Chapter 4

*I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.*

Hello everyone! I'm back with another update. Hope you all like it. Tell me what you guys think. Review. Sorry for any grammar mistakes you may find. I did my best to try to catch them all. Also, please no rude or mean comments. Thank you. :)

I woke up the next morning feeling tired even though I got a full nights rest. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was only 7:37am. I moaned and throw my arm across my eyes. That's when I felt a stinging pain in my lower arm.

"That's right," I mutter. I touch the bandage that I put on my arm after last night's episode.

I stayed in bed for a few more minutes before I heard a light knock at my door. Margret peeked her head in and gave me a small smile.

"I brought you some breakfast," She says holding up a tray.

I smile and sit up. She places the tray on my lap and I start eating.

"You have an appointment with Ms. Donna at 1:00 today."

I groan, "Do I have to go. I really don't want to."

"Yes. Yes you do," she says and walks out of the room.

You see, Ms. Donna is my therapist. I go to her whenever I'm feeling out of control or some shit like that. After I finish eating, I place the tray on night stand and stand up to stretch. I go to the bathroom to take a shower.

I look at myself in the mirror before turning on my faucet. My eyes are at little red and hair looks dull. I had just turned on the shower and stepped when it hits me. I have to tutor Jared today at 4:00.

"Crap," I mutter. I lean my head against the wall.

I so don't want to go, I think.

Then don't, a little voice in the back of my head tells me.

But I have too. I already said I would. Besides that would be mean if I don't do it after I already said yes.

Mean!? Remember what he said to you? Or did you forget?

No I didn't forget, and beside you're right. I shouldn't do anything for him, I think.

I lift my head and stare at the ceiling. Did I just have a conversation with myself? Maybe I do need to do see Ms. Donna.

After I shower and change my bandage, I throw on an oversized shirt and some leggings, and basically just wonder around aimlessly until it's time for my appointment. I look at the window and see that the sun is covered by thick gray rainstorms. No surprise there. When it's time to go I grab my raincoat and meet Margret in the garage. I mostly slept the 1hr and 25 minute to Port Angeles, so when I wake up we're almost there.

My therapist is this nice, petite woman. She listens to me, or at least she makes a good show of it. We park and enter the office. It's Saturday, so no one is here. Margret and I sit in the chairs in the waiting room for a few minutes before Ms. Donna comes and out.

"Hello there Kim. How are you this fine afternoon?" she says smiling.

I glance out the window, "how is it a fine afternoon? It's raining outside."

"That it is, but you can choose to look at the negative side of things, or you can look at the positives," she says.

"Yeah whatever," I say.

I get up and walk towards the room that we have my sessions in. The quicker we start talking, the quicker I'll be out of here

Two hours later I'm back out home getting my back pack ready for my tutoring lesson with Jared. I check my Facebook page to see if Jared sent his address to me. I copy it down and continue getting ready.

Knock, knock.

I turn around to see Margret standing in the door-way.

"Hey," I say and turn back around to finish getting ready.

"So, you're really going to tutor that boy?" she asks.

I lift my backpack onto my shoulder and turn to face her, "Yeah. Is everything okay?"

She looks nervous, afraid even. "It's just that I've been hearing bad things about that boy."

I raise my eyebrow, "Like what?"

Margret looks out the window and sighs, "I was standing in the grocery line a few days ago, and overheard the women in front of me saying that Jared and a few other boys have formed a cult or gang of some sort."

"Really," I say.

"Well I don't know for sure, but I just want to you to be careful around him. I know how fragile you are."

"Margret, I'm a big girl. I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself. So, don't worry."

"Okay," she glances over at the clock, "Well you better get going. You don't want to be late now." She gives me a hug before walking out of my room.

"Oh yeah," she says as she pops her head back in. "What would you like for dinner? Maybe we can go out somewhere tonight."

"I don't care. That's fine we can go out."

My mind flashes back to the last time I went out to dinner, but I quickly push that thought away and force a smile on my face. She smiles back before leaving, and I hear her walk down the hall.

I make my way to the garage. Man what is with people lately. First Samantha tells me to stay away from Jared and now Margret, I think to myself.

I grab my car keys and punch in the address Jared gave me into the GPS. I haven't even been driving for 2 minutes when the realization hits me. I'm going to Jared's house. One of the hottest guys in school, the guy I've had a crush for as long as I can remember, the guy who broke my heart into a million pieces. I shake my head and take a deep breath to steady myself.

I continue driving for a few more minutes (like I said, I don't live near town), before the computer voice tells me I have reached my destination on the left.

I look out my window at the faded gray home across the street. I knew that this was his house because of the blue pick-up truck in the drive. I take a few deep breaths before stepping out of the car. My common sense is yelling at me to get back in the car and drive far, far away, but unfortunately once I commit to something, I try not to give up on it. I look at the house in front of me. It's a decent size house with one story (well all the houses on the reservation are mostly once story). It has a nice porch with a porch swing. It looks very cozy and even though you can tell that it's old, it still looks very well-kept.

I step up onto the porch and am just about to knock on the door, when it opens. I look up at Jared smiling down at me. He looks so hot in a light grey t-shirt and a pair of worn out jeans with holes and rips in them.

"Hi Kim," he says.

He smells good too.

I open my mouth to stay hello, but am cut off by loud yelling. Jared looks annoyed, but quickly covers it up.

"Please come in," he says as he opens the door wider. I step in and follow him into what I assume is the living room.

There were two other guys in the living area watching what appears to be a football game. One is sitting in a recliner and the other is sitting on the worn out couch.

"What the Fuck!" Wait a minute I know that voice.

"Paul. Shut the hell up and stop yelling. I have a guest," Jared says.

Paul turns around and smirks at me, "Oh right. I forgot you have a study 'date'." He says emphasizing the date part.

I don't even look at him, and try to make myself as small as possible.

"Paul stop being an ass. Kim you already know Paul, and this is Embry."

The other guy stands up, "Hello Kim."

I give him a small smile.

"Paul and I were just leaving," Embry says.

"What? No, the game isn't over yet," Paul says. "And besides I think I should I stay a little longer."

"Paul, don't you have something to do in a few minutes," Jared says raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah Paul, and you know if you are not on time someone is going to be very angry with you," Embry says.

"Shit. That's right," Paul says. He stands up and walks toward the door with Embry.

"Have fun you two, but not too much fun," he laughs before walking out the door.

"Bye Jared. It was nice meeting you Kim," Embry waves.

"See ya kid," Jared says. He closes the door and turns to face me with a grin on his face.

"So where do you want to work at?"

"I. I don't really care. It's your house," I say shyly.

"But you're the guest," he smiles.

I shrug my shoulders realizing that he's not giving in, "The kitchen would be fine."

He nods and I follow him into the kitchen. It's a small space, but still very homey non-the-less. I sit at the round table and place my bag on the table. I start taking my notebook, English textbook, and laptop.

"I'm going to run upstairs to grab a few things," he says before jogging around the corner.

I watch him leave. Admiring how strong his back looks. I can't help but to think how his room looks. He probably has blue walls because I know that's his favorite color. He also probably has a clean and organized room.

The thumping down the stairs brings me out of my inner thoughts about how his room looks.

He comes back into the kitchen holding his English textbook and notebook.

"Alright. So what's first," he says sitting right next to me. He's so close that his arm brushes against mine.

I take a deep breath, "So the first thing to do is pick a topic for your research paper."

I turn on my laptop, and wait for it to power on.

"Do you have any ideas in mind for what you want to do?"

He bits his lower lip and shakes his head in the cutest way.

"Okay that's fine. We can pick one." I get on the internet and start looking up topics.

"Do you have anything that you might be interested in writing about?" I ask not looking up from the screen.

"Um… Well I was thinking about doing something about the environment," Jared says.

I nod my head, "Okay how about Pollution in the rivers?"

He scrunches his nose.

"No?" I ask.

"No," he tells me.

"Alright no problem."

We go back and forth throwing out ideas and topics before finally setting on deforestation and its effects on the environment.

I help him get started with his intro paragraph and thesis statement before leaving him alone to work on it by himself for a little while.

I reach into my bag and pull out my chap stick. After I put some on I see Jared staring right at me. I try to look everywhere but at him, but my eyes keep going to his.

"What?" I ask after a few moments of him staring at me.

He is staring at me like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. I can't help but to be flattered and nervous at the same time. I suddenly become very self-conscious. I start fidgeting with my sleeve making sure that it is pulled down over my bandage.

He shakes his head, "Nothing. I just never realized how pretty you are."

I blush five shades of red, but for some reason I don't look away. I know I should look elsewhere, maybe even move away from him a little, but I don't. I feel like something is drawing me closer and closer to him, but I don't know what or why.

Jared's hand comes up and brushes my hair behind my ear. His hand lingers there; his fingers lightly brush against my cheek. The warmth of his hand causes a shiver to run down my spine.

"Kim," he whispers as he leans in closer.

He's going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me, I think. My heart is beating so hard that I think it might break through my chest. Our lips are mere inches apart, and I try to control my breathing the best way I can.

The phone starts ringing causing us to pull away from each other. We stare at each other, neither one of us moving. Finally Jared gets up to answer it while I try to get myself together.

What the hell Kim. What were you thinking? I got to get out of here, I tell myself.

I can hear Jared in the other room talking to someone. I take that as my cue to leave, so I start packing up my things. I had just stood up when Jared comes back.

"You're leaving?" he asks looking like a wounded puppy.

"Um… Yeah, I just looked at the time and remember that I have to be somewhere soon," I lie. He can probably sense tell that I'm lying.

"Kim look I'm sorry if I-"

I cut him off, "I'm sorry I just have to go."

I go around him and towards the front door. I quickly open it and walk fast to my car. I didn't notice my hands shaking until I fumbling trying to get my car unlocked. When I finally manage to open the door, I jump in and pull off, but not before taking a look back at Jared's house.

Jared is standing on his porch watching me drive away with a hurt look on his face