That Blonde One: Chapter 2
I figured that it was only a matter of time until someone said something about the chapters being really short. I apologize. I know that was a little lazy of me. I'll try to make this one longer. Well, here goes nothing…
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"Holy crap! No way! Aw man, this is gonna be so great!" Havoc was a little too thrilled with the prospect of putting Ed in women's clothing. "I mean he looks enough like a girl as it is."
"Yes, exactly my thought," Mustang remarked, looking quite pleased with himself. "This is such a dangerous and important mission, I would have gone myself but of course I am far too manly." Havoc chucked a pen at Mustang's head for his arrogance. "Seriously though, Ed's perfect for the job. He's built like woman. He even has that curvy hourglass thing going on...sort of. The point is he's hot." Mustang got another pen to the head and a disgusted look.
"You do have a point though," Havoc conceded. "He is pretty delicate looking. And then there are his eyes too."
"Yeah, they're all…all…pretty."
"Yeah." Mustang and Havoc sat in silence for a moment vainly attempting to figure out what was so girly about Ed's eyes. Eventually they came to a non-verbal agreement that neither of them knew WHY Ed's eyes were girly. They just were.
Mustang broke the silence as he tried to stifle a laugh.
"What's so funny?" Havoc inquired.
"I just thought of something. I'd be willing to bet that Fullmetal hasn't hit puberty yet. That's why he doesn't have a shred of masculinity," Mustang concluded.
"Or…"
"Or what Havoc?"
"Or he could be gay." Another moment of contemplation ensued. Then both simultaneously twitched at the traumatizing thoughts going through their collective head.
"Naw Havoc, he's just a kid. I mean, this is going to be easy for him. He doesn't have facial hair to worry about, and he won't have to keep shaving his underarms or anything."
"Damn, that's right. He doesn't have to shave. Lucky!" Havoc slumped down in his chair and pouted.
"Come on, man. Pull yourself together. He may not have to shave, but how would you like to have that voice. I can hardly keep from laughing at the way his voice keeps cracking when he yells at me."
"Yeah! That's right. Ha! I never noticed that before, but now that you mention it…" Havoc didn't even finish his sentence before succumbing to a torrent of laughter.
"Okay, it isn't that funny," Mustang said in exasperation. "You wanna see something really funny?" Mustang got down on his knees and started shuffling around the room going, "I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Look at me. I'm so pretty. Look at my lovely golden locks," in a very squeaky voice. Then he cocked his hips slightly to the right, as Ed tended to do when annoyed, and pretended to flip long hair over his shoulder. At this point Havoc was laughing so hard there was no sound. He just looked like he was having an epileptic seizure. "Havoc, are you okay?"
"Yeah," Havoc choked out, beginning to recover. "That is so true! He's perfect for this mission."
"I know. I'm a genius. The thing that first made me think of him is that he is so amazingly…"
"…pitifully…"
"…absurdly…"
"…SHORT!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" the sound seemed to shake the whole building and footsteps pounded down the hall strait for them. Havoc ran to his desk and pretended he had been busy for the whole time. Mustang dove for his "boom, boom" gloves, slipping them on just as the butt of their previous jokes crashed into the room. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE'S LIKE A POUND YOU DON'T BOTHER TO LOSE BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW!" Ed stood panting after his tirade. The tension hung in the air for a moment before shattering and Mustang and Havoc burst into laughter yet again.
"You ARE a genius, Colonel! That was the girliest thing I think I've ever heard a guy say! He's perfect!" Anger flared in Ed's eyes and he marched strait over to Roy and slammed his hands down on the Colonel's desk. "Alright Mustang, what dirty work do I have to do this time?"
"I'm so happy to see that you're eager to complete this mission, Fullmetal," Roy remarked. "Have you heard of the guy who has been killing all of those dancers from the club?"
"So you want me to catch him? Fine." The petite alchemist started toward the door but halted in his tracks and slowly turned to face Mustang. "That's too simple. What's the catch?"
"My, you ARE perceptive aren't you? Basically, we want to lure the killer into a controlled environment, and you will be our bait." Ed looked completely confounded.
"You have to pretend to be an exotic dancer," Havock chimed in.
"What! Why would I ever do that? I'm outa here!" With that, Ed stormed toward the door once again.
"You'll do this because the killer reportedly used a red stone in his murders," Mustang called after Ed. Ed didn't turn this time. He simply crossed his arms and muttered, "Fine, I'll do it."
"What was that? I don't think I heard you!"
"I'll do it, okay!" Ed yelled and then continued his whirlwind exit. Ed stormed all the way to his room and slammed the door. He made his way over to his bed and flopped down on the mattress. "How am I going to explain this to Al?"
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Alright, this chapter is almost twice as long as the last one. I hope you all like it. I'm in a really odd mood right now so if that wasn't funny, I'm sorry. I was planning on writing this chapter last night but I was in a really dark mood yesterday and those of you who read the first chapter know what happens when I'm in a dark mood. I hope you all have a better day than I and remember to review!