Chapter 29

Never had a man cooked for her, not even Myron because he didn't know his way around a kitchen, so this was definitely a first. It smelled fantastic and made her mouth water, her stomach rumbling since she hadn't ate in 4 hours. "Thank you. This is amazing."

She held her wine glass up in a small toast and took a sip of it, nodding since it went well with the dinner choice. White Zinfandel was one of her favorites, though Sangria was her number one. It wouldn't go well with the chicken Alfredo though.

"And I would've slept longer, but I smelled this and had to come investigate, see if you needed my help with anything. You really do know your way around a kitchen." Bianca complimented, winking and took the first bite of food, her eyes instantly closing. Jon definitely had some pleasant surprises up his sleeve.

Jon smiled softly and took her free hand closest to him and kissed her knuckles. "I hope it's okay that I made dinner. I wasn't sure if you had anything planned, so I checked and you had everything I needed." In candlelight, Bianca couldn't have been more beautiful in Jon's eyes. "There's plenty more if you want seconds and leftovers tomorrow for lunch or dinner. I always cook too much."

"No it's fine." Bianca smiled back, squeezing his hand and took a bite. "Who taught you how to cook?"

"My Aunt taught me. She put herself through cooking school and I started paying attention a few years ago when I would go home to visit my Mom. I always stop to see my Aunt and she shows me something different every time."

"Well maybe one day we can swap some recipes. I would love to meet her. She sounds like a sweetheart." Bianca said, sipping more of her wine and knew better than to bring up Jon's mother. That subject was off limits and Bianca refused to bring it up, deciding to let Jon do it if he wished. "And are you kidding? This is the first time a man has cooked me dinner. Myron was good at a lot of things, but he could not cook to save his life. The man burnt macaroni & cheese and it was KRAFT." She made a face, shaking her head and they both shared a heartfelt laugh, continuing to enjoy their meal. Once they finished, Bianca stood up before Jon and shook her head when he tried stopping her, simply taking both of their plates and kissed his lips. "Quiet. You cooked, the least I can do is clean up."

Jon tried arguing with her several times to help clean up until Bianca finally scolded him like a child, smacked his backside and made him leave the kitchen. Grabbing his cigarettes and lighter, Jon walked through the kitchen and smirked at Bianca's stink eye, holding his hands up. "I'm just going to sit outside and have a smoke, woman. Jesus Christ, you act like I'm committing espionage." He stopped to kiss the side of her neck. "Even though in this light and in front of the sudsy sink, you look sexy as fuck." He whispered in her ear while giving her backside a firm squeeze, leaving her with that thought.

Her neck was a sensitive spot and then combined with him squeezing her ass – and the man REFUSED to have sex with her until she was completely ready for it! What made him think she wasn't ready? UGH! Men! Scrubbing the dishes harder than necessary, Bianca had to stem the heat within her body somehow and kept sneaking glances at Jon while finishing cleaning up. When he stepped back inside the house, everything was put away in containers and the dishes were done, washing currently in the dishwasher. Maybe Bianca had to somehow prove to Jon she was more than ready for anything he had to offer. Maybe a little teasing was in order. Quickly wiping the devious smirk from her face, Bianca headed into the living room and set the bottle of wine on the table, not done drinking that night.

She squatted down and turned her electric fireplace on, her skin giving off a soft luminescent glow with the firelight. Then she reached down and pulled the top off over her head, tossing it to the side leaving her clad in her white camisole. Bianca could FEEL Jon's eyes boring into her from behind as he remained seated on the couch and proceeded to slip her pants off, revealing her boy cut white short panties beneath. If this didn't get his blood stirring, nothing would. It got Jon's blood boiling alright, almost to the point of eruption like a volcano. His blue eyes darkened and watched her move around the living room. Bianca started moving past him as her index fingernail touched the back of his hand and slowly slid up his forearm to his bicep. Jon couldn't stop himself and pulled her over the arm of the couch on his lap, growling.

"You teasing little wench." His mouth captured hers in a heated frenzy.

"You teased me just as badly with that neck and ass squeezing action earlier." Bianca muttered against his mouth, sliding her hands up his arms, biceps and shoulders, kneading them gently with her hands.

Even through the somewhat baggy jeans he wore, she could feel his erection pulsating against her thigh and moaned in his mouth, their tongues softly caressing each other. God she wanted this man more than anything, more than the air she breathed or anything else she normally needed to survive. He would stop this though. Jon would once again gain some kind of rational thinking and he would stop them from pursuing this. Breaking the kiss, Bianca immediately pressed her finger against his mouth before he could even say a word.

"Don't say it. I know what you're going to say and it's my turn to talk. I haven't been with a man since Myron. That's 5 years of my body being deprived of sex. My body is basically re-virginized as horrible as that sounds. And I'm DONE waiting. I've never been sure of anything in my entire life and I want this. I want you. I know you said earlier that you would wait forever for me, but damn it I can't wait that long to be with you. Every time you kiss me, my body lights on fire and the fire doesn't go away just because we stop. My body – no fuck that, my PUSSY is going to go on strike if I don't get what it's craving, what I'm craving. So stop fighting this and just let whatever happens, happen. I've never been surer; I'm ready in all ways possible. And don't think about blaming the wine either because I only had 2 glasses. That's hardly enough to get me buzzed let alone impair my thinking. So I'm begging you to take me Jon, show me what it's like to be made love to again." She kissed him again, this time deeper and more passionate. "Make me feel alive again." Bianca whispered, their lips still touching as her eyes opened to stare into his.

"I know you think you're ready, Bianca, but I know you're not. After everything you've been through, and I'm not talking about just the abduction, I mean with to terms that your husband is really gone and he's not coming back. Not even more than a couple days ago, you were scared to death because you thought you were cheating on him. I told you once before, this is not something that has to happen on our days off. This is not something we're going to force on each other. If I did something earlier to get you going, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mislead you. I just – I have a very hard time walking by and not touching you. I love touching, kissing and caressing you and if it makes you feel like you're obligated to jump my bones, then I'll have to force myself to stop until you're ready."

Maybe Jon was being ridiculous, but he knew Bianca wasn't ready. She couldn't go from thinking she was cheating on her husband to feeling nothing for him. If they did go all the way, the first time they did have sex he wouldn't be surprised if she freaked out slightly afterwards. Bianca had enough and stood up from Jon's lap, yanking her hand out of his grasp when he grabbed it, scowling darkly.

"Don't touch me right now." She ordered gravely, running her fingers through her hair and walked over to sit in front of the fireplace, wrapping her arms around herself. Jon thought he was a mind reader, well he could stew for all she cared. Bianca was pissed and felt completely rejected, blinking tears away. "Fine, you win. You think I'm not ready to be with you, even though I do, so I'm giving you what you want. Until you think I'm ready, there's no more touching. No more kissing. Not even holding hands. We can talk as much as you want and sleep in the same bed, but no cuddling."

She could be extremely stubborn when she wanted to be and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. This would drive Jon mad that he couldn't touch or kiss her. Maybe it would make him so completely sexually frustrated that he attacked her, ripped her clothes off and made her his.

"And it starts tonight."

"I didn't mean – I just…" He sighed heavily, shaking his head.

Truth be told, Jon was terrified of having sex with her and he couldn't tell her that. For some reason, the words died on his tongue. He stood from the couch and walked outside on the porch for another cigarette, needing to clear his head. He sat there for a couple of hours, had a few smokes and let the steady rain wash over his heated skin. Jon had never gotten serious with someone who had a husband in their past that died. How did a person try to be supportive and still want to ravage them at the same time? He wanted Bianca, god help him he did, but Jon was scared of the repercussions. Once he was sure his blood had stopped boiling, Jon walked back inside and didn't see her anywhere, looking around. He figured she must've gone upstairs to bed and decided to sleep in the spare room, knowing he was the last person Bianca wanted to see right now. Who could blame her? Laying across the bed, Jon stared up at the ceiling in just his jeans and eventually fell asleep.

Bianca didn't sleep easy that night and spent hours crying to the silence of her room, missing Jon's arms around her. She hated this. Myron had told her to move on and she was trying to do what her deceased husband wanted. Burying the ring was symbolic and Bianca had hoped it would've proved to Jon that she was really ready to move on. But he had to walk away from her and smoke his cigarettes instead of simply telling her what was on his mind. Jon didn't talk about his feelings often, yet Bianca was supposed to be a mind reader. That wasn't happening. She eventually cried herself to sleep, her face red, swollen and blotchy with her back facing the bedroom door. If Jon wanted to avoid her than she would do the same to him until he finally told her how he felt or realized she was a consenting adult capable of making her own decisions. After getting only 4 hours of sleep, Bianca couldn't sleep anymore even with how exhausted she was from crying and headed out of her room downstairs to her kitchen. Baking was on the agenda.

Avoiding her was out of the question as Jon sat up in bed, having been up since the crack of dawn and drinking coffee while smoking. He had showered, dressed and stayed barefoot since it wasn't that cold outside. Jon heard Bianca in the kitchen and knew he had to talk to her, stubbing his cigarette out on the side of the coffee can he'd been using for an ashtray outside.

"Look, I know I'm an asshole sometimes and my ticks can get in the way of my brain. I wasn't trying to reject you last night. It was the farthest thing from my mind. Sometimes I have issues trying to express the way I'm feeling, but when I'm with you it all comes out in a fucking jumbled mess. It's either too much too soon or not enough at the right times." He tried finding the right words to say and Bianca didn't bother turning around to face him, staying where she was.

"It's alright, Jon. I don't like it, but I understand and I won't push the subject again. When you're ready, you just let me know. Because I know what I want. Believe it or not, I was in simple denial over Myron being gone, but once I finally let go of the denial, it was like the biggest weight lifted from my shoulders. So you can keep trying to put the blame on me for not wanting to go further with this, but I know the truth. It's you who's scared to death to take the dive with me and I don't blame you. I really don't. I just…my body, my mind and my heart are all screaming the same thing at me and…it's frustrating, but I get it." Bianca explained in a softer voice than last night, pulling out her 14th batch of cookies. There were muffins, cookies, candy…so many sweets that surrounded the entire kitchen. Some were even in containers. Slowly turning around to face him, Bianca cracked a small smile and held out a slightly warm cookie, chewing her bottom lip. "Peace offering. I don't want to argue or fight with you anymore. I-I missed you last night and I know I was a bitch with my stipulations. I was just confused; I didn't mean any of it. So can we forget what happened and enjoy our last day off together please?"

"I already told you, I will do whatever you want. But when it comes to sex with you, I'll admit it right now I'm terrified. I'm scared of having sex with you and it's not so much the sex as what will happen afterwards. The aftermath, I guess. Sex for you after 5 years of nothing, after someone who lost her husband, should be spectacular. I don't know what you're reaction is gonna be either. Are you going to freak out? Are you going to cry until you puke? Are you going to get pissed off and hurt and think you're cheating on your husband? I wouldn't even know where to begin if you did any of that. That's why I'm leery about sex right now. You just had your closure this morning and I'm not trying to rip your clothes off your body and ravage you. Because first of all, it's been 5 fucking years, so I'm going to have to be gentle and second: I'll have to hold myself back from scaring you. I don't ever want to scare or hurt you, it would kill me if I did either of those."

"What makes you think for a second you would hurt me? Jon, with how careful you are with me right now, I have full confidence in you that you'll be the same way when we have sex." Bianca reached up, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand and cupped it, bringing his mouth down to lightly brush her lips. "I honestly don't know what my reaction will be when we finally have sex. I can't predict the future. I don't see myself crying afterwards, but anything is possible. It wouldn't be because of you though. And I know it's a lot of pressure put on you because it's been 5 years since I've had sex, so I was very wrong to push the issue. I thought about it like I said and realized what a major bitch I was being. I didn't take how you felt into consideration and I should've and I'm sorry for that. So let's just enjoy being with each other, getting to know each other and eventually work our way up to sleeping together. No more rushing…" Bianca trailed off, running the pad of her thumb across his lips. "And the reason I buried my ring at Myron's grave is because it was symbolic for me. It was my way of saying goodbye, accepting his death and moving on with my life."

"Good, we're in agreement then. When it happens, it happens." Jon pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly and buried his face in her neck, glad they were both speaking the same language.