That Blonde One: Chapter Five

I'm really glad that you all like this story! Well, it's going to get even better. Ed's going shopping for his stripper clothes today. What is really exciting is that you can actually get most of the things that Ed will buy. You all want to look like stripper Ed, right? A few of them I designed but most of them are based off (or exactly like) something I own or have seen in In Style magazine. This should be fun!

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Hawkeye couldn't help but think that this was too good to be true. She was to go on a special mission given to her directly by the Feurer and even better, it involved shopping! There are few women that don't enjoy getting off work to shop even if it wouldn't be for herself. She stopped in front or Edward Elric's door and knocked. A muffled "Uh?" came from the other side of the door. Hawkeye sighed and let herself in. Just as she had surmised, the Fullmetal Alchemist was still in bed.

"Time to get up Fullmetal, sir," Riza said as she unceremoniously ripped the covers off the still half-asleep Ed who immediately curled into a ball at the center of the bed at the shock of cold air on his body. Hawkeye shook her head and went over to Ed's wardrobe and pulled out his normal combination of clothing and proceeded to chuck the wad of clothes at the pitiful-looking blonde alchemist. Ed groaned and stomped off to a corner to dress. When he had finished he sat down on his bed and said, "Alright, what's today's indignity?"

"We're going shopping."

"Why?"

"You need to look like a woman on stage, so we must go out and get some…um…costumes for you." Ed's face fell. Oh yes, this was going to be an indignity alright. At least he wasn't going with the Colonel. Knowing Central's press, if he went lingerie shopping with Mustang, the paparazzi would eat it up. He could just see the headline on the front page of the paper: FULLMETAL AND FLAME GAY TOGETHER. Ed shuttered at the thought, then sighed.

"Alright. Let's go." The two proceeded to the store. The trip was far too short for Ed's liking. As he and Riza strode toward the door, Ed couldn't help but feel like he was marching to a hopeless battle. Here his manhood would indeed perish.

"Relax Edward. It won't be that bad. I promise," Riza encouraged. "We'll start out easy. How about we look for shoes?" Ed nodded. Shoes he could do. They headed of the shoe section of the store. When Ed entered the woman's section he couldn't stifle a moan of infinite despair. "Are you okay?" Riza raised an eyebrow at him.

"Heels," was all Ed could say. Hawkeye nodded in understanding. Yes, Ed would need a little practice with heels to keep from falling on his face. She scanned the aisle for some classically constructed, medium-heeled shoes. After a few minutes, her eyes fell on the perfect starter pair. They were plain black and constructed much in the way theatre character shoes are, plain but sleek.

"Try these," Hawkeye suggested, proffering the shoes. Ed took off his boots, put one on and stood up.

"I think I need a size down," decided the dejected blonde. Riza gave Ed the correct size and, after putting them on, he tried to stand and walk. At first, his ankles were shaky. He even fell once but he quickly got the hang of it.

"Hey, I think I'm getting this."

"Good, are you ready to look for some shoes on your own?"

"I don't know what to look for."

"That should be easy for you. You're a man. Just pick what you would like to see on a woman." Ed's brow furrowed as he toiled at wrapping his pre-pubescent brain around this concept. He then proceeded to study the shoes as though looking at alchemic ingredients. Just when Riza was starting to get annoyed, Ed triumphantly grabbed three boxes and walked over to a stool to try them on.

"Ha! They fit! Ain't I sexy?" Hawkeye about died of surprise. Ed was wearing black suede, knee-high, stiletto boots. Who knew the kid had such a naughty taste in clothes. Riza gave him a thumbs-up. The other shoes that he has chosen were Metallic silver satrapy stilettos that fastened above the ankle and sported a rhinestone broach-like embellishment centered just above the toe. The third was probably the biggest surprise. One box had come from another aisle. That was because Ed's third selection was nothing other than a pair of blood-red ballet slippers complete with the ribbon crisscrossing up to the knee. Wow! This kid was kinky! Next, they headed for the jewelry.

Each of them went to pick out a pair of clip-on earrings. Riza found a pair of pink rose studs that would look positively delicious with the ballet slippers. Ed continued his gaudy streak and selected a pair of silver earrings that consisted of four strands of connected hoops. All Riza could do was shake her head when she saw those. "I think I've created a monster," she muttered.

Then came the necklaces. Ed picked these out himself. He seemed to be on a little shopping spree so Riza didn't interrupt. He really had impeccable taste…for a stripper's wardrobe anyway. He ended up buying four necklaces two consisted of a thin band of metal going around the wearer's neck. However one had a sort of silver, metal netting that collected to the band along the front of the neck and tapered to a point at the middle of the wearer's chest. The other had the same design only formed with sliver strips of metal. The third necklace branched off slightly in style. It was a simple shear, black ribbon choker. Despite its simplicity, it would definitely drive the guys mad, especially when worn with Ed's new black boots. The fourth necklace was a far cry from the rest though. It was a long string of pearls knotted near the bottom in the classic '20's style. He also took the liberty or purchasing two bracelets. The first was more a collection of bracelets, a mass of silver hoops. The second was shaped like a snake that coiled up the wearer's upper arm. It was gold with black rhinestone eyes.

"Alright Edward, we are going to split up. I'll get some makeup for you and…I can't believe I'm doing this…I'd like you to go pick out the clothes you would like to wear on stage. Please Edward, keep in mind that you are going to have to hide however much you have down there," Riza pointed in the direction of Ed's crotch.

Ed scowled. "Hey! Are you calling me a slutty dresser?"

"No, I'm calling you absent minded."

"That's better I suppose. How are you going to be able to buy makeup for me when I'm not there?" Riza held up a copy of the picture from Ed's personnel file. Ed nodded in understanding and each went a separate direction.

Two Hours Later

Roy's usual office posse had gathered about their commanding officer's work area to see the fashion show of a lifetime. Hawkeye had already told them to get back to work a number of times but was met each time with some variation of "No way! I'd pay money to see Fullmetal in drag and I get to see it for free!" Eventually she just gave up and went to help the upcoming spectacle put on his makeup.

"They're going to laugh at me," carped a dejected Ed.

"They just think they are," Riza replied as she put the finishing touches on the blonde's lipstick.

"What do you mean?" Riza just smiled and turned Ed toward a mirror. All the boy could do at first was stare and then his expression quirked into a grin. "Yeah, they just think they are."

With that, Ed walked into view of his waiting compatriots and simply stood there savoring their reactions. Roy had his "I'm a genius," look, confident that he had chosen the right person. Breda just stood gaping and Havoc was muttering over and over, "He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy." But then, who could blame them. Ed looked nothing less than exquisite.

He wore a short gold dress just long enough to cover the fact that Ed was male. The fabric of the dress as shear and the only things that kept anything hidden were the beads and sequins down the front and back. This left the sides of Ed's sleek body deliciously exposed. This was coupled with a plunging neckline that came all the way down to where the skirt started, a gold cord the only thing keeping the front of the dress together. However, the place where breasts would be was completely covered so no one would ever be able to tell that his breasts were fake. After the eye can finally be torn from Ed's dress, one would notice the gold snake twisting around a toned left arm and the gold fishnets covering the slim thighs to disappear under Ed's now much loved black boots. About this time, it might occur to a man to look at this beauty's face. His gaze would travel back up the slightly curvy figure across the shear line around a graceful neck. Once the eye's cross the line they will never go back.

The soft lines of Ed's face and his flawless skin created a perfect canvas, and that canvas was made all the more amazing by the application of a subtle pink blush and a light powder that shimmered slightly, making it look as though Ed's skin were really made of porcelain. Then there were his lips. With all of his gigantic grins one would never notice that Ed's mouth was rather small so with the expertly applied burgundy lipstick he really looked like pouting little doll. Though as usual, Ed's eyes stole the show. Mascaraed lashes framed his golden irises, which were further accentuated with black eye liner on both lids and copper shadow on the top lid. Then a light tan shadow, barely lighter than his skin was applied from the crease of his lid up to perfectly shaped brows. All of this was framed by long golden hair that had been neatly brushed and straightened. Though despite all efforts, that same bit of hair insisted upon sticking up at the front. Edward Elric was a sight to behold. Not even his missing limbs could tarnish his beauty and, if anything, added to it.

A grin appeared on Colonel Mustang's face. "Good work, First Lieutenant."

"Thank you, sir," Hawkeye replied.

"Alright, now let's go talk to the owner of the club and see if he approves. Come on, Fullmetal."

"What?"

"Come on, Fullmetal," Mustang repeated. "We must show you to Mr. Gatton." Ed crossed his arms and refused to go. Mustang had to hold back his laughter. With all that lipstick on, the tiny alchemist almost looked more like he was puckering up for a kiss than trying to look obstinate. "Think of the stone, Ed. Think of your brother," Roy urged softly, so the others couldn't hear. Ed seemed to ponder this for a few seconds before taking a slow, calming breath and walking out the door muttering, "I promised…whatever the cost."

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Once again, I must apologize. This chapter was a booger to write. I hope it was good or else I think I might cry. Seriously, all that detail was so arduous. I have Ed's whole wardrobe planned out, so you're probably be getting a nice juicy description almost every chapter now. Just a little interesting bit of info, Ed's dress is my own variation of a dress I saw on Beyonce. When I saw it I knew it would be just perfect for Ed. If I've done my job right y'all should be wiping up drool right about now (or gouging your eyes out at the thought of Ed in that dress). Just something I thought I should mention, this is never going to be a RoyXEd fic, but if you were hoping for it to be, don't quit reading. Ed's going to get a bit of a surprise in the not so distant future. Hehehe! I'm so mean to poor Ed. In the next chapter, Ed will have to prove his skills and allure to the owner of the club. Now go! Review, review, my minions! Mwahahahahaha!