Disclaimer: The show Grey's Anatomy is not mine, and neither are the characters, I am not receiving any profit from this work. Everyone in this story belongs to Shondaland. I'm just going to play with the characters for a bit. I'll return them in tact... mostly. T for language and content. Rating may change, eventually.

As requested. Angst with a serve of fluff on the side. I'm being nice today. I bet you can tell where I would have ended this normally, but yes it's all gloom on Grey's, time for a teensy tiny reprieve.

...

Arizona was really not in the right frame of mind for this meeting. How had things become so rotten between them, that they traded insults before the start of a boardroom meeting. Thing really were bad. It was mostly her fault and she accepted it, just quietly to herself. How could she make things better?

It was all so confusing. She was so deep in thought that that she didn't hear her name being called. She was miles away.

"Roooooooobbins? Robbins!"

Owen's voice cut though her musings, bringing her back to reality.

"We are just going round the table checking in on what everyone is doing today, starting with you, Doctor Robbins. What are your responsibilities today?"

Arizona blinked and said, "Oh well, okay then, sorry, erm.. today I have a few small surgeries. Tonsils mostly in the morning. I think there's about six back to back? It's the start of flu season and some of the tiny humans have never ending tonsillitis. One or two of my patients find it hard to breath. I suggested to the parents we take those tonsils out, and now there's a tonsillitis pileup. Everyone wants there tonsils out. Alex has about six as well. Tomorrow it's the same story. They only take about 30 minutes each?"

Arizona was babbling but she couldn't help it. The stress of her horrible argument moments ago combined with other stresses. She was straining with the effort of trying to hold her emotions in. And now she was embarrassed because had just been caught daydreaming. So she was producing an endless word salad. "...and in the afternoon I'm hoping to do a checkup on Riley. I didn't get to see him last friday. I believe Christina would also like to be present."

Christina looked up and said, "I would. Could you please page me. I may not be able to come and see Riley as I have a triple bypass surgery and I have no idea how long it may take, but I'll try and make it."

"Yeah sure I'll get one of the interns to page you."

Oh dear, bad choice of words. Callie looked up and glared at her resentfully. "Please don't share our dirty laundry in gossip central hospital today. I couldn't stand it." Arizona thought to herself. "Just give me time to make this right. To do something nice".

"Arizona's good with the interns they all seem to like her." Callie said from the other end of the table.

Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. No...please stop.

Had she hurt her so much that this was all they had left? Her tattoo itched, her leg throbbed, she felt queasy. "I thought I was better. Why aren't I better?" A tiny voice from the bottom of her brain answered her.

"You think you go through one little thing, get a tattoo and decide to face life and that's it? You're an intelligent woman you know that life is complex. Nothing ever just happens unless you make it happen. Thought isn't action. Action is action. You've done absolutely nothing to make amends."

True, still it would help me if Callie wasn't being a complete jerk. I really wish she would let me see Sophia. She's so angry these days. It's like looking at myself in the mirror a year ago. Totally caught up in my anger. I don't know how I climbed out of that. It took months. I guess I lost my leg and she lost...me. I don't want her to go down that road. It's horrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Callie was glaring at her, resentfully.

I really don't know how many times I can keep apologising to her though. I have said sorry, but she never believes me. I don't know how much longer I can go on being the sole source of blame. It wasn't just me. I mean I don't ever remember Callie taking responsibility for her actions. What about Mark?

She had always been second in that relationship. It's hard enough being gay and living life as a second class citizen in society, with all those stares. But you get used to it. You toughen up and learn to stare right back and occasionally have a bit of fun with the homophobes. It's harder still being gay and competing constantly with a man, for the love of your life. On top of that throw in a child! I mean that's like worst nightmare stuff. Callie had never show the vaguest amount of empathy for her, always expecting her to come running, and she had. There was literally no willingness to understand anything. Arizona felt herself start to get really, really angry. Her face was becoming flushed. Her temper wasn't improved by the fact that Callie was studying her. Callie's face showed hurt and anger. Those big, brown Latina eyes watched her, trying to understand her, by sight alone it seemed. Why did she have to be so amazing. Such a gorgeous, extraordinary human being. It made it impossible to move on. She couldn't move on. She'd just live with chickens and cats the rest of her life if need be. Maybe she could find a farmer. Farmers had nice arms. Orthopaedic surgeons have nice arms and legs and lips... don't go there...And she was back...

Owen meanwhile moved onto Derek in the boardroom.

"Well, I'll be doing more research into mapping the brain. I hope Torres will be joining me today in the lab".

Callie looked up, flicking her long, dark hair backwards, "Er no can do, today, I'm afraid, I have a massive knee reconstruction after this meeting. It will take about two hours. My patient, Steve has a patella that isn't well aligned. It's a hereditary condition, and everyone in his family has lax ligaments. As a result his knee constantly dislocates. I'm going to change his alignment by shifting the position of the tibial tubercle on the shin bone to pull his patella more to the inner side of the knee."

Orthopaedic surgeons have nice sexy voices when describing complex medical procedures. Her traitorous voice continued. Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut Up.

"Sounds good, Callie, I'm sure Steve will be very pleased with the result, okay, Meredith what's your day look like?

Meredith preened and looked up, "Well I am doing more research into portal veins today. I also have a liver cancer patient who needs a tumour out. I have scheduled him in this afternoon."

"Good, good, excellent. And lastly Bailey, welcome back."

"Thank you, it's good to be back."

Everyone clapped and said welcome back Bailey, Arizona included. This all felt so robotic. Arizona couldn't breath. She needed air. She needed air now.

Bailey was explaining what surgeries she had today.

"Well I have a bowel resection, after this meeting. Then I'm training some of those new deadbeat residents...and I..."

Callie death stared her again. Arizona felt herself grow furious. How dare she judge me. Physician heal thyself. Arizona couldn't breath. She had to get out of that meeting, this instant. She stood up and looked at her pager, "Please excuse my one of my patients has arrived early, I must check on him immediately. Excuse me, sorry." She lied. She left the meeting and headed for the elevator.

There was a place that Arizona sometimes went. A secret place that no one else knew about. Between the 11th and 12th stairway was a balcony. It was part of a bigger design for the hospital but it had been forgotten about over time. It looked onto the car park below. Arizona loved it up there because there was so much wind it felt like she was flying. She could breath up there, be free with no one watching her, judging her. The wind always blew her troubles away. She'd been coming up here more often of late. When the judgemental looks became overwhelming, which had become more frequent after the storm. There is only so much staring back you could do, before it wears away at your confidence. It was even worse when she realised that part of the reason the other doctors, nurses and hospital staff were looking at her was because of her reputation as a slut. They wanted a piece of her.

They disgusted her. All of them. She wasn't a thing. She was a person, with hopes and dreams.

Arizona caught the elevator up to the eleventh floor. She exited the lift and walked to the stairwell. It was just so hopeless. She opened the door onto the balcony ensuring it wouldn't lock behind her and leave her stranded. She leaned over the balcony and breathed. She let the wind wash over her brain. She felt herself become part of the wind.

Her phone chirped, there was a text message. The sound broke the spell of the wind.

It was Leah ..

...

Hey Ari, I'm really sorry about this morning, let me make it up to you xox- Leah

...

Damn it, did it never stop. It just wasn't fair. Fuck Callie and her unforgiving ways. She didn't even give Arizona A chance to talk.

"Fuck you... Callie" she screamed at the wind. What did it matter if she shouted. There was nobody to hear.

"Fuck you!" It felt so hard and Leah was so easy, perhaps she was dreaming, thinking Callie could ever forgive her. Perhaps she could settle. Maybe Leah liked chickens.

"Fuck you for making this so hard", Arizona logged back into her phone beginning to text Leah a reply, and then she heard a teeny tiny patter of feet.

The door closed again.

A small boy, about the age of seven stood grinning at her, cheekily. He wore a mischievous expression on his happy face.

"Fuck!" he said. Grinning. Pleased that he had found another person who enjoyed his favourite word. "Fuck, fuck you Callie, you annoy me."

He looked up inviting Arizona to share in his love of this word.

"Fuck" he shouted at the wind, encouraging Arizona to also shout again.

Arizona knew she shouldn't encourage such bad behaviour, but that could be remedied later. For now she would take things as they came in the form of this boy with a filthy mouth.

She lent out over the balcony, "fuuuck".

"Fuck" he said again, then he looked up and put his had on his chest. "Riley". Arizona smiled. She put her hand on her chest and said, "Arizona". Riley smiled and grabbed Arizona's hand. He shook it vigorously before letting it go. Then he hugged her leg. Her prosthetic leg. His face looked up in shock.

"Wicked ArZona, fuck!" He hugged her leg again.

Arizona couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. Riley grinned a massive impish grin and also giggled. Arizona realised she was being a ridiculous drama queen. She deleted Leah's message and blocked her number. Leah could page her like every other staff member at this hospital.

Riley grabbed her hand and started walking. "Geriatrics ward" he said. "They have guitar hero, come!"

Arizona followed him to the geriatrics ward. They spent about an hour playing. Riley won.

...

After doing the tonsil operations, Arizona headed to orthopaedics. She went there with one purpose in mind to see Callie. Arizona found her in her office. She closed the door behind her.

"Can we talk?"