?" he mocked, and I rolled my eyes.
"Uh... right." I nodded, scratching the back of my head. Now I remember... "Sorry, I'll be right there."
"Just hurry." he muttered before hanging up.
I quickly got changed and straightened myself up. I almost forgot to bring the gift - even though his birthday completely left my mind, I'm still good enough a friend to buy him a decent gift. Not long after, I found myself standing in front of Ken's house, where lined up outside were cars of other visitors. Some were hanging out in the front yard chatting as they watched the road, while some were inside, where Ken probably was, too. I greeted the people I knew and nodded back to the ones I've met before.
Inside, I looked for the birthday celebrant through the crowd and saw him talking to the other guests. Taking a glass of some juice I assumed was orange-flavored, I went up to him and offered a high-five when he noticed me.
"Ken! Happy birthday, friend." I greeted, laughing as he declined my offer and crossed his arms.
"You're late." He looked at his watch and cocked a brow at me.
"Hey, at least I'm still here!" I pouted. "Oh well. I was going to give you this super-awesome game to you as a gift but since you aren't so grateful..." I waved the present in front of his face.
"Shut up..." He beamed, punching my shoulder playfully, then took the gift. "You go ahead and eat up. I have guests to entertain." he excused himself.
"Okay, mommy!" I teased and he rolled his eyes. Walking to the table of foods and drinks, I got myself some chicken lollipops and glanced around for anybody I knew to maybe have a little chit-chat with.
Then, golden locks came to sight.
No... No, it couldn't be, I thought, pushing through the crowd of familiar faces. Pewds...?
Finally, I caught up to him, barely managing to touch his shoulder. He turned around, and I saw how much he had changed, and how he looked just like when I last saw him.
Pale, young skin was now darkened, and there was a bit of a stubble on his chin. His hair was now combed neatly, in contrast to his previous playful, disheveled locks and they had grown longer. Sapphire eyes glistened just like his large curious eyes before.
"Um... Can I help you?" he asked, a confused expression on his face. I noticed his voice had gone down a few octaves and his accent was much more prominent.
"Pewds... I finally found you!" I exclaimed, pulling him to my arms. He stiffened at my actions, and I pulled away, confusedly looking at him. "Do you remember? It's me, Cry!"
"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong person." he replied calmly. I felt my heart clench.
"What do you mean? I-It's me! Remember? We promised we'd find each other..." I took a step towards him, taking his hands in mine.
"I don't think I know you, sir..." He pulls away from my grasp, stepping backwards. "I'm sorry, I'll be going now."
He must have felt guilty because he turned and walked away slowly. This gave me time to seize his wrist, looking down. "Wait..."
"Can you at least... tell me your name?" I let go of his arm.
He hesitated for a moment, before smiling apologetically. "Felix."
I stopped for a moment, deciding whether or not I should tell him my real name. I decided against it. "Cry." We shook hands and he disappeared through the crowd once more.
The party lasted until nighttime and some of the guests went home, but I stayed, mainly because Ken was a good friend of mine and partly also because I didn't want to give up on Felix just yet. What if it was him all along? I couldn't just let this second chance vanish before my eyes.
"Are you sure about this, Cry? How do you know he's Pewds? Or that Pewds is real in the first place?" Red questioned, her voice toned down so as to not let anyone else hear their conversation.
"I know it, I just know it, Red. He's just like him. I'm not mistaken this time." I defended, leaning on the front porch's rails and staring blankly at the road. "We promised to find each other, and now we've met face to face, but he doesn't..."
"Pewds isn't real, Cry." she declared sternly. "You're just going to get hurt again." Her gaze softened and she touched my hand in comfort. "You know we hate to see you so broken."
"I know, but... I can't just give up."
"You're not giving up, Cry. You're letting go."
"But... what if it really is him?"
Red sighed defeatedly. "How about this, Cry: if he's still not the one you're looking for, you have to stop, okay? It's not good for you."
I hesitated. Then again, Red was right. I have to stop. If he still isn't Pewds, I might not be able to handle another rejection. "...Okay."
In a slightly nervous state, I crossed the Rubicon and took a deep breath, stepping towards the living room where nobody else but the handsome blonde sat on the sofa. The other guests which used to occupy the once-crowded room were now probably bidding Ken goodbye and wishing him a happy birthday one last time as the celebrant led them to the door.
I let go of the breath I didn't even notice I had clung to. We were alone, at least. I couldn't just talk to him with everyone else still around.
Then again, what was I supposed to say? What could I say, when the sight of him, all grown up and changed so much since I last saw him only left me breathless and amazed. He had grown to be such a handsome man... I worried that I missed so many years of his life. Was he still the same? Then again, was he really Pewds from my dream?
No use worrying now, I guess. I pushed all thoughts aside, cautiously walking to the front of the sofa where he sat. All hesitant and reluctant thoughts seemed to melt away when his peaceful, sleeping face came to view. He had fallen asleep, how cute. I found myself smiling as I silently sat beside him, staring at his slightly upturned lips.
His expression made me feel... nostalgic. It reminded me of our past dreams when Pewds and I would just hold each other, right after a crazed, wild game of playful wrestling. We would try to catch our breaths, still laughing softly as I rested my head on his chest. And when I looked up, his face would look so beautiful: eyes closed, smile still present...
When I came to from such a refreshing flashback, I found myself staring into those lips, as if there was something... missing.
I couldn't help myself when I leaned over him, his warm and gentle breath brushing against my reddened cheeks. Slowly, almost painfully slowly, I inched closer until my lips grazed over his. I closed my eyes, and finally pressed against him, lips caressing his own; his own that felt just as soft and sweet as when we had kissed for the first time. Fearing that he might wake up, I pulled away, grinning to myself.
Now I was sure. I knew that he was Pewds, that I had finally found him, like I promised. This was no mistake anymore. Maybe he didn't remember me because something made him forget his childhood, or... Um, maybe...
The vial! What if the vial Marcus held made Pewdie lose his memories? Yeah, that has to be the reason!
But you know what? None of that mattered anymore. Now that I'm really sure it's him, I'll just make him remember. Now all I need is-
"I dreamt about you." A thick-accented voice, laced with sleep cut off my optimistic thoughts. I looked at him, confused as I tried to decipher the indiscernible emotion held in sky blue eyes that now were wide open. I couldn't tell what he was thinking... He stood up, stepping closer as he continued to explain, "We were looking up at the sky... Just like we used to before Marcus came in."
"Wait, you-" -remember now. He remembers.
He pulled me in my arms, the same way I did when I saw him at the party, and the sudden show of affection left me speechless. He almost crushed my body against his own as he held me tightly, as if he didn't want to lose me... Well, we did lose each other for a long time.
I sighed, taking in the warmth I so longed to feel after so many years, and murmured, "I'm so glad, you... You... You remember now, right?"
His response was not an answer to my question but it told me everything I needed to know.
"I love you. I'm sorry I never got to say it back then."